Proposing at someone else's wedding

MJKlover

http://itheedread.jezebel.com/only-a-classless-douchebag-would-propose-during-someone-1707231668?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

Thoughts?

sarawifenow

I would totally side eye someone proposing at someone else's wedding. Way to be a spotlight whore.

mikenberger

That's a total bitch move. I'd think twice about marrying someone who is such a blatant asshole.

photokitty

If DH had proposed at someone else's wedding I would have declined his proposal and been mortified. I completely agree it is a douche move.

bethsmiles

I'd be mortified if I was proposed to at someone else's wedding. It's definitely rude/tacky.

Maggie0829

Not cool.  Only assholes would ever do such a thing.

cupcait927

There are 364 other days in a year - why the hell not choose one of those other days? I would've been pissed if someone had proposed at my wedding, and given serious side eye if it happened at a wedding I was attending.

mellowmarshmallow

My dad actually did this with one of his marriages- got down on one knee in the middle of the dance floor at someone else's wedding. I'm not sure if it was his third or fourth wife (not sister wives, 3 divorces and 4 marriages), but she said yes. Total dick move.

thisismynickname2

I do know a woman who was proposed to at another's wedding. It was the very end of her younger brother's wedding, in fact. 

I believe the man's logic was twofold: 1) all her family was already there and 2) keeping in mind it was her younger brother's wedding, this was a woman who'd wanted to be engaged by the time she'd graduated college and it didn't happen. Having her younger brother get married before her was rough so I think the guy wanted to take the sting out of the day for her. Something like that. 

They're still married and seem happy. The brother and sister-in-law didn't seem to mind. I can't remember if the guy asked their permission first or not. I think he did. 

flutteringinfl

I don't think it's an appropriate place. I know my old roommate got proposed to on the day of a wedding, but I think it was after the festivities and her fiance had set it up ahead of time (had a secret photographer and everything).

luckya23

I suspect my FBIL has this in mind.  He better get it out of his mind!  I'm not paying for your engagement party, dude!

[Deleted User]

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banana468

Not cool.   There are times to do this but you don't use someone else's event to further your own motives.    For some reason people (assholes) think that because the event involves love that why not propose in the middle of it?   You wouldn't do other AW things at a wedding though.  If I walked up to the DJ's mic and said, "DD is selling Girl Scout cookies!   Please see us at Table 27!" you'd think I was a moron.   And I said, "I am so happy for the couple and just wanted to let everyone here know that DS is CRAWLING!!" you'd think I was an attention whore mom.

If it's not your event, you don't get to do anything to pull the attention of all the guests on you unless it's to alert the guests to a pending disaster.  

novella1186

I kind of expected my sister's BF to do this at my wedding. This is because they're both incredibly selfish, self-centered, rude, shitty attention whores (they truly deserve each other) who would have no problem with doing something that would fuck up the day for H and I. Luckily it didn't happen, but these are exactly the traits I apply to anyone who would propose at a wedding. 

littlepep

Total dick move. Some people like to make everything about themselves. 

teddygirl9

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt...Maybe they were so moved by love that they couldn't think of a better time? All the family was already there? I dunno. I don't think it's only 'classless douchebags' who would do this, but I would find it out of place. There are definitely the people that would be doing it for the attention, but I think there would be other reasons.

novella1186

teddygirl9 said:

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt...Maybe they were so moved by love that they couldn't think of a better time? All the family was already there? I dunno. I don't think it's only 'classless douchebags' who would do this, but I would find it out of place. There are definitely the people that would be doing it for the attention, but I think there would be other reasons.

The bolded may be true, it may come from the best of intentions. But the problem is, they didn't bother to stop and think first, and give some consideration to the bride and groom. They were only focused on themselves, on what's supposed to be a really special day for SOMEONE ELSE. 

teddygirl9

@novella1186 That's true. I guess that makes it selfish, even if they weren't intending it to.

beachyone15

No way. I get "one day" and that is my day, bitch.

banana468

teddygirl9 said:

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt...Maybe they were so moved by love that they couldn't think of a better time? All the family was already there? I dunno. I don't think it's only 'classless douchebags' who would do this, but I would find it out of place. There are definitely the people that would be doing it for the attention, but I think there would be other reasons.

Even if I believed you could be onto something, only classless douchebags do it on the dance floor in front of the bride and groom.   If you're so taken by the moment and need to do it OMG RIGHT THERE AND RIGHT NOW! (I don't know about you but the only thing I'm compelled to do with an inability to wait is run to the bathroom so I'm still not buying this), then you do it outside the venue or in the back by yourselves.  

[Deleted User]

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teddygirl9

SO's brother carried the ring with him for like 2 weeks waiting for the 'right time', (also to make sure it wasnt found when cleaning/snooping). So, if they had attended a wedding during that time it *could* have happened. Not saying I agree with it, just open to other options.

banana468

teddygirl9 said:

SO's brother carried the ring with him for like 2 weeks waiting for the 'right time', (also to make sure it wasnt found when cleaning/snooping). So, if they had attended a wedding during that time it *could* have happened. Not saying I agree with it, just open to other options.

I know people that did that.   The right time and the right place should never be upstaging someone else's event.

And I say this as someone who got engaged the night before our friend's engagement party.   I still didn't run in and take over the event. 

bethsmiles

teddygirl9 said:

SO's brother carried the ring with him for like 2 weeks waiting for the 'right time', (also to make sure it wasnt found when cleaning/snooping). So, if they had attended a wedding during that time it *could* have happened. Not saying I agree with it, just open to other options.

If a person has so little control of their actions that they can't help themselves from proposing at wedding, then they shouldn't bring the ring to the damn wedding. Someone else's wedding will never be the right time so there's no need to have it in your pocket.

teddygirl9

banana468 said:

teddygirl9 said:

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt...Maybe they were so moved by love that they couldn't think of a better time? All the family was already there? I dunno. I don't think it's only 'classless douchebags' who would do this, but I would find it out of place. There are definitely the people that would be doing it for the attention, but I think there would be other reasons.

Even if I believed you could be onto something, only classless douchebags do it on the dance floor in front of the bride and groom.   If you're so taken by the moment and need to do it OMG RIGHT THERE AND RIGHT NOW! (I don't know about you but the only thing I'm compelled to do with an inability to wait is run to the bathroom so I'm still not buying this), then you do it outside the venue or in the back by yourselves.  

I would agree with this. I don't think its necessary to do it right in front of them. This couple, sure, classless douchebag. I would assume (these people in particular) they just wanted to have good shots of it, from the photographer that the b&g paid for. Which is kind of sleazy.

sarahufl

nope, nope, nope

southernbelle0915

Yea no. Everything about it screams bad judgment and AW. 

[Deleted User]

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Jen4948

Someone else's wedding is not the time to propose to someone else, announce your pregnancy, or make any other big announcement. Doing so is just a mean, jerky thing to do.

lyndausvi

Ugh, my brother(bro 2) proposed to SIL 2 days before my sister's wedding.    Now that shouldn't be bad, but here is how it went down.

My brothers lived OOT and we do not get to see them often.  My other SIL had recently turned 21.   We planned on having a big dinner with the family and then go to a bar together. It would have been the first time we could do something like that.  At least my sister, bro 1 and myself really looked forward to seeing each other.

So we are at my parent's house getting ready to leave and we can't find Bro 2 and now-sil.   We are running late here.  Finally they show up engaged.   Cool bro.  Oddly timing, but whatever.  Hugs and kisses all around.       Well during the entire dinner it was all about them.   It was like my sister's wedding was not in a few days.   Most people can celebrate both.  Nope, it was all about them.

Then after dinner they decided to ditch us to go do a pop in at my aunt's house to tell her the good news.   They totally blew us off.  Months of planning out the window.

 Yes, you only get one day and it wasn't on her actual  day, but they made the whole fucking weekend about THEIR engagement.    It was completely and totally about them.     WTF?

20 years later I'm still annoyed at their behavior, but it's par for the course with them.   We are planning a surprise party for my mom.  We decided to do a trip to NYC.  They shot down the idea, because if they are flying all the way to the east coast they want to make it worth their while and go to a big party with all our extended family there.   So some how mom's 70th became about them.           BTW - we are going to NYC and they are coming because well dad's footing the bill for this party and he wants us to go to NYC for the weekend.

Sorry for the rant, but people who get engaged a wedding are the types of people who always have to make situations about them. 

OliveOilsMom

I saw a proposal at a wedding once.  It was at a big resort at the Jersey shore.  We were just there hanging out at the bar as regular patrons, not wedding attendees.  The ceremony was on the beach and then the guests went to the pool area, right next to the bar in one big open space with a fence to separate the spaces.  While the guests at the wedding were at cocktail hour, the WP were getting pictures closer to us at the bar area.  They were done and about to walk over to the cocktail hour, when a BM's BF got down on one knee.  My back was too them, but my friend gasps and says OMG, that dude is proposing during someone else's wedding!  The B looked truly happy for her friend, but all of us outsiders were giving major side eye.