June 2016 Weddings

Large Family...Medium Guest List

My mother's side of the family is large. That being said, I'm having trouble with our guest list. My wedding isn't until June 11 2016, but I thought we should start the list. My cousin and his wife have about 6 children all under 15 years old, they would be considered out of town guest and might bring one or two children. My question is do I address the invite to just him and the wife or invite all of them? We also have guest with maybe two or three children max that are under 12 which makes it alot cheaper.
We are having a plate dinner and as we know that can get costly, but we refuse to have buffet style. In my opinion its less formal.

Medium guest list = 120 & under

I posted this on the etiqutte page

Re: Large Family...Medium Guest List

  • I am a huge believer in formal weddings not being very well suited for children under 13 years old. In my family, weddings are considered an adult party and treated as such. Thankfully, my FI and his family also agrees. Therefore, we are not having anyone under 13 - even though it means two of our nieces will not be able to attend, along with other young family & friends' children (no toddler wants to be at a wedding, late in the evening nonetheless!). I should also note that FI and I are completely funding our wedding, aside from a little help from my parents (my dress, etc.). If you are accepting financial help from family, then their opinion does carry a bit more weight (per etiquette).

    I think it's totally acceptable to only invite the children in that one family who are within the age you deem acceptable. I have three sisters and there were several weddings when we were growing up where only one or two of us were invited and the other two or three were with a sitter due to not being invited. Never was this an issue. Again, it's understandable in my family, so that might make a difference.

    Whatever decision you choose, stick to it and stand by it. Good luck!
  • @JerseyBeachGal22 thank you for the insight , but now thinking it over children will have to come to our wedding. The majority of our guest have children of all ages. Some mom's like my sister and good high-school friend  are new moms and I wouldn't want them to have to find baby sisters. Also my sister's son will be the ring bearer . He will be in a wagon…how cute?! 

    At our venue buffet and seat down are the same price, but its broken down by age, because the alcohol is include with adults over the age of 21. I was in a wedding last year and they had buffet style. The food was more picnic style and not great. The cocktail hour food was 10 times better. 
  • edited September 2015

    Sooo....  My mother has a large family (she is one of 14 brothers and sisters), my date is also 06/11/2016, my guest list limit is similar to yours (ours is 130), and we refuse to do buffet style (no likey). Guess we are wedding twins lol.  What I did were the following, hopefully it will help you out :)

    1.  We will only invite husband and wife. If you let parents know ahead of time, they can find a babysitter or friend to take care of the children (even if they are out of town).   Most parents are understanding about this, but to those who aren't just be real with them.  I had a situation when a parent was offended, but I told them about my budget and they understood. You can also spin it and tell them it will be like a "mini-getaway" from the kids.  Also most kids get bored 15 minutes out and start getting antsy.  If you get your list together by the end of the year, you will be in well enough time to give them a heads up.

    I know some brides feel forced/ obligated (or guilty) when it comes to inviting children, when they don't want (or can afford) to have them there. Don't ever feel forced or obligated to have children at your event, especially if you would like to have it an "adults only" affair.  It's your day, and most importantly, your wallet.

    2. You can also place the number on RSVP cards to give them a gentle hint. 

    3. If you plan to have a website, you can place a gentle reminder there as well.

    4. Get that "bug" in the ears of some of your more "talkative" family members and friends that you would like children, however due to certain circumstances, you feel it will be best for them to stay home.  We got a loud mouth cousin (love her to death lol), and she basically doing some of the "heavy lifting" for us.

    I'm not saying I'm the wedding version of Emily Post, but it's 2015, you can do what you want!

    Good Luck!

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