Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Ok, I need some help here

FI good friend is ordained and will be marrying us. How does this work? Does he come up with whatever he wants to say or do we meet up and go over it? He doesn't live near us and he will be flying in a few days before the wedding. We could always do it over the phone.

I just have no idea how this is done. FI and I will be writing our own vows if that helps at all.

Re: Ok, I need some help here

  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    We're having a friend marry us too.  We're writing our whole ceremony and then giving it to our friend about a week before.  Our wedding is out of town for us, so I think we will be emailing a word document back and forth a few times.  

                                               

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  • falsara said:

    We're having a friend marry us too.  We're writing our whole ceremony and then giving it to our friend about a week before.  Our wedding is out of town for us, so I think we will be emailing a word document back and forth a few times.  

    ok so you are writing the whole thing and your friend will just recite what you wrote? Yeah, I guess we should talk to him. I have no idea!
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    FI good friend is ordained and will be marrying us. How does this work? Does he come up with whatever he wants to say or do we meet up and go over it? He doesn't live near us and he will be flying in a few days before the wedding. We could always do it over the phone.


    I just have no idea how this is done. FI and I will be writing our own vows if that helps at all.

    Please be sure to check the credentials/qualifications of your friend. Not all officiants have license to officiate across state lines.
    CMGragainsouthernbelle0915lachattefatalehuskypuppy14
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    You can either write it, have your friend write it, or print out something that someone else online and have your friend read that. It's really all up to you. I'd recommend discussing with your friend and your Fi to figure out what you all want to do.
  • Is your friend ordained online?  Not all states permit people who have online ordinations to perform legal marriages.  Check with your county clerk.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Make sure that if your state has any legal requirements about the wording of the ceremony, they are incorporated into your wording, such as a declaration of intent.

    I'd also do the following:

    1) You and your FI should make actual serious promises to each other that you are capable of keeping.  For example, you can promise to love and honor, but don't promise never to go to bed angry.
    2) Limit the humor.  Your vows should not be stand-up comedy.  Plus, too many inside jokes will leave your guests scratching their heads.
    3) Also limit the romance.  As special and important as your vows are to you, don't treat them like verbal love letters or a history of your relationship.  That can make your guests uncomfortable.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My H's friend married us. He wrote the entire ceremony, and wanted it to be a surprise to us. He did an amazing job. He's performed weddings before, so he had experience. We did chat a few weeks before to briefly go over what we wanted (vows, no mention of God, things like that). 

  • MobKaz said:

    FI good friend is ordained and will be marrying us. How does this work? Does he come up with whatever he wants to say or do we meet up and go over it? He doesn't live near us and he will be flying in a few days before the wedding. We could always do it over the phone.


    I just have no idea how this is done. FI and I will be writing our own vows if that helps at all.

    Please be sure to check the credentials/qualifications of your friend. Not all officiants have license to officiate across state lines.
    This!! The most important thing is making sure he can legally do it.

    If it's a go, I would just write your whole ceremony (spend time on google for examples and ideas) and ask him to read it. Unless you don't care and you want to be surprised. But whatever you do, y'all should touch base a couple times before the wedding and make sure you're on the same page with the flow of the wedding, whether you have readers, whether you have unity ceremonies, etc.
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  • We also wrote the entire ceremony and gave it to our friend to read. That was what she preferred, so that is what we did.

    Side note: If you are going that route, make sure to include EVERYTHING you want them to say and do, like telling the guests to please be seated once the bride gets down the aisle. It should be like a script with stage directions like there would be in a play. A friend didn't include the part about being seated and the officiant was nervous and forgot to say it, so all the guests ended up standing through the entire ceremony.
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    We wrote the ceremony, gave it to my brother (officiant) and he read it out loud, made some very minor changes and gave it back to us to okay. 
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  • I got ordained online and officiated my sister's wedding.  She and I shared an online google document with her wedding ceremony on it.  I found something online (Serena and Casey's wedding), made some changes, and shared it with my sister.  She had some things she wanted to change and add and delete.  We found different vows and changed those out.  We decided which readings she wanted her future SILs to read.  And we both just went back and forth making changes, adding stage directions, changing the order, taking out lazy clauses, adding commas, etc.  Then I took away her access a week before she flew out for her DW so she'd stop thinking about it, and so I could print it out without discovering later that other changes were made.  I'm a writer, so I absolutely loved it.  

    That said, I'm writing my own wedding ceremony and will hand it to  whoever we decide will officiate our wedding.  
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