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Customs and Traditions

Tradition out the window? Need some help please!

Hi, I really need some opinions please as I can't decide what to do...we are getting married at a very small hotel in a tiny village in the mountains, a long way from home. The wedding won't be until 6pm. I had always assumed that one day when we got married I wouldn't see my H2B the night before the ceremony, or in the morning. If we had been getting married early afternoon I would definitely be choosing to stick to this. However as we are not getting married until 6pm I am not sure what to do. The hotel is exclusive to our party and as it is small (only 19 rooms) it will not be possible to leave the room and not see him, but I am not sure that I want to stay in our room for the whole day either. I am also thinking that maybe I should just go out and enjoy the morning as all our friends and family will have traveled a long way to celebrate with us and I don't want to miss all this time with them. I just need some help and maybe if anyone else had the same experience it would be good to know what you decided to do?
Thank you 

Re: Tradition out the window? Need some help please!

  • We're actually doing most of our formal photos before the ceremony. It's terribly impractical to not see each other beforehand, and IMO it doesn't make any sense anymore, if it ever really did.

    Also, while rehearsals are not super necessary, if you are having one, it will probably be the evening before and you'll have to see him for that.
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  • We did not observe this custom at our wedding.  We saved money by having the posed formal photos taken before the ceremony.  It actually helped DH relax, since he is a camera buff, and started asking the photographer questions about his cameras.
  • MollyandDMollyandD member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    I always planned to not see my husband before the wedding too. When it came down to it, we decided to let that tradition go too. We lived together, and it was just so much easier for us to both be at home before the wedding. It helped relieve some of the stress for us to be together. Now, after it's all done, I'm glad we spent the day together before it was time to get ready.
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We got married at a resort with only 6 rooms. So, we had to spend the night together beforehand. On the day of, he got ready and then the photog had me head to the room without me seeing him (they led him down to the beach). I then got ready and met up with him to do a first look photo shoot. It was nice to get that excited feeling out of the way and most likely led to less crying during the ceremony!


  • First looks are becoming super common and the pictures from them are really cute.

    Did you know that the tradition of not seeing each other before the ceremony comes from when arranged marriages and dowries for brides were a thing? The not seeing each other thing was so that the groom wouldn't call off the wedding, thinking she wasn't pretty enough or something.

    So now that you know where the tradition actually comes from, you can decide how important it is to you to observe it. 

  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We're spending the night together before the wedding. I have anxiety, and I am sure leading up to the day I'm going to have to closely monitor it to be able to manage it as I don't want to have to take any meds that day as they tend to make me foggy. In order to make sure I get a good nights sleep ahead of time, I need FI there.

    We plan on getting up together and having coffee before he heads out for brunch with his guys. Our ceremony is earlier in the day than yours so I find this works well.

    For later in the evening ceremonies such as yours, I would probably plan a nice brunch for you and FI, or for the bridal party. A nice time to just get together and relax, before you need to start getting ready.

    First looks and pics before ceremony is definitely getting more common so you can do that as well.However if you want to wait for FI to see you dolled up until you get to the aisle, that's ok too. (FI is adamant that he doesnt see me until I walk down the aisle). Spend the morning/early afternoon together and then go your seperate ways for getting ready and then you will still have that element of 'not seeing each other' because he has no idea what you will look like in your dress.
  • Thank you for your help everyone!
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We spent the entire day before together and it was great. Though it was a little different because it was just the two of us, I was glad we had that time to connect with each other. Cause after the ceremony we were both being pulled in a million different directions by our wonderful friends and family. 

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    We spent the night together, and then I got up early and went elsewhere to get ready and didn't see him until the ceremony. We got married in the morning, though. In your situation, I say definitely don't worry about it. It seems silly to go all day like that if you are away from home and have friends and family you'd like to spend time with. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • We waited until the ceremony per husbands request. I was prepared to do a first look and get some photos out of the way, but he wanted to go traditional. One thing to consider, even if you don't do photos before hand but see each other during the day, I don't think it will take away from that first moment he sees you in your dress. If that is when you come down the isle or if you opt to do a first look & knock out some photos before the ceremony, it will still be a magical moment. Being able to spend the morning with each other & your friends & family will add to the wonderful memories of the day.
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Neither of us wanted to see the other before the ceremony (coming down the aisle), but we set the criteria as of once we started getting ready.  We did a DW, so we spent the night before together in our hotel room, had breakfast together and then we went our separate ways to get ready (me at my parents hotel too, DH in his).  Our ceremony wasn't till 4pm
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