Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal?

jmyers0410

Good Luck to you and your husband. I too think its common among military people. I have 5 friends that had their wedding this yeah alone! i wish we could do ours next year but deployments always get in the way. I hope you have a great wedding.

in Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_is-it-wrong-to-have-a-regular-wedding-for-a-vow-renewal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9c78d773-49c4-472f-9083-7ac342cb2d8bPost:1d5eae7d-0707-40c3-b62e-cd8f2f1f1a75">Re: Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, people.  Why so hostile?  I think it is perfectly fine to do what you're planning and people will understand especially in this economy.  :)  My husband and I are planning the same thing next year.  We got married on Valentine's Day this year while he was home on leave with just a few people and are planning a big church wedding for next year after he's back from Afghanistan.  It's pretty comon among military couples but there's no reason why anybody can't do it that way.  So have your big wedding just how you like it and ignore all these negative people on here!  Good luck and enjoy!
Posted by shannonc321[/QUOTE]

annie912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_is-it-wrong-to-have-a-regular-wedding-for-a-vow-renewal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9c78d773-49c4-472f-9083-7ac342cb2d8bPost:5f13ed33-c1ae-425d-b3de-2a3619b64ff7">Re: Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal? : Who was hostile?
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

Everyone who disagreed with her. Disagreement is automatically hostile. In order to not be labeled as hostile, you have to validate everyone's ideas. That is, in fact, why they come to ask for advice. Advice is a synonym for validation.

annie912

No one has been hostile. OP asked if it was wrong. She was given opinions. If she doesn't want opinions then she shouldn't ask for them.

And why is that everyone who defends the unpopular opinion gets cattier than the ones who disagree, but then immediately call everyone else mean?

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_is-it-wrong-to-have-a-regular-wedding-for-a-vow-renewal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:9c78d773-49c4-472f-9083-7ac342cb2d8bPost:340ffbb3-4d0d-4365-b9c0-0be7ef9caafa">Re: Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I would hate to have your family.  My family and friends know we will already be married, but they don't care.</strong>  They just want to celebrate with us, and we are not registering or asking for gifts, but my awesome supportive family will get us stuff anyway.  My grandpa is even paying for the reception venue, my family is making the food.  Sorry that it didn't work out for you, but don't bash someone else just because you're jealous of the fact that maybe their family isn't as mean as yours sounds. In Response to Re: Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal? :
Posted by aerith515[/QUOTE]

Her family was pissed because she LIED to them about being married, and rightfully so.  Your family knows you are married, there's a HUGE difference.

OP - I'm pretty torn on the whole 're-do/vow renewal' thing.  I do think that you made an adult decision to get married and that means you live with the consequences (ie, you gave up a PPD, you can't just re-do it because you regret not having one...PP's virginity analogy is spot on there).  However, if that's what you want to do, and you are honest with family and friends about it, I think there are tactful ways to go about celebrating with everyone.

First though, you are NOT a bride, so don't refer to yourself as one.  You are a wife, and should be proud of that.  I would probably avoid a 'typical' wedding dress, and go with something a little more understated.  It can still be a long white gown, but not with all the frills of a 'wedding' dress.  Also, skip the bridal party, since again, you aren't a bride (and also no <em>bridal</em> shower and no <em>bachelorette</em> party).  Other than that though, I think you can follow a relatively traditional structure, just make sure you cut out the elements that are specifically for a "wedding", not a renewal.

Julie2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_is-it-wrong-to-have-a-regular-wedding-for-a-vow-renewal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9c78d773-49c4-472f-9083-7ac342cb2d8bPost:16ea7b33-6fc9-44b4-8712-030a604a8118">Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal?</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I couldnt afford a dream wedding, or even a budget wedding so we had a courthouse wedding which I dreaded but we had to. I wanted to be married to him but couldnt afford the party so to speak so thats what we did. We thought about having a regular wedding a few years down the road for a renewal of the vows. Is that bad? Or improper? I mean, we arent looking for gifts or anything for this one, but more like just the experience we both wanted in having a wedding. I want to be walked down the aisle and you know, a traditional wedding.I feel sad when I see my friends and their wedding photos like I missed out. I dont regret marrying him whatsoever but want to be a bride!! So is it uncuth to have that for a vow renewal in a few years? .
Posted by jessi3385[/QUOTE]

Jessi, I think this is a question only YOU can answer for yourself.  You and your husband are the only ones here who know your family well enough to guess how they would feel about it.  And you are the only one who can decide how you will feel if you go ahead with your plans without their whole-hearted approval (if that's the case).  In the planning of our renewal, we've found most people are looking forward to it with only a few being somewhat less enthused.  If your family's and friends' approval is highly important to you on this subject, I'd feel them out about it before making any plans.  I doubt it would be the joyful day you envision if all you feel is their disapproval the whole time.

One thing is for sure, though.  If you don't do the renewal, you could throw one heck of an anniversary party, right?! :)

Julie