Etiquette

The stuff that goes on behind closed doors...x

We sent our STD out already for our Sept wedding (yay!).  Now one of our couple friends are married and we obviously addressed it to both.  We are both friends with both but I would say overall my FI is closer to the guy than I am to the girl.  However, I am close enough to the girl that I invited her to my shower.  The thing is we moved 2 hours away so neither of us see them as often as we would like.  ANYWAYS.  My FI tells me yesterday that we can't invite the girl anymore because apparently there is a restraining order and she tried to stab her husband and they are now going through a messy divorce.  We did not know these people were having problems or let alone unstable.  Everything seemed great a couple months ago when we saw them last.  I told my FI we already addressed the STV and I invited her to my shower and it would be rude and tacky to not send her an invite and they would just have to work it out who is going.  But now I'm paranoid there will be unstable drama going on at my wedding.  What do we do???

To be honest I think I am most shocked that she tried to stab him??? WTF who does that....

Re: The stuff that goes on behind closed doors...x

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Ditto Trixie. Don't worry about not inviting her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    adk19
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    She is violent and there is a restraining order out against her. This is one of those (rare) times where it's fine to throw etiquette out the window in favor of the safety of your guests.


    adk19
  • What a relief!!! Thank you all.
  • Yep, she does not get invited. She is the one restrained by law not him. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    She doesn't get invited.
  • un invite her to all functions if she already got a invite to the shower call her up and tell her she no longer is welcome. if no invite was sent out for the shower then you dont have to do anything 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    We sent our STD out already for our Sept wedding (yay!).  Now one of our couple friends are married and we obviously addressed it to both.  We are both friends with both but I would say overall my FI is closer to the guy than I am to the girl.  However, I am close enough to the girl that I invited her to my shower.  The thing is we moved 2 hours away so neither of us see them as often as we would like.  ANYWAYS.  My FI tells me yesterday that we can't invite the girl anymore because apparently there is a restraining order and she tried to stab her husband and they are now going through a messy divorce.  We did not know these people were having problems or let alone unstable.  Everything seemed great a couple months ago when we saw them last.  I told my FI we already addressed the STV and I invited her to my shower and it would be rude and tacky to not send her an invite and they would just have to work it out who is going.  But now I'm paranoid there will be unstable drama going on at my wedding.  What do we do???

    To be honest I think I am most shocked that she tried to stab him??? WTF who does that....
    The whole point of a restraining order is so that they do not contact each other.  So they couldn't actually work out who goes to your wedding!  But as PP said, you don't have to invite the wife.

    Since she has been invited to your shower, assuming the invitations have gone out.  I would call her and ask her not to attend.  It will be awkward, but it will be more awkward to have her at the shower and than not invite her to the wedding.  Any chance, the shower invite would have been delivered to the H's address, if he retained their home?  If she never saw the invite, you shouldn't have to worry about her even knowing she was invited.  But you should try to get to the bottom of this.

    If you need to call this girl, try this "Suzy, I heard what happened with you and Jack.  Due to those events, I can no longer have you at the shower or wedding.  I'm sorry to do this to you.  Good luck to you."  Don't engage her with the crazy.  I wouldn't even listen to her try and tell her version of the situation.
  • Why not speak to your friend directly and see what's going on?
    SP29
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    This is a legal issue now, not an etiquette issue. I would leave her off the invite list now!

  • I agree with others, legal issue now. And like PP said, if shower invites have gone out already, you'll have to make the call and tell her that unfortunatley due to circumstances between her & her husband that you will have to rescind the shower invitation.
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