Wedding Party

Very upset SIL because she is not MOH

Hi everyone,

My FI and I met 8 years ago through his sister who is one of my good friends.  My friendship with her as been kinda rocky over the years. I feel like she always puts her other friends first and never makes time for me but yet she always makes comments to family/friends how i am her "best friend and sister" however for the last couple years her actions have not reflected this.  In the past she has also made comments saying "I better be your MOH when you get married"  etc. I feel like our friendship is somewhat of a show and a little fake.   

My true best friend and i have been friends since HS and have gotten extremely close in the last several years.  She is always there for me and even helped my FI plan our engagement.  I decided that I would like her to be my MOH.  This was a very hard decision for me because i did not want to hurt my SIL's feelings and I did not now how she would react.  

Fast forward to yesterday,  she came over (for the first time in ages!)  and I gave her a gift bag ( with champagne, candy, picture frame, nail polish, etc) and a card asking her to be my bridesmaid along with a personal note about how i love her and can't imagine this day without her... Well, she opens the card and starts to cry (and not happy tears).  She tells me she is very hurt etc.  I try to explain to her how I felt about our relationship but i don't know if she heard anything i said.  She left my house shortly after and did not even open her gift.

I am at a loss about what to do.  I feel horrible that I made her feel so sad but I am also a little angry that she reacted like that.   I would so appreciate any suggestions on what I should do?!  I was really hoping for this to be happy, loving, experience but it's not off to a great start :(.

Re: Very upset SIL because she is not MOH

  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hi everyone,

    My FI and I met 8 years ago through his sister who is one of my good friends.  My friendship with her as been kinda rocky over the years. I feel like she always puts her other friends first and never makes time for me but yet she always makes comments to family/friends how i am her "best friend and sister" however for the last couple years her actions have not reflected this.  In the past she has also made comments saying "I better be your MOH when you get married"  etc. I feel like our friendship is somewhat of a show and a little fake.   

    My true best friend and i have been friends since HS and have gotten extremely close in the last several years.  She is always there for me and even helped my FI plan our engagement.  I decided that I would like her to be my MOH.  This was a very hard decision for me because i did not want to hurt my SIL's feelings and I did not now how she would react.  

    Fast forward to yesterday,  she came over (for the first time in ages!)  and I gave her a gift bag ( with champagne, candy, picture frame, nail polish, etc) and a card asking her to be my bridesmaid along with a personal note about how i love her and can't imagine this day without her... Well, she opens the card and starts to cry (and not happy tears).  She tells me she is very hurt etc.  I try to explain to her how I felt about our relationship but i don't know if she heard anything i said.  She left my house shortly after and did not even open her gift.

    I am at a loss about what to do.  I feel horrible that I made her feel so sad but I am also a little angry that she reacted like that.   I would so appreciate any suggestions on what I should do?!  I was really hoping for this to be happy, loving, experience but it's not off to a great start :(.


    She definitely wasn't right for storming out upon finding out she is your bridesmaid rather than MOH. It sounds like she's pretty immature. Is she usually like this? Dramatic? Cries if she doesn't get her way? Maybe ask your FI what your best course of action is... whether it's best to talk to her about this directly or just wait it out until she comes around and hopefully apologizes for acting like a baby. If you do have to talk to her directly, not that you should have to explain yourself, but you should definitely let her know that she's still an important part of your wedding day.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    Fosmoh
  • How old is this person? So she cried because she wasn't picked first for the kickball team? Oh well.

    What should you do? Nothing. Except keep things as they are.
    *********************************************************************************

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    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    What I would do is let it go. 

    No, you didn't get the response you wanted, but it looks to me like you've already done everything you can and nothing you could say or do will make your FSIL happy, so stop trying. 

    In fact, part of the reason you may be feeling so let down is because you put an extraordinary amount of time, effort, and other resources into making this gift to ask her with.  We generally don't advise that when asking people to be in your (generic) wedding party, because they may feel pressured or bribed into saying yes after receiving all that, and the bride may feel unhappy if they say no after she goes to all that effort just to ask someone.  But be that as it may, you don't owe her an apology for not asking her to be your MOH, and if she can't handle the fact that you asked her to be a bridesmaid well, you probably dodged a bullet by not asking her to be your MOH.  In either case, there really isn't anything else you can do at this point.

    STARMOON44
  • I vote for letting it go. If she brings it up later on, discuss it then. Do not get guilted into doing something silly like "co-MOHs" or whatever. 

    On a somewhat related note, who are these people that cry over not being asked to be a MOH??

    [Deleted User]STARMOON44
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I wouldn't do anything. She is ridiculous. If she comes to you about it, just tell her that your BEST FRIEND OF MANY YEARS is your MOH. She needs to get over herself and grow the fuck up.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    STARMOON44
  • I'm sorry you got such a dramatic reaction. That is nuts. 

    I think you should let this rest for a while and give her some time to calm down because she sounds like a drama queen (and really immature). I also agree with PP that you should check with your FI on what the best course of action might be. 

    And --again, I agree with PP-- don't let her guilt you into changing your decision or making her a co-MOH or something. You did nothing wrong. 
    image
  • Maybe you should have given her big girl panties as a gift.

    Seriously, you did nothing wrong.  If she is going to act like Veruca Salt because you wouldn't buy her an Oompa Loompa, that's her problem, not yours.

    Don't contact her for awhile, let her have her big hissy fit somewhere else.  And in all seriousness, DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER DEMANDS.  Don't do it.  Sure, in he short term you have some peace, but the long term will be hell. You will set yourself up for a lifetime of her crying and having tantrums in order to get her way, and where do you draw the line?  How often do you want to give up what you want because she's acting like a toddler who wants a cookie?  Set those boundaries now, and hold that hill!

    novella1186[Deleted User]zitiqueensparklepants41
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