Don't snark about my ring!

egirl2015

I don't like diamonds. I have a sapphire ring that we had made specially for us.  I love it but people always look at me like "oh you poor thing" when they see it.  It's very annoying! 

FiancB

Ugh, some people have no filter. Mine is pretty small, which is what I wanted- I work in healthcare and with horses and don't want something big and pokey. If I'd had it my way, really it probably wouldn't be a diamond. Their worth is totally manufactured. I have an old ring I went to pawn and it was worth a whopping $100 and they were really more interested in the gold than they were in the ring or the diamond. 

I'm not feeling clever enough to think of something snarky back. Maybe something about blood diamonds or something so they feel like terrible people. 

And wtf .75 is huge imo. 

gingerchick1226

There will always be someone who has a comment, no matter what size stone you have. I've had someone snark on my ring and my center stone is almost 1.25!

stefuhknee

People suck. I'd show them this.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6952792/why-engagement-rings-are-a-scam

Ambibery

I've lurked a long time but never posted, but I completely relate to this! My ring is "non-traditional," it's my birthstone (emerald) and pretty simple- but it's exactly what I told my FI I wanted when he got serious about ring shopping. I teach little ones, I'm clumsy anyway, and other than my ring I don't wear jewelry every day, so I didn't want a super ornate or expensive ring. 

When my FI proposed, those closest to us all said how well my ring suits who I am, but I do get the side eye/sympathetic looks from acquaintances/strangers... even once "oh that's an engagement ring?!" Ugh. I bite my tongue, but it's frustrating. 

[Deleted User]

This thread is interesting to me, because my e-ring isn't a diamond but a solitaire pearl in a filigree setting, and I've never gotten snark or backhanded compliments on it (apart from my sister in law saying it was "so me" in a tone that implied she thinks I'm a weird hipster.) I either get compliments or weird gushing about "non traditional rings," but I've actually had very few people ask me about it outright -- this makes me wonder if it's a trick of demographics, where I live, or if people don't realize it's an engagement ring when they see it. 

julieanne912

I haven't had anybody say anything negative about my ring either.  It's .5 center with .5 total when adding up all the side diamonds (apparently there's 52 according to FI).  I can't imagine being so rude as to make a comment on someone else's jewelry, especially an engagement ring.   I also can't imagine having one bigger than what I have now... even now it makes me nervous to wear it for the fear of losing it or something happening to it.  Can't imagine if I was wearing 10k on my finger.

KLM7386

Ambibery said:

I've lurked a long time but never posted, but I completely relate to this! My ring is "non-traditional," it's my birthstone (emerald) and pretty simple- but it's exactly what I told my FI I wanted when he got serious about ring shopping. I teach little ones, I'm clumsy anyway, and other than my ring I don't wear jewelry every day, so I didn't want a super ornate or expensive ring. 

When my FI proposed, those closest to us all said how well my ring suits who I am, but I do get the side eye/sympathetic looks from acquaintances/strangers... even once "oh that's an engagement ring?!" Ugh. I bite my tongue, but it's frustrating. 

I have my birthstone as my main stone for my engagement ring. I know how you feel girl. As long as you love your ring, who the F cares about what others think? 

SpartanCat

Yuck that's tacky

I've gotten the "mmm, it's not my style". well good because it's mine.

marriedwithpoodles

It's not just you! My ring is very traditional (round solitaire diamond with a yellow gold band), and someone asked me, "Is that what you wanted..?" I said yes, that I think FI did an excellent job, and they replied, "even yellow gold?" I'm not sure what I said back to that, but I can't imagine it was very sweet. 

People just don't have filters. Sorry  

BouxRadley

DallasBtoBe said:

It's not just you! My ring is very traditional (round solitaire diamond with a yellow gold band), and someone asked me, "Is that what you wanted..?" I said yes, that I think FI did an excellent job, and they replied, "even yellow gold?" I'm not sure what I said back to that, but I can't imagine it was very sweet. 

People just don't have filters. Sorry  

I've heard a lot of comments to that effect. I get that yellow gold isn't at all a popular trend right now, but no need to make asinine comments like that. My sister was actually "engaged" for a hot second and made him take back this gorgeous two carat solitaire ring because it was set in traditional gold. (the engagement didn't last long, for other various reasons.) It's stupid. And coming from someone who has ZERO filter, even I wouldn't say shit like that. 

CMGragain

I am a huge jewelry person.  I do not judge people by the clothes they wear, the money they have or the engagement ring - or lack of one - on their finger.  I do judge manners and behavior.
My sister didn't get an engagement ring.  Even my material girl Mom didn't get one from my Dad, though she had big ones later from other guys.  (Another story)
The people who are commenting on your ring/no ring are being rude.  The correct thing for them to say is, "Oh, I am so happy for you!  Wonderful news!"  I would definitely scratch them off my guest list.

CMGragain

DallasBtoBe said:

It's not just you! My ring is very traditional (round solitaire diamond with a yellow gold band), and someone asked me, "Is that what you wanted..?" I said yes, that I think FI did an excellent job, and they replied, "even yellow gold?" I'm not sure what I said back to that, but I can't imagine it was very sweet. 

People just don't have filters. Sorry  

What?  Yellow gold is out of fashion?  Gee, I better get my rings replaced! 

(My engagement ring from 1976 is a Tiffany style yellow gold mounted round solitaire.  DH chose it, and I wouldn't replace it for anything!)

lovemesomemonster

DallasBtoBe said:

It's not just you! My ring is very traditional (round solitaire diamond with a yellow gold band), and someone asked me, "Is that what you wanted..?" I said yes, that I think FI did an excellent job, and they replied, "even yellow gold?" I'm not sure what I said back to that, but I can't imagine it was very sweet. 

People just don't have filters. Sorry  

I'm in the yellow gold camp with you, and yes, it's actually what I wanted! If FI had picked out a white gold ring it would have not looked like me at all. I don't understand any of this, if it's not your ring, not your place to say anything except "congrats, I'm so happy for you".

kimmiinthemitten

Yellow Gold is super in right now!  I can't believe anyone said that to you.

I have a diamond band as well and keep having this conversation:

Random:  Did you get married?

Me:  No, but I am engaged:)

Random:  So what are you going to do for a wedding band?

Me:  I'm not, this is it, both rings in one

Random:  Maybe you'll change your mind...insert opinion of nice second ring

blueeyedkat

I'm personally not a yellow gold fan, always been a silver and white gold kind of girl. That said, if I saw a friend/acquaintance/coworker with an engagement ring of any size, color, metal, I'd congratulate them and say the ring is beautiful. For them, it is.

I also don't like diamonds, or how they're inflated. I chose my engagement ring (online yay!), found the perfect setting and had my birthstone (aquamarine) as the only store there. It's beautiful, I love it! I had some minor snark, but like a PP said, those closest to me agreed that it fits me perfectly, and they love it.

THat said, when faced with snark, I am not nice. Thankfully I grew up with sarcastic people around me, so little responses are sometimes easy to come by.

Random: Oh that's cute.
Me: Thank you, I chose it.
Random: You didn't want a diamond?
Me: Nope, not a fan of them.
Random: but it's so simple.
Me: Yeah, I like that. I don't think an ostentatious diamond or diamonds are that functional or really that pretty, and it's just silly to spend so much money on something like that. I guess it's a great thing to sell after a divorce.
Random: *quiet, nervous giggle*
Me: *internally grinning with a win and queen bitch retort undermining their own values after their stupid comment - no remorse at all*

Then again, I only say stuff like that if I get snark. If someone has a big ring, that's their style. But I'm NOT going to hate until snarky things come out.

KnotAlwaysRight

blueeyedkat Yay for aquamarine engagement rings! I honestly had always kind of assumed I'd have a diamond because I had never thought about it enough to realize how silly that assumption is, but aquamarine is my birthstone too (and FI's) and I absolutely wouldn't want anything else.

PandaNikki

@blueeyedkat and @KnotAlwaysRight my engagement ring is diamond, but my wedding ring is alternating diamond and aquamarine, also my birthstone. It was technically listed as a "mother's ring" but I loved the way it looked and it was just so me! (Also, coincidentally, there are 7 stones on my wedding ring and DH and I were together 7 years as of the day before our wedding).

Herbert272008

People can be so rude and judgmental. I haven't gotten any negative comments on my ring yet, so i I don't know how I will react. I love my ring, but since I'm kind of a control freak, I actually picked out my setting online and emailed it to my fiance.  My mom divorced when I was two and had to have her ring cut off, so I had her broken ring with a diamond.  I told him to take the ring and email and go to the store.  We've already been talking about marriage and have been together 6 years, so it really wasn't insulting to my FI.  He was glad that I picked it out.  The proposal was still a surprise and awesome.  But I love that I can say its my mom's diamond and usually tell people.  I love rings with history and think its great when they are passed down.  I will have my grandmother's rings re-sized and wear those for my wedding bands.  Bottom line, if you love your ring, no one else should say anything.

PrettyGirlLost

kimmiandkoley said:

Yellow Gold is super in right now!  I can't believe anyone said that to you.

I have a diamond band as well and keep having this conversation:

Random:  Did you get married?

Me:  No, but I am engaged:)

Random:  So what are you going to do for a wedding band?

Me:  I'm not, this is it, both rings in one

Random:  Maybe you'll change your mind...insert opinion of nice second ring

Hmm, I don't think so.  I think rose gold is on trend right now. . . which I love/hate because I love rose gold, but not because it's the in thing.  It being in means there's more out there to choose from, though.

Then besides rose gold, most of the other popular rings seemed to be white gold/platinum.

I personally don't like the look of real gold jewelry on me; it doesn't look good on me.

kimmiinthemitten

PrettyGirlLost said:

kimmiandkoley said:

Yellow Gold is super in right now!  I can't believe anyone said that to you.

I have a diamond band as well and keep having this conversation:

Random:  Did you get married?

Me:  No, but I am engaged:)

Random:  So what are you going to do for a wedding band?

Me:  I'm not, this is it, both rings in one

Random:  Maybe you'll change your mind...insert opinion of nice second ring

Hmm, I don't think so.  I think rose gold is on trend right now. . . which I love/hate because I love rose gold, but not because it's the in thing.  It being in means there's more out there to choose from, though.

Then besides rose gold, most of the other popular rings seemed to be white gold/platinum.

I personally don't like the look of real gold jewelry on me; it doesn't look good on me.

You're right, rose gold is a big trend right now.  I'm too olive for it so I forget it exists haha.  I guess I was speaking more to costume jewelry trends rather than e-Ring trends and yellow gold is everywhere right now!  I have a white gold ring and have been on a gold jewelry kick for about 2 years now.  Shout out to Alex and Ani for making my mixed metals look possible on a daily basis haha.

Although a 20-something girl at work who works at a jewelry store also told me recently yellow gold is for adults so maybe I'm not young enough for silver anymore lol .

NowIamMrsKlein

FI and I picked out my ring together. Its a very simple, thin tapering band solitare and something like .54C. We could have afforded a bigger diamond, but neither of us were comfortable spending a bunch of money, and the diamond we chose fit the setting and my hand absolutely perfectly. I adore it. I can't imagine a bigger diamond in it.

The only comment I've ever got is comparing it to my sisters. My little sister got engaged about 4 months before me and when I got engaged I got several 'Who's diamond is bigger' type comments. I never really knew how to respond to that. Super uncomfortable for sure. My best response was 'Well we both said yes, so does it really matter?'

KittenMittens84

I don't get snark about my ring so much as how I never wear it on my hand. I work in a factory so no rings allowed on the hands but I can wear it on a necklace which is how I wear it. Since I spend most of my time either at work or taking care of my small flock of chickens it usually stays on my necklace. My girls like shiny things and would go for it at first sight.

[Deleted User]

kaitlynmichelle said:

Most of the comments about my ring are compliments. I have a 3 stone, the sides being sapphires and the center is a diamond. A few people have said it is "different" with a snarky tone. Whatever. It is gorgeous and I don't care if they don't like it. One jewelry store was rude about our inquiry regarding a sapphire engagement ring. She said oh sweetie, engagement rings are diiiiamonds in a ridiculous tone. Insisted that it wouldn't look right and was too cheap. I told her if the future Queen of England wears a damn sapphire engagement ring, then that's good enough for me. H laughed his ass off and we left the store when she contined to try to show me massive diamonds that we weren't interested in.

You have Monica's ring!

kaitlynmichelle

Knottie95884654 said:

kaitlynmichelle said:

Most of the comments about my ring are compliments. I have a 3 stone, the sides being sapphires and the center is a diamond. A few people have said it is "different" with a snarky tone. Whatever. It is gorgeous and I don't care if they don't like it.

One jewelry store was rude about our inquiry regarding a sapphire engagement ring. She said oh sweetie, engagement rings are diiiiamonds in a ridiculous tone. Insisted that it wouldn't look right and was too cheap.

I told her if the future Queen of England wears a damn sapphire engagement ring, then that's good enough for me. H laughed his ass off and we left the store when she contined to try to show me massive diamonds that we weren't interested in.

You have Monica's ring!

BEST gif possible for this

nicemarmot

That is so rude! What is wrong with people? 

[Deleted User]

Well I would never outwardly comment on anyone's ring but here is my honest opinion.

First marriage, 20 years old, in college, I knew better than all the "too young" naysayers. Pretty much paid for my own engagement ring because ex was just out of military scraping by in college. A small .29 centerstone, that I eventually had re-customized when I worked for a jeweler to save for wedding while in college. It was all ok, "I loved my small diamond, its higher quality, my fingers are a 4.25 and anything else would look ridiculous".

Fast forward to five years later separating/divorcing after a cheating, selfish, man-child put me into financial ruin that I will likely never climb out of. I had my masters degree and was in a doctoral program and thought back to how that act of me paying for my small ring summed up the whole marriage.

So yeah, now after swearing off marriage and being in a 9 year relationship/common-law we decide to get married. And yeah a want a ring, a real diamond and a big one. I want to know that someone can put aside their wants and desires and save up for a symbolic gesture of commitment, because I didn't have it before. It is an action that speaks louder than promises or intentions.

Now, being un-traditional is fine (lord knows I am), liking different things is fine, loving simplicity is fine. BUT, ladies don't ever dysfunctionally rationalize getting less than you deserve. Hindsight is a B**ch.

Jackie_Jormpjomp

 

It kind of bothers me, but then I just look at my beautiful ring and am so happy I am marrying someone who understands me so well and picked something he knew I would love, because that is what's most important. 

Jackie_Jormpjomp

My fiancee, like a lot of dudes, knows nothing about jewelry but he knew I wanted something non-traditional. He told me he spoke with someone at Blue Nile about a non-traditional ring and she was like, "OH NO. no no nononono you canNOT use anything other than diamonds for an engagement ring". Granted, he did tell this woman he knew nothing about engagement rings. I told him this would be on par with me walking into a car dealership and saying "give me something flashy" and I swear I saw the light bulb go on in his head. 

He ended up picking out a gorgeous yellow sapphire ring and he couldn't have done better. 

alexandducky412

I have had people tell me flat out that my engagement wasn't valid because my ring wasn't a "real" engagement ring. He chose a non-traditional ring because it was what he felt was right for us, and when I explained that, people laughed and said it was because we were too broke and he was too stupid with money to afford a real diamond ring, and he fed me sentimental bullshit to make me okay with a "cheap, stupid ring"

I found the best solution to people gaffing of a ring they don't feel is traditional is to either ask where their ring is if they're single/not engaged or married, ask married/engaged people if their ring has the heavy sentimental value that yours does and say "hmm. What a shame. I guess they weren't serious enough about you (in your case) to give and trust you with a family heirloom", or (for the less mean/all relationship levels included type-response) to hold my hand out and when they ask why I'm standing there like that, to tell them that since they had such an issue with the engagement ring I was perfectly content with and loved to tears, they must be offering to buy me a new one.

If they respond negatively to any/all of those, tell them to shut up then because no one asked them in the first place and no one gives a shit if they like your ring, you love it and that's all that counts.