2 weddings 6 days apart. *Rant*

Knottie1433269481

I need some advice. My best friend and I are both engaged. As we planned in high school she would be my maid of honor and I would be hers. I was going to have a civil ceremony this month, and she was going to wait. At first it all worked out, I planned for my wedding to be June 2016, and she planned for hers to be February 2017. Last Friday she tells me that she is going to have her civil ceremony this coming week. Still wasn't a big deal, until today. She tells me that now she wants her wedding June 2016, 6 days after mine! I am not going to change my date, but I dont want this to come between us. How should I deal with this?

arrrghmatey

Knottie1433269481 said:

I need some advice. My best friend and I are both engaged. As we planned in high school she would be my maid of honor and I would be hers. I was going to have a civil ceremony this month, and she was going to wait. At first it all worked out, I planned for my wedding to be June 2016, and she planned for hers to be February 2017. Last Friday she tells me that she is going to have her civil ceremony this coming week. Still wasn't a big deal, until today. She tells me that now she wants her wedding June 2016, 6 days after mine! I am not going to change my date, but I dont want this to come between us. How should I deal with this?

JIC

arrrghmatey

Umm…you enjoy your wedding, and then you go to hers the following week? You get one day. Not a week, a month, or a year. You don't have to change your date, and she doesn't have to change hers. Unless you've booked a honeymoon right after your wedding, then I don't see a problem here (and even if this were the case, you tell your friend you wouldn't be able to make her wedding date, simple as that). Do you live in the same town, or will you have to travel to attend each other's wedding? 

I fail to see how this would "come in between" two friends? It sounds like you want to have the spotlight on just you and you are afraid that your friend will steal your thunder. That won't be the case. Get over yourself and be happy that the two of you can plan your weddings together.

So, advice? Let it go. You each get one date for your wedding.

Edit: Punctuation

randomslove

Unless you guys are having your weddings in completely different parts of country and cannot travel to each others for whatever reason, it shouldn't matter. Take the six days to relax and recuperate, then get excited for her wedding. It's only a big deal if you guys make it a big deal.

arrrghmatey

Oh, and just FYI, I'm going to a friend's wedding that is a 4-hour drive away and is 6 days before our wedding.

jacques27

Knottie1433269481 said:

I need some advice. My best friend and I are both engaged. As we planned in high school she would be my maid of honor and I would be hers. I was going to have a civil ceremony this month, and she was going to wait. At first it all worked out, I planned for my wedding to be June 2016, and she planned for hers to be February 2017. Last Friday she tells me that she is going to have her civil ceremony this coming week. Still wasn't a big deal, until today. She tells me that now she wants her wedding June 2016, 6 days after mine! I am not going to change my date, but I dont want this to come between us. How should I deal with this?

You should "deal" with it by chilling out and being happy for your friend.

Honestly, I don't see anything in your post that requires "dealing" with anything.  Maybe I'm dense, but I don't understand the problem. 

Did she ask you to move your date?
Are your weddings on opposite coasts/different countries that will make traveling difficult?
Are you upset that you can't attend her wedding because you'll be on your honeymoon?

If it's not one of the above three things, then the only thing I can assume you're upset about is you're feeling jealous like she's "stealing your thunder".  And if that's the case, then that's petty and gross and I highly recommend getting over it quickly before it hurts your friendship.

1.  Pinky swears made in high school are not contractually binding.  Somewhere in the intervening time period (assuming your high school graduation wasn't just this week), you got jobs, made new friends, fell in love, and are now committed to other people who you're going to share your lives with and whose wants and needs rank pretty high up there on the fulfillment scale compared to friends. 

2.  No one is required to put their lives on hold for anyone else, possibly with the exception of a spouse or child.  And they certainly aren't required to put it on hold for a friend's wedding.  This swings both ways.  You don't get to call dibs on an entire month or year and hold wedding dates hostage from your friend.  If that date is something she wants and works well for her, she's under no obligation to clear that with you.  Likewise, you're not expected to rearrange your wedding or honeymoon for her wedding just because she picked a date close to yours.  If you can make it - great!  If you can't - then them's the breaks of adulthood and juggling work, home, friends, spouse, kids, etc.  Sometimes you have to juggle a whole lot of things at once and sometimes that means you have to opt out of some things if there are more balls in the air than you can reasonably catch.

So, be happy for her.  And hey - you two get the chance to experience something most people don't - getting married around the same time as your best friend.  You'll be on nearly the same timeline and probably get an awesome opportunity to share some experiences and create awesome shared memories together.

artbyallie

Well, her wedding is this week, and yours is next June, so a year apart instead of six days. Whatever she pretends, a wedding is when two people get married, and she's getting married now. Whatever she throws next June is not a wedding.

Viczaesar

Knottie1433269481 said:

I need some advice. My best friend and I are both engaged. As we planned in high school she would be my maid of honor and I would be hers. I was going to have a civil ceremony this month, and she was going to wait. At first it all worked out, I planned for my wedding to be June 2016, and she planned for hers to be February 2017. Last Friday she tells me that she is going to have her civil ceremony this coming week. Still wasn't a big deal, until today. She tells me that now she wants her wedding June 2016, 6 days after mine! I am not going to change my date, but I dont want this to come between us. How should I deal with this?

Wait, so you're both having PPDs?  You're both getting married this month, and having faux weddings a year from now?

photokitty

Your weddings aren't 6 days apart. You wedding is when you have your civil ceremony. That's when you get married. Not when you play dress up and pretend to get married. You can't get married again without getting a divorce between your civil ceremony and june 2016.

Flipping out about your friend having a fake wedding 6 days after your fake wedding is really lame. I hope both sets of guests know you're already going to be married for a year before your PPD.

Maggie0829

Viczaesar said:

Knottie1433269481 said:

I need some advice. My best friend and I are both engaged. As we planned in high school she would be my maid of honor and I would be hers. I was going to have a civil ceremony this month, and she was going to wait. At first it all worked out, I planned for my wedding to be June 2016, and she planned for hers to be February 2017. Last Friday she tells me that she is going to have her civil ceremony this coming week. Still wasn't a big deal, until today. She tells me that now she wants her wedding June 2016, 6 days after mine! I am not going to change my date, but I dont want this to come between us. How should I deal with this?

Wait, so you're both having PPDs?  You're both getting married this month, and having faux weddings a year from now?

This.

randomslove

How did I misread that? I totally though y'all had planned civil ceremonies and changed your minds. If you're seriously having a PPD, then how about save money and not have a fake wedding after?

frenchiekin

randomslove said:

How did I misread that? I totally though y'all had planned civil ceremonies and changed your minds. If you're seriously having a PPD, then how about save money and not have a fake wedding after?

This.... orrrrr.... maybe just wait until June 2016 to actually get married?

climbingsingle

So, you're both getting married this year, and are staging fake re-dos next year. Awesome.

kaos16

So neither one of you needs a bridal party for your PPDs since you will already be married by then.  0 stress on anyone.  Have your fake wedding, then go party at her fake wedding 6 days later.  There is no problem or conflict here at all!