Invite wording

Knottie1430025803

Quick questions: Fiancé and I are both army. I am opting to leave my rank off the invites. So it would go: Jane Elizabeth Doe and Major James William Smith Request the pleasure of your company as they are united in marriage on Saturday, the ____ of July Two thousand fifteen At two o' clock are only the dates and times written out, or all numbers on the invite? If my venue is called, "45 cats and counting" should I write it out as forty-five? And am I supposed to put "United States Army" under my fiances name since he is a field grade officer? I can ask him later tonight but I can't remember if that a go or no-go. Advice please.

lachattefatale

On military titles. - it looks like you list his name first and then "rank, united states army" beneath.

I'm not sure about the venue title, but since it's a proper name, my instinct is to leave it as numerals. My google-fu tells me numerals in an address are acceptable especially in numbers 100 and higher, but that it's slightly preferable for number under 100 to be spelled out. And that's not even quite the same thing. Maybe ask the venue?

Knottie1430025803

He is a field grade officer so his rank goes before his first name. If he was a LT or lower enlisted it would be on the second line. The venue would look at me like I was crazy lol. I'm inclined to think just the date and time is written out, but it would look odd to write out all the letters and leave "45", wouldn't it?

justsie

Knottie1430025803 said:

He is a field grade officer so his rank goes before his first name. If he was a LT or lower enlisted it would be on the second line. The venue would look at me like I was crazy lol. I'm inclined to think just the date and time is written out, but it would look odd to write out all the letters and leave "45", wouldn't it?

Would it make a difference on the wording to a GPS? I'd type it into a GPS/google maps to see if it still pulls up the same. I'm pretty sure that since it is the name of the facility it gets a pass on being written out..

CMGragain

Your basic wording is improper.  The bride and groom never directly invite people to their own wedding.  It is rude.  This would be the proper wording:

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Ms. Jane Elizabeth Doe
and
Major James William Smith
United States Army
Saturday, the date of July
two thousand fifteen
at two o'clock
Forty-five Cats and Counting Restaurant (Club?)
Address
City, State

If he uses a title, then you must also use a title, but not necessarily your military title.

lachattefatale

CMGragain said:

Your basic wording is improper.  The bride and groom never directly invite people to their own wedding.  It is rude.  This would be the proper wording:

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Ms. Jane Elizabeth Doe
and
Major James William Smith
United States Army
Saturday, the date of July
two thousand fifteen
at two o'clock
Forty-five Cats and Counting Restaurant (Club?)
Address
City, State

If he uses a title, then you must also use a title, but not necessarily your military title.

BOXES

What? Is it actually rude, or is it just that it's not traditional (but increasingly common) for the bride and groom to host their own wedding? It makes no sense to me that a nebulous unseen force is inviting the guests rather than the couple.

ETA: Your updated wording is in the passive voice and that's probably most of what's driving me crazy about it. The pleasure of your company is requested by zombies at the wedding of....

CMGragain

lachattefatale said:

CMGragain said:

Your basic wording is improper.  The bride and groom never directly invite people to their own wedding.  It is rude.  This would be the proper wording:

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Ms. Jane Elizabeth Doe
and
Major James William Smith
United States Army
Saturday, the date of July
two thousand fifteen
at two o'clock
Forty-five Cats and Counting Restaurant (Club?)
Address
City, State

If he uses a title, then you must also use a title, but not necessarily your military title.

BOXES

What? Is it actually rude, or is it just that it's not traditional (but increasingly common) for the bride and groom to host their own wedding? It makes no sense to me that a nebulous unseen force is inviting the guests rather than the couple.

ETA: Your updated wording is in the passive voice and that's probably most of what's driving me crazy about it. The pleasure of your company is requested by zombies at the wedding of....

Yes, it is rude for the bride and groom to directly invite guests to their own wedding.  It is like saying "Come to the party where we are being honored, and honor us!" 
There is nothing wrong with the bride and groom hosting their own wedding.  This is done all the time.  What is rude is to advertise that they are doing so.  It would be like inviting people to your own bridal shower, even though you have made up the guest list.  No.  Your wedding is a gift giving occasion.  You do not directly invite people to come to a party and give you gifts.
The passive voice is what is required when the bride and groom host.  This tells the guests that they are doing so without advertising the fact.  Check any standard etiquette book.

[Deleted User]

I don't have a problem with the passive voice.  I have a problem inviting people to the marriage.  I don't want to involve anyone other than me and FH in my marriage, but everyone can come to my wedding.  But stay out of my marriage.  That's between me and him.

lachattefatale

I think this is a point of taste more than etiquette. Every online etiquette guide I could find suggests your wording--though not your reasoning--for extremely formal invitations, but gives examples similar to OP's wording for less formal invitations.

I will not argue that it isn't so, but I will say that wedding gift etiquette seems to be extremely contradictory--there can be no mention or expectation of gifts, yet there is an obligation for guests to give gifts, and thus using superior grammar on invitations is somehow viewed as gift-grabby while not actually mentioning gifts. This is just weird.

You might as well say that brides and grooms must elope if no one else wants to pay for their weddings. Because people might give them gifts.

[Deleted User]

lachattefatale said:

I think this is a point of taste more than etiquette. Every online etiquette guide I could find suggests your wording--though not your reasoning--for extremely formal invitations, but gives examples similar to OP's wording for less formal invitations.

I will not argue that it isn't so, but I will say that wedding gift etiquette seems to be extremely contradictory--there can be no mention or expectation of gifts, yet there is an obligation for guests to give gifts, and thus using superior grammar on invitations is somehow viewed as gift-grabby while not actually mentioning gifts. This is just weird.

You might as well say that brides and grooms must elope if no one else wants to pay for their weddings. Because people might give them gifts.

People still might give you gifts after they've Heard that you eloped.  Some people like to give gifts.  

lachattefatale

adk19 said:

People still might give you gifts after they've Heard that you eloped.  Some people like to give gifts.  

Oh my gosh, you're right! Just don't get married, then.

Knottie1430025803

We are having an informal wedding. We plan to put the "Ms." Before my name but are going to keep our names at the beginning. We like the sound of it that way. Thank you all!

CMGragain

You can word your invitation any way you wish.  Just be aware that you are breaking the rules.  There is nothing wrong with "Ms.".

CMGragain

adk19 said:

I don't have a problem with the passive voice.  I have a problem inviting people to the marriage.  I don't want to involve anyone other than me and FH in my marriage, but everyone can come to my wedding.  But stay out of my marriage.  That's between me and him.

This one is not a big whoop.  The words "marriage" and "wedding" are interchangeable. 

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

You can word your invitation any way you wish.  Just be aware that you are breaking the rules.  There is nothing wrong with "Ms.".

So you better watch out OP or the wedding police are going to come and arrest you.

Oh wait, there are no wedding police and breaking this 'rule' is not going to make any guest not have a chair or a drink at your wedding.

VulgarGirl

Maggie0829 said:

CMGragain said:

You can word your invitation any way you wish.  Just be aware that you are breaking the rules.  There is nothing wrong with "Ms.".

So you better watch out OP or the wedding police are going to come and arrest you.

Oh wait, there are no wedding police and breaking this 'rule' is not going to make any guest not have a chair or a drink at your wedding.

I'm on the lamb from them. Shhhh.....

(we did Fiona and Sophia invite you...we are in so much trouble with the wedding po-po)

Maggie0829

@VulgarGirl - they are coming for you

CMGragain

You guys are reading way to much into my post.  Yes there are rules.  If you are going to break them, that is completely your call, but don't you think that it is better to know that you are breaking them, rather than having Aunt Eloise gossiping about it later?  If you make your decision from a position of knowledge, isn't it better to say, "Yes, we know, Auntie, but we wanted to do it this way,"  than to say, "Oops!  We didn't know that!"?

PS. I think your posts are funny. too.

VulgarGirl

CMGragain said:

You guys are reading way to much into my post.  Yes there are rules.  If you are going to break them, that is completely your call, but don't you think that it is better to know that you are breaking them, rather than having Aunt Eloise gossiping about it later?  If you make your decision from a position of knowledge, isn't it better to say, "Yes, we know, Auntie, but we wanted to do it this way,"  than to say, "Oops!  We didn't know that!"?

PS. I think your posts are funny. too.

Gossiping is rude. Aunt Eloise is behaving like a gossipy old uptight bitch. She's the one in the wrong. 

VulgarGirl

Maggie0829 said:

@VulgarGirl - they are coming for you

I had no idea the wedding police were so adorable. I'm gonna let them catch me!

Maggie0829

VulgarGirl said:

CMGragain said:

You guys are reading way to much into my post.  Yes there are rules.  If you are going to break them, that is completely your call, but don't you think that it is better to know that you are breaking them, rather than having Aunt Eloise gossiping about it later?  If you make your decision from a position of knowledge, isn't it better to say, "Yes, we know, Auntie, but we wanted to do it this way,"  than to say, "Oops!  We didn't know that!"?

PS. I think your posts are funny. too.

Gossiping is rude. Aunt Eloise is behaving like a gossipy old uptight bitch. She's the one in the wrong. 

----------BOXES MISSING---------
So much this. I would think gossiping about something is a worse offense then not using the "correct" wording.

Knottie1430025803

Never fear, I shall sleep soundly at night despite if anyone is offended by the wording.

CMGragain

Just an additional suggestion that you might like:

You are invited to the wedding of
Bride
and
Groom
Day, Date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

This wording says basically the same thing as more traditional wording.  It doesn't specify the hosts.  Nothing wrong with it.

Whatever your wording, I do hope you have a wonderful wedding day!

CMGragain

@VulgarGirl, I know Auntie is being a bitch, which is why it is better to be prepared by knowing what you are doing.  Unfortunately, my family had a lot of Aunt Eloises.  They don't disappear when you  drop houses on them, either.
I always fought their interference with knowledge.  I am certainly not perfect, but I think knowledge is the best way to cope.  Just trying to help the OP.