Tired Tuesday

labro

ETA: A quick AW! I found an adorable tablecloth on clearance at HomeGoods over the weekend and it helped me create a color scheme for @southernpeach89's shower! Behold! It'll be a playful mix of spring/summer colors. Corals, pale blues and aquas, golds, and bright greens.

labro

@TwoDimes I'm glad your FMIL acknowledged the wrongness of it all. Alimony is a court ordered thing...H has a lot of divorce in his family too and he also has a grandfather who still pays alimony to H's grandmother (he is also remarried). I guess I hope they (both your grandparent, his wife, and the randos) give you nice gifts at least. I'm just so upset on your behalf and I wish I could do something to make it better.

P.S. I still haven't received my invitation!!!!!

P.P.S. This is a venting zone! You can always be honest with us here! I wish I could give you IRL hugs and not just internet hugs!!!

eilis1228

@TwoDimes I think you made the right decision in allowing him to come with his random friends. It's a crappy situation no matter how you look at it, but avoiding family drama (especially drama that could be caused by your wedding) seems like the best decision. You likely won't interact with any of these people much because you'll be running around all night greeting people, dancing, trying to eat, etc. Just focus on the fact that you guys will be MARRIED in 6 weeks! A few less-than-welcome guests can't change that. 

labro

@TwoDimes I do have one! It's kind of all over the place though lol! I need to filter through it and get rid of the junk.

[Deleted User]

@Labro Your the best future Aunt eva!!!! Love everything!!! and I don't know if she scooped her poop or not...probably...lol

labro

TwoDimes said:

@labro, I just started a board last night, and mine is already all over the place too! Easy to do on pinterest with so many different ideas.

Ugh! YES SO TRUE! It helped when I ordered the invitations and finding the tablecloth sealed the deal. My best advice is first figure out what kind of party you want to have - a couples shower? a bbq? a ladies only brunch shower? And then go from there.

phira

@twodimes I'm sorry you're dealing with this crap situation. In the end, I think it's more important to set boundaries in the future. But it's just not fair, and you shouldn't have had to deal with it!

@alpacina I'm so glad your brother is finally moving ahead with a divorce. My brother changed a lot during (and leading up to) his first marriage, and once he left his first wife and met his current wife, it was like he was suddenly back to life or something. It was a dramatic change, and we didn't even realize just how much we missed him--the person he was before the first marriage--until he was back.

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Welp, I am exhausted. The IKEA delivery happened and everything is almost complete. I'll be posting pictures when it's all done! Unfortunately I don't have any "before" photos, mainly because the apartment was always such a mess that I was embarrassed to take photos. Tonight after couple's therapy, we'll throw out more stuff we cleared out of the office, and I'm not sure what else J wants to get done (besides OITNB).

AuroraRose41

Hi everyone. This is going to be a post and run, but I wanted to update/vent a little as to why I have been MIA (and will most likely continue to be). 

Remember how last week I was super stressed and confused with the unreasonable timeline my manager was asking of me? Well he has also been making some odd comments the past few weeks, comparing us to other teams (i.e. we don't look good compared to those) and the like. 

Well, FI's manager returned yesterday, and FI was in a meeting with him catching up. Someone (who is the same level as my manager) walks into the meeting and tells FI's manager that layoffs are coming and are starting as early as next week. We think FI is safe given how impressed his manager is with him and how the project would literally fall apart if not for him, but given how my manager has been acting my job might be on the line (it's possible my entire dept might get cut). So I am busting my butt trying to meet his timeline, as I want to prove to him that I am valuable. That would hopefully help him prove to higher ups that our team as a whole is valuable. 

FI and I also had an intense conversation yesterday about what will happen if I do get laid off. I won't have health insurance anymore, and won't be covered under FI's unless we get married. So we decided that we will have a quick wedding if that does happen so that I am still covered by insurance. I am looking into wedding insurance now on my lunch break to recover deposits if that's the case. And I absolutely will not have a PPD. I told him that I at least want to fly my parents and his immediate family out (using our miles that we have been saving for the honeymoon) and have a small but nice wedding still, and then maybe if we are doing better financially throw an awesome 1st anniversary party back in NY for our friends and extended family. That party would be similar to a reception but without all of the wedding trappings (i.e. just a party with lots of food, alcohol, and dancing, but no first dance etc.). 

Okay back to work now, but yea...that's my life right now. And our Save The Dates just finished being printed and are on their way too . 

phira

@aurorarose41 UUuuugh I am so sorry you're dealing with this sort of situation!!

labro

@AuroraRose41 First and foremost, vibes that you aren't getting laid off and you get to keep your job and not have to go through with Plan B!!!!!!!!!

Second, all the hugs!!!! I'm sorry....this SUCKS.

lavenderfields13

@AuroraRose41 I hope you don't get laid off! Sorry you are going through that stress right now

AlPacina

@AuroraRose41 - That is such a stressful situation. You got this, lady! Women engineers are the best!

@Phira - I appreciate the story about your brother, and I'm so glad he's more or less his old self now! We could all see my brother's personality degrading the longer he was with her. It was a one night stand turned pregnant turned shotgun wedding. They've hated each other basically the whole marriage, and it's hard to be yourself when you're so miserable. We honestly have always tried to be there for him, but I think it's hard to not be defensive when you KNOW that you've made a huge mistake.

eilis1228

@AuroraRose41 Oh no! I really hope you don't get laid off! How long have you been with this company? I ask because the engineering company where a few of my friends work has a policy that employees who have worked there for 3 years or less cannot be laid off. If an entire department is laid off, the employees in that department who have been there for less than 3 years can attend an internal job fair where they meet with department heads who have openings... so essentially they just do an internal transfer. Does your company have any similar policies? If not, have you checked out any openings in other departments? As far as health insurance goes, what about COBRA? It's not ideal, but it could tide you over until you find a different job. 

Blue & White

@aurorarose41 just don't keep the wedding a secret! My sister did that and now I make fun of her constantly it could be worse if we didn't have such a good relationship

We had wedding insurance as recommended/required by our venue. I can PM you the company if you want

Hummingbird125

@AuroraRose41 - Ugh, I'm sorry you're worried about being laid off! In regards to health insurance, I don't think this is any reason to rush forward with your wedding, unless that's really what you WANT. I was unemployed for about 7 months and got health insurance thanks to Obamacare, and only paid about $100 per month. It definitely is worth looking into.

[Deleted User]

My previous contractor's insurance sucked, and H's company won't pay for him, so I've had private insurance (BCBS off-market) since January.  Thankfully I'm eligible for my new contractor's insurance (which is great) starting July 1.  And I believe you are covered for 30 days following your termination, so you really don't need to rush if you don't want to.  It's not the end of the world, you can figure it out!

AuroraRose41

Thank you all for the hugs and thoughts! 

@blue&white I definitely won't keep it a secret. If we have to do this then I will definitely own up to it and let everyone know our reasoning. Even with this situation looming I would never consider lying about it. And yes, I would like the recommendation. I am looking into WedSure because it says it does cover job loss. 

@eilis1228, as far as I know my company doesn't have a policy like that. It will be 2 years in July that I have been with the company, and that is not including my 3 month internship prior to full time employment. The internal opportunities site hasn't been updated for months, and the only positions I am really qualified for at the moment are all in the same department where the layoffs will be occurring. 

And to everyone else about the private insurance/Obamacare thing, that is also an option we are considering, but we would have to weigh the cost of that compared to the cost of having a cheap wedding quickly. The health insurance through our current employer is 100% free, so it would be extremely bad to get laid off and then also have an additional expense as a result of being laid off, if that makes sense. FI would still have the free insurance, and if we got married I would be covered too, minimizing the additional expenses. 

There are two bright sides to this though. I did want a wedding by the water, which our current venue does not have, and this way we could do a small beach ceremony. The other thing is that a friend of ours working at this company just got offered a job at a similar company back in NY and he is coming in at a higher pay grade. They pretty much saw our company's name on his resume and hired him on the spot with a higher salary. The cost of living is much lower there too. So that's our Plan B career wise if we both get laid off or if FI doesn't get an offer from Google. We would have higher salaries, be close to our families, and save more money because the living expenses would be lower. The only issue is neither of us really want to work there and it would most likely delay law school for me. FI sent his resume in to his friend so fingers crossed. 

eilis1228

@AuroraRose41 Did your FI talk to HR about adding you to his insurance now? I had the option to add my FI to my health insurance during the last enrollment period even though we aren't legally married. HR said I could list him as a spouse without needing a wedding date (HR rep vaguely referenced domestic partnerships and the changing marriage laws for the reason why I could suddenly do this). We didn't add him to my medical insurance due to the cost, but he's on my dental insurance plan now. We had no problems adding him, and it's 100% legal. 

Blackbird230

@Hummingbird125 that's so frustrating! Hope you get it ok!

@cu97tiger, good luck on the interview!

@southernpeach89, totally agree about Kaitlyn. Next episode is supposed to be the huge dramatic one. (Well more dramatic than all of the others. Should be interesting.)

@TwoDimes, that's so frustrating with the RSVPs. Hopefully things will go better!

@speakeasy14, the windows look great!

@Blue&White Toronto may be really cool. At least it's not too cold around this time of year in Canada!

@CocoBellaF, you make me want yummy cookies.

@KeptInStitches, That's kind of exciting that you don't know though. It'll be a fun surprise!

@Peaseblossom55, I don't think I've told you yet, but congrats on the pregnancy! That's so exciting.

@AuroraRose41, I hope things work out and you don't lose your job. That's so scary.

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As you ladies know I haven't been around much. I took some time off TK to step back, get a little less indecisive and take some time. FI got a job and we have since set our date and put the deposit on our venue and things are coming together. Work has been super stressful for me lately but I'm plugging along. This weekend I don't even know WHAT we're getting up to since I have to cover a high school graduation Friday night until late. (Journalist.)

jenjen047

@cu97tiger – good luck on the interview! and thanks for a great tip on RSVP cards. im filing that away in my mind

@hummingbird125 – ugh super annoying about your uncle, im sorry

@speakeasy14 – windows look great!! 

@twodimes – that is super annoying about the RSVPs but it sounds like you made the right call. sorry you’re dealing with all that, though.

@labro – all those decorations look adorable!

@aurorarose41 – im so sorry to hear this sending you all the T&P that you don’t get laid off. FWIW, i bought private insurance last year and it was like $150ish a month for a HDHP.

work is crazy this week so i have no time to knot. its unfair.....

Peaseblossom55

@blackbird230 Thank you! Yay for setting a date!

speakeasy14

@aurorarose41 fingers crossed that you don't have to go through a lay-off.  Check your health insurance information.  Since Obamacare took effect there have been a few changes with private health insurance.  As @eilis1228 mentioned, there is now a domestic partnership allowance.  I think companies have to elect for it, but if they do, you do not have to be married, but just living together.  With my company all we have to do is provide a copy of lease agreement/mortgage/deed or utility bills to show that we live together.  I plan on adding my boyfriend for our next open enrollment since my insurance is better than what he currently has. But hopefully you don't have to look into a Plan B or C at all!

Blackbird230

@twodimes September 25, 2016 at an estate house/inn in Connecticut.

LizzyTish88

@Blackbird230 Congrats on setting a date!!