Wedding Etiquette Forum

STD but no invite?

Ok, I received a Save the date for a friend (not a close friend) a couple of months ago for her wedding in mid-July.

I was at my sister's the other day and noticed she had an actual invitation on her fridge. I told her I got a STD but no invite and she told me she received an invite but had never gotten an STD.

People mix my siblings and I up occasionally, but I don't think that's what happened because the bride specifically messaged me for my address on FB and my sister and I have different last names now.

I don't know if I should say something (maybe it really was lost?) or just wait and see if I receive one?

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Re: STD but no invite?

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    When did your sister receive her invitation? I would probably give it some more time, yours could just be going a little slower through the mail. For a mid-July wedding invites would have been sent out very recently so I wouldn't worry about it right now.



  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Dottie05 said:

    Ok, I received a Save the date for a friend (not a close friend) a couple of months ago for her wedding in mid-July.

    I was at my sister's the other day and noticed she had an actual invitation on her fridge. I told her I got a STD but no invite and she told me she received an invite but had never gotten an STD.

    People mix my siblings and I up occasionally, but I don't think that's what happened because the bride specifically messaged me for my address on FB and my sister and I have different last names now.

    I don't know if I should say something (maybe it really was lost?) or just wait and see if I receive one?


    You should receive an invite. It is rude to send a STD then not follow it up with an actual invitation. Yours could have gotten lost in the mail. Since the wedding is mid-July, I would give it some time more. If after a few more weeks and you did not get an invite. I would follow up with the bride.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would just wait and see.  If you don't get one and it wasn't lost in the mail then the couple is incredibly rude.  But seeing as her wedding is not until July and her RSVP date most likely has not passed yet, just wait and see.  Because if you don't RSVP then the couple will have to call you and figure out if you are coming or not.  At that point you can tell them that you never received an invite.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would give it a few more days, even a week.      Sometimes things get delayed in the mail.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Sounds good! Thanks for the advice knotties! I will wait it out and see :)
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    lyndausvi
  • I had a couple instances where I sent an STD and an invite but the invite never arrived. When I followed up after the RSVP deadline, they said they never got the invitation. It was really embarrassing, but that's the USPS for you. 

    Just wait and see - try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
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  • I don't know about my invitations yet, but I know of at least 7 of my STDs that somehow got lost in the mail (including the one for my sister!). If you think you were invited, maybe you could have your sister mention that you never got an invitation in the mail? I think it's very likely it just got lost!
  • edited May 2015
    It's possible there was a mistake with the post office or even with the bride sending the invites.  We added a few people to our list right before I sent out invites.  I didn't have enough stamps and had to run to the post office to get more.  I ended up just putting the invites in the mail at the post office.  When I got home, I checked the last guests off my spreadsheet.   A week later I was talking to a guest and asked if they received the invite, and her answer was "no"   I realized that I checked her off the spreadsheet, but never actually mailed her an invite.  I missed her completely by accident.  I would have could the error when I never received her RSVP, but it was nice to discover the mistake earlier than that. 

    I would give it some time.  If you're invited, I'm assuming this is a friend and you could mention that you never received the invite.  I don't think this is poor etiquette because you were technically invited with STD.
  • haleyk620haleyk620 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited May 2015
    Dottie05 said:

    Ok, I received a Save the date for a friend (not a close friend) a couple of months ago for her wedding in mid-July.

    I was at my sister's the other day and noticed she had an actual invitation on her fridge. I told her I got a STD but no invite and she told me she received an invite but had never gotten an STD.

    People mix my siblings and I up occasionally, but I don't think that's what happened because the bride specifically messaged me for my address on FB and my sister and I have different last names now.

    I don't know if I should say something (maybe it really was lost?) or just wait and see if I receive one?


    You should receive an invite. It is rude to send a STD then not follow it up with an actual invitation. Yours could have gotten lost in the mail. Since the wedding is mid-July, I would give it some time more. If after a few more weeks and you did not get an invite. I would follow up with the bride.
    I'm concerned that this happened with several of our invitations/RSVPs. The RSVP date is 5/30/15, and we are still missing about a third of them. Do these sorts of things get lost in the mail often? Has anyone experienced something like this?
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    haleyk620 said:
    Dottie05 said:

    Ok, I received a Save the date for a friend (not a close friend) a couple of months ago for her wedding in mid-July.

    I was at my sister's the other day and noticed she had an actual invitation on her fridge. I told her I got a STD but no invite and she told me she received an invite but had never gotten an STD.

    People mix my siblings and I up occasionally, but I don't think that's what happened because the bride specifically messaged me for my address on FB and my sister and I have different last names now.

    I don't know if I should say something (maybe it really was lost?) or just wait and see if I receive one?


    You should receive an invite. It is rude to send a STD then not follow it up with an actual invitation. Yours could have gotten lost in the mail. Since the wedding is mid-July, I would give it some time more. If after a few more weeks and you did not get an invite. I would follow up with the bride.
    I'm concerned that this happened with several of our invitations/RSVPs. The RSVP date is 5/30/15, and we are still missing about a third of them. Do these sorts of things get lost in the mail often? Has anyone experienced something like this?
    Some people view the RSVP date as the last date to put the RSVP in the mail.  You will be surprised how many RSVPs you will get at the beginning of next week because people waited till the last minute to throw it in the mail.

  • Thanks @Maggie0829 ! It's reassuring to hear that. Hopefully we will see them pour in next week! 
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  • haleyk620 said:
    Dottie05 said:

    Ok, I received a Save the date for a friend (not a close friend) a couple of months ago for her wedding in mid-July.

    I was at my sister's the other day and noticed she had an actual invitation on her fridge. I told her I got a STD but no invite and she told me she received an invite but had never gotten an STD.

    People mix my siblings and I up occasionally, but I don't think that's what happened because the bride specifically messaged me for my address on FB and my sister and I have different last names now.

    I don't know if I should say something (maybe it really was lost?) or just wait and see if I receive one?


    You should receive an invite. It is rude to send a STD then not follow it up with an actual invitation. Yours could have gotten lost in the mail. Since the wedding is mid-July, I would give it some time more. If after a few more weeks and you did not get an invite. I would follow up with the bride.
    I'm concerned that this happened with several of our invitations/RSVPs. The RSVP date is 5/30/15, and we are still missing about a third of them. Do these sorts of things get lost in the mail often? Has anyone experienced something like this?
    Some people view the RSVP date as the last date to put the RSVP in the mail.  You will be surprised how many RSVPs you will get at the beginning of next week because people waited till the last minute to throw it in the mail.


    People also just forget about it too.  We had a few RSVP's non-respond, and sure enough when we reached out to them the most common answer we heard was that it was sitting on their table ready to mail back or it got lost in their house somewheres.
  • haleyk620 said:
    Dottie05 said:

    Ok, I received a Save the date for a friend (not a close friend) a couple of months ago for her wedding in mid-July.

    I was at my sister's the other day and noticed she had an actual invitation on her fridge. I told her I got a STD but no invite and she told me she received an invite but had never gotten an STD.

    People mix my siblings and I up occasionally, but I don't think that's what happened because the bride specifically messaged me for my address on FB and my sister and I have different last names now.

    I don't know if I should say something (maybe it really was lost?) or just wait and see if I receive one?


    You should receive an invite. It is rude to send a STD then not follow it up with an actual invitation. Yours could have gotten lost in the mail. Since the wedding is mid-July, I would give it some time more. If after a few more weeks and you did not get an invite. I would follow up with the bride.
    I'm concerned that this happened with several of our invitations/RSVPs. The RSVP date is 5/30/15, and we are still missing about a third of them. Do these sorts of things get lost in the mail often? Has anyone experienced something like this?
    Some people view the RSVP date as the last date to put the RSVP in the mail.  You will be surprised how many RSVPs you will get at the beginning of next week because people waited till the last minute to throw it in the mail.


    People also just forget about it too.  We had a few RSVP's non-respond, and sure enough when we reached out to them the most common answer we heard was that it was sitting on their table ready to mail back or it got lost in their house somewheres.

    This is why I send out the RSVP as soon as possible when I get an invite. Don't want to cause more stress for the engaged couple. My boyfriend is amazingly great about this as well seeing as he puts a lot of other things off until the last minute.
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  • I'm adding to the lost in the mail piece. We had 2 people when I checked in with them about no response to the RSVP, they had never received the invite!

    Was a little awkward, but then there were no anxiety about why they didn't RSVP.
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