Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invite wording Hyphenated Names

We are inviting a coworker of my fiancé to our wedding, and I don't know her well enough to know her preference in regards to her name, so I am a bit unsure on etiquette for her invite.

The situation is her name is hyphenated as Jane Smith Doe (on Facebook), and her husband is John Doe, however at work my fiancé just knows her as simply as Jane Smith (based on what she goes by and how she is scheduled).

I assume we default to the hyphenated name as shown on Facebook, but should it be worded as

Jane Smith Doe & John Doe
or 
Jane Smith & John Doe

Feeling a bit lost in this situation especially since she's more of a professional versus personally invite. Any help would be very appreciated!

Re: Invite wording Hyphenated Names

  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2015
    I would go with how she represents herself at work.

    People do all sorts of things with Facebook.  Many people who change their name include their maiden name on Facebook to make it easier for people to find them.  Some people add random things to their name.  Some people have a combined account.

    ETA:  I would go with the work name, especially because she is an invite from work.  You don't want to offend a coworker.
  • @Lovesclimbing thanks for the input. I felt (feel) torn since her Facebook name reflects the name of her husband now, while her work name only reflects her maiden name. Although I suppose if it wasn't for my Facebook stalking all we would have to work off of is the work name anyways, so as you said that might be the best bet...
  • I solely use my maiden name at work. I have a unique last name and a front-facing job so I didn't want to confuse people. I had been working there nearly 4 years before I got married.

    But under all other circumstances I use my husband's last name. I would expect to get an invitation with my married name on it. I wouldn't be insulted to get one with my maiden name, but I would prefer it to my married name.
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  • @Lovesclimbing thanks for the input. I felt (feel) torn since her Facebook name reflects the name of her husband now, while her work name only reflects her maiden name. Although I suppose if it wasn't for my Facebook stalking all we would have to work off of is the work name anyways, so as you said that might be the best bet...
    How long has she been married?
  • I would have him ask her! And if he's not comfortable with her knowing he has been FB stalking her then he should use her work name.

  • Just have your FI ask her. "Hi Jane, we are addressing invitations and I want to make sure we write your name correctly. Do you prefer Jane Smith or Jane Smith-Doe?" This is really not a rude question at all. As someone who has a different last name thanmy husband, I can tell you 100x over - I'd rather be asked than addressed incorrectly.
    Thank you Southern Belle! I'll just have him ask her to clarify! Sometimes the simplest answer is the best!
  • I would have him ask her! And if he's not comfortable with her knowing he has been FB stalking her then he should use her work name.
    Thanks star moon! It was actually me FB stalking. Admittedly, my fiancé is not the best with gathering information, so I've found sometimes it's just easier to take to Facebook to find out spellings and names of significant others. 

    It's a bit of an odd situation, because my fiancé just got a promotion so his "department" essentially has three people in it. One was already invited, the woman in question was not originally, but since we hadn't sent out the save the dates to his coworkers, we thought it would be appropriate to also invite her now given that they'll be working much more closely moving forward. Conveniently enough, as he just got the promotion and we are just sending out the save the dates, Jane Doe is also on a three week vacation out of the country! Hah… oh well, if it's the biggest of our planning issues right now, it could be much worse!
  • I would have him ask her! And if he's not comfortable with her knowing he has been FB stalking her then he should use her work name.
    Thanks star moon! It was actually me FB stalking. Admittedly, my fiancé is not the best with gathering information, so I've found sometimes it's just easier to take to Facebook to find out spellings and names of significant others. 

    It's a bit of an odd situation, because my fiancé just got a promotion so his "department" essentially has three people in it. One was already invited, the woman in question was not originally, but since we hadn't sent out the save the dates to his coworkers, we thought it would be appropriate to also invite her now given that they'll be working much more closely moving forward. Conveniently enough, as he just got the promotion and we are just sending out the save the dates, Jane Doe is also on a three week vacation out of the country! Hah… oh well, if it's the biggest of our planning issues right now, it could be much worse!
    You don't have to send STDates to everyone you'll eventually invite.  You can just hold off on sending STDates to co-workers and just send them invites when that time comes around.  That way if she leaves the company or your husband gets another promotion and moves to a different department or you both up and move to Kentucky, you're no longer obligated to invite her because she never got a STDate.
  • Just ask her. It should not be this difficult. How'd he get her address?
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    I would go with how she represents herself at work.

    People do all sorts of things with Facebook.  Many people who change their name include their maiden name on Facebook to make it easier for people to find them.  Some people add random things to their name.  Some people have a combined account.

    ETA:  I would go with the work name, especially because she is an invite from work.  You don't want to offend a coworker.
    sarahufl .

    ETF Words
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I would go with how she represents herself at work.

    People do all sorts of things with Facebook.  Many people who change their name include their maiden name on Facebook to make it easier for people to find them.  Some people add random things to their name.  Some people have a combined account.

    ETA:  I would go with the work name, especially because she is an invite from work.  You don't want to offend a coworker.
    sarahufl .

    ETF Words
    From the sounds of the Facebook stalking, it doesn't sound like they're actually FB friends. He only knows her through work, so it would be expected that he would address it the way she presents herself at work. 

    Still, the best bet is probably to ask the coworker.
  • I would just ask her.  It's the safest course of action, especially because the correct way to address her is the way she wants to be addressed.
  • I'm in the ask her camp.









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • There are people like me who didn't actually change their name but use their husband's name online. I used my husbands name on facebook but that's the only place I used it. I never changed my name so I used my First name Last name Husband's name. I changed it one day and it made him happy so I left it. Heh. 
  • I'd ask. My mom has a hyphenated - my father had been married before and my mother and the ex shared a first name. Therefore, my mother had to go that route, but she goes by and prefers to use her married last name. She'd be all bent out of shape it someone used her maiden name on a wedding invite. 
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2015
    Ask her.

    I practice under my maiden name for my career, but I use my husband's last name socially and on all my legal documents. 

    While I think FB helps you see that she does use her husband's name socially, I wouldn't assume just because of FB that she always hyphenates her name. Some people will include their maiden name to make it easier for others to find them, but wouldn't use both names off FB. 
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