Hello! This is my first post. I'm looking forward to hearing your input!
My fiancee and I both have very large families... after much list cutting, we are down to 400 guests, and still squeezed for space as our reception is indoors. We love kids, and it's important for our nieces and nephews to be part of our big day, so they are invited. However, since we are in our 30s, many of our friends are married with small children mostly under the age of 5 (this would be another 35-40 kids invited). Early on in the wedding planning process, we decided since we are having kind of a late-night wedding and are tight on space, we would allow our young family members but otherwise we would not be inviting our friends' kids.
I discussed this in advance with my friends with kids, and explained the rationale, and they all were very understanding and were looking forward to an adult night out anyway. With one particular friend with a toddler that moved to another state to be closer to family last fall, she told me that she and her husband were looking forward to a vacation back to their old city, just the two of them. This conversation was about 4 months ago. Since that time, my friend and her husband have decided to turn the trip into a 2-week trip as another mutual friend of ours is getting married in the same city 2 weeks before us.
Fast-forward to invites now being sent out. We clearly specified that only my friend and her husband were invited, listed "2 seats" on the RSVP card, but when they sent it back, they filled out "3 seats" and listed the 2 of them and their toddler.
Now, while I AM willing to accommodate them (I don't have kids yet and am trying to be sympathetic if there are child-care issues, or if they decided they didn't want to be far from their little one for that long)... I am also hurt that she didn't call or text to ask first. Besides, I want to be fair to my other friends that have already respected our wishes and have RSVP'd without their kids (some of these friends are out of state too).
I actually attempted to contact my friend the other day, and texted her with "We just got your RSVP!" hoping it would open up the discussion or a phone call, but she replied she just arrived on a family vacation and seemed preoccupied, so the conversation didn't really progress.
So my question is: should I drop it, and just reserve a seat for the toddler, even if child will be pretty much at an adult party? (I hope my other friends that are parents aren't offended.) Or should I try harder to broach the subject? If it's just a child-care issue, we could help brainstorm some ideas with some of our other mutual friends that have kids. My friend and I are pretty close (I even threw her baby shower for her), though I admit since her child was born, she's been tough to get a hold of. I am not "wed" to any particular outcome... I just wish she would've talked to me about it, out of respect for our wishes, that's all.