TV Grumble - FWP Vent

lyndausvi

This time of year my DH works 7 days a week 10-12 hour days.   

This time of year I'm also working 6-7 days a week, however it's only for 7 hours or so. The rest of the year I only work 5 days. Most days I start a few hours before him.   On a normal day I get off at 2pm and he gets off at 9pm.     

I get not having time together.    The last time we had a day off together was when we were on vacation in April.      It's the nature of the business when you are married to a chef or in your case, someone who works in retail.    Their hours suck.   

I've learned it's not fair for me to jump on my husband the minute he gets home wanting to talk or do anything for that matter.   He was on his feet all day, talking to members, managing staff, putting out fires, cooking and just generally busy.   A lot of times he wants to rest.   

Of course, if there is something important we will talk.  But general chit-chat, I just follow his lead.  Sometimes he comes home bouncing off the walls.  We will grab a cocktail and sit out on the porch and talk about our day.   Other days, he is spent and just wants to veg in front of the TV.  He doesn't want to talk or even think. I do not take is personally.   I was able to have a good 4 hours to decompress without him. He deserves a little down time too.

Don't get me wrong, I start to get cranky not being around him, but generally speaking we make it work.    This year he has promised me 1 dinner a week.  Which so far he has been able to keep to that.   Dinner night isn't the same day every week, it's based on his schedule which is forever changing.  This week he told me at 4pm that he is able to come home for dinner that night.     Cool, I'll take it.

Maybe your DH can ask his bosses for something similar.   Ask to be home 1 night a week or he can get 1-2 weekend days off to spend with you.   In the mean time pick up your own hobbies without him.       

 For 6 weeks in the spring and 3 weeks in the fall DH is pretty much off.  He will put in only a few hours because the club is completely closed.   I'm so use to him not being around  after a few weeks I'm wanting him to go back.  I have a routine and he messes it up being around so much

Bubblegum5586

Bubblegum5586 said:

We love TV! We watch so many shows together and look forward each night to watching a new episode or binge watching a new series.

I forgot to add, we tend to watch a lot of comedy. We will randomly quote things from funny shows and it always makes the other laugh. 

[Deleted User]

beachyone15 said:

FeeleyToBe said:

We are not home together that often.  He works in a retail setting and we see each other for about 2 hours each night and we might get 1-2 weekend days in a month where he doesn't have to work.  One of those hours each day that we're home together is typically spent on dinner and during that time he's not usually up for talking b/c he's decompressing from work; which I get as I'm the same way- we're both introverts who work in "extroverted" fields.  I want to respect that need, especially since I do the same when I get home, but he's not usually there when I arrive b/c of his work schedule.

So I don't need (or want) to talk every second of the day.  But as other commenters said, TV is good for just... zoning out sometimes (agreed); I just didn't want that to become such and easy escape that we turned our brains off and stopped talking to one another- especially since we don't get a lot of time together.  @Mikenberger pointed out that ANYTHING hast the potential to get in the way of communication (agreed); my specific "rant" is about TV because TV is the topic of concern for me; not the internet, porn, video games, or even the reading we do "together" (we talk about our books even when reading different things, which is often).  That said, I agree that one could replace "TV" with any of those things- they can all be time sucks and have potential to get in the way of good communication.

We've talked about it more and have agreed to make a conscious choice to limit how much TV comes into the house. 

And like @TrixieJess said; the damn antenna may not even work that well for us.

It doesn't so much sound like a tv problem, as much as you not seeing each other as much as you'd like. It sounds like you are wanting the small amount of time you have together to be meaningful and keep you feeling close to each other (which is understandable).
Could you guys go for a walk or find a new hobby to do together, even just for 30 min a day? Another thing I've noticed that my parents do which I really like the idea of is sit down with a glass of wine for a few minutes and chit-chat before making dinner.
You certainly don't want to force him to talk if he needs to decompress from the day, but I think I understand what you are saying and it sounds like you just want more quality time together. Maybe you should talk to him about that and see if he feels the same way. He may not even realize how much it's bothering you.

To the first bolded, I think you hit it on the head.  Since we don't get much time together, I supposed I'd rather not just veg in front of the TV.  We do that some now when we watch DVDs together, but I assumed (maybe incorrectly- don't know until the antenna is active) that we'd just default to TV a lot and not talk.

To the second bolded, it's funny you say that.  Later in the day I texted him about finding other things to do together - a hobby - and received a message about 20 seconds later from him saying almost the same.  I think we were texting each other at the same time about the same idea.

beachyone15

Sounds like you two are on the same page and just need to try something new. It's good that you are communicating with each other about this!

PrettyGirlLost

FeeleyToBe said:

beachyone15 said:

FeeleyToBe said:

We are not home together that often.  He works in a retail setting and we see each other for about 2 hours each night and we might get 1-2 weekend days in a month where he doesn't have to work.  One of those hours each day that we're home together is typically spent on dinner and during that time he's not usually up for talking b/c he's decompressing from work; which I get as I'm the same way- we're both introverts who work in "extroverted" fields.  I want to respect that need, especially since I do the same when I get home, but he's not usually there when I arrive b/c of his work schedule.

So I don't need (or want) to talk every second of the day.  But as other commenters said, TV is good for just... zoning out sometimes (agreed); I just didn't want that to become such and easy escape that we turned our brains off and stopped talking to one another- especially since we don't get a lot of time together.  @Mikenberger pointed out that ANYTHING hast the potential to get in the way of communication (agreed); my specific "rant" is about TV because TV is the topic of concern for me; not the internet, porn, video games, or even the reading we do "together" (we talk about our books even when reading different things, which is often).  That said, I agree that one could replace "TV" with any of those things- they can all be time sucks and have potential to get in the way of good communication.

We've talked about it more and have agreed to make a conscious choice to limit how much TV comes into the house. 

And like @TrixieJess said; the damn antenna may not even work that well for us.

It doesn't so much sound like a tv problem, as much as you not seeing each other as much as you'd like. It sounds like you are wanting the small amount of time you have together to be meaningful and keep you feeling close to each other (which is understandable).
Could you guys go for a walk or find a new hobby to do together, even just for 30 min a day? Another thing I've noticed that my parents do which I really like the idea of is sit down with a glass of wine for a few minutes and chit-chat before making dinner.
You certainly don't want to force him to talk if he needs to decompress from the day, but I think I understand what you are saying and it sounds like you just want more quality time together. Maybe you should talk to him about that and see if he feels the same way. He may not even realize how much it's bothering you.

To the first bolded, I think you hit it on the head.  Since we don't get much time together, I supposed I'd rather not just veg in front of the TV.  We do that some now when we watch DVDs together, but I assumed (maybe incorrectly- don't know until the antenna is active) that we'd just default to TV a lot and not talk.

To the second bolded, it's funny you say that.  Later in the day I texted him about finding other things to do together - a hobby - and received a message about 20 seconds later from him saying almost the same.  I think we were texting each other at the same time about the same idea.

The antenna being active is irrelevant.  Talking to each other is an active, conscious decision you two both need to make regardless of whether or not the antenna is active.