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Customs and Traditions

My sister HAS to be my bridesmaid ?

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Re: My sister HAS to be my bridesmaid ?

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    wackall said:

    Team MOM - cuz I am (mog)   Do you understand why mom is saying this?  I had to explain it to my son years ago.....  here is what I told him.

    When you are standing over your Dad's grave or mine, who will be standing beside you?  It won't be your best friend 40+ years ago.  It probably won't even be anyone else who is at your wedding with the exception of your spouse I hope.  No, it will be your brother.  I am hoping that the two of you can comfort each other, and  by sharing it find it to be less painful.   But you can't build a relationship like that by only sharing the bad times.   You need to share the good times too, and right now this is not just a good time but a GREAT one.. there is a reason to share it with him over any other. 

    Granted this is for siblings who are not estranged for good reason, just not as close at this age as they are too friends.   I don't care who you are, when you start hitting your forties and fifties, you realize that all those friendships through the fault of no one, tend to drift away and that only family is a constant and they start becoming more and more important and you find yourself being less judgmental and more forgiving.  Now granted, my hubby and I have maintained a solid relationship with our BM and MOH even after 43 years but they still are not family and it was my brother with me to bury our parents not our friends. 

    Our son understood what we were saying and for whatever reason, agreed.  Now 15 years later,  he has not talked to the friend he wanted as BM in 4 years,  he has no idea where half his GMs are.   But he talked to his brother and exchanged first day of school pics yesterday.  They are making time for one another, even though they are as different as night and day, and I feel better knowing that they will be able to deal with all the decisions they may have to make in my old age and after as caring people rather than adversaries.  That means a lot to a mother. 

    Believe it or not she really is trying to look out for you, not just for today, but for a lifetime.   

    You couldn't be more off base with this. My husband is turning 42 next month. Do you know who his closest friends are? The friends he's known since he was 12. My group of friends - we've all been best friends for over 20 years. That won't be changing any time soon. Maybe that's your experience - that the older you get, you drifted from most of your friends. But you can't paint everyone with the same brush. 

    My MIL pushed my H into having his brother as his best man. And it felt so forced and phony. They are not close. My BIL never even calls us, not even when he eloped last month. We still haven't gotten a phone call back from him after reaching out numerous times. My H is still kicking himself over not asking his best friend of 30 years to be his best man. 

    knottie2b256f5c2ae42586onefootinthebayouMGPhuskypuppy14
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    wackall said:

    Team MOM - cuz I am (mog)   Do you understand why mom is saying this?  I had to explain it to my son years ago.....  here is what I told him.

    When you are standing over your Dad's grave or mine, who will be standing beside you?  It won't be your best friend 40+ years ago.  It probably won't even be anyone else who is at your wedding with the exception of your spouse I hope.  No, it will be your brother.  I am hoping that the two of you can comfort each other, and  by sharing it find it to be less painful.   But you can't build a relationship like that by only sharing the bad times.   You need to share the good times too, and right now this is not just a good time but a GREAT one.. there is a reason to share it with him over any other. 

    Granted this is for siblings who are not estranged for good reason, just not as close at this age as they are too friends.   I don't care who you are, when you start hitting your forties and fifties, you realize that all those friendships through the fault of no one, tend to drift away and that only family is a constant and they start becoming more and more important and you find yourself being less judgmental and more forgiving.  Now granted, my hubby and I have maintained a solid relationship with our BM and MOH even after 43 years but they still are not family and it was my brother with me to bury our parents not our friends. 

    Our son understood what we were saying and for whatever reason, agreed.  Now 15 years later,  he has not talked to the friend he wanted as BM in 4 years,  he has no idea where half his GMs are.   But he talked to his brother and exchanged first day of school pics yesterday.  They are making time for one another, even though they are as different as night and day, and I feel better knowing that they will be able to deal with all the decisions they may have to make in my old age and after as caring people rather than adversaries.  That means a lot to a mother. 

    Believe it or not she really is trying to look out for you, not just for today, but for a lifetime.   

    WTF. How do you know this. Maybe this is true of your son, but it's certainly not true of everyone. Guess what, my husband was there for his best man when his father died. His best friend was his best man, not one of his 3 brothers. Some people just are not as close to their siblings as they are to a friend. 

    Sounds like you guilt tripped your son into making his brother best man, and that is not cool. 

    And this is from someone who had both sisters as MOH.
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    Jen4948[Deleted User]JediElizabeth
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