Graduation etiquette.....what would you do?

STARMOON44

I'd go. You said you would. If there's no seat at the apt, give your cousin a hug, socialize for 15 minutes, grab a sandwich and leave. I don't like my cousins so I wouldn't go, but I'm with @scribe95 here. I don't think this is a big change at all.

lovesclimbing

It depends on how close I am to the person.  I am not surprised it's a three hour graduation.  My graduation was easily that long.  With my college and my friends, most of us would go to celebrations afterward but not the actual graduation. There were so many graduates and the college is probably at the point where they should split into two graduations.  But honestly, they could save a bunch of time if they cut out half the speakers and all the recognizing of provosts and deans and conferring honorary degrees.

Anyway, are you sure you have to pay?  It makes sense that she would say she wants to know so she doesn't order too much and pay for extra needlessly. Usually, you don't pay for stuff per family, but rather per person.  I know families with just one kid.  I also know a family with somewhere between 18 and 22 kids (so many, I honestly can't remember!) It would be absurd to charge per family.

Unless you know for sure you have to pay for yourself, I would do number 4 - go up for the lunch and skip the graduation.

mollybarker11

kaos16 said:

What would you do?

1. Drive up for the graduation, hope there is a seat, and then cram into the apartment for the lunch, paying for your ration of sandwich/wrap before driving home

2. Drive up for the graduation then drive home

3. Politely decline based on the change of circumstances and make plans to take cousin out for lunch/drinks/whatever in the next week or two to celebrate.

4. Something else

Definitely the third option, no question.

I gather that graduations are more of a big deal in the US(?) but in my province they're not something that extended family members would travel for and host a party to celebrate. When I graduated I got 5 invites. My grandmother, parents, sister, and boyfriend came. My grandmother and sister left after I received my diploma. I dozed off several times during the long as hell ceremony. I didn't feel like staying for the reception my university hosted afterward so I just went home.

If they're a bigger deal in your circle, I still think taking cousin out for lunch is a perfectly nice alternative. As others have said, it's not like you'd be hanging out during the ceremony, and three families trying to coordinate a meal in one apartment is going to be a hectic mess. If I were your cousin I'd rather have some quality time with you one-on-one (or with your sisters too!)

spglsp

I started this thinking I would be a shoe in for option two, then I remembered my own graduations. My siblings didn't show up to either of them and I actually hadn't thought about it until this moment because it really doesn't matter. It was much nicer just having a congratulatory dinner with them after I was settled in back at home. Send a card, maybe a gift, and if you really want to be an awesome cousin, take her out for lunch to celebrate when she's done unpacking.

SP29

I would choose option #3. If you were closer, I'd say try to go, but to drive 3+ hours (because you'll have to leave early to account for traffic, find parking, use the washroom and then find your seats), for a graduation you may have to stand for as well as a party you may not be hosted at is a bit much. 

I've had 2 university graduations, at two different universities. Both were around 2 or so hours long. Each we were given a limited number of tickets. We were told extra guests could come and fill any extra seating for unused tickets, but it was first come first serve. Those guests were expected to show up even earlier to receive an extra ticket. It worked out fine when my grandparents came, but that was 2 extra people, not 2 families worth. 

Also, if aunt is mentioning price per person, sounds like you have to pay for yourself (or else why bring it up??). I also wonder about space at the apartment if several families would be there. 

AddieCake

I definitely wouldn't go, and frankly, I'd be grateful for any excuse to skip it.