Seating Chart Etiquette

japlanet

I am putting together my seating chart, and due to the set up of the venue (long tables) I am assigning individual seats. FH and I can't agree on if there is a 'proper' way to seat couples - side by side or across the table from each other? Also my mother insists that men and women must alternate and be across from each other - so a man must have a lady on each side of him and across from him. This seems ridiculous/impossible since I have several same-sex couples as well as pairs of friends attending together and a number of singles.

So, are there any hard and fast 'rules' with respect to seating arrangements? Besides obviously putting couples at the same table!

Thanks!

anjemon

I don't know of any real rules for seating, but I thought I'd chime in to say your mom's ideas of seating rules are very old fashioned. I know in historical novels I read like Jane Austen's, people were invited to dinner parties with numbers of men and women even. Sometimes people would be invited just to make the numbers even. They would sit people the way your mother describes, with the person they want you to talk to most being next to you. And it was scandalous to be seated next to some people (husbands? not sure).

But here's my advice - I would situate however you think it's easiest for people to talk. That might mean couples side by side so they can easily talk with someone they're interested in (their SO) and if they need to speak a little loudly to talk across the table that's okay.

[Deleted User]

japlanet said:

I am putting together my seating chart, and due to the set up of the venue (long tables) I am assigning individual seats. FH and I can't agree on if there is a 'proper' way to seat couples - side by side or across the table from each other? Also my mother insists that men and women must alternate and be across from each other - so a man must have a lady on each side of him and across from him. This seems ridiculous/impossible since I have several same-sex couples as well as pairs of friends attending together and a number of singles.

So, are there any hard and fast 'rules' with respect to seating arrangements? Besides obviously putting couples at the same table!

Thanks!

I think it depends on the size (width) of the table and how much decor you'll have in the middle.  I think put couples side by side just in case they get the ONE spot with the flower centerpiece or candles in between them.  But sit people across from people they'd like and would talk to if there isn't too much in between them.  

japlanet

adk19 said:

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japlanet said:

I am putting together my seating chart, and due to the set up of the venue (long tables) I am assigning individual seats. FH and I can't agree on if there is a 'proper' way to seat couples - side by side or across the table from each other? Also my mother insists that men and women must alternate and be across from each other - so a man must have a lady on each side of him and across from him. This seems ridiculous/impossible since I have several same-sex couples as well as pairs of friends attending together and a number of singles.

So, are there any hard and fast 'rules' with respect to seating arrangements? Besides obviously putting couples at the same table!

Thanks!

I think it depends on the size (width) of the table and how much decor you'll have in the middle.  I think put couples side by side just in case they get the ONE spot with the flower centerpiece or candles in between them.  But sit people across from people they'd like and would talk to if there isn't too much in between them.  

Good point. The tables are 40" wide (so basically standard dining room table width) and we are doing minimal centrepieces. So guests should be able to easily converse with/see those sitting directly across from them.

bethsmiles

I would seat SOs next to each other. And your mother's plan would give me an absolute headache to actually figure out so I'd completely ignore her thoughts on the matter.

banana468

I prefer to be next to my DH when we're at weddings.  I don't give two hoots about the sex of the person across from me. 

aliwis000

I would prefer to be next to my SO. Think about going on a double date with a couple friend. You get a booth...who sits with who? My guess is 9 out of 10 times the couples sit next to each other and the other couple is across.

As far as who is across I would just use the same type of idea you would for round tables. Try and group people together so they know people.

Good luck!

SP29

I agree, I would sit couples next to each other.

As for your mom's advice- very old fashioned. While it might have been a previous social custom, it would not be against etiquette to avoid it, because you would not be negatively affecting the comfort of your guests. Particularly regarding same sex couples- "sorry you can't sit near each other as you are both the same gender"- pish posh! I also think it would be a huge headache trying to fit people in. Seat "like" groups of people together. 

MyNameIsNot

I agree about putting couples next to each other. I went to a dinner gathering at a restaurant last weekend with about 10 people, mostly couples. Now that I'm thinking about it, pretty much everyone sat next to their s/o, not across from them.

The male-female thing makes 0 sense to me. That's what they used to do to us in elementary school to get us to be quiet because they thought that no girls would talk to boys and vice versa. It didn't work. 

Jen4948

Actually, the tradition was to seat couples separately and not together, but still alternating male-female.

I would seat couples together, though, and skip the male-female thing.  That's not required and in many cases just doesn't work.  Plus, I think trying to set up that male-female thing is too much trouble and not an efficient or effective use of your time.

fyrchk

I'm trying to wrap my head around the male-female thing. I get the concept, but I have so many same-sex couples that are coming it's not an option. Nor is it a headache I would want to give myself. And, what's to say people won't move their cards anyway, I've seen that happen, like, "Oh, I want to sit across from Jane and you sit across from Jim." (Like a couple just switching their seats.)

lyndausvi

At restaurants DH and I sit across from each other if it's just us.    If we are with others, it's all over the place.  We often do not sit next or even across from each other.

At weddings we sit next to each other.

I've only been 1 wedding that assigned seats.  It was boy-girl-boy-girl.   The bride hand made jewelry for every guests.   The women got necklaces.  Boys cuff links.  They were packaged differently, so I'm wondering if they assigned the seats that way just so the gifts were every other.   Not really sure, but it didn't bother me either way.

theartistformerlyknownas

Obviously there's going to be a large-scale euchre tournament going on where everyone needs to sit across from their partner.

(I hope there's another Michigan/Canada person here who knows what the hell I'm talking about.)

thespeshulestsnowflake

lolo883 said:

Obviously there's going to be a large-scale euchre tournament going on where everyone needs to sit across from their partner.

(I hope there's another Michigan/Canada person here who knows what the hell I'm talking about.)

labro

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

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lolo883 said:

Obviously there's going to be a large-scale euchre tournament going on where everyone needs to sit across from their partner.

(I hope there's another Michigan/Canada person here who knows what the hell I'm talking about.)

But can't you still go it alone?

PS I'm not from Michigan OR Canada.

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

At restaurants DH and I sit across from each other if it's just us.    If we are with others, it's all over the place.  We often do not sit next or even across from each other.

At weddings we sit next to each other.

I've only been 1 wedding that assigned seats.  It was boy-girl-boy-girl.   The bride hand made jewelry for every guests.   The women got necklaces.  Boys cuff links.  They were packaged differently, so I'm wondering if they assigned the seats that way just so the gifts were every other.   Not really sure, but it didn't bother me either way.

Us too.  And we make fun of the couples that go out on a date and then sit right next to each other, right on top of each other.  It just looks so awkward and silly.

In group situations with our friends, we typically sit across from each other.

At weddings, where you have no idea who you are going to be seated with, I prefer to be seated next to DH.

theartistformerlyknownas

labro said:

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thespeshulestsnowflake said:

lolo883 said:

Obviously there's going to be a large-scale euchre tournament going on where everyone needs to sit across from their partner.

(I hope there's another Michigan/Canada person here who knows what the hell I'm talking about.)

But can't you still go it alone?

PS I'm not from Michigan OR Canada.

No, you can't go alone if your partner calls trump. Only if you call it. 

VulgarGirl

lolo883 said:

Obviously there's going to be a large-scale euchre tournament going on where everyone needs to sit across from their partner.

(I hope there's another Michigan/Canada person here who knows what the hell I'm talking about.)

They played that on Degrassi a lot...

mikenberger

lolo883 said:

Obviously there's going to be a large-scale euchre tournament going on where everyone needs to sit across from their partner.

(I hope there's another Michigan/Canada person here who knows what the hell I'm talking about.)

Yup. And I'm about 8 hours from Michigan It's huge where my parents are from. Which is about 6 hours from Michigan. I think it's an upper Midwest thing.