Wedding gifts missing??

Tmdestasio

Hi All!

I was married on July 17th and couldn't be happier! But, just as I obsessed over certain things before- I am obsessing now. 

I want some advice. We had about 130 guests at our wedding. About 30 guests did not bring a gift or even a card. My husband seems to think nothing is wrong with this because quite a few of them flew in from out of town. I am concerned because things were crazy at the end of the night and I am worried that perhaps- gifts are missing- or worse.... gifts/cards were stolen. We had a box for giftcards- but no one put it away during the reception. 

We did get married in Colorado and we live in San Diego, so a few people I have talked to about this have told me to just wait and see. Perhaps people are still mailing gifts- and we have received once since we got home from our honeymoon. 

But, I still feel uneasy. What do you think? How should I handle this? I can't just call up my aunt and uncle and ask them if they gave me a gift! That is rude. 

Help!

[Deleted User]

There were a few people that did not give us gifts or cards either. All of them except one or two we know it was due to financial reasons. I would not call the person directly and ask them, bc yes, that is rude. It is kinda one of those things where you are stuck. I wasn't bothered they didn't get us something, but I just didn't want them to think we were rude and ungrateful when they don't receive a thank you note, you know what I mean? It is such a fine line. We got married in our home state of Ohio, but live in Georgia.

But if you could find a way to ask someone else that can find out from them maybe just in conversation if they are talking about the wedding or whatever. We thought for sure our best man's parents (whom my H also worked for at their company) would have gotten us something, but we have went through our things, and nothing. I just found this so hard to believe bc when H had major surgery a few years ago, she visited the hospital, brought him a get well basket, etc and I was afraid something got lost in the shuffle of things. H was talking to our best man the other night and he said he would find out from his parents.

bmd14

The same thing happened to us at our April wedding.  There were about 20 close friends who didn't get us a gift or a card.  We thought things were stolen from the reception or had gotten lost and we worried about it but it turned out they just didn't get us anything.  I am starting to think this is common especially is you have a wedding where people are required to travel to get there. 

Theresa626

Sometimes people just don't bring gifts to a wedding for whatever reason.  I think you should write all of these people thank you cards and in the card, you thank them for coming to your wedding and making the trip and talk about how nice it was to see them.  If they gave you a gift, they might wonder why it wasn't mentioned and call you up then you can find out more details.  If they didn't give you a gift because they forgot, they might realize it, feel rude and then send you one after the fact.  If neither happens, at least you look like a totally awesome bride who is thoughtful and up on her etiquette.  

dptatro

Sounds like this is an unfortunately common experience.  I got married a couple weeks ago, and after opening the cards and gifts the next day, was surprised by how many people did not give anything.  I know these are financially tough times, but who goes to a wedding, takes advantage of the open bar, and doesn't even give a congratulations card?  I deliberately selected items on my registry that were very affordable, not extravagant.  The guests who traveled long distance mailed their gifts in advance, but it was the local guests (especially the thirty-somethings) that came empty-handed.  I received the same advice from family as Theresa: write them thank you notes for coming and not mention the gift.  

Tmdestasio

Thanks so much for the advice!! A few of my friends have already made mention of the fact that they will be getting us something, but that they were financially strapped right now. And that was without me brining it up. We also received a gift in the mail yesterday. 

I like the idea of writing thank you cards for attending the wedding. That is a great idea! We are finishing the thank you cards tonight. 

It is funny, but I would never attend a wedding empty handed nor will I ever. 

Lisa8888

It must really be a sign of the bad economic times. I would never attend a wedding without giving a gift. I don't think you should call or say anything to anyone about it.

vitacosmopolita

Sigh, glad I'm not the only one. Of 125 guests, about 9 couples didn't bring anything and I was taken aback. There are a few that financially seem to be doing well. Our wedding was just 5 days ago, so I am waiting a bit before sending the  thank you notes. I will say thank you for coming and if they didn't bring something, maybe they will mention it later. We also have two mystery gifts that they may "claim".

Ditto on never attending a wedding empty handed!

girlinchicago

This happened to us too and, I won't lie, I actually lost some sleep over it.  It wasn't so much about "recovering the costs of the wedding" or anything like that, but it just felt a little bit like a slap in the face.  One of my very close friends has a greeting card company and didn't even bother to send or give us a card!  Another, in a conversation post-wedding, asked me if I had been taking advantage of the BBB return policy and getting cash back for our gifts.  I was appalled, especially since we ended up spending money out of our own pockets to purchase stuff we really wanted off the registry.  It just felt...strange and upsetting and sad and I was hurt. 

Now, a few weeks later, some cards and gifts have come in the mail.  A few have not.  As many others have mentioned, we are going to be sending our thank you cards with a thanks for coming and let that be that.   I understand that no one "has" to bring a gift but I, myself, would never go to a wedding without a gift.  I think it's tacky.