Love Languages

themosthappy91

I'm having one of my (rare) slow days at work so I've been bopping around the internet looking for fun personality quizzes to take, and the thread about SO's who are hard to buy gifts for reminded me I've been wanting to take one of those love languages quizzes. 

Anyone a fan of this book/program? The idea is there are five main ways of showing love and everyone appreciates each one to a varying degree. My scores were:

Acts of Service (your partner doing chores and completing tasks for you)- 10

Receiving Gifts- 8

Physical Touch- 6

Quality Time- 4

Words of Affirmation (getting compliments/praise)- 2

I think it's interesting to think about, and makes sense to some degree. One of the flaws with the test is that I felt myself taking for granted stuff that I have a lot of already- of course I'd rather have a surprise gift than uninterrupted leisure time with my H, because we already have the latter every day. I think if I had taken the quiz when we were in school and had to spend a lot of breaks and holidays apart my number for quality time would have been much higher.

Other experiences with the love languages/thoughts? Take the quiz here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com

luckya23

I took mine and FI's a couple weeks ago. My #1 was acts of service then words of affirmation then touch. His was touch then words of affirmation then quality time. We both got zero for gifts!

kvruns

We both took it previously, I was more receptive to it than he was. My top one was Word of Affirmation with Receiving Gifts a close 2nd. He unfortunately took it as if to mean I'm needy and need compliments all the time rather than understanding for me words are important in the relationship (like communication written words in a text or getting a card w/ a message, etc). His top one was Acts of Service and I try to keep that in mind knowing that doing something around the house (putting stuff away that has been sitting out) or picking something up I know he needed to get are ways for me to show him love

beachyone15

I took this a few years ago and surprisingly scored pretty even on all of them, with a slight edge going to both quality time and words of affirmation. I wonder if my results would be different if I took the quiz again now.

One of the interesting things I read in the book was how sometimes your SO will project their love language onto you. Ex - my H tells me he loves me on a daily basis and always thanks me for doing things for "us" even if they are small tasks like washing the dishes that night or putting his clothes away. That leads me to believe that he wants to hear words of affirmation back (which I usually do). I would be interested to see what he would score.

cupcait927

I've taken it before for myself - I got Acts of Service followed closely by Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. I keep meaning to have H take it, simply out of curiousity, but I would bet serious money that he gets Physical Touch at the top. 

novella1186

ETA (sorry, my computer is doing weird things) This is interesting. I want H to take the quiz now :P 

I got this: 

Your Scores

8	Acts of Service
8	Words of Affirmation
7	Physical Touch
6	Quality Time
1	Receiving Gifts

NowIamMrsKlein

I actually got a three way tie between Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Quality time, With Words of Affirmation being really close behind and Gift Giving not even registering.

To be honest I think this really does define me, I like the well roundedness of showing me you love me by spending time with me, hugging me, and helping me out when I need it. Each of those things together truley shows me how much you care, not one more than the other. I love my FI's hugs, and feel completely safe when he holds me, but if he didn't spend time with me or contribute to the house then that's not enough.

ETA:And I really don't need him to buy me anything in order to know he loves me. While flowers now and then are a nice surprise, I don't like the idea of unexpected gifts because we are saving for a house etc and I'd rather the money went towards that then a gift. I'd actually prefer the 'Honey I had some extra money this month so I put it in the house fund' over 'I had some extra money this month so I bought you this braclet'

stefuhknee

Interesting! I've never heard of this. Here's how I scored:

I'm going to send to my SO to see how he does.

Your Scores

9	Acts of Service
8	Words of Affirmation
5	Physical Touch
5	Quality Time
3	Receiving Gifts

hellohkb

I'm Quality Time first and Words of Affirmation next. FH is Quality Time for sure. He's probably Acts of Service next. I'm assuming Physical Touch will be dead last for him

themosthappy91

kvruns said:

We both took it previously, I was more receptive to it than he was. My top one was Word of Affirmation with Receiving Gifts a close 2nd. He unfortunately took it as if to mean I'm needy and need compliments all the time rather than understanding for me words are important in the relationship (like communication written words in a text or getting a card w/ a message, etc). His top one was Acts of Service and I try to keep that in mind knowing that doing something around the house (putting stuff away that has been sitting out) or picking something up I know he needed to get are ways for me to show him love

Haha yeah I feel like a dick but I knew going in I was going to score high on gifts... I really like gifts! Not just the "having something I wanted" aspect, but knowing he put thought into picking something out just to pamper me.

A person reading my results critically might come to the conclusion that I'm a materialist princess who just wants to be waited on hand and foot... but hopefully H doesn't see it that way :P.

lovemesomemonster

This was a fun lunch time activity! I'm going to make a note to myself to take this again when we actually are living in the same state. Right now I would be so grateful for any quality time together because it's so rare and special!

10	Quality Time
7	Acts of Service
7	Words of Affirmation
6	Physical Touch
0	Receiving Gifts

redheadbride15

11 Quality Time
8 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch
4 Words of Affirmation
1 Receiving Gifts

ETF formatting

randomslove

8	Physical Touch
8	Quality Time
7	Acts of Service
5	Words of Affirmation
2	Receiving Gifts Makes sense for me.

mrscomposer

When I was younger, Gifts was my big one.  It's true that whatever your love language is will be what you show most easily to others, and gifts was something I put a lot of thought in to. 

In the last few years, though, with work, I've not been able to put as much thought and time into gifts as I used to, so it became less important.  I wouldn't be surprised if now my main one was Acts of Service or Physical Touch, since that's what I'm more focussed on now - especially now that J and I are together.

7	Acts of Service
7	Quality Time
6	Words of Affirmation
5	Physical Touch
5	Receiving Gifts

Doesn't surprise me that I'm fairly even... this might have even been the way I ranked them myself.

[Deleted User]

themosthappy91 said:

kvruns said:

We both took it previously, I was more receptive to it than he was. My top one was Word of Affirmation with Receiving Gifts a close 2nd. He unfortunately took it as if to mean I'm needy and need compliments all the time rather than understanding for me words are important in the relationship (like communication written words in a text or getting a card w/ a message, etc). His top one was Acts of Service and I try to keep that in mind knowing that doing something around the house (putting stuff away that has been sitting out) or picking something up I know he needed to get are ways for me to show him love

Haha yeah I feel like a dick but I knew going in I was going to score high on gifts... I really like gifts! Not just the "having something I wanted" aspect, but knowing he put thought into picking something out just to pamper me.

A person reading my results critically might come to the conclusion that I'm a materialist princess who just wants to be waited on hand and foot... but hopefully H doesn't see it that way :P.

I don't see a "gifts" person as being a materialistic princess at all!!!  

I read the book back in the day.  I thought I was both Quality Time and Physical Touch, but then I imagined myself in situations with my crush at the time.  *We're at a party, sitting in a circle with other folks, having separate conversations with different people in the group, but he's holding my hand... I feel loved.*   *We're having a just-the-two-of-us picnic, he's lavishing me with attention, but he doesn't touch me... I don't feel loved.*  My primary Love Language is physical touch.

Anyway, reading the book, it also suggests you consider the primary love language of other important people in your life.  I thought about baby sister, how she was all about drawing us pictures and sending them to us at college, she buys useless garbage that might be your favorite color or include your favorite animal and gifts it to you with relish, sure you're going to love it.  Her primary love language is gifts, so it makes me especially happy to give her things.

ETA: adding the proof

Your Scores

12	Physical Touch
8	Quality Time
7	Acts of Service
2	Words of Affirmation
1	Receiving Gifts

KeptInStitches

	11 Receiving Gifts
	10 Acts of Service
	4 Physical Touch
	3 Quality Time
	2 Words of Affirmation

H's top scores are in Physical Touch and Quality Time, and I think they're tied at 10 apiece.

kvruns

themosthappy91 said:

kvruns said:

We both took it previously, I was more receptive to it than he was. My top one was Word of Affirmation with Receiving Gifts a close 2nd. He unfortunately took it as if to mean I'm needy and need compliments all the time rather than understanding for me words are important in the relationship (like communication written words in a text or getting a card w/ a message, etc). His top one was Acts of Service and I try to keep that in mind knowing that doing something around the house (putting stuff away that has been sitting out) or picking something up I know he needed to get are ways for me to show him love

Haha yeah I feel like a dick but I knew going in I was going to score high on gifts... I really like gifts! Not just the "having something I wanted" aspect, but knowing he put thought into picking something out just to pamper me.

A person reading my results critically might come to the conclusion that I'm a materialist princess who just wants to be waited on hand and foot... but hopefully H doesn't see it that way :P.

Yea the results can look like that lol but hopefully your H is more open minded than mine! Hehe For me personally the gift part is like bringing home a coffee when you got one too, or picking up skittles bc you know I like them - small tokens that show appreciation not just a big gift.

YogaSandy

We had to use the book program for our pre-marriage counselling with our pastor. But that was over eleven years ago. I know DH was physical touch. Pretty sure I was acts of service.

justsie

Mine was words of affirmation and his is gifts. I always just took his to mean that he enjoys when I put thought into the things that I do for him or give to him, doesn't mean it has to be an expensive gift every time.

I definetly fit words of affirmation, I feel most loved when FI shares how he feels about me with me. 

[Deleted User]

When I took the test as a single about 9 years ago I'm pretty sure I scored highest in gifts. Made sense to me. My mom (especially) always made sure we had a nice a Christmas and birthday.

My parents were skilled laborers and they worked hard and saved hard all year for these events to do something nice for us. It wasn't so much the physical gifts that meant a lot (though my parents did put thought into them), but the fact that they sacrificed to make those days so enjoyable for my brother and I.

I just took the test a few months ago with my fiance and I honestly don't remember what I got. I think acts of service might be it. He was pretty close between touch and affirmation.

Bubblegum5586

I have never taken the test (I want to now) but I read the book a few years ago when a friend suggested it to me when H (then BF) and I were struggling in our relationship.

Even though I never took the test, the book and the descriptions of each love languages were well written with great examples I knew immediately I was Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation and H was Physical touch. And honestly it improved our relationship so much knowing these things and more importantly as @beachyone15 mentioned H shows his love in his love language and wants to be loved that way. So sometimes I feel like he is smothering me and needs to touch and hold me etc and it feel like too much to me and his feelings get hurt when I need my space meanwhile I am always hoping he does little things to help me out or tell me he's proud of me.

Understanding how someone loves and wants to be loved is an amazing tool to have.

WinstonsGirl

I got acts of service, but I also wonder if it's cos I'm lazy and like it when DH does stuff for me so I don't have to.   DH was physical touch, which didn't surprise me one bit.  I guessed that before he even started the test.  He's very touchy feely 

justsie

WinstonsGirl said:

I got acts of service, but I also wonder if it's cos I'm lazy and like it when DH does stuff for me so I don't have to.   DH was physical touch, which didn't surprise me one bit.  I guessed that before he even started the test.  He's very touchy feely 

I would have guessed physical touch for my FI too, but gifts made more sense when I thought about it. I guess I just figured physical touch because when we argue the first thing he wants to do is have me come over for a hug. No bromeo I'm not there yet. 

anjemon

justsie said:

WinstonsGirl said:

I got acts of service, but I also wonder if it's cos I'm lazy and like it when DH does stuff for me so I don't have to.   DH was physical touch, which didn't surprise me one bit.  I guessed that before he even started the test.  He's very touchy feely 

I would have guessed physical touch for my FI too, but gifts made more sense when I thought about it. I guess I just figured physical touch because when we argue the first thing he wants to do is have me come over for a hug. No bromeo I'm not there yet. 

See this is me. I was highest on physical touch then I think quality time. Which makes sense because if we're fighting over text or when we're leaving, I don't feel like it's resolved until we have actually seen each other and I can touch him. The actual touching somehow makes me feel like we've resolved it so much more than just saying we're good. And when we are having hard discussions or even just sometimes hanging out, I move so we're just touching legs or feet or something. Because having his touch reassures me. Now that I know it's my love language I see so much more how much it matters to me to just make contact.

I'm also super curious as a PP has said, about whether my results would be different if I were not involved with H. Physical touch would probably still be my highest, it's a big thing for me. But I didn't score that high on words of affirmation, but it's one of H's highest ones, so he is really good at telling me he loves me or that I'm pretty. Maybe if my H didn't do that so frequently I would want it more.

I also know I'm super bad at speaking in his love language. Words of Affirmation is really high to him (words of most kinds) but I don't seem to be super good at showing my love and appreciation through words. Written words, yes. But I am working on saying the love and appreciation I feel out loud. It's hard.

sassercake12

FI got quality time and physical touch as his top two, and mine were quality time and acts of service. So we make sure we carve out plenty of time for each other, and I grab his booty and hug him a lot, and he takes my car to be inspected and brings food to me when I don't feel like moving. It definitely keeps us both happy.