Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

20/20 Hindsight

The day of my wedding, I was so happy and excited about everything. I didn't even care that my cake wasn't the exactly correct design (they left off some gold detailing I'd asked for). In all my pictures, I look blissfully happy.

Now that I'm about 2 months post-wedding, all I can think about are things that went wrong, tiny details that I didn't like (down to hating the way my sash was tied - the bow was WAY to long), and things I would have done differently. I'd wanted an evening wedding, but we ended up having it when it was still really bright outside because I got talked into having it a little bit earlier. Again, before the wedding, I was like "Eh, it's okay if it's still daylight... No big deal." Now, I'm kicking myself for not pushing for what I wanted.

I don't want to seem negative, or that I'm not happy in my marriage. I truly am! I just don't know what's wrong with me! Anyone else have this? I've never been a spoiled brat or a bridezilla. I was very laid back pre-wedding. How do I get over this!?! I need some advice on how to redirect my focus to something else and to go back to seeing my wedding in a positive light!

I feel awful for feeling this way. I love my husband and my marriage. I just wish we could have had a wedding "run-through" first so that I could fix everything that I didn't like the first time, and then have a second chance to get it perfect. Haha!

Please give advice gently without telling me I'm being petty or selfish. I don't need to hear that - I already feel horrible, and I'm posting this to get some constructive advice on how to let go and move on to happier things...
future mrs cornelius

Re: 20/20 Hindsight

  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    Focus on what you did like and remember that it was a single day in a hopefully very, very long life.

    I hate when people say "Best day of my life". If my wedding is the best day of my life, that would be so depressing. I'm only 23 and I hit my peak already?

    Look to the future and get excited for something else. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    [Deleted User]cupcait927randomsloveDianaMarkForever
  • Replace negative memories with positive ones. If you find yourself thinking of things you weren't happy with, stop and CHANGE THE THOUGHT to something you were happy about.

    And stop wishing for a do-over. It's not possible and you're just "torturing" yourself by continuing to wish it were possible.

    You may also want to just be mindful- be in the moment, today, now. What is good about your MARRIAGE? Spend more time recognizing those things every day instead of "living in the past."
  • I had a ton of things go wrong at my wedding:

    The DJ was late 
    The PA system stopped working during the outdoor ceremony 
    We ran out of time to take pictures outside - I seriously have two posed pictures with my family. None of even just me and my MOH. 
    I ripped the underneath of my dress. 
    The DJ also didn't have my playlist and was playing weird, random songs. 
    My cake fell onto the floor 
    During the afterparty, someone dropped a cigarette onto my dress and burned it 

    You have to focus on the good that happened that day. We had beautiful weather. The food was amazing. Everyone had a really good time. And most importantly, I'm married to a man that I'm madly in love with. Let it all go. Continuing to think about all that went wrong will only drive you crazy. 
    DMsdbride[Deleted User]future mrs cornelius
  • I was to get married on a beach.  A fucking tropical storm hit and I got married under a tent.   My cake collapsed due to the humidity in the tent.    Heck, my tent even collapsed the morning of the wedding.  I dreamed of sunset pictures of DH and I.   I dreamt of fun pictures with my WP on the beach. Never happened.     

    Yet even though my dream of a sunset beach wedding didn't happen, I never focus on the bad stuff. 

     I laugh at the irony of someone from the islands picking a NJ location to avoid hurricanes getting hit by an almost one.   I focus on my friends and family being there.   The food was amazing.  The alcohol was flowing.  I focus on my dance floor being PACKED all night.  Even between courses.   I focus on my 93 year old great-aunt loving my candy bar (the same aunt died 2 months later).   I think about my MIL's 80+ year old neighbor tearing up the dance floor with the young guys.  I think about how my 3 then-10-year old nieces off on the corner choreographing a special dance for us.  I could go on and on.   

    And of course,  I focus on we were still able to accomplish the most important thing.  I MARRIED MY HUSBAND!

    My weddings was a fucking BLAST despite Mother Nature trying to ruin it.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    DMsdbride[Deleted User]pennydl
  • I'm late to this thread, but I find myself asking, "Why does that matter?" Why does gold detail on the cake matter? Was your cake still beautiful? Edible? Was the gold trim a different flavor that you really wanted?  The bow being too long- why does that matter? Did you trip on it? Catch it on a bush branch? I'm not saying this in a sarcastic manner in any way. But these details don't matter. To anyone but you. I'm sure if you put your photos up on Pinterest or Style Me Pretty, everyone would rave about the cake and the dress. 
    Day versus evening-- do you have a thing for twilight? Did you just go out later and get some romantic photos in the dark? Really, why does that matter? 

    I do think you've been stressing yourself out over nothing. I also think that the wedding day is among the happiest days in a person's life (I think having a baby would trump a wedding), so yes, there's pressure for everything to be how you want it. But focusing on details like this is not healthy. Everyone was fed? Everyone danced? Your marriage certificate was properly filed and it's all legal? Enjoy your marriage! The best is yet to come, I'm sure. 

  • Uro4040Uro4040 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited June 2015
    I started to whine about some things too. I think it's normal we work so hard to make our day perfect. 
  • I agree with all the previous posters... focus on the good and not the "bad" details. We all had things that didn't go the way we wanted to the day of our weddings, I mean my father forgot to walk me up the aisle, but I still got there and married the love of  my life, people showed up late and missed the ceremony, but they still came, drank, ate,  mingled and welcomed my husband into our family. The important part is the marriage happened, the marriage license got signed and mailed back in, you are legally, spiritually (if that's your thing), and wholeheartedly united with the person you love.
  • I TOTALLYYYY understand what you are going through! I've been feeling the same way, it is so frustrating because I'm torturing myself about things I know can't change and then I feel guilty for not being happy about such a beautiful day. I married the love of my life and we had the best ceremony and yet I am letting minor imperfections overshadow the big picture. Plus, the professional pictures did not turn out great so that hasn't been helping me get over this either.

    I think this is the sort of thing that just takes time to let go of. I don't think we can rush ourselves through it, we just need to let it run its course and then move on. How do we do that? your guess is as good as mine haha. A previous poster said to replace a negative memory or detail with a positive one, I think that's a really good idea. I'm going to try it myself! I planned the whole wedding and I had been envisioning it a certain way for 18 months. That vision is not going to exactly line up with the reality. And I think that's what I've been having difficulty with; letting go of what I was imagining and appreciating and loving what actually happened.

    in conclusion, you are not petty or selfish for feeling this way!!! It's totally normal and understandable and you will not feel this way forever! once your mind is ready to accept the reality of the day you will love it and not want to change a thing about it because it is your special day and totally unique to you and your husband.

    Good Luck! and Congrats on your marriage :)
  • You might be feeling that way simply because all the anticipation and excitement is over now and your life has gone back to "normal" and seems humdrum now. Also, because the wedding is now past, there's no more opportunity to solve problems or take preventive actions to prevent them from developing.

    But remember that you're now happily married and all the things that went wrong didn't stop that from happening, and try to focus on happy moments when you think about your wedding.
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