Wedding Party

Roles for men! :)

Hi all, I'd really welcome your suggestions on this. My FI has a circle of close friends that he has known since middle school and he is really keen to have them all play a role in our wedding (of course only if theyre happy to, most of the friends have approached him to say that they want to be 'in the wedding' and he doesn't want to leave anyone out) . He has two best men, his brother and best friend. One friend is playing the piano at the wedding, another do a reading, another two are ushers, one has offered to be master of ceremonies for the reception. This leaves three friends with no defined 'role'. FI is concerned that the last three will feel excluded, because everyone else is in a wedding party. I'm not so sure about the necessity to have everyone 'be' a thing and I wouldn't want them to feel like we made up roles just for the sake of it as that might feel a bit hurtful. I also don't want to assume whether or not FI's friends actually would be that bothered. Hmmmmmm. This isn't an issue for my female friends as I am just having my sister as a BM/MOH. Does anyone have any ideas for what we could do? Thanks!
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Re: Roles for men! :)

  • Hi all, I'd really welcome your suggestions on this. My FI has a circle of close friends that he has known since middle school and he is really keen to have them all play a role in our wedding (of course only if theyre happy to, most of the friends have approached him to say that they want to be 'in the wedding' and he doesn't want to leave anyone out) . He has two best men, his brother and best friend. One friend is playing the piano at the wedding, another do a reading, another two are ushers, one has offered to be master of ceremonies for the reception. This leaves three friends with no defined 'role'. FI is concerned that the last three will feel excluded, because everyone else is in a wedding party. I'm not so sure about the necessity to have everyone 'be' a thing and I wouldn't want them to feel like we made up roles just for the sake of it as that might feel a bit hurtful. I also don't want to assume whether or not FI's friends actually would be that bothered. Hmmmmmm. This isn't an issue for my female friends as I am just having my sister as a BM/MOH. Does anyone have any ideas for what we could do? Thanks!
    What exactly does a master of ceremonies do?  Honestly, if you are having a DJ then this role is kind of ridiculous and is requiring this person to work your wedding instead of just being able to enjoy himself.

    As for the other 3 guys, either have your FI ask them to be GM or just invite them as guests. There are no other roles to fill.

  • Sorry should have clarified, this friend suggested this role for himself as he did it at another wedding and really liked it and wanted to do it again. Basically for us it's just announcing the speeches and then the first dance as we aren't having a DJ. Theres no other responsibilities. I will suggest the GM thing to FI, thanks x
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  • Sorry should have clarified, this friend suggested this role for himself as he did it at another wedding and really liked it and wanted to do it again. Basically for us it's just announcing the speeches and then the first dance as we aren't having a DJ. Theres no other responsibilities. I will suggest the GM thing to FI, thanks x
    I hope you're paying him if you expect him to work at your reception! Asking him to perform a task the DJ should be doing is not an honor.

    The roles for men are the same as for women: Bridesmaid/Bridesman/Bride's attendant, Groomman/Groomsmaid/Groom's attendant, usher, ceremony reader, ceremony singer, and applicable religious roles. That's all there are. Making up roles or making them work at your wedding is a slap in the face. 
  • Hi MyNameIsNot. ThanK You for your reply, sorry to have offended you. We have not asked him, in as much as he has asked us if he could do the same thing as he did at the previous wedding, please refer to the above. I have not suggested it is an honor, but it is a role that he is enthusiastic about and has asked to do. We won't be paying him but we will be giving him a gift and saying thankyou to all the wedding party, including him. As I said in my original post, I was unsure about the 'making up' roles in the first place which is why I asked the question. I'm grateful to you for your advice on the roles available and will feed back to FI. TK is helpful for his kind of stuff, as I don't have a lot of knowledge about this kind of thing.
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  • Hi MyNameIsNot. ThanK You for your reply, sorry to have offended you. We have not asked him, in as much as he has asked us if he could do the same thing as he did at the previous wedding, please refer to the above. I have not suggested it is an honor, but it is a role that he is enthusiastic about and has asked to do. We won't be paying him but we will be giving him a gift and saying thankyou to all the wedding party, including him. As I said in my original post, I was unsure about the 'making up' roles in the first place which is why I asked the question. I'm grateful to you for your advice on the roles available and will feed back to FI. TK is helpful for his kind of stuff, as I don't have a lot of knowledge about this kind of thing.
    Totally get that he is volunteering, but I would still offer to pay him and if he refuses definitely get him a nice gift. 

    I think you are correct in suggesting to your FI to either have them as GM or just guests. I don't really understand why people get or would get upset about not being in someone's wedding, but there are people like that. Hopefully they understand and would appreciate you not making up a role. I would definitely rather just be a guest than have someone make up a role for me. 
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  • Thanks Littlepep, the advice on here is all confirming my suspicion that we don't *need* to have all FIs circle involved. I think he was probably worried that they would be offended if they didn't have a 'role' but it's probably overkill. We definitely don't want to offend anyone, hence checking on here. Thankyou for the advice x
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    SO and his brother are part of a group of friends. When a couple from this friend group got married all the guys in the group were a part of the wedding except SO and his brother. They didn't give two shits about it. They weren't as close to this particular friend in the group and were happy to attend as guests. I wouldn't worry about making a role for everyone.



  • Hi all, I'd really welcome your suggestions on this. My FI has a circle of close friends that he has known since middle school and he is really keen to have them all play a role in our wedding (of course only if theyre happy to, most of the friends have approached him to say that they want to be 'in the wedding' and he doesn't want to leave anyone out) . He has two best men, his brother and best friend. One friend is playing the piano at the wedding, another do a reading, another two are ushers, one has offered to be master of ceremonies for the reception. This leaves three friends with no defined 'role'. FI is concerned that the last three will feel excluded, because everyone else is in a wedding party. I'm not so sure about the necessity to have everyone 'be' a thing and I wouldn't want them to feel like we made up roles just for the sake of it as that might feel a bit hurtful. I also don't want to assume whether or not FI's friends actually would be that bothered. Hmmmmmm. This isn't an issue for my female friends as I am just having my sister as a BM/MOH. Does anyone have any ideas for what we could do? Thanks!
    What exactly does a master of ceremonies do?  Honestly, if you are having a DJ then this role is kind of ridiculous and is requiring this person to work your wedding instead of just being able to enjoy himself.

    As for the other 3 guys, either have your FI ask them to be GM or just invite them as guests. There are no other roles to fill.

    In our wedding our MC is welcoming the wedding party arrival, as well as a welcome speech to the guests, and will also be leading off the speeches as he's a very close family friend of my FIs. He'll also press "play" for us as we aren't actually having a DJ just music on ipod or whatever.

    But the role can vary in every wedding; sometimes they say a prayer or poem before dinner, if there's more things going on in a wedding they may announce it. An MC doesn't necessarily coincide with having a DJ- the DJ is responsible for music, unless you ask them to do more. It's normal to have both, 1 or the other, or neither.
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    Roles for men, well let's see. A super fun role is Teddy Brewster from Arsenic and Old Lace. For and intense, meaty role there's Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. If they have the voice and the acting chops, Jan Val Jean from Les Miserables. But if they just want to cut loose and enjoy, Arnold Cunningham from Book of Mormon. Of course there is a lot to be said for classics like Death of a Salesman and A Street Car Named Desire. I wpuld assess their individual strengths before casting them.

  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Many states require a witness. Some have two witnesses. You could ask them to be witnesses and sign your marriage license. 

    If you are having a blessing over the meal you could ask one of them to do the blessing, assuming it aligns with that person's faith.
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