General Etiquette for a laid back second wedding

marinsmomma

Hello! New here, and I have some questions for just general wedding etiquette. My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) and I have been together for almost 3 years, have a daughter together, and have lived together for 2 years. We are settled in our home, and don't really need anything. I have been married before, and he hasn't, so we're doing a very laid back wedding at a park. I had the big fancy to-do the first time, and it wasn't at all what I ever wanted, but my parents insisted on having a fancy wedding with all of their friends and such. (I was 19 and worked at Wal-Mart, so it wasn't really my choice. It was a nice wedding, but just...huge.)

This time, we're paying for it. If it were up to me, I'd sign the papers at the courthouse and call it a day. But, since this is my FF's first marriage, he wants a wedding. So, we're compromising into a kick ass barbecue ceremony/reception at a local park overlooking the lake, with our family and close friends. (Probably about 40-50 people)

So. As far as gifts, how does that work? We have a can opener and all the dishware we really need. We're not doing any kind of shower or engagement party or anything like that. 

I'm just planning to wear a white or cream sundress and either a pair of brown sandals or no shoes at all (depending on the goose population next year) It's a June early evening wedding dinner thing.

I'm going for the "mismatched bridesmaids dresses" where the ladies are just wearing light pink sundresses of their own choice. Do they buy them themselves since they are just a casual dress they're picking out or is it still my responsibility? None of my bridesmaids live within a 2 hour radius of me, so it's not like we can just go shopping to pick something. The guys will be wearing khakis or dark jeans (not sure which) and white button ups, and we will be providing the vest for the wedding.

How is a good way to word "no ratty jeans or t-shirts"? We want people to be comfortable in the June heat, but it's still a wedding.  (And no, in my area, it's NOT common sense. We have people wear jeans and shoes with holes to court as a common practice.) I'm fine with khaki shorts and polo shirts or nice t-shirts.

Is there a proper way to do a dinner wedding? I want everyone to eat and get to chatting and having fun, do a super quick ceremony (like 5 or 10 minutes) then cake, lawn games, drinking, dancing, and smores, with sparklers to end the night.

Anyways, fill me in anything I'm missing, both as a second bride, and any red flags you see here. We're still doing full decorations with flowers and centerpieces and a fancy alter and caterer and everything. 

madamerwin

marinsmomma said:

Hello! New here, and I have some questions for just general wedding etiquette. My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) and I have been together for almost 3 years, have a daughter together, and have lived together for 2 years. We are settled in our home, and don't really need anything. This is true for a lot of couples, especially ones who have been on their own for years. But please, PLEASE do not set up a honeyfund or ask for money. It is incredibly rude and tacky.  I have been married before, and he hasn't, so we're doing a very laid back wedding at a park. I had the big fancy to-do the first time, and it wasn't at all what I ever wanted, but my parents insisted on having a fancy wedding with all of their friends and such. (I was 19 and worked at Wal-Mart, so it wasn't really my choice. It was a nice wedding, but just...huge.)

This time, we're paying for it. If it were up to me, I'd sign the papers at the courthouse and call it a day. But, since this is my FF's first marriage, he wants a wedding. So, we're compromising into a kick ass barbecue ceremony/reception at a local park overlooking the lake, with our family and close friends. (Probably about 40-50 people)

So. As far as gifts, how does that work? We have a can opener and all the dishware we really need. We're not doing any kind of shower or engagement party or anything like that.  If you don't need anything, don't register. A registry is never required. But again - DO NOT set up a honeyfund or cash registry, as it is considered rude. Big etiquette no-no. If you do not set up a registry, people will probably give you cash. 

I'm just planning to wear a white or cream sundress and either a pair of brown sandals or no shoes at all (depending on the goose population next year) It's a June early evening wedding dinner thing. Sounds lovely!

I'm going for the "mismatched bridesmaids dresses" where the ladies are just wearing light pink sundresses of their own choice. Do they buy them themselves since they are just a casual dress they're picking out or is it still my responsibility? Yes, it is completely acceptable for them to buy their own dresses, especially if you have very loose guidelines and are allowing them to spend whatever money they are comfortable spending. If you were requiring a specific matching dress, then you would have needed to ask each of them privately what their budget was and pick something accordingly. None of my bridesmaids live within a 2 hour radius of me, so it's not like we can just go shopping to pick something. The guys will be wearing khakis or dark jeans (not sure which) and white button ups, and we will be providing the vest for the wedding. We're doing something similar.

How is a good way to word "no ratty jeans or t-shirts"? We want people to be comfortable in the June heat, but it's still a wedding.  (And no, in my area, it's NOT common sense. We have people wear jeans and shoes with holes to court as a common practice.) I'm fine with khaki shorts and polo shirts or nice t-shirts. It is not appropriate to tell adults what to wear, unless your venue has a dress code (like a country club), or you are having a black tie affair. Pick a wedding invitation that reflects the level of formality of the event, and adults will figure out what to wear for themselves. Do you know many people who would wear ratty jean cut-offs to a wedding? Because I have been to a lot of casual weddings, and the most casual dress I have seen is nice jeans and a polo. Besides, even if someone worse sweats and a muscle tee, it would in no way affect you. So don't tell people what to wear.

Is there a proper way to do a dinner wedding? I want everyone to eat and get to chatting and having fun, do a super quick ceremony (like 5 or 10 minutes) then cake, lawn games, drinking, dancing, and smores, with sparklers to end the night. I would recommend doing all of your photos before the ceremony, do your quick ceremony, and then jump right in to dinner. Have a s'mores area set up, put out the lawn games, and people will know what to do.

Anyways, fill me in anything I'm missing, both as a second bride, and any red flags you see here. We're still doing full decorations with flowers and centerpieces and a fancy alter and caterer and everything.  If you want all the flowers, great. But there is also nothing wrong with NOT having huge floral arrangements if you aren't into it or don't want to spend your money that way. We put a ton of money toward food and drinks for our wedding, and only spent $200 on flowers. Just put your money in to the things that matter most to you. As long as you provide food appropriate for the time of day, beverages of some sort, and a chair for every butt, don't tell adults what to wear, and don't register for money, then you're in the clear etiquette-wise.

Comments in purple.

Jen4948

marinsmomma said:

Hello! New here, and I have some questions for just general wedding etiquette. My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) and I have been together for almost 3 years, have a daughter together, and have lived together for 2 years. We are settled in our home, and don't really need anything. I have been married before, and he hasn't, so we're doing a very laid back wedding at a park. I had the big fancy to-do the first time, and it wasn't at all what I ever wanted, but my parents insisted on having a fancy wedding with all of their friends and such. (I was 19 and worked at Wal-Mart, so it wasn't really my choice. It was a nice wedding, but just...huge.)

This time, we're paying for it. If it were up to me, I'd sign the papers at the courthouse and call it a day. But, since this is my FF's first marriage, he wants a wedding. So, we're compromising into a kick ass barbecue ceremony/reception at a local park overlooking the lake, with our family and close friends. (Probably about 40-50 people)

So. As far as gifts, how does that work? We have a can opener and all the dishware we really need. We're not doing any kind of shower or engagement party or anything like that. Registering for gifts is not necessary.  But it's not appropriate for you to throw parties in your own honor.  If you don't want to have these kinds of parties, you just leave it alone unless someone brings it up to you, in which case you simply respond, "No, thank you." 

I'm just planning to wear a white or cream sundress and either a pair of brown sandals or no shoes at all (depending on the goose population next year) It's a June early evening wedding dinner thing.

I'm going for the "mismatched bridesmaids dresses" where the ladies are just wearing light pink sundresses of their own choice. Do they buy them themselves since they are just a casual dress they're picking out or is it still my responsibility? None of my bridesmaids live within a 2 hour radius of me, so it's not like we can just go shopping to pick something. The guys will be wearing khakis or dark jeans (not sure which) and white button ups, and we will be providing the vest for the wedding. It was never your responsibility to buy their outfits-only to give them guidelines about what to wear.  If you want them to get specific accessories, hairdos, or makeup, then it would be your responsibility to pay for that.  But if you don't care what they wear, then you don't need to pay for anything.  You don't need to provide the vests if you decide ultimately that you'd rather not do that. 

How is a good way to word "no ratty jeans or t-shirts"? We want people to be comfortable in the June heat, but it's still a wedding.  (And no, in my area, it's NOT common sense. We have people wear jeans and shoes with holes to court as a common practice.) I'm fine with khaki shorts and polo shirts or nice t-shirts.

There is no good way to word "no ratty jeans or t-shirts."  You simply issue invitations of the right formality (card stock, fonts, colors, graphics, etc.) and let everyone choose their own outfits in accordance with that formality and the time of day the wedding is taking place at.  You don't try to control what other people wear.  That's not appropriate.

Is there a proper way to do a dinner wedding? I want everyone to eat and get to chatting and having fun, do a super quick ceremony (like 5 or 10 minutes) then cake, lawn games, drinking, dancing, and smores, with sparklers to end the night.

Sure.  This sounds nice.  Just plan for dinner within your budget.

Anyways, fill me in anything I'm missing, both as a second bride, and any red flags you see here. We're still doing full decorations with flowers and centerpieces and a fancy alter and caterer and everything. 

My comments are in bold.

VulgarGirl

tfmrserwin said:

marinsmomma said:

Hello! New here, and I have some questions for just general wedding etiquette. My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) and I have been together for almost 3 years, have a daughter together, and have lived together for 2 years. We are settled in our home, and don't really need anything. This is true for a lot of couples, especially ones who have been on their own for years. But please, PLEASE do not set up a honeyfund or ask for money. It is incredibly rude and tacky.  I have been married before, and he hasn't, so we're doing a very laid back wedding at a park. I had the big fancy to-do the first time, and it wasn't at all what I ever wanted, but my parents insisted on having a fancy wedding with all of their friends and such. (I was 19 and worked at Wal-Mart, so it wasn't really my choice. It was a nice wedding, but just...huge.)

This time, we're paying for it. If it were up to me, I'd sign the papers at the courthouse and call it a day. But, since this is my FF's first marriage, he wants a wedding. So, we're compromising into a kick ass barbecue ceremony/reception at a local park overlooking the lake, with our family and close friends. (Probably about 40-50 people)

So. As far as gifts, how does that work? We have a can opener and all the dishware we really need. We're not doing any kind of shower or engagement party or anything like that.  If you don't need anything, don't register. A registry is never required. But again - DO NOT set up a honeyfund or cash registry, as it is considered rude. Big etiquette no-no. If you do not set up a registry, people will probably give you cash. 

I'm just planning to wear a white or cream sundress and either a pair of brown sandals or no shoes at all (depending on the goose population next year) It's a June early evening wedding dinner thing. Sounds lovely!

I'm going for the "mismatched bridesmaids dresses" where the ladies are just wearing light pink sundresses of their own choice. Do they buy them themselves since they are just a casual dress they're picking out or is it still my responsibility? Yes, it is completely acceptable for them to buy their own dresses, especially if you have very loose guidelines and are allowing them to spend whatever money they are comfortable spending. If you were requiring a specific matching dress, then you would have needed to ask each of them privately what their budget was and pick something accordingly. None of my bridesmaids live within a 2 hour radius of me, so it's not like we can just go shopping to pick something. The guys will be wearing khakis or dark jeans (not sure which) and white button ups, and we will be providing the vest for the wedding. We're doing something similar.

How is a good way to word "no ratty jeans or t-shirts"? We want people to be comfortable in the June heat, but it's still a wedding.  (And no, in my area, it's NOT common sense. We have people wear jeans and shoes with holes to court as a common practice.) I'm fine with khaki shorts and polo shirts or nice t-shirts. It is not appropriate to tell adults what to wear, unless your venue has a dress code (like a country club), or you are having a black tie affair. Pick a wedding invitation that reflects the level of formality of the event, and adults will figure out what to wear for themselves. Do you know many people who would wear ratty jean cut-offs to a wedding? Because I have been to a lot of casual weddings, and the most casual dress I have seen is nice jeans and a polo. Besides, even if someone worse sweats and a muscle tee, it would in no way affect you. So don't tell people what to wear.

Is there a proper way to do a dinner wedding? I want everyone to eat and get to chatting and having fun, do a super quick ceremony (like 5 or 10 minutes) then cake, lawn games, drinking, dancing, and smores, with sparklers to end the night. I would recommend doing all of your photos before the ceremony, do your quick ceremony, and then jump right in to dinner. Have a s'mores area set up, put out the lawn games, and people will know what to do.

Anyways, fill me in anything I'm missing, both as a second bride, and any red flags you see here. We're still doing full decorations with flowers and centerpieces and a fancy alter and caterer and everything.  If you want all the flowers, great. But there is also nothing wrong with NOT having huge floral arrangements if you aren't into it or don't want to spend your money that way. We put a ton of money toward food and drinks for our wedding, and only spent $200 on flowers. Just put your money in to the things that matter most to you. As long as you provide food appropriate for the time of day, beverages of some sort, and a chair for every butt, don't tell adults what to wear, and don't register for money, then you're in the clear etiquette-wise.

Comments in purple.

Everything she said, right on the money.

And this sounds like an awesome wedding. 

marinsmomma

Thanks, ladies! Looks like we're fairly in the clear here. We wouldn't ever ask for money or anything like that, but I'm not a fan of having random crap piled up in my house. (or garage sale stickers still on the gifts. I appreciate the thought you had in picking up a gift for us, but ...no...)

We aren't inviting too many friends, and our families know better than to wear sport shorts and wife beaters, but in my area it's really NOT unheard of. Yikes. My first wedding was fairly formal with nice invitations and suits and caterers and such, and we still had people in old acid washed jeans. It matters to me because I personally see it as a respect thing. When I look back at my pictures, I'd like to see the care our friends and family put forth to help us celebrate, instead of how they rolled out of bed and threw on the first thing they landed on, unshowered.

Of course, I'd rather people wear what they already have, so if they need to come in their best jeans and t-shirt vs not coming at all, I'll just ignore it. It's not THAT big of a deal to me that I'd rather people not come. I'm just afraid if they see "park" and "barbecue" on the invitation, they'll see it as scrubby instead of casual, if that makes any sense. I know all this probably makes me sound horribly snotty, but I just live in a really....informal? community. (small, rural town where our friends will be in Walmart chic...my dress probably will be too! my FF works there as a manager, gotta love that discount.)

SP29

As for gifts- you can register if you like, and consider upgrading items you already have. Or not register at all and you will likely get money. A small registry with a few items (sheets, towels, some kitchen stuff) might be nice for those guests who only give physical gifts. Or if people ask if you're registered you can say, "No we're not registered anywhere but we're saving up for a house/honeymoon/etc". 

No you are not required to buy your BMs dresses as long as you are not requiring a specific dress. Telling them to find a light pink sundress they like is great. Same with the guys. 

As for your guests and their attire... Since you say this is a small wedding of family and friends, I would assume you know them and they know you? Since you say you want people to be respectful (I get that), I would assume these people are close to you and do care about you, so they would be respectful (realize though they may have a different definition). I don't think you have to worry as much as you are. You can spread it by word of mouth to some close family/ friends who will probably blab to someone else about your plans for the evening (catered dinner, dancing). But besides picking an invitation design that conveys the formality of your event, there isn't much you can do. You could put on the bottom on your invitation "Dinner at 6pm, dancing to follow". 

As far as your dinner plans- sounds great! If there are tables and chairs out decorated with centerpieces, I think guests will get the idea that they are staying for a dinner. But if you are having programs you could briefly outline the day's events. For example, Ceremony 3:30, Cocktails with lawn games 4-5pm, Dinner at 5pm, Dancing to follow with Smores around the fire at 9pm. 

marinsmomma

Oh, I'm a biiiiig ol' eater, haha, my family and friends know I wouldn't pass up a chance to eat some awesome food! Our invites will say "join us for some I do's, booze, and barbecue" or something like that, so they'll know.

Dang, I am hungry.

[Deleted User]

marinsmomma said:

Hello! New here, and I have some questions for just general wedding etiquette. My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) and I have been together for almost 3 years, have a daughter together, and have lived together for 2 years. We are settled in our home, and don't really need anything. I have been married before, and he hasn't, so we're doing a very laid back wedding at a park. I had the big fancy to-do the first time, and it wasn't at all what I ever wanted, but my parents insisted on having a fancy wedding with all of their friends and such. (I was 19 and worked at Wal-Mart, so it wasn't really my choice. It was a nice wedding, but just...huge.)

This time, we're paying for it. If it were up to me, I'd sign the papers at the courthouse and call it a day. But, since this is my FF's first marriage, he wants a wedding. So, we're compromising into a kick ass barbecue ceremony/reception at a local park overlooking the lake, with our family and close friends. (Probably about 40-50 people)

So. As far as gifts, how does that work? We have a can opener and all the dishware we really need. We're not doing any kind of shower or engagement party or anything like that. Like PP said, you don't need to register. But you may want to so that if people buy you gifts, you get things you like & can use. Go through your home and look to see if there are things that could use updating. Like new sheets, towels, kitchen utensils that may be stained from food or melted from spots. Even just new fresh cookie sheets. We went and registered for thing that we would love but never treat ourselves to, like a wine fridge, an power wine bottle opener, games for game night with friends or even power tools.

I'm just planning to wear a white or cream sundress and either a pair of brown sandals or no shoes at all (depending on the goose population next year) It's a June early evening wedding dinner thing. Sounds beautiful

I'm going for the "mismatched bridesmaids dresses" where the ladies are just wearing light pink sundresses of their own choice. Do they buy them themselves since they are just a casual dress they're picking out or is it still my responsibility? None of my bridesmaids live within a 2 hour radius of me, so it's not like we can just go shopping to pick something. The guys will be wearing khakis or dark jeans (not sure which) and white button ups, and we will be providing the vest for the wedding. You are doing great with this also. Most BM realize that when they agree to be a BM, that they are going to have to pay for their own dress. You are letting them pick out a pink sundress of their liking & that automatically allows them to decide their own budget. I'm assuming you are letting them pick out their own shoes too so you don't need to worry about paying for their outfits. The guys outfits are very approriate and it's nice that you are providing the vests. I would vote for khakis for the men. First they are a little more dressy then dark jeans and they could be cooler and more comfortable for a summer wedding.

How is a good way to word "no ratty jeans or t-shirts"? We want people to be comfortable in the June heat, but it's still a wedding.  (And no, in my area, it's NOT common sense. We have people wear jeans and shoes with holes to court as a common practice.) I'm fine with khaki shorts and polo shirts or nice t-shirts. There is no good way to address the problem. When people see the venue, hopefully they will dress accordingly. If people ask what to wear because of the venue, just tell them what the groom is wearing & if you know what the VIP's are wearing (ex...my dad is wearing a button down shirt, no tie, and khakis and my mom has a beautiful summer dress)

Is there a proper way to do a dinner wedding? I want everyone to eat and get to chatting and having fun, do a super quick ceremony (like 5 or 10 minutes) then cake, lawn games, drinking, dancing, and smores, with sparklers to end the night. I would do ceremony first, because then you are dressed in your outfit and fresh and will be great for photos. This way you won't have to worry about spilling anything on your clothes or wearing one outfit & then having to go change into your wedding outfits after eating for the ceremony. The rest of the events sound great. Sounds like you have a great family event planned to celebrate your wedding.

Anyways, fill me in anything I'm missing, both as a second bride, and any red flags you see here. We're still doing full decorations with flowers and centerpieces and a fancy alter and caterer and everything. Don't forget a photographer and plans for a DJ. With the exception of my recommendation of moving the ceremony to be first followed by dinner, you sound like you have a great plan in place for a wonderful day to celebrate your love for each other.

novella1186

Totally agree with what PP have said. You've gotten some great advice. 

Just a word on the attire; Adults should know to dress a little nicer for a wedding, and if they don't dress nice then who cares? It won't impact your marriage in any way. No big deal! This isn't something I would stress about. 

A few people wore some things that I guess would traditionally be considered a faux pas to my wedding, and I didn't even notice till weeks later when I saw them in the background of some photos. Even then, I didn't care. My wedding was awesome, everyone seemed to have a great time, and I'm married to the love of my life. No one's outfit can mess that up! (Unless their outfit like... shoots red paint or something?) 

simcal18

marinsmomma said:

Oh, I'm a biiiiig ol' eater, haha, my family and friends know I wouldn't pass up a chance to eat some awesome food! Our invites will say "join us for some I do's, booze, and barbecue" or something like that, so they'll know.

Dang, I am hungry.

If you are concerned about how people will dress, just be aware that the formality of your invitations connotes the formality of the event.  I'm a relatively formal dresser (particularly for weddings), but if I got an invitation that used the word "booze," even for a wedding, a sundress is probably the absolute most formal I would get when thinking about an outfit.

I echo what PPs have said about not dictating dress codes on your invites and making sure you have food/drinks are appropriate for time of day.  Sounds like a lot of fun!

KatWAG

I would put a halt on planning until you are actually engaged.

Jells2dot0

KatWAG said:

I would put a halt on planning until you are actually engaged.

I had to look to see what this is all about.

I think your plans sound great, but DO NOT put any solid plans in place until your divorce is final. Divorce is messy and complicated (I've been there myself) and you never know what can happen. I didn't do anything serious with anything until I had that final copy of my divorce decree in my hands.

lnixon8

Ditto other PPs. 

Although I think if you have the groomsmen in khakis you can tell people (if they ask) and if it "gets out" you wont't have people thinking "If the wedding party is in jeans then my acid was jeans will fit right in!"

ChemFanatic25

Jells2dot0 said:

KatWAG said:

I would put a halt on planning until you are actually engaged.

I had to look to see what this is all about.

I think your plans sound great, but DO NOT put any solid plans in place until your divorce is final. Divorce is messy and complicated (I've been there myself) and you never know what can happen. I didn't do anything serious with anything until I had that final copy of my divorce decree in my hands.

Yeah, it gets a little awkward when you're walking down the aisle to marry someone and you're still married to someone else. Didn't we have someone have a big scare about that awhile ago where she planned a whole wedding but her 'FI' was still married right to the end of the rope? Luckily (?) it worked out right before the wedding.

KatWAG

Op, you are still married? Talk about cart before the horse.

Jen4948

If you're still married, don't start planning your next wedding until you're actually in a position to get married again.  Finalize your divorce first.

southernbelle0915

marinsmomma said:

So. As far as gifts, how does that work? You can simply not register. If/When people ask, just say "we're saving up for XYZ". And don't mention gifts at all on your website or invites. 

I'm going for the "mismatched bridesmaids dresses" where the ladies are just wearing light pink sundresses of their own choice. Do they buy them themselves since they are just a casual dress they're picking out or is it still my responsibility? They are responsible for their own attire. If you wind up wanting to dictate a certain dress, ask for their budgets first and then shop under the lowest one.

How is a good way to word "no ratty jeans or t-shirts"? There is no etiquette approved way to do this. Sorry.

Is there a proper way to do a dinner wedding? Just have your ceremony and then start your reception (no gap). If you want to serve dinner, have the event during dinner time. Your DJ (or you) can announce when dinner will be served.

Anyways, fill me in anything I'm missing, both as a second bride, and any red flags you see here. We're still doing full decorations with flowers and centerpieces and a fancy alter and caterer and everything. 

You don't need decorations, flowers, or centerpieces. What you DO need are chairs for every butt (for both the ceremony and reception), a full meal if it's dinner time, beverages of some kind (you don't need to host alcohol if you don't want to), shelter from the elements, and no gap. 

Good luck!

marinsmomma

The divorce is uncontested and my ex has lived in another state for 4 years. We have entirely separate lives and have for quite awhile now. He's not even showing up to court. It won't be an issue, we've only just now had the money to make it official. And considering the wedding is still a year away, I'm not worried, and if we have to move the date, oh well. That's the glory of having a smaller wedding!

Also, I said my soon to be fiance, so we're not "officially" engaged, nor am I booking anything until it is official. Thanks for the opinions, ladies, but that's not at all what I asked about. He's not even buying me the ring until it's done, although we've already agreed on the date. (which is mainly because we have family 10-12 hours away that need ample notice for the trip.)

We're not doing a DJ or any kind of dancing. We'll have some music playing in case people want to dance, but we're not very "dancey" people. We're more sit around and play cards and pictionary while getting drunk type of people. I just want it to be in a nicely decorated and comfortable setting in front of a beautiful lake. Which we've got covered. :-) The venue is a free park shelter, but it's pretty new and it's gorgeous. There's all kinds of wildflowers and wooden fences and stuff.

My concerns with eating and hanging out before the wedding is because I feel like it'll ease all of our nerves a bit. I'd rather look back at my wedding as a fun, carefree ceremony in the middle of a kick-ass day spent with family and friends. I have a ton of anxiety, so I'm not sure if that would help or not. I do hear you though! Ceremony before dinner, no gaps.

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

novella1186

marinsmomma said:

The divorce is uncontested and my ex has lived in another state for 4 years. We have entirely separate lives and have for quite awhile now. He's not even showing up to court. It won't be an issue, we've only just now had the money to make it official. And considering the wedding is still a year away, I'm not worried, and if we have to move the date, oh well. That's the glory of having a smaller wedding!

Also, I said my soon to be fiance, so we're not "officially" engaged, nor am I booking anything until it is official. Thanks for the opinions, ladies, but that's not at all what I asked about. He's not even buying me the ring until it's done, although we've already agreed on the date. (which is mainly because we have family 10-12 hours away that need ample notice for the trip.)

We're not doing a DJ or any kind of dancing. We'll have some music playing in case people want to dance, but we're not very "dancey" people. We're more sit around and play cards and pictionary while getting drunk type of people. I just want it to be in a nicely decorated and comfortable setting in front of a beautiful lake. Which we've got covered. :-) The venue is a free park shelter, but it's pretty new and it's gorgeous. There's all kinds of wildflowers and wooden fences and stuff.

My concerns with eating and hanging out before the wedding is because I feel like it'll ease all of our nerves a bit. I'd rather look back at my wedding as a fun, carefree ceremony in the middle of a kick-ass day spent with family and friends. I have a ton of anxiety, so I'm not sure if that would help or not. I do hear you though! Ceremony before dinner, no gaps.

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

All the warnings about waiting for the divorce to be final and not planning anything until the engagement was official were not meant to pick on you, or to derail your thread. It's because a lot of the posters here have personal experience with how wrong things can go in these scenarios and they're trying to give you honest, genuine, useful, good advice so you don't end up getting screwed. 

southernbelle0915

marinsmomma said:

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

On your invitations, you can have an info insert that says, "such-and-such park is outdoors. In the event of rain, the ceremony and reception will be held at such-and-such other place."

[Deleted User]

marinsmomma said:

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

I think ours just says "Rain Location:  XYZ place"

[Deleted User]

FeeleyToBe said:

marinsmomma said:

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

I think ours just says "Rain Location:  XYZ place"

How does that work?  Like, when do you call it?  What if it's not raining the day of, but rained 8 inches the night before so the ground all around the area is saturated and puddled?  What if it's too hot; how hot is too hot?  What if it's unseasonably cold; how cold is too cold?  How do you tell people that you're using the "Rain Location"?  (Asking for myself as I'm contemplating an outdoor event.)

novella1186

adk19 said:

FeeleyToBe said:

marinsmomma said:

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

I think ours just says "Rain Location:  XYZ place"

How does that work?  Like, when do you call it?  What if it's not raining the day of, but rained 8 inches the night before so the ground all around the area is saturated and puddled?  What if it's too hot; how hot is too hot?  What if it's unseasonably cold; how cold is too cold?  How do you tell people that you're using the "Rain Location"?  (Asking for myself as I'm contemplating an outdoor event.)

Our rain location was about 10 feet from the outdoor ceremony location, which took 100% of the stress out of it. We let guests know the ceremony would be outside, but if the weather was bad (in May in Michigan it could be too cold, too hot, snowing, raining, etc) then we'd just move inside. No big deal. 

If I was having something at a park, I'd try to get some kind of tent or something set up in the park. 

marinsmomma

Thanks, ladies! :-)

southernbelle0915

adk19 said:

FeeleyToBe said:

marinsmomma said:

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

I think ours just says "Rain Location:  XYZ place"

How does that work?  Like, when do you call it?  What if it's not raining the day of, but rained 8 inches the night before so the ground all around the area is saturated and puddled?  What if it's too hot; how hot is too hot?  What if it's unseasonably cold; how cold is too cold?  How do you tell people that you're using the "Rain Location"?  (Asking for myself as I'm contemplating an outdoor event.)

Solid questions. Our plan B was a tent over the exact same area, so we didn't need to put a separate location. Ideally, the plan B should be within walking distance of the plan A. And I mean like right next door. Where you could put a sign in the ground that says "Due to weather, ceremony has been moved to XYZ" and people could just walk over in 2 minutes. 

As far as the too hot/cold question, it's a judgement call. Because it's not just temperature. It's humidity, cloud cover, is there shade, where are the guests from/what are they used to, bugs, etc. If someone can't be objective and generally puts vision over guest comfort, an outdoor wedding probably isn't a good choice for them.

Jells2dot0

marinsmomma said:

The divorce is uncontested and my ex has lived in another state for 4 years. We have entirely separate lives and have for quite awhile now. He's not even showing up to court. It won't be an issue, we've only just now had the money to make it official. And considering the wedding is still a year away, I'm not worried, and if we have to move the date, oh well. That's the glory of having a smaller wedding!

Also, I said my soon to be fiance, so we're not "officially" engaged, nor am I booking anything until it is official. Thanks for the opinions, ladies, but that's not at all what I asked about. He's not even buying me the ring until it's done, although we've already agreed on the date. (which is mainly because we have family 10-12 hours away that need ample notice for the trip.)

We're not doing a DJ or any kind of dancing. We'll have some music playing in case people want to dance, but we're not very "dancey" people. We're more sit around and play cards and pictionary while getting drunk type of people. I just want it to be in a nicely decorated and comfortable setting in front of a beautiful lake. Which we've got covered. :-) The venue is a free park shelter, but it's pretty new and it's gorgeous. There's all kinds of wildflowers and wooden fences and stuff.

My concerns with eating and hanging out before the wedding is because I feel like it'll ease all of our nerves a bit. I'd rather look back at my wedding as a fun, carefree ceremony in the middle of a kick-ass day spent with family and friends. I have a ton of anxiety, so I'm not sure if that would help or not. I do hear you though! Ceremony before dinner, no gaps.

Oh! I do have another question. I'd like to have a secondary location in case of bad weather. What's the proper way to direct guests without confusing them with 2 locations?

I, too, had an uncontested divorce with no children. In fact, we went to the courthouse together to file the papers. We divided our assets and debts equally and turned the master list in with our paperwork. It was fair and equal, however, the judge has the right to throw your division of assets/debts out and make you do it over. We were lucky that our judge did not do this, but we also spent a lot of time documenting everything to the finest minute detail. I'd be even more concerned with the fact that you waited 4 years to do this. Our divorce took 65 days. Even then, we still could have had to start from scratch.

I'm not saying any of this to be snarky, but I'm saying it out of what I learned from my personal experience. Again, I didn't do a damn thing with my life until the final papers were in my hand.

 

ETF- words