Sorry- house buying topic again

jenna8984

You know how many people say they didn't have that "tv moment" when buying their wedding gown? Is it the same with houses? We looked at one last night that was ok, and acceptable, and I could live there. But I want more than that- I want to be dying to live there. And I just don't know if that's realistic and ever going to happen.

My best friend keeps saying "don't settle, you've only been looking for 2 months". But honestly, nothing is going to drastically change in 3-6 months. It's going to be the same style houses in our price range. So I feel like as much as I don't want to settle, our "dream" house is never going to come along in our area in our budget. I guess how much are/were you willing to settle with? Was your house 98% what you wanted, 75% what you wanted? I feel like the house last night was about a 50% for me and I'm just scared that even if we look for months we won't do better than that. Words of wisdom please!

sarahufl

We felt sort of "meh" about our house when we first walked in. The previous owners had furnished it terribly, the walls were odd colors and it wasn't as charming as a lot of the homes we looked at. But we saw things we really did like- tons of windows, great location, the space we wanted.

So we put in an offer- it was a SUPER competitive market- figuring that if we got it, cool. But if not, no biggie.

We got it and were shocked. Now, we love it. We painted, furnished it in a way we liked and it really feels like home. I can't imagine being in another house.

FWIW, I also did not cry when I bought my wedding dress. Not a single tear.

theartistformerlyknownas

Yes, it's the same with houses. Focus on the big things - location, lot, layout, price. Do the unchangeable things work? Can the other things work? 

climbingsingle

Are you purchasing what will be your forever house? If so, you can always renovate down the road. I think the idea of "dying to live" in a house you're buying is pretty ridiculous, unless you've just won the lottery and are now buying a house you could never have dreamed of affording before. 

OliveOilsMom

When H & I were house shopping, we got down to 2 houses.  The one we bought and another.  Honestly, we could have seen ourselves living in either house.  So we worked out the pros and cons of each house.  One I was in favor of and one H was in favor of.  After going through all the pros and cons, we decided to go with the house I was in favor of.  It had more of our wants in it.

Since this was house I had wanted, I can say I fell in love with it while viewing it online.  Walking through it, I lost some of that loving feeling though.  But I knew it had great potential and I saw us raising our kids in this house.  So while I never had the OMG!  I MUST HAVE feeling, when walking through the house in person, I knew that we could have a nice life in it.  Now that we have been putting our touches on the house, I have no regrets whatsoever. 

I hope that helps!

theartistformerlyknownas

Don't be like the couple our agent has been working with since last June, who are shooting down houses left and right over stupid things like popcorn ceilings, in a really competitive seller's market. They could have had our house before it even hit the market, and instead it sold for $10k more than we'd have taken from them. Now their apartment lease ran out the end of April and there nowhere close to having a house. Paying almost double in month-to-month rent.

MyNameIsNot

We got everything on our must-have list, and about half of the things on our want-to-have list.  We've been here for over 3 years now, and still love it, but have also learned some of the things that we'll add to both lists when the time comes to look for our "forever house."  (This is our starter house.)

There was no tv-style emotional moment for us during shopping. It was much more of a calculated checking things off a list. The emotion came much later, sitting on the floor eating pizza in the living room the night before the movers came, when we started talking about how we would make breakfast in this kitchen together for years and get our first dog in this house.

southernbelle0915

I didn't have that experience with my wedding dress, but was in love with it. Also didn't have that experience with the house, but I like it. 

I don't think it's wise to buy a house on emotions anyway. Of course you want to love it, but it's only one factor. Other factors like: does it have all the things you can't change (e.g. location, lot size)? can you afford to fix the things it needs? can you afford to fix the things you want to change? etc.... 

We looked at home buying like "this is the biggest investment we've made to date and it should be a good one." I looked at dress buying like "I want to love this and feel amazing." Just different, I think.

[Deleted User]

Are the things that are missing for you on this house the "nice to have's" or things that are deal breakers?

jenna8984

lolo883 said:

Don't be like the couple our agent has been working with since last June, who are shooting down houses left and right over stupid things like popcorn ceilings, in a really competitive seller's market. They could have had our house before it even hit the market, and instead it sold for $10k more than we'd have taken from them. Now their apartment lease ran out the end of April and there nowhere close to having a house. Paying almost double in month-to-month rent.

I just want to throw it out there that DH & I are very reasonable people. I'm not looking for a Pinterest house! I'd never be like the people on tv who say no because of wallpaper or something stupid.

But it's like ok I'm willing to accept half the square footage I would have liked, I'm willing to accept outdated fixtures/ kitchen/ bath, I'm willing to accept that we can't be in the towns I want and we'll be at least 40 minutes from my work. But the two houses we do find "ok" are in these crappy areas (like a main busy road). And it's like I'm already compromising so much on everything else, do I really need to compromise on that too? I cut all those things out of my wishlist and I still can't get in a quiet, private neighborhood?

climbingsingle

jenna8984 said:

lolo883 said:

Don't be like the couple our agent has been working with since last June, who are shooting down houses left and right over stupid things like popcorn ceilings, in a really competitive seller's market. They could have had our house before it even hit the market, and instead it sold for $10k more than we'd have taken from them. Now their apartment lease ran out the end of April and there nowhere close to having a house. Paying almost double in month-to-month rent.

I just want to throw it out there that DH & I are very reasonable people. I'm not looking for a Pinterest house! I'd never be like the people on tv who say no because of wallpaper or something stupid.

But it's like ok I'm willing to accept half the square footage I would have liked, I'm willing to accept outdated fixtures/ kitchen/ bath, I'm willing to accept that we can't be in the towns I want and we'll be at least 40 minutes from my work. But the two houses we do find "ok" are in these crappy areas (like a main busy road). And it's like I'm already compromising so much on everything else, do I really need to compromise on that too? I cut all those things out of my wishlist and I still can't get in a quiet, private neighborhood?

I get what you're saying, but these aren't things we can decide for you. Only you and your H can decide if living on a main road is a deal breaker. Some people wouldn't, but some people would, given the house is right for them. 

theartistformerlyknownas

jenna8984 said:

lolo883 said:

Don't be like the couple our agent has been working with since last June, who are shooting down houses left and right over stupid things like popcorn ceilings, in a really competitive seller's market. They could have had our house before it even hit the market, and instead it sold for $10k more than we'd have taken from them. Now their apartment lease ran out the end of April and there nowhere close to having a house. Paying almost double in month-to-month rent.

I just want to throw it out there that DH & I are very reasonable people. I'm not looking for a Pinterest house! I'd never be like the people on tv who say no because of wallpaper or something stupid.

But it's like ok I'm willing to accept half the square footage I would have liked, I'm willing to accept outdated fixtures/ kitchen/ bath, I'm willing to accept that we can't be in the towns I want and we'll be at least 40 minutes from my work. But the two houses we do find "ok" are in these crappy areas (like a main busy road). And it's like I'm already compromising so much on everything else, do I really need to compromise on that too? I cut all those things out of my wishlist and I still can't get in a quiet, private neighborhood?

Oh yeah I don't think you're tossing houses out based on the color of the faucets. Although I'm sure these people think they're being reasonable too - they said things like "there are probably problems with the ceilings, why else would they be popcorn? We can't risk that." When really... all houses from that timeframe had popcorn ceilings. There isn't any reason to be concerned.

I would definitely toss out houses on a busy street, personally. And we tossed houses that backed up to busy ones too.

I drive 45 minutes to work on a good day! And over an hour to get home.

I will say, you might have better luck with quiet, family neighborhoods once the school year ends.

southernbelle0915

jenna8984 said:

Don't be like the couple our agent has been working with since last June, who are shooting down houses left and right over stupid things like popcorn ceilings, in a really competitive seller's market. They could have had our house before it even hit the market, and instead it sold for $10k more than we'd have taken from them. Now their apartment lease ran out the end of April and there nowhere close to having a house. Paying almost double in month-to-month rent.

I just want to throw it out there that DH & I are very reasonable people. I'm not looking for a Pinterest house! I'd never be like the people on tv who say no because of wallpaper or something stupid.

But it's like ok I'm willing to accept half the square footage I would have liked, I'm willing to accept outdated fixtures/ kitchen/ bath, I'm willing to accept that we can't be in the towns I want and we'll be at least 40 minutes from my work. But the two houses we do find "ok" are in these crappy areas (like a main busy road). And it's like I'm already compromising so much on everything else, do I really need to compromise on that too? I cut all those things out of my wishlist and I still can't get in a quiet, private neighborhood?

The one thing I would not compromise on is location.

Just be patient in your search. 

JaniV123

Well we are also looking to buy as a sort of spur of the moment thing. We saw a house yesterday that it was so cute and has so much potential. We basically want to save up money and buying is more savy than renting ATM. Its not my dream home because thats not what we are looking for but it is a great investment and a nice house. 

I would say 70%+ to settle for that because with little under 100K we don't have many decent options and this house is in a great area has a lot of potential and land and is in our comfort zone price wise. 

OliveOilsMom

Personally, I can tell you that our starter home was about 2 blocks from a busy street.  We could hear the traffic a bit, even if the windows were closed.  It wasn't that bad and we got used to it.  We moved to our new neighborhood and its far off the main road and its so quiet back there.  It was very odd and weird for awhile due to the lack of background noise.  But I'm used to it now and love it.

My BFF and her H live on the main road that I used to live off of.  They hate it and want to move.  But they bought at the top of the market and are underwater on their home.  They think they have another year or so until they can at least have enough money to bring to the table to break even.

But living on/near main roads can be dealbreakers for some people and not for others, it's just something you have to decide for yourself.

erinkelsey3

FI and I looked for houses for about 3 months. We probably looked at 40-50 houses (ridiculous, I know). We found a few houses that were exactly as you described - we would have been okay living there but it wouldn't have been great - and it started to feel like maybe we should just settle for something that was just okay.

And then, right before we were about to give up and rent an apartment for another year, a house came on the market that was in our budget, with all of our must-haves. When we stepped in the house we were sold. 

So just from personal experience, I would say to stick it out until you find a house you love (unless you have a pressing need to buy a home quickly). I think people's home environments contribute a lot to their day-to-day attitude and stress, and it feels friggin great to come home to a house you love.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think when you're spending a huge amount of money on a home that you'll be in almost every day, you should get a place you love.

lyndausvi

I moved around a lot as a kid.   My parents have moved something like 30 times.  To me,  a home is a place to hang my hat. It's where my husband and dogs live with me.    I've never looked for a forever home before.   Just a home.

Location is high up on our list.   Having a master bedroom large enough for our king size bed is a must have.  A decent sized family room for DH's large TV and sofa would be nice.

The rest is just cosmetic to me.   Paint, wallpaper and maybe a little reno can change a blah house to something great.  Grandma's quilt hanging on the wall.  The african drum from our HM sitting in the hall.   Our stupidly large ass TV in the living room.  That is what makes a home.  Not the structure itself.

While I'm a HGTV junkie, I'm also realistic.  I feel like some of the younger generation lives in a world that everything has to be like a TV moment.  Everything needs to be shinny and new.  And they want to be able to afford their big forever home at a young age.     

I do not think that is realistic for a lot of people.   My own parents sold a few homes before they got their dream home.  And then 2 short years later they were off to England.  Good-bye dream home.  Another home came their way.   And when I walked into those homes, they were still home because our childhood pictures where on the wall.  My grandparent's Archie and Edith like chairs where in the study.  Their Komono from their stay in Japan was displayed.    Just because the structure was a little different, it was still home.

theartistformerlyknownas

erinkelsey3 said:

FI and I looked for houses for about 3 months. We probably looked at 40-50 houses (ridiculous, I know). We found a few houses that were exactly as you described - we would have been okay living there but it wouldn't have been great - and it started to feel like maybe we should just settle for something that was just okay.

And then, right before we were about to give up and rent an apartment for another year, a house came on the market that was in our budget, with all of our must-haves. When we stepped in the house we were sold. 

So just from personal experience, I would say to stick it out until you find a house you love (unless you have a pressing need to buy a home quickly). I think people's home environments contribute a lot to their day-to-day attitude and stress, and it feels friggin great to come home to a house you love.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think when you're spending a huge amount of money on a home that you'll be in almost every day, you should get a place you love.

Yes and no. The trouble there is when you LOVE it, you're a lot more likely to make unwise decisions with all that money. You can get so blinded by dreams of your kid swinging in a tire swing from that tree in the back yard or Christmases in front of the brick fireplace that you overlook more important things.

Just keep it rational but realistic. Focus on actual must-haves and deal-breakers, and you'll be fine. Don't wait for magic or butterflies.

lnixon8

Similar to wedding planning each of you should make a list of YOUR priorities. For instance mine did not say "FI wants a fixer upper and we could do that" because even though I would have gone along with it, it's not what I wanted. FI only went to private school, but I went to public and am a public school teacher so a good school district was important to me. He wanted a yard, I didn't care. We had also assumed what the other wanted but we actually didn't care about (new home, access to water, proximity to parents/friends). I think downgrading to 1/2 the square footage is significant "settling".

I'm with @erinkelsey3 just wait. It's annoying, but worth it.

sarahufl

lolo883 said:

erinkelsey3 said:

FI and I looked for houses for about 3 months. We probably looked at 40-50 houses (ridiculous, I know). We found a few houses that were exactly as you described - we would have been okay living there but it wouldn't have been great - and it started to feel like maybe we should just settle for something that was just okay.

And then, right before we were about to give up and rent an apartment for another year, a house came on the market that was in our budget, with all of our must-haves. When we stepped in the house we were sold. 

So just from personal experience, I would say to stick it out until you find a house you love (unless you have a pressing need to buy a home quickly). I think people's home environments contribute a lot to their day-to-day attitude and stress, and it feels friggin great to come home to a house you love.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think when you're spending a huge amount of money on a home that you'll be in almost every day, you should get a place you love.

Yes and no. The trouble there is when you LOVE it, you're a lot more likely to make unwise decisions with all that money. You can get so blinded by dreams of your kid swinging in a tire swing from that tree in the back yard or Christmases in front of the brick fireplace that you overlook more important things.

Just keep it rational but realistic. Focus on actual must-haves and deal-breakers, and you'll be fine. Don't wait for magic or butterflies.

Clearly, you shouldn't HATE it. You should really like the house but you should be realistic about looking.

jenna8984

lolo883 said:

erinkelsey3 said:

FI and I looked for houses for about 3 months. We probably looked at 40-50 houses (ridiculous, I know). We found a few houses that were exactly as you described - we would have been okay living there but it wouldn't have been great - and it started to feel like maybe we should just settle for something that was just okay.

And then, right before we were about to give up and rent an apartment for another year, a house came on the market that was in our budget, with all of our must-haves. When we stepped in the house we were sold. 

So just from personal experience, I would say to stick it out until you find a house you love (unless you have a pressing need to buy a home quickly). I think people's home environments contribute a lot to their day-to-day attitude and stress, and it feels friggin great to come home to a house you love.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think when you're spending a huge amount of money on a home that you'll be in almost every day, you should get a place you love.

Yes and no. The trouble there is when you LOVE it, you're a lot more likely to make unwise decisions with all that money. You can get so blinded by dreams of your kid swinging in a tire swing from that tree in the back yard or Christmases in front of the brick fireplace that you overlook more important things.

Just keep it rational but realistic. Focus on actual must-haves and deal-breakers, and you'll be fine. Don't wait for magic or butterflies.

I know, I agree. It's just disappointing when it feels like I can't even get half of my must haves, when those must haves are not even over the top. Being in a good school district, a quiet neighborhood, good bones such as roof and foundation are seriously like our only must haves. Even things like a garage we told the realtor we can add on later. I guess I'm not trying to hold out for butterflies, but for these basic items.

littlemushroom

If the house is just OK, then it doesn't sound like enough to settle for the poor location too. The house we got had pretty much everything we wanted, and we still didn't have the "TV moment". We talked it out, ran numbers several times and weighed the few things we were compromising on before we came to a decision.

We went over our budget by 15k, which ended up OK because the taxes and insurance were less than we had budgeted. That lowered the monthly payment back to what it would have been if we stuck to the budget. Basically, we wanted a home we could afford on my salary alone (I make less than DH) after monthly payment, taxes, insurance, utilities, and groceries, just in case something happened down the line. We also compromised on the town so instead of home being 30 miles from both our jobs, we ended up 20 miles from me and 40 from DH.

The important thing for us is what we compromised on was more than made up for by what we got in the house, and you should at least feel that way too. You may not be in love with the house, but it should feel like a good decision to get it. If you are waffling, better to walk away and wait for something that is a better fit.

erinkelsey3

lolo883 said:

erinkelsey3 said:

FI and I looked for houses for about 3 months. We probably looked at 40-50 houses (ridiculous, I know). We found a few houses that were exactly as you described - we would have been okay living there but it wouldn't have been great - and it started to feel like maybe we should just settle for something that was just okay.

And then, right before we were about to give up and rent an apartment for another year, a house came on the market that was in our budget, with all of our must-haves. When we stepped in the house we were sold. 

So just from personal experience, I would say to stick it out until you find a house you love (unless you have a pressing need to buy a home quickly). I think people's home environments contribute a lot to their day-to-day attitude and stress, and it feels friggin great to come home to a house you love.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think when you're spending a huge amount of money on a home that you'll be in almost every day, you should get a place you love.

Yes and no. The trouble there is when you LOVE it, you're a lot more likely to make unwise decisions with all that money. You can get so blinded by dreams of your kid swinging in a tire swing from that tree in the back yard or Christmases in front of the brick fireplace that you overlook more important things.

Just keep it rational but realistic. Focus on actual must-haves and deal-breakers, and you'll be fine. Don't wait for magic or butterflies.

Yep, I totally agree. I should clarify, the house we bought is not our "dream house". It needs a lot of updating and some repairs and hot damn would I love to have some chickens in our no-chickens-allowed neighborhood. But it has all of our musts (good location, lots of space, fenced in backyard, not surrounded by other houses, basement for beer brewing and loud music playing), and I know I would have been unhappy if we had compromised on any of those things.

theartistformerlyknownas

jenna8984 said:

lolo883 said:

erinkelsey3 said:

FI and I looked for houses for about 3 months. We probably looked at 40-50 houses (ridiculous, I know). We found a few houses that were exactly as you described - we would have been okay living there but it wouldn't have been great - and it started to feel like maybe we should just settle for something that was just okay.

And then, right before we were about to give up and rent an apartment for another year, a house came on the market that was in our budget, with all of our must-haves. When we stepped in the house we were sold. 

So just from personal experience, I would say to stick it out until you find a house you love (unless you have a pressing need to buy a home quickly). I think people's home environments contribute a lot to their day-to-day attitude and stress, and it feels friggin great to come home to a house you love.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think when you're spending a huge amount of money on a home that you'll be in almost every day, you should get a place you love.

Yes and no. The trouble there is when you LOVE it, you're a lot more likely to make unwise decisions with all that money. You can get so blinded by dreams of your kid swinging in a tire swing from that tree in the back yard or Christmases in front of the brick fireplace that you overlook more important things.

Just keep it rational but realistic. Focus on actual must-haves and deal-breakers, and you'll be fine. Don't wait for magic or butterflies.

I know, I agree. It's just disappointing when it feels like I can't even get half of my must haves, when those must haves are not even over the top. Being in a good school district, a quiet neighborhood, good bones such as roof and foundation are seriously like our only must haves. Even things like a garage we told the realtor we can add on later. I guess I'm not trying to hold out for butterflies, but for these basic items.

Then it's not a matter of TV magic moments, it's a matter of not meeting basic criteria. Move along without regret.

beachyone15

@jenna8984 We felt the exact same way when looking for our home. Our must have list was a few trees, open/semi-open kitchen, 3 bed, 2 bath. That's it. We honestly started getting discouraged because everything we looked at in our price range was either older homes with more space (but needed a lot of work) or newer homes that were MUCH smaller with no trees.
I started off with the attitude that I needed to "love" the house/have a "feeling"/etc. H was looking at things more practically which really helped me come to my senses. The house we bought probably had 80% of what we wanted, but having lived there for 2 months now, H says he is never moving! We discovered that we have bunnies and deer in the backyard and I swear the house is now 99% of what we wanted. We are still fixing things up little by little and making it our own.
In short, you can't change LOCATION and SPACE. Whatever you do, don't compromise on those things.

luckya23

I didn't think too much of my house the day I saw it, but that evening my grandmother had a stroke and I kept thinking about the pink bathroom and how it reminded me of my grandparents house when I was a kid. 

I didn't even want to see it when I saw the listing photos - they were terrible! 

Now I'm very happy in my house, and the only times I really get annoyed with FI are when he says what's wrong with it... like it's become an extension of my self!

It also took me 4 months to close, so I had a lot of time to fall in love with it from afar! lol

lovemesomemonster

First advice then my most likely less popular opinion:

I agree with everyone on here about making lists, FI and I did this separately and then brought them together to make a "master list" then moved things down to the "nice to have" section as well. Your must have list turns into what you will not compromise on and stick to it. For us it was location, amount of bedrooms, lot size, structurally sound, open layout. It also depends on if this is your "starter home" or "forever home", our first one was an investment that we knew would be a rental so the criteria was completely different than our second one. Also keep an open mind about square footage, I had a coworker that was convinced she didn't want anything smaller than 3000sqft but she looked at a house that was 2200sqft and it felt bigger than some of the big houses because of the layout so that's the one she got.

I don't think there is that "TV moment" but I understand what you are saying. When buying both houses there were plenty on the list that met the criteria but it just didn't "feel" right to me. Drove FI nuts but I kept telling him I will know it when I walk in. That happened on the first one, I walked in and said "this is it", for the second one it was more of "I could do this one". The second one felt like home as soon as we had the keys and opened that first bottle of champagne to sit in the empty living room with even though we were still looking around going "what did we get ourselves into, this places is a monster".

beachyone15

We almost jumped on a house that I "had a feeling" over. H convinced me it would be a bad investment and he was right. It was a large house, but was priced out of the neighborhood it was in (which was not the greatest neighborhood). Looking back, I'm glad we didn't jump, even though at the time I thought I'd never be able to move past this one.

And @lovemesomemonster is 100% correct about the layout making the square footage feel like more/less.

jenna8984

scribe95 said:

You can't change location or square footage so those are big ones for you to compromise on frankly. It could be that you really just can't afford the house you want right now. Is there a reason you are looking to buy right now? Maybe save more of a down payment.

We made a substantial amount on selling our house, so we already have 30% down payment to make. We want the mortgage to be $xx so the total mortgage amount is set in stone and whether the house comes in 10%-30% over that is all being with cash. We really want to buy right now because interest rates are still so low, prices are only going up, and we want to be settled before we have kids so don't have to do this apartment-in-limbo with children in the future. I had many friends buy the houses I'm looking for just 2 years ago for 50k less. So it's scary that it could go even higher if we wait.

KatieinBkln

I think it might help you if you sort of readjusted your mindset and saw this house as your "starter house." In which case your list of "must haves" are really more about resale value than about layout or yard size or what have you. Obviously some of these things will overlap, but if I were in your same position, I'd be looking for a solid home in an area with good schools (regardless of whether you plan to procreate there yourselves) that can be "improved upon" relatively cheaply. Many a house has gone from "meh" to sell-worthy with fresh cabinet pulls, paint, and a nice little garden/entry.

Then, once you own the place, 2 things could happen: 1. you could grow to love the house so much with your small renovations that you never end up moving, or 2. you stay there a while, sell when the market is high and you're in a financial position to get your "dream house" (Maybe you build it! Also something to consider if land + building is cheaper than buying a lovely house in your desired nabe).

lovemesomemonster

@jenna8984 are you open to and looking at foreclosures and short sales? Only asking because both of ours have been one of these and it put us in a location on the second house we wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise so now we are sitting on great resale potential. Yes, they can take longer to close (short sale WILL take longer to close) but if you are patient and OK with doing cosmetic fixes they can be a good deal.