hi everyone, I'm new to this site and wondered if I could ask your opinions on this. I'm finding this really hard at the moment and I'd really appreciate your thoughts. My fiance and I are getting married in about 9 months, and since he proposed I haven't stopped worrying about what I'm going to do about my dad.
My parents divorced about 7 years ago because my dad was an abusive alcoholic and my mum had no choice but to leave. She is now with someone else and very happy. It's difficult to explain why, but for a number of reasons (I suppose mostly fear and guilt), my mum and I have stayed in contact with my dad and I speak to him on the phone about once a week. I haven't seen him in person for about three years. He is not a well man, he has liver disease and is still an alcoholic, although he doesn't drink as much as before. He is in and out of hospital and otherwise just sits at home. He is very sad and has no friends and no other family. My dad knows that my mum has a partner but he doesn't know that they live together.
My dad has struggled with suicidal thoughts and has said in the past that the only thing he is living for is to give me away when I get married. We did tell him when we got engaged but he hasn't mentioend it since then. I wonder if he has forgotten!?
I really don't know what to do about the wedding. If I invite him, I will spend the entire day dreading his potential behaviour and worrying about my mum. It would be the first time she has seen him since she left. So I dont really think he can be invited.
My partner does not like my dad but feels sorry for him. If I don't invite him then I think he will react extremely badly and I still feel like I am responsible for him. What if he tries to hurt himself? I feel like I'm never going to be able to make the right decision and I'm not enjoying planning the weddding as a result.
Some of my friends have suggested that I should just not tell him and hope he never mentions it. This feels like more of a risk as it is possible he would find out from other people and then he might be even more hurt.
Any advice would be very appreciated. Thanks for reading xx