Pre-wedding Parties

Rehearsal dinner dilemma.

Context: FI and I are getting married in western MA on Sunday, October 4. Our guests are coming from Southeastern MA, Central MA, Southern CT, and Central CT... so, pretty spread out. We tried to pick a central location for everyone, but guests have a travel time range from between 30 minutes to 2 hours, with my family being on the farther side. 

My mom approached me this past weekend regarding the rehearsal dinner, which FI and I haven't started planning yet. She requested that we select a rehearsal dinner venue in Central MA, so that she and my father/sister/grandparents don't have a long drive two days in a row (45 minutes for rehearsal, 2 hours for wedding). I think this is pretty fair, but now FI is pushing back because some family from HIS side would have a longer drive (2 hours for rehearsal, 1 hour for wedding). 

I don't really know how to resolve this. I suggested that maybe we have a brunch instead of a dinner so that people have more daylight to travel, but I also want to pick a more convenient location for everyone... which I can't see happening! I'm at a loss! Any suggestions?

Re: Rehearsal dinner dilemma.

  • Don't plan a brunch for the morning of the wedding.


  • Good point, @scribe95! I, personally, don't believe we need one... our friend is marrying us, so we will be meeting with her to practice and whatnot. I think the tradition of exchanging gifts/having the families meet is more important in this case. Both of our families seem to be strongly in favor of having one, we just don't know how best to execute it! I even considered a brunch the morning of the wedding, so nobody has to travel back and forth, but that would be a little time-crunchy...
  • lnixon8 Yeah, we considered that, but threw the idea out pretty fast. If anything, we would have it the day before.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Where do you and your FI live?  At this point I would plan a dinner that is in a location that works for the two of you.  If your families are so adamant about having a RD then they will just suck up whatever travel is involved.

    But just as a personal note, I would be irritated if I had to drive two hours for a rehearsal and then turn around after like 3 hours and drive 2 hours back home to only then have to drive about the same distance the next day.  So instead of doing all that driving I would just book a damn hotel room for a night.  Why have your families not considered booking lodging?  I mean the amount that they will probably spend in gas getting to and from these things would be about the same as a hotel room for a night (unless the room are ridiculously expensive).

    And no to the morning of brunch.  You don't want to add something else to worry about/plan on your wedding day.

    redoryxMairePoppy
  • @maggie0829 We're thinking a local rehearsal may be what's best! We live in central CT, so it would still be a hike for my family, but closer for his. Unfortunately for my family, FI's family is much (much, MUCH) bigger, so more people traveling=priority in distance. And my mom said that she didn't want to book a hotel room for another night (they're booking one for the wedding so they don't have to drive home late... my parents are not "night driving" people). At this point, I might just book one for her to save the trouble.

    For something so small, this is turning into such a headache!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Yeah, don't do the morning brunch.

    If there really isn't a place that works for everyone, then I agree with having the rehearsal where you are and just letting everyone know where it is, and that while you understand that the drive is long, moving the rehearsal to any other location means that someone will have an even longer drive.  With your parents, tell them that you'll book a hotel room for them, but if they're not okay with that, then you're sorry, but there are no other options and you'll miss them at the rehearsal dinner if they choose not to attend.

    MairePoppy
  • @maggie0829 We're thinking a local rehearsal may be what's best! We live in central CT, so it would still be a hike for my family, but closer for his. Unfortunately for my family, FI's family is much (much, MUCH) bigger, so more people traveling=priority in distance. And my mom said that she didn't want to book a hotel room for another night (they're booking one for the wedding so they don't have to drive home late... my parents are not "night driving" people). At this point, I might just book one for her to save the trouble.

    For something so small, this is turning into such a headache!
    And that's fine, but that's a choice SHE is making. Don't let that be a deciding factor of where you have your RD. 
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    [Deleted User]
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The RD is supposed to be a thank you to your WP for attending the rehearsal and should be at a place and time that's convenient to them.

    So taking into consideration that 1. you don't need an actual rehearsal, 2. your parents and probably other guests are booking a hotel room the night of the wedding and 3. you would like to spend a little more time with your families.  Forget about the rehearsal and have a casual brunch the morning after the wedding. You will be more relaxed after the big event is over and everyone can spend a little more time together before they go their seperate ways. 


                       
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