Had A Confrontation with my MIL

loveislouder

They called earlier and said they were coming over to install the air conditioner. I said you know what, H is pretty sick (he has a serious chest infection, is on antibiotics for 3 days). I said why don't we reschedule. Never heard back. They showed up 20 minutes ago (the door wasn't locked). Her boyfriend went right upstairs to install the air conditioner. I was like, Hey MIL, H is still sick. Can't we do this another time? She said no, boyfriend was only available now. H says it's fine, so they stay. MIL starts cleaning my kitchen. I said no MIL, my kitchen, my problem. Why don't you go outside and sit on the patio. I finished the dishes, look outside and guess what? SHES CUTTING MY GRASS. I'm actually really mad about this but don't know what to do.

themosthappy91

That is the worst kind of obnoxious, because she can always fall back on "I'm just trying to help" and act like a martyr if you complain.

There is not much you can do other than 1) keep your door locked to prevent future barge-ins and 2) talk with your husband about backing you up in situations like that.

I feel you though, and while my MIL isn't intrusive in the same sense as your I'm a big believer in setting FIRM boundaries with parents.

pinupbride6189

You know, she probably really is just trying to help, but I know how insulting that can feel.  Especially since she completely ignored the fact that you asked her to reschedule, and then just walked into your home. My FMIL did something similar last time she visited. I don't really have any advice other than to maybe talk to your H and have him maybe bring up how upset you were, and ask that she have a little more respect for your wishes and your home...

hellohkb

Can you invite your MIL to come over and clean my kitchen instead?

That would make me feel very uncomfortable. Though I would keep my doors locked and talk to H about it. If it's his mom, he should be the one to talk to her about it.

AlexisA01

themosthappy91 said:

That is the worst kind of obnoxious, because she can always fall back on "I'm just trying to help" and act like a martyr if you complain.

There is not much you can do other than 1) keep your door locked to prevent future barge-ins and 2) talk with your husband about backing you up in situations like that.

I feel you though, and while my MIL isn't intrusive in the same sense as your I'm a big believer in setting FIRM boundaries with parents.

I second this.

Jen4948

When your H is better, he'll need to have a come-to-Jesus talk with his mother about boundaries.

novella1186

Jen4948 said:

When your H is better, he'll need to have a come-to-Jesus talk with his mother about boundaries.

This. That would be so irritating. 

I found out that while we were on our HM, MIL came in and cleaned our house, including stripping our bed and putting different sheets on it which really freaked me out. I kept thinking "holy shit, did she reorganize my slutty underwear too?!" She also cleaned our bathroom. Too invasive. 

Later I found out that she also tried to do our laundry but SIL stopped her and thought she was crossing the line. Thank you, SIL! 

I think when people do stuff like this, they really do have good intentions and they really do think they're being helpful. But yeah, I also think that it's weird and crossing some boundaries. 

banana468

If they're trying to help then it's a delicate Come to Jesus talk that you need to have - where you need to express your appreciation for their helping but that they need to ask for permission to do things.

If they can't understand that then it's time to set up some boundaries.   

Ex: FIL knows how to get into my house.   He has NEVER done this without discussing it with us first.   There is a reason MIL does not know.

photokitty

AlexisA01 said:

themosthappy91 said:

That is the worst kind of obnoxious, because she can always fall back on "I'm just trying to help" and act like a martyr if you complain.

There is not much you can do other than 1) keep your door locked to prevent future barge-ins and 2) talk with your husband about backing you up in situations like that.

I feel you though, and while my MIL isn't intrusive in the same sense as your I'm a big believer in setting FIRM boundaries with parents.

I second this.

Ditto.

Thread Jack...

@alexisa01 based on your siggy - did you get married? Did you and your FI reconcile and I missed it?Or what was the final piece of the puzzle on June 4th?

beachyone15

photokitty said:

AlexisA01 said:

themosthappy91 said:

That is the worst kind of obnoxious, because she can always fall back on "I'm just trying to help" and act like a martyr if you complain.

There is not much you can do other than 1) keep your door locked to prevent future barge-ins and 2) talk with your husband about backing you up in situations like that.

I feel you though, and while my MIL isn't intrusive in the same sense as your I'm a big believer in setting FIRM boundaries with parents.

I second this.

Ditto.

Thread Jack...

@alexisa01 based on your siggy - did you get married? Did you and your FI reconcile and I missed it?Or what was the final piece of the puzzle on June 4th?

I was wondering this too!

thisismynickname2

I also think being overly helpful can feel insulting and can cross some boundaries. 

That being said, my mom has randomly started washing my dishes. I appreciate that a lot, because I hate dishes. If my dad started mowing my lawn (I don't have a lawn, so this is hypothetical) I'd feel bad because he's getting old, but I'd appreciate it.

Bathrooms and bedrooms cross that boundary!!