Wedding Party

Incorporating a 10-year-old into the wedding party

Hi everyone! We are in the process of deciding our wedding parties and I just wanted to get some thoughts and opinions on how to incorporate my cousin's 10-year-old daughter into the wedding. My cousin (the 10-year-old's mother) will probably be a bridesmaid, and I was very close with her growing up and have since become very close with her daughter. I would love to have her involved in the wedding somehow, but she seems to be at an awkward age of too old to be a flower girl but too young to be a bridesmaid. 

My mom has mentioned the idea of making her a "junior bridesmaid," but the only experience I have with that is when my sister and I were junior bridesmaids at a cousin's wacky, last minute, shotgun wedding. It was totally bizarre and awkward and I felt like we were just thrown into the party because they didn't have anyone else (we weren't very close with this relative anyway...definitely wouldn't consider us close enough to be in his wedding party). I have never seen a junior bridesmaid incorporated into a wedding besides that experience. My mom has assured me it is an actual role that can be taken, and that she would walk down the aisle by herself and then walk back up with the flower girl and ring bearer. I'm not sure I like the idea of her walking down alone anyway; if the other bridesmaids are walked down by groomsmen, it seems like walking down alone would produce the same effect as my junior bridesmaid experience - looking like we just threw someone else in.

Do you all know of any other good ways to incorporate a 10-year-old into the wedding? We thought about letting her pass out cake or programs (I'm new to the wedding planning world and did not even know these were assigned duties?) and maybe get her a dress to match the bridesmaids a bit, but I just wanted to see if anyone had any other ideas.

Thanks!

Re: Incorporating a 10-year-old into the wedding party

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited June 2015
    Hi everyone! We are in the process of deciding our wedding parties and I just wanted to get some thoughts and opinions on how to incorporate my cousin's 10-year-old daughter into the wedding. My cousin (the 10-year-old's mother) will probably be a bridesmaid, and I was very close with her growing up and have since become very close with her daughter. I would love to have her involved in the wedding somehow, but she seems to be at an awkward age of too old to be a flower girl but too young to be a bridesmaid. 

    My mom has mentioned the idea of making her a "junior bridesmaid," but the only experience I have with that is when my sister and I were junior bridesmaids at a cousin's wacky, last minute, shotgun wedding. It was totally bizarre and awkward and I felt like we were just thrown into the party because they didn't have anyone else (we weren't very close with this relative anyway...definitely wouldn't consider us close enough to be in his wedding party). I have never seen a junior bridesmaid incorporated into a wedding besides that experience. My mom has assured me it is an actual role that can be taken, and that she would walk down the aisle by herself and then walk back up with the flower girl and ring bearer. I'm not sure I like the idea of her walking down alone anyway; if the other bridesmaids are walked down by groomsmen, it seems like walking down alone would produce the same effect as my junior bridesmaid experience - looking like we just threw someone else in.

    Do you all know of any other good ways to incorporate a 10-year-old

     into the wedding? We thought about letting her pass out cake or programs (I'm new to the wedding planning world and did not even know these were assigned duties?) and maybe get her a dress to match the bridesmaids a bit, but I just wanted to see if anyone had any other ideas.

    Thanks!
    All that is required of a BM is to buy the chosen dress and show up on time on your wedding day.  So the 10 year old would be perfectly fine at being a BM.

    Using the title "junior" is kind of pointless seeing as a Junior BM does the same exact thing as a BM except that you are choosing to point out the fact that the girl is younger then the rest of the BMs.  So that junior title is not necessary.

    As to the bolded.  Do not assign anyone to do this.  This is a job, not an honored role.  Programs can be placed in a basket at the entrance of your ceremony and cake should be served by hired servers, not a 10 year old (or anyone else that isn't being paid).  And especially don't give her a job and then have her wear the same dress as the BM without actually being a BM.  That is kind of like a kick in the ass.

    So have her be a BM.  BMs are just people that you feel closest to and that you want to honor by asking them to stand up with you on your wedding day.  A 10 year old is very capable of filling that role.

    ETA:  And treat the 10 year old like the rest of your BMs.  Have her escorted down the aisle by a GM.  If she isn't comfortable with that then have her walk down alone, or however she will feel comfortable.

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Hi everyone! We are in the process of deciding our wedding parties and I just wanted to get some thoughts and opinions on how to incorporate my cousin's 10-year-old daughter into the wedding. My cousin (the 10-year-old's mother) will probably be a bridesmaid, and I was very close with her growing up and have since become very close with her daughter. I would love to have her involved in the wedding somehow, but she seems to be at an awkward age of too old to be a flower girl but too young to be a bridesmaid. 

    My mom has mentioned the idea of making her a "junior bridesmaid," but the only experience I have with that is when my sister and I were junior bridesmaids at a cousin's wacky, last minute, shotgun wedding. It was totally bizarre and awkward and I felt like we were just thrown into the party because they didn't have anyone else (we weren't very close with this relative anyway...definitely wouldn't consider us close enough to be in his wedding party). I have never seen a junior bridesmaid incorporated into a wedding besides that experience. My mom has assured me it is an actual role that can be taken, and that she would walk down the aisle by herself and then walk back up with the flower girl and ring bearer. I'm not sure I like the idea of her walking down alone anyway; if the other bridesmaids are walked down by groomsmen, it seems like walking down alone would produce the same effect as my junior bridesmaid experience - looking like we just threw someone else in.

    Do you all know of any other good ways to incorporate a 10-year-old into the wedding? We thought about letting her pass out cake or programs (I'm new to the wedding planning world and did not even know these were assigned duties?) and maybe get her a dress to match the bridesmaids a bit, but I just wanted to see if anyone had any other ideas.

    Thanks!
    She can be a bridesmaid. Have you asked her what she wants to do? And your mother is wrong, you are right. Junior bridesmaid is a made up title. All bridesmaids have the same job: get into an attire chosen selected, smile and be happy. Despite whatever their age is. It's all the same. And she can walk with an adult male or female (whomever is on the side of your groom). It's not taboo.

    And cake can be handed out by putting it on a table and programs can be handed out using a basket. They're not honor roles. She doesn't necessarily have to "be" something. She can be a guest. Maybe invite her to come with the girls to get their nails done or their hair/makeup? Being invited to the wedding is an honor enough. Don't start overthinking things :)

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    adk19
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    PPs have it covered. I'll add I think the only reason you see "junior" bridesmaid is for apparel. Teens and adult women can and often wear dresses that are inappropriate for a tween (like, strapless). So I see junior bridesmaid dresses that coordinate with the more mature bridesmaid dresses, or at least the same dresses that come in the small sizes. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    As PPs have noted, call her a bridesmaid (not a "junior" bridesmaid) and get her a dress that is appropriate for her age.  You might be able to find one in the same material.

    But don't give her a "job" like handing out programs or anything.  10-year-old kids don't like that any more than adults do.

  • Can she be a second flower girl? If she thinks it's a "baby job", have her be a bridesmaid (no jr. title needed) or a reader. Or just give her a corsage and seat her in the front row.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Why would she be too young to be a BM?  Just get her an age appropriate dress. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I had my 3 then-10-year-old nieces has BM's (along with a 6 year old BM and a 13 year old)

    I think they handled  the walking down the aisle in the correct dress holding flowers better then the adults.    At the shower they were very helpful carrying the gifts, picking the trash.   Which they all offered to help, they were not forced to help.

    I didn't have a b-party, but if I did they just would not have been invited.  NBD.  Other than that they did what the adult BMs did.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    adk19
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