Opinions, please...

junebug6368

My fiance and I are having a New Year's Eve party this year, with our wedding being a surprise for all of our guests. We are providing the meat and the booze. Would it be tacky to ask guests to bring an appetizer or side? 

TrixieJess

junebug6368 said:

My fiance and I are having a New Year's Eve party this year, with our wedding being a surprise for all of our guests. We are providing the meat and the booze. Would it be tacky to ask guests to bring an appetizer or side? 

Yes.

You are the hosts, your guests should not bring anything. I often have dinner parties and other parties at my home and people offer to bring things. I tell them that no, that is not required. The same is for a wedding. Are you doing the ceremony and the reception? If so then the reception is a thank you for all the people who have taken time out of their busy day to be with you.

OliveOilsMom

I would caution you against the surprise wedding aspect.  You will find that people won't cancel their standing NYE plans to attend a different party.  But people will be more inclined to change standing plans for any holiday if its for a wedding.

While I don't think anyone would have a surprise wedding during the Super Bowl, H & I always go to my brother's house for it.  We now get multiple invitations to Super Bowl parties.  It's easier for us to just say, sorry brother's party is long standing, so we will be attending that one.  Now if someone told me they would be having a wedding/Super Bowl party, I would certainly be ditching my brother's party because there is now a wedding added to the mix. 

MesmrEwe

junebug6368 said:

My fiance and I are having a New Year's Eve party this year, with our wedding being a surprise for all of our guests. We are providing the meat and the booze. Would it be tacky to ask guests to bring an appetizer or side? 

Another "yes" vote...  Or worse "Hey can you come to my party on ____ and btw - can you bring a cake?!!?!?"  If you can swing for meat and booze, you can swing for a trip to Sam's for sides and sodas/water...

junebug6368

Thanks, ladies -- those were my thoughts as well. Just needed confirmation. I appreciate the input!  

CMGragain

Yes, it would be very tacky.  Another tacky idea is the surprise wedding.  Wedding guests don't usually appreciate surprises.

Jen4948

Yes.

Asking guests to bring their own provisions is tacky. Surprise weddings are also tacky.

2 for 2.

aliwis000

I agree with PP.

Never ask guests to bring something to a party you are hosting, that is party of hosting a party, providing food/drinks/seating etc.

I am not sure if I rank surprise wedding on the same level of tacky as asking people to furnish your party but I do think it is super risky from a logistical standpoint. As others have said many people have standing NYE plans OR, like me, hate NYE and never go to any party/gathering that night.

What if half your guests, or more, decline? Then will you just tell everyone in hopes it changes their minds?

Just be honest and upfront with your guests and have a wonderful wedding!

LondonLisa

Asking guests to bring refreshments to a wedding is beyond rude. 

True story: I had a friend do a surprise wedding at their engagement party. It was fun, but I have a lot of friends who couldn't make it because of little things. Had they known it was their wedding, they would have changed their schedules. It really fundamentally changed their friendship (now much more distant) because they felt really sad they missed the wedding and not important enough to be told beforehand.

redoryx

LondonLisa said:

Asking guests to bring refreshments to a wedding is beyond rude. 

True story: I had a friend do a surprise wedding at their engagement party. It was fun, but I have a lot of friends who couldn't make it because of little things. Had they known it was their wedding, they would have changed their schedules. It really fundamentally changed their friendship (now much more distant) because they felt really sad they missed the wedding and not important enough to be told beforehand.

I was invited to a friend's cookout that I didn't attend. Turns out, that night they announced their engagement (after 20+ years of dating) and it turned into a surprise engagement party. Had I known, I of course would have gone to celebrate with them.

Maggie0829

If it was just a NYE party then I wouldn't mind bringing a side dish or a dessert or some chips and dip.  My circle of friends tend to have parties like this.  The people who open their house for the party are the ones to provide the main dish and some booze and then everyone else brings a side, dessert or snack and extra booze because booze.  But these aren't fancy invite parties, but rather coordinated through FB with a group of people (think random backyard bbq).

BUT, since you want to make this your wedding (surprise weddings are just not a good idea), then you need to host everything.  If you went with your original idea you are basically asking people to pay for your wedding by providing food.  Not cool.  Just because you are going for something "unique" doesn't mean that proper hosting should just get tossed out the window.

[Deleted User]

Oh god, no surprise weddings! That would totally throw me off if I thought I was attending a NYE party. (FTR, I never attend NYE parties and would be furious if I was your friend and you did this and I missed your wedding.)

PPs already covered the food issue.

I'm curious as to why you want a surprise wedding.

madamerwin

I agree with PPs for the most part. While I wouldn't say a surprise wedding is tacky per se, you run a huge risk of people declining and then being upset after the fact that they missed your wedding.

As for food, I wouldn't mind bringing something to a NYE party (that's how my circle of friends rolls), but for a wedding? No. If I showed up at your party with some appetizer or something, then found out this was your wedding, I would feel like you were trying to pull one over on your guests/trying to sneakily get everyone to subsidize your wedding.