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did anyone forget to invite people?

hey guys, 

i'm back after a hiatus of studying / hiding / freaking out over my boards... now they're over and results won't be in until after the wedding so... trying to take my mind off of that. whats been going on here? 

now that i can finally focus on the wedding i have noticed something very embarrassing: there are three sets of people (two couples and a family) that i have accidentally left off the guest list. i.e. forgotten. i.e. not accounted for and did not confirm their address and they did not receive a wedding invitation. UGH! I'm such an idiot!!

these people are 
- a good friend (+ her husband) that i haven't been in touch with as much in the past few years but that used to be a bigger part of my life in the years prior to that... reason we haven't seen each other for this long (we live in the same city) is purely work etc, nothing particular happened 
- another good friend, similar story (+his girlfriend), except he lives in Europe so actually did not have a chance to see him for a few years now (but thats not an excuse, I have a lot of friends back home who I did not forget to invite)
- a family of distant relatives that i never see and therefore didn't think to invite but they should have been invited given that i did invite other people i am equally related to (but am closer with/ in touch regularly, so those people did not 'slip my mind') and it will look really bad, like i singled them out or something 

The wedding is 8/2/15... our RSVP deadline is 7/5/15... invitations went out a few weeks ago. 
Again, I am really mortified and it really is an honest mistake not me trying to sneak in a B list because I know those are gross. 

Did this happen to anyone? How did you handle it? I think I want to write each of these people an honest email explaining what happened and apologizing profusely. I feel like this, while bad, is not as bad as just not inviting them at all... correct? how would you feel as that person? 
- The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 

Re: did anyone forget to invite people?

  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    if you don't talk to these people regularly I wouldn't feel guilty not inviting them.  and I definitely wouldn't write them a note apologizing for not inviting them!!  that would be awkward to write and receive. Not everyone gets invited to everything and I wouldn't feel bad not being invited if we hadn't really talked much recently, not to mention if I lived across the country or in Europe I'm not making a last minute flight reservation so then it just sounds like you're hoping I send a gift.
  • my cousin actually forgot about a lot of people. even his wife side they forgot some. he ended up sending me a message on facebook apologizing but i ended up working the night before and didnt get off until 130 and had to be back at work at 9 the next morning. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It doesn't sound like you are very close to those people.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    sarawifenowhuskypuppy14
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    My feeling is if you forget about adding people to your guest list then they are not really that close of friends to begin with.

    [Deleted User]huskypuppy14
  • We had people on our guest list that-- for whatever reason-- no one knew their address. They were apparently (not close) friends of H's family. I kept asking his parents for their address and they kept saying "oh yeah, we're trying to track it down, we'll send it." It got super frustrating. 

    I decided that if they really wanted to invite these people then they'd give me the address, but in the mean time I wasn't going to send ALL THE OTHER INVITES late due to these distant friends who had vanished off the face of the earth. (I don't even really know why they were on our list, since no one in H's family had talked to them in over a decade). 

    A few days after invites went out, we STILL did not have their address. I finally told H that if it got too late, we shouldn't invite them at all because it would look like a B-list. 

    A week later, we get the address, send the invite, and it gets returned as non-deliverable a couple weeks after that. We decided to just not invite them at that point. 

    Well. There was some major miscommunication and these non-invited people were invited to my shower that SIL and MIL hosted. They immediately RSVPd  "no" (and I don't blame them). When I found this out, I was so humiliated and felt so bad. Mistakes happen. 
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  • I didn't forget to invite people... I just left them off the seating chart because I'm dumb. 
  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I would probably feel bad knowing you forgot about me. It's one thing not to be invited, people understand that for space and budget reasons. But I would probably feel worse to know I was completely forgotten.

    But what I would probably do in your case (if I really wanted to invite them) is send the invitation with a note about how I spelled their address wrong and it got returned to me so I'm sorry it's late. Would it be a total lie? Yes. And probably not good etiquette. But that would hopefully save hurt feelings and let them know I still value them as friends.

    But yeah, if you haven't talked to these people in that long, maybe they don't need to be invited.
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    Casadena[Deleted User]
  • I didn't forget to invite people... I just left them off the seating chart because I'm dumb. 
    I left off one person and misspelled 3 names on my seating chart. Whoops...

    At least there were still plenty of seats for everyone.
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    anjemon said:

    I would probably feel bad knowing you forgot about me. It's one thing not to be invited, people understand that for space and budget reasons. But I would probably feel worse to know I was completely forgotten.


    But what I would probably do in your case (if I really wanted to invite them) is send the invitation with a note about how I spelled their address wrong and it got returned to me so I'm sorry it's late. Would it be a total lie? Yes. And probably not good etiquette. But that would hopefully save hurt feelings and let them know I still value them as friends.

    But yeah, if you haven't talked to these people in that long, maybe they don't need to be invited.
    We forgot one couple and did exactly that. I noticed when we started getting RSVPs. I called the wife and told her that I must have accidentally used an old address and had it come back to me. I gave her details, asked for the address and sent a fresh invitation. I made a few jokes at my own expense and was forgiven- and they came.
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  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    My parents forgot to include my dad's aunt and uncle on their list of people they wanted invited. They werent on my radar because I've seen them twice in probably 15 years.

    My parents went down to visit them last week and were discussing all the wedding stuff etc, and the aunt made a comment about how she was looking forward to seeing what our invites looked like. Invites had already gone out at this point, and so my mum frantically texted me to see if I had invited them because their invite never showed up.

    I was definitely mortified because I hadn't thought to invite them and they were already talking about how excited they were about it. Thankfully not that much time had passed that it would be super obvious that the invite was a second thought, so I popped one immediately in the mail and my mum told them it was probably just delayed in the mail
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  • So I haven't completed the guest list, but I keep forgetting people that I definitely WANT to invite. I can see how people would be left off unintentionally. As PP's have said, if you really want to invite them, say something happened with the mail. (Yes, it's a lie, but better than hearing you forgot them.) That being said, it sounds like you don't see any of them very often, so they probably wouldn't think anything of not being invited.
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  • stefuhkneestefuhknee Spread Love it's the Brooklyn Way member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    My feeling is if you forget about adding people to your guest list then they are not really that close of friends to begin with.

    SIB

    This. How close could you really be with people that you haven't spoken to in years? I'd probably just let it go.

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  • spglspspglsp member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Two days before the RSVP date, my father "remembered" a couple of guests he had neglected to add to his list. Quite frankly, if those names didn't come to mind over the course of nine months of wedding planning, I can't imagine they were particularly significant. There is no shame in not inviting people you aren't close to
    Just Married!

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  • Just wondering...is there a reason your RSVP is a month before the wedding?

    Seems long.
    charcoalandblush
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    aliwis000 said:
    Just wondering...is there a reason your RSVP is a month before the wedding?

    Seems long.
    It's not a big deal. Anymore than a month is long, but I don't think people should nitpick a July 5 RSVP date for an August 2 wedding. It's 4 weeks. 

    A lot of people say wait a few days before contacting people who haven't RSVP'd, so then you are at close to 3 weeks away. Many vendors want the counts in at 2 weeks. 
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  • mj8215mj8215 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    thanks for the input guys. yeah, i guess i should let it go or bring on the wrong address story. i might have to do the latter, only because i like rainbows and unicorns. 

    and yes, i used to think 1 month was too long but for the reasons listed by @huskypuppy14, it made perfect sense for us. especially since its a destination wedding for 60% of guests (including us) and checking in with vendors takes more time because of time difference etc etc. 
    - The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 
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