Picking Engagement Rings and Frustrated with My Pickiness

anidorikiladra

Hi, haven't really posted here much.
My BF and I are in the choosing a ring stage, and we live in a small town. I've tried on rings a bit here and in the next closest town but haven't found anything I've loved. Starting to get frustrated. We're putting it on hold until the end of summer when I'll be travelling to a bigger city to visit family. I'm planning to choose the ring when I'm there but kind of worried I'll still have a hard time. Anyone else go through this? BF and I have some different ideas about what to get but he'll choose from a couple I pick. I've only found 1 online that I love, unfortunately it is almost double what we're budgeting so obviously not.
Also considering a sapphire rather than a diamond. Anyone have experience with this?
I guess I'm just frustrated because nothing has been really special to me, they're all just nice. And BF wants me to love the ring we get. Any advice for this? I guess first thing is to stop worrying about it until I can actually go shopping. Sorry for the super long post!

Dignity100

Can you please share the 1 ring you found and liked?  The ladies on here might be able to help find similar options. 

Have you tried the 1 ring you liked on to see if you liked it on your hand?  When you say 'we're budgeting' - does that mean both you and your BF or just your BF -- nothing says you cannot help contribute to your ring either if that's the one you really want.

I did have a similar experience in that I fell in love with a specific designer ring.  I looked for other rings that were similar, but always came back to the designer ring.  I also have a nickel allergy which did not help my cause because it raised the price of the metal used to make my ring (I ended up with a white gold/palladium ring).  I looked at many jewelers and found the best prices on gem stones in my area were from the shops where they go directly to Antwerp or deal with purchasing their diamonds on their own (not going through a diamond broker).

As far as the ring goes - yes, many people see the ring as the symbol, but it is not NEEDED.  You can drive yourself crazy trying to decide what diamond/setting is best.  Nothing says you cannot do an anniversary ring in years to come with your 'dream ring' and get one you love (maybe not as much as the internet ring) now.  Depending on if/when you're planning on having a wedding - after the purchase of a ring, these expenses will come in to play; if you cannot afford the ring, how will you afford the wedding**?  Do NOT go in debt for a ring (I'm not saying you are, just putting this in here in case you or anybody reading is thinking about this as an option).

**Please note - a wedding should be planned as if the couple-to-be-wed is paying for it.  If families DO offer money, you will want specifics with a set amount being best.  If your parents say 'Don't worry, we'll cover the flowers' and your flowers end up being $2500, your parents may come back and say 'we really only are willing to pay $1200' - it happens ALL the time like this.

cu97tiger

I think you have a good plan of looking at styles when you are in a bigger city and can see a wider selection. See if you can find a non-chain jewelry store, you'll find a bigger variety. Keep in mind that right-hand rings are great for engagement rings if you're not looking for one center stone.

I ordered my e-ring replacement (LONG story) from JamesAllen.com. Their customer service was amazing and I love my ring. I didn't see ANYTHING like it at any jewelry stores I went to. Don't get frustrated, just keep your eyes peeled and be open to something non-traditional, since it sounds like what you've seen so far doesn't speak to you.

minskat30

These ladies have sound advice.  Don't get frustrated and keep trying things on, even things you think you might not like.  What I thought I would like and what I ended up liking ended up being a bit different.  Also, can you and your BF custom design your ring with a local jeweler?  Once I got an idea of what I liked, H and I went to a local jeweler and we tweaked what I liked into something I loved.  Just a thought.

bethsmiles

I think you are putting too much pressure on the ring. When I went ring shopping with BF I didn't find one specific ring that I super loved and just had to have. I found rings I really like and knew I'd be happy with. BF picked from 3 or 4 that I liked on our last shopping trip. What will make me LOVE the ring is when he proposes with it, because that is what makes the engagement ring special.

Also I'm not sure what you mean in asking if anyone has experience with wanting a sapphire instead of a diamond. I didn't want a diamond (never have) so when we went shopping we just stated that. I know BF got the ring from Shane Co. because they have a huge selection and their sales people weren't assholes about us wanting a sapphire instead of a diamond. Also, with Shane Co. you buy the setting and stone desperately which can help if you are on a budget and want some more flexibility in what you can afford.

Peaseblossom55

H surprised me with my ring, but it was one of my top choices that I loved from Blue Nile.  I figured since H would be proposing he should decide what it looked like and he has excellent taste in jewelry anyway.  Have you checked out a few places online as well?

speakeasy14

Everyone has covered a lot of good advice already.  I just want to add, if you go to a jeweler they can custom design a ring to fit your budget and style.  My bf's family owns a store, and they do this all the time.  I actually got to watch his dad design a ring the other day based off several pictures.  

Also, non-diamond stones are pretty popular.  If you want a sapphire, go for it. 

phira

Definitely look online. Right now, you don't seem sure about what kind of ring you want, and so looking at as much variety as possible will help you narrow down some ideas.

I have a sapphire engagement ring. We actually found a local jeweler who was able to custom make my ring for about $1200 (stone and setting + tax). I absolutely love my ring and I'm very happy with it being a sapphire and not a diamond.

cu97tiger

Peaseblossom55 said:

H surprised me with my ring, but it was one of my top choices that I loved from Blue Nile.  I figured since H would be proposing he should decide what it looked like and he has excellent taste in jewelry anyway.  Have you checked out a few places online as well?

It is okay to feel that way, but it is also totally valid to want a say in what your engagement ring looks like. If you're having a hard time deciding what you want to wear, can you imagine how he would feel trying to pick something out?

anidorikiladra

Thanks for all the comments!
@Dignity100 This is the ring I loved online (have not tried on as it's a chain store they don't have here)
http://www.michaelhill.ca/engagement-ring-with-1-carat-tw-of-diamonds-in-14kt-yellow-white-gold-11669517.html?cgid=engagement-sideAccent

By budgeting, my BF wants to pay but I did tell him I'm willing to pay half since we basically share expenses already. We will be paying for the wedding ourselves.

I should note I'm from Canada, and we have different chain jewellery stores.

@cu97tiger I'm doing the looking now as BF has already suggested lots and none were quite right. He'll make the final decision but I'm narrowing down his choices.

@minskat30 we don't want to go with designing from the local jeweller unless we have to as our town is super gossipy and we don't want people knowing we're engaged until we announce it.

@bethsmiles thanks for the advice, I think you're right. Any engagement ring is pretty, but it'll be what it represents that really makes me love it. About the sapphires I just meant if anyone had looked at them when getting engaged or had one.

bethsmiles

Oh, I like the ring you linked to! I would take a picture with you next time you go shopping so you can ask if any of the stores have something similar in your price range.

labro

A lot of ladies on this board went the non-traditional route with e-rings. I know @GoldenPenguin has the most gorgeous morganite and rose gold e-ring ever. She should definitely AW it. That's another route to check if you aren't finding something you love with diamonds or sapphires.

buddysmom80

That is a gorgeous setting! Have you thought about moissanite as a center stone? I know from first-hand experience they are GORGEOUS stones, I'm hoping H gets me an anniversary band in moissanite this year that I can wear alone instead of my wedding set. I don't know if you can just buy the center stone and have it put in the setting you like, but that's something to look into.

Also replacing that center stone in that setting with a sapphire would be stunning. I'm a sucker for the yellow gold/sapphire combo though.

GoldenPenguin

Just because @labro asked so nicely... 

Dignity100

Looking at the ring you like - you may want to look at a bypass design

This might be a cool alternative (I have a slight bypass, but I loved the bowtie effect as well)
http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/channel-set/14k-white-gold-bow-tie-channel-set-round-shaped-diamond-engagement-ring--item-7095

This appears similar:
http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/channel-set/14k-white-gold-bypass-channel-engagement-ring-item-52606

Something like this is more 'dainty'
http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/pave/platinum-modern-bypass-micropave-diamond-engagement-ring-item-51012

jenjen047

i agree with everything PP have said. bring a picture of the ring you like and show it to different jewelers. they may know of something similar in your budget or may be able to guide you more.

as for using a non-diamond stone i say go with whatever you want. if any jeweler gives you attitude or makes you feel defensive or guilty for considering other stones, do NOT buy from them. that is rude and unprofessional.

also have you tried any rings on in person? personally i think rings are nice in pictures and all, but actually having one on my finger when we shopped made allllll the difference in feeling excited and IN LOVE with the ring i chose.

eilis1228

I echo everyone else's advice. Shop around in a larger city, take the picture with you and ask the jewelers if they have anything similar in your price range, and don't be afraid to go the custom route. I was really picky with my ring design as well, and we had a local jeweler order a setting for us and the gem stones I wanted. A lot of ladies here have nontraditional rings, and they're all stunning. I have a moissanite center stone with purple sapphire side stones, and I have little peekaboo settings with our birthstones. A local, non-chain jeweler may offer you more options as far as customization goes (they can either order a setting or custom make one with whatever stones you like), and they're normally not as expensive as the larger chain stores. 

As far as letting your BF pick out the design, well that's totally up to you. FI and I designed my ring together, and I thought it was just as romantic as him surprising me with a ring. It's really up to you and whatever you and your BF are comfortable with. 

anidorikiladra

@buddysmom80 I've never considered Moissanite before but it sounds really nice. I mentioned it to BF as a cost saver but he said we should just go with a diamond as money's not an issue anymore.
@Dignity100 those all are really pretty! I'm only looking for yellow gold but those designs are great.

bethsmiles

Most settings you can choose either white or yellow gold.

anidorikiladra

@jenjen047 I have tried on in person, which is how I know I want yellow gold round stone solitaire probably with side accents.
The one I really liked online I haven't tried on but I plan on doing that in August.

Dignity100

anidorikiladra said:

@Dignity100 those all are really pretty! I'm only looking for yellow gold but those designs are great.

Some of those are available in yellow gold - and never forget the 'contact us' button to ask if you could get it in yellow gold.

kaitlynmichelle

I tried on a lot of rings. H and I both wanted it to be custom, so our shopping trips were to get some ideas. Some places were rude when I asked about sapphires, others were not. I tried on a lot of all diamond rings, knowing I'd want to swap out some or all of the stones. It helped to figure out what kind of setting I liked. Once we had a good idea of what specifics I liked the best, H designed the ring on his own. He picked the sapphires out of several sets that he was shown.

Keep in mind sapphires come in a variety of shades and colours too! When you see something you like, note what about it you like specifically.

kaitlynmichelle

Forgot to add I am also in Canada. If you are worried about town gossip, go on a trip to another area and check out local jewellers. We used a local place, not a chain store.

teddygirl9

I'd probably suggest doing something through a jeweller. I'm not sure if Michael Hill sells their settings separately, but 5k for that quality of diamond is not worth it. I'm sure you could get that setting made for well below that, and then you can find a nice sapphire for the center stone. If you want to buy online, check out bluenile.ca. The canadian site will be good, as you certainly CAN buy from other US retailers, but the exchange/duty will be an additional 20% (or more). BN also has an amazing return policy. I wouldn't buy something online that you can't return, and BN pays shipping both ways, so it's very low risk.

You might also want to check out the forums on pricescope. They have a coloured stone section that could be helpful to find the center stone if you wanted to do the online route.  

ETA- another posted rec'd JA - also a great site. Keep in mind the price is USD, but they will also pay shipping both ways. They also have wonderful 'real life' photos of the settings so you can get a better idea of what they look like vs stock photos.

leroweb

I had a lot of trouble we finding what I loved. The premade ones were nothing special. We settled on designing my ring. And in love them design. I chose a yellow topaz for the center stone with two diamonds on the side. I would suggest finding a place that lets you design the ring.

aliwis000

Lots of good advice on here. I will just add my two cents..

1. Just keep looking. You will find one you like or you will design one which can be fun too. Do not limit yourself to "engagement rings". Look all all the rings in a store. If you are set on a diamond but LOVE the ring that currently has an emerald in it that works too! You can always have them replace the stone or just recreate the setting for a different stone. OR try antique jewelry from a reputable dealer. These rings can be one-of-a-kind and very old with great history.

2. Try it on before you buy it. As with clothing you do not know 100% how it will look till you try it on. If you are designing one at least try on a similar setting with a similar size stone cut in the shape you are considering.

HTH!

Good luck!

kaitlynmichelle

I looked at Michael Hill rings and found the prices to be ridiculously high for what they were offering me.

The sales associate was also insanely rude. She offered to clean my ring, as most places do, and I accepted. But when I asked for it back to try it on with a wedding band I liked, she refused and said it was being cleaned. Yeah, got that, but kind of need to see how the rings look together. I asked again a couple of minutes later and she ignored me, and started writing up the sale for the band. Wtf. She also started to write a slip for a band for H, even though he clearly said he didn't like it as it was very thin and too feminine for his tastes. I'm pretty sure it was a woman's style band too. In the end I had to actually make a scene and demand my ring back or I would call security (it was a mall store). She finally gives it back and then asks for my CC and info for the sale. I said I shouldn't have to ask you more than once for my ring (I think we counted 6 or 7 times, H asked her too) and that we would never shop there again.

That was a long rant. We went elsewhere for our bands. The mall is very close to our house and every time we walk by the store she is there. Glaring at us. I'm pretty sure she recognized us. Anytime I've been asked by friends looking at rings where we went, I warn them off that specific location.

anidorikiladra

@teddygirl9 I thought that the Micharl Hill one was kind of expensive! I don't know much about diamond quality so that's good to know.

klk111415

You should check out http://www.moissaniteco.com/

Moissanite is a tiny step below a diamond, created in a lab- and absolutely stunning. It cuts light a bunch of times so the stone really sparkles- even better than a diamond. No one can tell that my ring isn't a diamond, but I am one of those "conflict free" kind of girls so I kind of brag that it's moissanite.  And the price is much more reasonable for something that will last a lifetime. You can pretty much get what you want and then some.  Just read up on it! 

The rings on the moissaniteco site are beautiful, and ordering is really easy! 

jenjen047

klk111415 said:

You should check out http://www.moissaniteco.com/

Moissanite is a tiny step below a diamond, created in a lab- and absolutely stunning. It cuts light a bunch of times so the stone really sparkles- even better than a diamond. No one can tell that my ring isn't a diamond, but I am one of those "conflict free" kind of girls so I kind of brag that it's moissanite.  And the price is much more reasonable for something that will last a lifetime. You can pretty much get what you want and then some.  Just read up on it! 

The rings on the moissaniteco site are beautiful, and ordering is really easy! 

i wouldnt say its a tiny step below a diamond. it's a totally different stone with its own characteristics. neither is above or below the other.

klk111415

Well, I was speaking in terms of where it stands on the hardness scale.  Diamonds are a 10, Moissanite is a 9.25.  Sapphires are a 9.0, and Cubic Zirconia, an 8.0-8.5.  To the human eye, it's pretty difficult to tell the difference aside from it's luster.  But they are different in that one stone is mined, and the other is made in a lab (although it originally was discovered in meteors) Regardless, my ring looks just like a diamond and when brought to a jeweler when I needed it resized, I was told that even they can't tell the difference until they they use a diamond tester.  It didn't cost an arm and a leg and the money saved can now help us purchase our first home.  My ring would have cost upwards of 3-4k and instead cost $700.