Wedding Etiquette Forum

FI's Bachelor Party is turning into a stag party

So I was talking with my FI's best man about his bachelor party next month, and it sounded like a fun time. Laser tag, go-karts, football and then a big barbecue. Then he continued, saying there would be a 50/50 raffle and some other stuff like that at the barbecue, that it would be a "stag party," that people who aren't being invited to the wedding would be invited to this barbecue, where they have to contribute for food and give money to FI. Etiquette hell, basically. 

He can't event use the excuse that everyone does stag and doe parties here, because no one I know has ever had one. They are unheard of here. I'd never heard of them until joining wedding boards, so I have no idea how he even got the idea. People are going to come to this barbecue and think it's a money grab.

I told him all the reasons that would be considered rude, and he refuses to listen to me. FI has no idea any of this is going on because the whole day is a surprise for him. How do I handle this? I don't want to ruin FI's bachelor party, but I don't want to piss off a lot of people FI cares about either.
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Re: FI's Bachelor Party is turning into a stag party

  • I really don't think there is much you can do besides giving your FI a heads up.  I know it is supposed to be a surprise but I would think your FI would like to know that this party may end up pissing people off rather then not telling him and then him being surprised (both good and bad) on the day of.

    But if you decide to keep quiet about the party to your FI and you have told the primary host that X, Y and Z are rude and that he shouldn't do it, well then there is nothing more you can do.

  • So I was talking with my FI's best man about his bachelor party next month, and it sounded like a fun time. Laser tag, go-karts, football and then a big barbecue. Then he continued, saying there would be a 50/50 raffle and some other stuff like that at the barbecue, that it would be a "stag party," that people who aren't being invited to the wedding would be invited to this barbecue, where they have to contribute for food and give money to FI. Etiquette hell, basically. 

    He can't event use the excuse that everyone does stag and doe parties here, because no one I know has ever had one. They are unheard of here. I'd never heard of them until joining wedding boards, so I have no idea how he even got the idea. People are going to come to this barbecue and think it's a money grab.

    I told him all the reasons that would be considered rude, and he refuses to listen to me. FI has no idea any of this is going on because the whole day is a surprise for him. How do I handle this? I don't want to ruin FI's bachelor party, but I don't want to piss off a lot of people FI cares about either.

    So you tried to get this thing cancelled with the BM and he said no?  I would give the BM one more chance.  Tell him that if he doesn't cancel the fundraising portion of this (at least), then you will have no choice but to tell your FI because you know that he will not be comfortable with this type of party. 

    I wouldn't even try combating the only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the pre-wedding parties right now.  My goal would be to get the fundraising crap stopped.

    I didn't try to cancel the barbecue, because I know FI will love that. Just the fundraising part. Maybe BM wasn't clear on that and thought I was trying to cancel the whole thing. I'll get in touch with him again. And knowing FI, he won't be comfortable with it, especially since they're using gambling to raise money. It's just a huge ick all around.
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  • So I was talking with my FI's best man about his bachelor party next month, and it sounded like a fun time. Laser tag, go-karts, football and then a big barbecue. Then he continued, saying there would be a 50/50 raffle and some other stuff like that at the barbecue, that it would be a "stag party," that people who aren't being invited to the wedding would be invited to this barbecue, where they have to contribute for food and give money to FI. Etiquette hell, basically. 

    He can't event use the excuse that everyone does stag and doe parties here, because no one I know has ever had one. They are unheard of here. I'd never heard of them until joining wedding boards, so I have no idea how he even got the idea. People are going to come to this barbecue and think it's a money grab.

    I told him all the reasons that would be considered rude, and he refuses to listen to me. FI has no idea any of this is going on because the whole day is a surprise for him. How do I handle this? I don't want to ruin FI's bachelor party, but I don't want to piss off a lot of people FI cares about either.

    So you tried to get this thing cancelled with the BM and he said no?  I would give the BM one more chance.  Tell him that if he doesn't cancel the fundraising portion of this (at least), then you will have no choice but to tell your FI because you know that he will not be comfortable with this type of party. 

    I wouldn't even try combating the only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the pre-wedding parties right now.  My goal would be to get the fundraising crap stopped.

    I didn't try to cancel the barbecue, because I know FI will love that. Just the fundraising part. Maybe BM wasn't clear on that and thought I was trying to cancel the whole thing. I'll get in touch with him again. And knowing FI, he won't be comfortable with it, especially since they're using gambling to raise money. It's just a huge ick all around.
    Sounds like a plan-especially if your FI won't be comfortable with what they're planning.
  • Not your circus, not your monkeys.
  • I contacted the best man, so we'll see what he says. I also asked FI how he felt about GoFundMe, just to make sure I was right about what he thought, and he specifically said fundraising for a wedding was stupid. 

    Thank you knotties for your help! I felt like I was the only one who didn't like it. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with talking to the BM again and letting him know that FI would not be comfortable with X,Y,Z and if he doesn't change those aspects you are going to have to tell FI so that he won't be blind sided the day of.

    "I know FI will really appreciate all the planning you have done and he'll love the go-karts and BBQ, but FI doesn't like gambling and wouldn't feel comfortable with any sort of draws or 50/50. I would like to request that you remove these elements or I will have to let FI know so he isn't uncomfortable the day of". 
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