Etiquette

Last Minute Adds

edited June 2015 in Etiquette
My wedding is taking place in two weeks.  My parents and my fiancés' parents are paying for the reception (the food/venue rental).   My FFIL just informed me that he's ADDING additional people to the wedding list.  These are people that are not on our original list.  

I'm trying to explain to my fiancé that it's rude to do this.  He doesn't think what his dad is doing is wrong.  I'm personally freaking out.  What do I do?  My FFIL is paying.  We've had no issues with guest lists or etiquette prior to this issue.  

Re: Last Minute Adds

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
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    My wedding is taking place in two weeks.  My parents and my fiancés' parents are paying for the reception (the food/venue rental).   My FFIL just informed me that he's ADDING additional people to the wedding list.  These are people that are not on our original list.  

    I'm trying to explain to my fiancé that it's rude to do this.  He doesn't think what his dad is doing is wrong.  I'm personally freaking out.  What do I do?  My FFIL is paying.  We've had no issues with guest lists or etiquette prior to this issue.  
    I  think it's way too late to add people. Aren't your numbers due now or very soon?  Who is the point person for the venue. Is it you, your parents or your FILs? The only way I'd allow him to add people if it's truly his party that he and his SO are hosting. It sounds like there are multiple hosts, so I would say that it's too late to add people. Just say no.

    My in laws gave us money and was co hosts to our reception. We still told my MIL it was too late to add people in February, when our wedding wasn't until June.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    edited June 2015
    If he is paying, he can do it, but it's terribly rude to those guests to have been afterthoughts like that. ETA: Since your parents are also paying, I would say NO.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Knotsoflove
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    AddieCake said:

    If he is paying, he can do it, but it's terribly rude to those guests to have been afterthoughts like that.

    ETA: Since your parents are also paying, I would say NO.

    I agree. Paying shouldn't give anyone the right to insist on treating guests rudely by adding them to the guest list at the last minute and thinking they won't realize it. It insults their intelligence. I think you, your FI, and your parents need to put your collective feet down and tell your FFIL that the guest list is closed. If necessary, be ready to return any funds he's given you already and to decline any that he hasn't.
  • edited June 2015
     My mom agrees that it's rude, but since it's not her family/friends, she doesn't feel it's a reflection on her and she wants to stay out of it.   My Fi agrees with his dad, since he's paying.   I'm sort of alone on this one.    Our final count is due on Saturday.  
  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes)
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    It seems very late to add people and would look like a B-list invite. You may want to bring up to FFIL the fact that this may also force you to add more tables, centerpieces, favors, food...there's a lot more than just "adding a plate".


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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
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    If he is paying and hosting, then it's not a hill I would die on. It's really rude, but since they are his friends it is going to reflect on him, not you. Also, he'll probably have to hand deliver the invites at this point, so the people will probably full realize it's him.

    Did he give a reason for adding them? They were going o be out of town and now aren't? They are visiting? New co-workers?

    It's B listing, it's rude as hell, but since he is paying for the reception then I would start my marriage on a bad note with him over it. Especially since you don't have anyone to back you up. More importantly, I would not be willing to pay for the reception if he decided to pull his money over it. I'm just not that principled over my FFIL friends.

    I don't see anywhere that OP's parents are contributing...
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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield
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    If he is paying and hosting, then it's not a hill I would die on. It's really rude, but since they are his friends it is going to reflect on him, not you. Also, he'll probably have to hand deliver the invites at this point, so the people will probably full realize it's him.

    Did he give a reason for adding them? They were going o be out of town and now aren't? They are visiting? New co-workers?

    It's B listing, it's rude as hell, but since he is paying for the reception then I would start my marriage on a bad note with him over it. Especially since you don't have anyone to back you up. More importantly, I would not be willing to pay for the reception if he decided to pull his money over it. I'm just not that principled over my FFIL friends.

    I don't see anywhere that OP's parents are contributing...
    That second sentence in the OP is elusive.

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  • My parents have already contributed to the food/venue.  They don't plan to contribute anymore money at this time.  My FFIL paid too, but is wants to add these people.   It's only 5 people, mostly his friends. 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    Does he not see how hurtful it is that they are afterthoughts?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Knotsoflove
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    Will adding these 5 people mean you have to add a table which means another table cloth, more napkins, another centerpiece, more chairs, another table, etc, etc?  It is not just the food and booze that will be affected.

    AddieCake
  • The venue rental included all the tables, chairs, linens, etc.   So, adding someone that this point would only impact the cost of the food and he's willing to pay the difference.   

    He said he talked to these friends and they really wanted to come, so he invited them last second.  He thinks because they expressed interest in coming, then it's not rude. 
  • He is paying; he is being rude. If he wants to I would stay out of it.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    Ugh. Well, as long as it isn't costing anyone other than him more money, just let it go.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    The venue rental included all the tables, chairs, linens, etc.   So, adding someone that this point would only impact the cost of the food and he's willing to pay the difference.   

    He said he talked to these friends and they really wanted to come, so he invited them last second.  He thinks because they expressed interest in coming, then it's not rude. 
    Then let him be rude and don't worry about it anymore.

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