• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Moms and Maids

Bachelorette Party falling apart

I don't know what to do. My bachelorette party was going to be small anyway, just myself and 3 other girls. My MOH spent a lot of time planning this outing, and it is tomorrow.

One of the other girls, who is also a BM, just found out her dad is getting married to his new girlfriend. Tomorrow. He did not invite her or her sister to the wedding, but apparently her grandma wants to "talk" tonight and she thinks she and her sister will be invited. Her sister wants to go and doesn't want to go alone, although she's said that she would rather come to my party.

I don't know what to do. I feel like her family is more important than me, but I also feel like I gave her MONTHS of warning and he has given her ONE DAY and he didn't even invite her, her grandmother did. I am so sad that she might not be able to make it to my bachelorette party and it really would be more fun if she comes. I want to tell her to tell her dad to go fuck himself, if he can't even give her the courtesy of an invitation directly from him she shouldn't go. Her sister is an adult and doesn't need her to chaperone. BUT he is her family so I also feel like I can't get in the way of that.

I am torn. I guess I shouldn't say anything and just support whatever choice she makes? I don't know what to do. I want to be a bridezilla about this and I hate it.

Re: Bachelorette Party falling apart

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Honestly, the only gracious thing to do is let it go.  Things come up at the last second, no matter how much advance time your bridesmaids have.  If you make more of an issue of this, you will come off like a bridezilla.  Try to have as much fun as you can with those who are coming.

    Also, the bride is not supposed to be in charge of the planning of a bachelorette party or any other party in her own honor.  So this is something for the hostess to be concerned about.  If you're the person actually doing the hosting, that boat has sailed, so again, even though it's a bummer that she can't make it, I'd let it go.  Because you're right-everyone else's family is probably going to be more important to them than you are.

  • I didn't plan the bachelorette party. I actually feel really horrible for my MOH who did all of the planning, and worked really hard for it, to have another person not be able to come. It's just the girl who can't come is friends with me, so she let me know she may not be coming. I am upset that she can't come, but I do understand that it's her family, and I do think the other 2 girls and I will have fun. Just kinda sucks. I will not say anything other than "Wish you could make it but I understand." It's just a crappy situation all around and I am really mad at her dad for being this mean to her. I mean who invites their own child (through someone else none the less!) to their wedding the DAY BEFORE? And it's at some plantation so you know it was planned way in advance.

    Anyway...rant over. Going to try to have fun with my other 2 girls.

  • edited May 2015

    I don't know what to do. My bachelorette party was going to be small anyway, just myself and 3 other girls. My MOH spent a lot of time planning this outing, and it is tomorrow.

    One of the other girls, who is also a BM, just found out her dad is getting married to his new girlfriend. Tomorrow. He did not invite her or her sister to the wedding, but apparently her grandma wants to "talk" tonight and she thinks she and her sister will be invited. Her sister wants to go and doesn't want to go alone, although she's said that she would rather come to my party.

    I don't know what to do. I feel like her family is more important than me, but I also feel like I gave her MONTHS of warning and he has given her ONE DAY and he didn't even invite her, her grandmother did. I am so sad that she might not be able to make it to my bachelorette party and it really would be more fun if she comes. I want to tell her to tell her dad to go fuck himself, if he can't even give her the courtesy of an invitation directly from him she shouldn't go. Her sister is an adult and doesn't need her to chaperone. BUT he is her family so I also feel like I can't get in the way of that.

    I am torn. I guess I shouldn't say anything and just support whatever choice she makes? I don't know what to do. I want to be a bridezilla about this and I hate it.

    It stinks that this happened, but there isn't anything you can do. Do not get in between them. I am sure she is just as ticked off as you are, and she probably feels upset that she is missing out on your BP anyway, so do not say anything negative to her. It's fine to be frustrated, just don't be frustrated with her. 

    You will still have a great BP, and the good news is, your BM will be there on your wedding day. That is what really matters.

    ETA: Clarification, fix spelling
    image
  • That's a crappy situation.  It sucks that she just found out about his wedding.  If it's a short or early ceremony and reception, maybe she can join afterwards?

    That being said, I really feel for your BM.  Not only is she missing out on your bachelorette, she wasn't invited to her own dad's wedding (or at least hasn't been yet, and it's TOMORROW).  It may be a very, very small ceremony, but still, if it were me that would sting.  Personally I don't know if I could go after knowing my sister and I weren't invited, but my feelings obviously have no bearing on hers.  That's her choice to make.

    Like PPs said, the best thing you can do is not get involved and let it go.  Don't get in the middle of it, there's no good that can come from that.  I'm sure you'll still have a great time at your bachelorette, and you'll have her there on your wedding day which is the most important part.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • abcdevonnmrsdee15 Thank you for your replies. I know you are right. I cannot imagine how she feels and I am upset with her dad, not with her at all and I tried to make it clear to her that I understood where she was coming from with family being more important. But it just sucks and I am pissed that he would do this to her and her sister. This part, "she wasn't invited to her own dad's wedding (or at least hasn't been yet, and it's TOMORROW)." is SO FRUSTRATING TO ME. She is really the sweetest person and I can't believe her own father didn't tell her FIRST. Shouldn't she have been the first to know? Anyway, it all does really suck. I am trying to not be too selfish about it though. Of course her family is more important, and I also don't want the other girls to feel like it's somehow not good enough to have the two of them. Of course they are amazing. I'm hoping maybe she can meet up with us after her dad's thing, but I am not banking on it. Trying to be realistic. Le sigh. Wouldn't it be so much easier if everything went perfectly? I am trying to be a good friend. I mostly guess I needed somewhere to rant more than actual advice because I knew not confronting her about it was the right thing to do. I definitely don't want her to think I'm upset with her or that I think it's her fault, because I definitely know it isn't in any way. I hope what I told her (aka, of course I want you to come but I understand that family comes first!) is adequate. Wish I could yell at her dad for not inviting her when he started planning though lol. 
    flantastic
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    abcdevonnmrsdee15 Thank you for your replies. I know you are right. I cannot imagine how she feels and I am upset with her dad, not with her at all and I tried to make it clear to her that I understood where she was coming from with family being more important. But it just sucks and I am pissed that he would do this to her and her sister. This part, "she wasn't invited to her own dad's wedding (or at least hasn't been yet, and it's TOMORROW)." is SO FRUSTRATING TO ME. She is really the sweetest person and I can't believe her own father didn't tell her FIRST. Shouldn't she have been the first to know? Anyway, it all does really suck. I am trying to not be too selfish about it though. Of course her family is more important, and I also don't want the other girls to feel like it's somehow not good enough to have the two of them. Of course they are amazing. I'm hoping maybe she can meet up with us after her dad's thing, but I am not banking on it. Trying to be realistic. Le sigh. Wouldn't it be so much easier if everything went perfectly? I am trying to be a good friend. I mostly guess I needed somewhere to rant more than actual advice because I knew not confronting her about it was the right thing to do. I definitely don't want her to think I'm upset with her or that I think it's her fault, because I definitely know it isn't in any way. I hope what I told her (aka, of course I want you to come but I understand that family comes first!) is adequate. Wish I could yell at her dad for not inviting her when he started planning though lol. 

    Sounds like good sense and righteous indignation on behalf of your friend. We're happy to listen to the vent.
    Knottie03777613mrsdee15[Deleted User]
  • abcdevonnmrsdee15 Thank you for your replies. I know you are right. I cannot imagine how she feels and I am upset with her dad, not with her at all and I tried to make it clear to her that I understood where she was coming from with family being more important. But it just sucks and I am pissed that he would do this to her and her sister. This part, "she wasn't invited to her own dad's wedding (or at least hasn't been yet, and it's TOMORROW)." is SO FRUSTRATING TO ME. She is really the sweetest person and I can't believe her own father didn't tell her FIRST. Shouldn't she have been the first to know? Anyway, it all does really suck. I am trying to not be too selfish about it though. Of course her family is more important, and I also don't want the other girls to feel like it's somehow not good enough to have the two of them. Of course they are amazing. I'm hoping maybe she can meet up with us after her dad's thing, but I am not banking on it. Trying to be realistic. Le sigh. Wouldn't it be so much easier if everything went perfectly? I am trying to be a good friend. I mostly guess I needed somewhere to rant more than actual advice because I knew not confronting her about it was the right thing to do. I definitely don't want her to think I'm upset with her or that I think it's her fault, because I definitely know it isn't in any way. I hope what I told her (aka, of course I want you to come but I understand that family comes first!) is adequate. Wish I could yell at her dad for not inviting her when he started planning though lol. 

    1st bolded:  Yeah, that makes me sad for her (without any other details, like he was planning to elope or something).  Of course, I don't know her relationship with her father, but that is sad if he has been planning this for a while and she didn't know.

    2nd bolded:  That's all you can do at this point, and it sounds like you're doing the right things.  She may need a friend in the upcoming days based on whatever goes on with her family. 

    3rd bolded: You're completely justified in how you're feeling.

    Feel free to vent all you like, that's (part of) what we're here for.  Also, if you plan on sticking around, I suggest changing your name to one we can recognize.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • It sounds like your friend is going through a lot. I'm sure she feels really hurt and betrayed by her father...I really can't imagine.

    If she's a good enough friend to be your BM, why are you so concerned with your bachelorette? Shouldn't you be acting like a friend?
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Well because I am a selfish human being who wants her party to be fun?

    I am mostly concerned about my bachelorette because my MOH spent a lot of time planning and trying to figure out a time when a lot of people could come, and now two of my BMs have dropped out and one never even was coming in the first place and a lot of the activities she has planned required more than 3 people (ie we are taking a pole dancing class and they required 4) and so a lot of her plans are going up in smoke and I feel bad that she put so much work into it just to have this shit happen.

    Of course I am concerned about how my friend is feeling with all of her family shit. And I have expressed my sympathy for what is going on, but I cannot control her family and improve that situation and more than just her is being impacte by this. I do not think I have been a bad friend in any way.
  • Believe it or not, I am allowed to feel bad for my friend, my MOH, and myself for different reasons all at the same time. Part of the point of coming on here to talk was to figure out the best way to balance and present those feelings so as not to hurt anyone. I can feel bad about the entire situation from multiple perspectives and that does NOT make me a bad friend.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2015

    It sounds like your friend is going through a lot. I'm sure she feels really hurt and betrayed by her father...I really can't imagine.

    If she's a good enough friend to be your BM, why are you so concerned with your bachelorette? Shouldn't you be acting like a friend?

    Because the friend was not the only person involved in the bachelorette party. If she cancels it at the last minute or otherwise adopts an "it's not important" attitude because one person can't make it, that throws a monkey wrench into the plans of everyone else involved, who presumably are also her "good friends," and that isn't the act of a "good friend."

    Also, being a "good friend" to someone close enough to be in one's wedding party doesn't require one to put one's own life on hold when something bad comes up for one's "good friend." There does need to be an understanding that if something bad comes up at the last minute, a "good friend" might not be able to make it to the party and let that go, but expecting her not to care about the things going on in her own life to prove her "good friendship" is expecting too much.
  • So your party > what your friend is going through.....

    Got it.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    So your party > what your friend is going through.....

    Got it.

    You're still stretching it.

    Is she supposed to totally cancel her party and everything else in her life just to show how good a friend she is?

    If the situation were reversed, and her friend didn't want to cancel her life because of what might be going on in the OP's life, would you be saying to the OP that her "good friend" wasn't a "good friend" because she didn't put her own party or marriage on hold because the OP suddenly heard, one day in advance, that her father is getting remarried? Note: he didn't die, he isn't sick, he didn't have anything tragic or sad happen to him.

    Sorry, but yeah: the party, for the OP, IS going to be more important. She doesn't have to cancel it or not care about it to be a "good friend" to this bridesmaid. She only has to accept that her bridesmaid won't be there if her bridesmaid decides that.

  • @Jen4948 - I never suggested that she cancel her party...?

    Her friend can't go because family drama (that's probably very hurtful and difficult for her) and instead of being like "I completely understand and I'm here for you", knottie#s is all 'whoa is me' about her bachelorette party.

    So the best friend is going through a really rough time with her family and the bride's biggest concern is that they don't have enough people for a pole dancing class?

    Sorrynotsorry, I think it's shitty and my opinion about that isn't going to change.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    @Jen4948 - I never suggested that she cancel her party...?

    Her friend can't go because family drama (that's probably very hurtful and difficult for her) and instead of being like "I completely understand and I'm here for you", knottie#s is all 'whoa is me' about her bachelorette party.

    So the best friend is going through a really rough time with her family and the bride's biggest concern is that they don't have enough people for a pole dancing class?

    Sorrynotsorry, I think it's shitty and my opinion about that isn't going to change.

    Sorry not sorry, but I didn't get from her that that's her biggest concern. That you did suggests to me that you were already disposed to call her or someone "shitty" and latched onto a few phrases rather than her entire post for the purpose of making a hostile, judgmental overstatement. I'm not changing my opinion on that either, sorry not sorry.
  • I hate this about the internet. People twist your words into something that isn't what you said. I am not concerned about the pole dancing class itself (which btw they were super kind and still let us take) I was concerned that my MOH had spent a considerable amount of time planning and that SHE would be disappointed if the party didn't turn out well.

    I also don't understand where I am being a bad friend. I am sad that my friend is going through this. I am sad that she couldn't come have fun with me. Although me and the other two girls had a good time, I think it would have been more fun to have her here. How is that being a bad friend? You OUGHT to think it's more fun to have your friends there than not, right? What did I miss here?

    Also just if you ever want to use it in the future, in something more important than an internet message board, (I am not trying to be a bitch I am really trying to be helpful here, the phrase is "WOE is me" not "whoa." Think about it for a second and it will make sense.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I hate this about the internet. People twist your words into something that isn't what you said. I am not concerned about the pole dancing class itself (which btw they were super kind and still let us take) I was concerned that my MOH had spent a considerable amount of time planning and that SHE would be disappointed if the party didn't turn out well.

    I also don't understand where I am being a bad friend. I am sad that my friend is going through this. I am sad that she couldn't come have fun with me. Although me and the other two girls had a good time, I think it would have been more fun to have her here. How is that being a bad friend? You OUGHT to think it's more fun to have your friends there than not, right? What did I miss here?

    Also just if you ever want to use it in the future, in something more important than an internet message board, (I am not trying to be a bitch I am really trying to be helpful here, the phrase is "WOE is me" not "whoa." Think about it for a second and it will make sense.

    I don't usually 'help' other people with their grammar because my grammar isn't perfect. I like to leave that to the experts - and we have several around around here. See the bolded? It should be 'My friends and I had a good time.' or 'We had a good time.' To help you remember, try talking about yourself, singularly - you wouldn't say 'Me had a good time.' Would you?

    I'm happy that you had a great time at your bp. 






                       
  • Haha I probably deserve that :P thanks hun!!
    MairePoppy
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I hate this about the internet. People twist your words into something that isn't what you said. I am not concerned about the pole dancing class itself (which btw they were super kind and still let us take) I was concerned that my MOH had spent a considerable amount of time planning and that SHE would be disappointed if the party didn't turn out well.

    I also don't understand where I am being a bad friend. I am sad that my friend is going through this. I am sad that she couldn't come have fun with me. Although me and the other two girls had a good time, I think it would have been more fun to have her here. How is that being a bad friend? You OUGHT to think it's more fun to have your friends there than not, right? What did I miss here?

    Also just if you ever want to use it in the future, in something more important than an internet message board, (I am not trying to be a bitch I am really trying to be helpful here, the phrase is "WOE is me" not "whoa." Think about it for a second and it will make sense.

    I don't usually 'help' other people with their grammar because my grammar isn't perfect. I like to leave that to the experts - and we have several around around here. See the bolded? It should be 'My friends and I had a good time.' or 'We had a good time.' To help you remember, try talking about yourself, singularly - you wouldn't say 'Me had a good time.' Would you?

    I'm happy that you had a great time at your bp. 
    LOL @MairePoppy
    MairePoppy
  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    scribe95 said:

    Be sad for a minute but it's really not that big of a deal. And I don't mean to be rude but how much work could the MOH really have done to set up an evening for four people? You have mentioned this like five times but she probably made a few calls/emails etc. Just have a good time with whoever is there. 
    And please don't badmouth the BM who couldn't make it during the event.

    I'm curious about this, too. When I hosted my sister's bach party there were about 10 of us, all I had to do was make reservations for restaurant and activity after and order and mail out the invitations. 
    image
  • I mean who cares how many hours it was? It seemed like a lot of work for her to do for me.

    But I know she spent a lot of time trying to pick a good date when people could come, and then not many people did. She also did things like pay for two hotel rooms, when if it had only been the three of us from the beginning we probably would've only had one. I feel guilty about that even though it wasn't my (or really anyone's) fault.

    Of course I did not bad mouth the BM who couldn't make it!!! I am a bit horrified that my post came across that I would do that. I totally understand that it is not her fault and family stuff is more important. I told my MOH what was going on but other than that we didn't really talk about it. It simply would have been more fun to include more people and would've been less stressful for my MOH.

    Anyway it's all water under the bridge now. Thanks for giving me a space to vent my frustration.
  • I mean who cares how many hours it was? It seemed like a lot of work for her to do for me. But I know she spent a lot of time trying to pick a good date when people could come, and then not many people did. She also did things like pay for two hotel rooms, when if it had only been the three of us from the beginning we probably would've only had one. I feel guilty about that even though it wasn't my (or really anyone's) fault. Of course I did not bad mouth the BM who couldn't make it!!! I am a bit horrified that my post came across that I would do that. I totally understand that it is not her fault and family stuff is more important. I told my MOH what was going on but other than that we didn't really talk about it. It simply would have been more fun to include more people and would've been less stressful for my MOH. Anyway it's all water under the bridge now. Thanks for giving me a space to vent my frustration.


    Bad planning on your MOH's part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Your MOH did not throw herself in the line of fire to save you, she threw you a party. One that she didn't seem to get any input from the other BMs before starting to plan. 

    I have been a BM in several weddings, and we have always decided TOGETHER on the Bachlorette party, whether there will be one, how much to spend and what to do. Your MOH was the hostess of the party, she should have kept any of her grievances to herself.
  • She didn't complain to me, but I felt bad for her. She tried as hard as she could to iblnclude people. This situation came up THE DAY BEFORE so everything was already booked. Maybe she wasn't that upset by it, but I can still feel bad? I felt a little guilty about her throwing me a party at all. I know that might sound weird to some people but it is just my personality. It is weird to me to have people doing things like that to me.

    Again, I wish my frien could've come and it would have been nice to have her but I tried to be sympathetic to her family situation the best I knew how and we did have a fun party

    As usual, I spent time and effort being upset about something that (for the most part in this case because there was only so much I could do) worked out in the end.

    Since the party is over and I have talked to my friend who could not come about things I don't really feel I need this thread anymore. Thank you to those who listened! Peace :)
  • Jen4948 said:
    @Jen4948 - I never suggested that she cancel her party...? Her friend can't go because family drama (that's probably very hurtful and difficult for her) and instead of being like "I completely understand and I'm here for you", knottie#s is all 'whoa is me' about her bachelorette party. So the best friend is going through a really rough time with her family and the bride's biggest concern is that they don't have enough people for a pole dancing class? Sorrynotsorry, I think it's shitty and my opinion about that isn't going to change.
    Sorry not sorry, but I didn't get from her that that's her biggest concern. That you did suggests to me that you were already disposed to call her or someone "shitty" and latched onto a few phrases rather than her entire post for the purpose of making a hostile, judgmental overstatement. I'm not changing my opinion on that either, sorry not sorry.
    We don't have to agree, but it's unfair for you to assume malicious intent about the way I think or that I was out to make a "hostile, judgmental overstatement". You are wrong about that.

    It was simply what I took away from her post and I'm allowed to say it. Just as you can state your opinion/advice without anyone digging into you (no one did, not even me). 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2015


    Jen4948 said:

    @Jen4948 - I never suggested that she cancel her party...?

    Her friend can't go because family drama (that's probably very hurtful and difficult for her) and instead of being like "I completely understand and I'm here for you", knottie#s is all 'whoa is me' about her bachelorette party.

    So the best friend is going through a really rough time with her family and the bride's biggest concern is that they don't have enough people for a pole dancing class?

    Sorrynotsorry, I think it's shitty and my opinion about that isn't going to change.
    Sorry not sorry, but I didn't get from her that that's her biggest concern. That you did suggests to me that you were already disposed to call her or someone "shitty" and latched onto a few phrases rather than her entire post for the purpose of making a hostile, judgmental overstatement. I'm not changing my opinion on that either, sorry not sorry.

    We don't have to agree, but it's unfair for you to assume malicious intent about the way I think or that I was out to make a "hostile, judgmental overstatement". You are wrong about that.

    It was simply what I took away from her post and I'm allowed to say it. Just as you can state your opinion/advice without anyone digging into you (no one did, not even me). 


    Let's try reversing this. Someone posts that she is an MOH who just found out that she has a bad situation and can't attend a party for her friend the bride. The bride has expressed sympathy for her and her situation and does not expect her to attend the party, and has even said words to that effect, but also has a " life goes on" attitude. The poster wants the bride to not even care about whatever else is going on her life, regardless of who and whatever else might be affected, to show that she's a "good friend" to the poster. Are you going to tell the poster that she's being a 'maidzilla for expecting too much to prove her "good friendship" ? I get the impression that you would have told the bridesmaid that yes, she was expecting too much for even the best of friends to suddenly and completely stop caring about the rest of her life and a "good friend" wouldn't expect that by way of proof of "good friendship." But when the bride is the one posting here, you were very quick to accuse her of being "shitty" and not a "good friend." That's why I think you were predisposed to do some judgmental name-calling, because you normally don't come off as that harshly judgmental.

    That's what I took away from your "Why do you care? It's shitty of you to care" post, and I have as much right to express that as you.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    @Jen4948 - I never suggested that she cancel her party...? Her friend can't go because family drama (that's probably very hurtful and difficult for her) and instead of being like "I completely understand and I'm here for you", knottie#s is all 'whoa is me' about her bachelorette party. So the best friend is going through a really rough time with her family and the bride's biggest concern is that they don't have enough people for a pole dancing class? Sorrynotsorry, I think it's shitty and my opinion about that isn't going to change.
    Sorry not sorry, but I didn't get from her that that's her biggest concern. That you did suggests to me that you were already disposed to call her or someone "shitty" and latched onto a few phrases rather than her entire post for the purpose of making a hostile, judgmental overstatement. I'm not changing my opinion on that either, sorry not sorry.
    We don't have to agree, but it's unfair for you to assume malicious intent about the way I think or that I was out to make a "hostile, judgmental overstatement". You are wrong about that.

    It was simply what I took away from her post and I'm allowed to say it. Just as you can state your opinion/advice without anyone digging into you (no one did, not even me). 
    Let's try reversing this. Someone posts that she is an MOH who just found out that she has a bad situation and can't attend a party for her friend the bride. The bride has expressed sympathy for her and her situation and does not expect her to attend the party, and has even said words to that effect, but also has a " life goes on" attitude. The poster wants the bride to not even care about whatever else is going on her life, regardless of who and whatever else might be affected, to show that she's a "good friend" to the poster. Are you going to tell the poster that she's being a 'maidzilla for expecting too much to prove her "good friendship" ? That's what I took away from your "Why do you care? It's shitty of you to care" post, and I have as much right to express that as you.

    You made assumptions about my thinking and my intentions that were incorrect. Bottom line. Sure you can express that (you did), and I can tell you you're wrong (I did) - that I didn't have bad intentions. 

    No one is saying you can't express your interpretation about my intentions, but you already did. And I already told you that you were wrong. So I'm not really sure what you're trying to accomplish at this point....
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    @Jen4948 - I never suggested that she cancel her party...? Her friend can't go because family drama (that's probably very hurtful and difficult for her) and instead of being like "I completely understand and I'm here for you", knottie#s is all 'whoa is me' about her bachelorette party. So the best friend is going through a really rough time with her family and the bride's biggest concern is that they don't have enough people for a pole dancing class? Sorrynotsorry, I think it's shitty and my opinion about that isn't going to change.
    Sorry not sorry, but I didn't get from her that that's her biggest concern. That you did suggests to me that you were already disposed to call her or someone "shitty" and latched onto a few phrases rather than her entire post for the purpose of making a hostile, judgmental overstatement. I'm not changing my opinion on that either, sorry not sorry.
    We don't have to agree, but it's unfair for you to assume malicious intent about the way I think or that I was out to make a "hostile, judgmental overstatement". You are wrong about that.

    It was simply what I took away from her post and I'm allowed to say it. Just as you can state your opinion/advice without anyone digging into you (no one did, not even me). 
    Let's try reversing this. Someone posts that she is an MOH who just found out that she has a bad situation and can't attend a party for her friend the bride. The bride has expressed sympathy for her and her situation and does not expect her to attend the party, and has even said words to that effect, but also has a " life goes on" attitude. The poster wants the bride to not even care about whatever else is going on her life, regardless of who and whatever else might be affected, to show that she's a "good friend" to the poster. Are you going to tell the poster that she's being a 'maidzilla for expecting too much to prove her "good friendship" ? That's what I took away from your "Why do you care? It's shitty of you to care" post, and I have as much right to express that as you.

    You made assumptions about my thinking and my intentions that were incorrect. Bottom line. Sure you can express that (you did), and I can tell you you're wrong (I did) - that I didn't have bad intentions. 

    No one is saying you can't express your interpretation about my intentions, but you already did. And I already told you that you were wrong. So I'm not really sure what you're trying to accomplish at this point....
    I have bigger things to think about right now, so ta-ta!
  • I'm sorry you're going through this - I had a bridesmaid cancel on my bachelorette literally 30 minutes before I was supposed to go to the airport - she had personal issues that came up and couldn't go.

    I let it go - and my mantra was this - focus on celebrating the people who are there for you on that day, and don't focus on who's not - it's not fair to the people who made the effort to come and it's not worth it to you to ruin your party! :) I had a glass of champagne at the airport, and I was OK :)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards