Etiquette

Getting Ready Time for Guests Question....

I'm wondering if I have left enough time for my guests to get ready at the hotel pre-ceremony. 

We picked 5:00pm for our late October Wedding so we would have ample light for photography. As per the request of the venue and officiant we put 4:30 on the invites as the arrival time. Buffering for traffic we have then decided to have our shuttle leave the hotel at 4:00pm. Official check-in time at the hotel is 3:00pm (they say no early check-ins). That gives people one hour at most to check-in, get ready, get to the shuttle. I'm thinking I can tell the shuttle to leave at 4:15 for the people running late. Is one hour enough for guests staying at the hotel to get ready? Obviously not all guests will be staying at the hotel, Plus all guests who are staying at the hotel will have driven there, so last resort they can drive to the venue (not ideal). 

I just need to know if I"m over thinking things now... plus my invites are already printed up with 4:30 arrival time :)

Re: Getting Ready Time for Guests Question....

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    It's very rude to lie about the start time. I always arrive early to weddings. If your invite says 4:30, I will be there at 4:15. So you're telling me I would have to then wait 45 minutes for your ceremony to start? Why? Because maybe some people might be running late?

    adk19PrettyGirlLostnewvalley
  • My question was about having one hour for guests to get ready at hotel and if that is enough time.

    Don't assume that I haven't taken the arrival/start time into account, I'm not being rude. I already said it was the venue that REQUIRES me to have a 30 min arrival time. It's a common venue practice. My ceremony/reception is held in the same place and is also a very far drive for most people up state. Guests are told to arrive 30 mins before ceremony start, there will be live music and drinks handed out. And yes it is mostly for people who are running late, which will inevitably happen since it's a far drive. Traffic, being a Friday, etc.. That's nice that you arrive 30 minutes before a ceremony. But not all people do that. 
    libride2015
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    Also, you're having a Friday late afternoon wedding.  People are going to have to take off time from work to attend your wedding, even if they're not the ones driving from far away.  Now you want to require them to get there half an hour before the ceremony even starts?  That's inconsiderate of your guests.



  • I'm starting to see your point... but i'm sure we can start the ceremony early if all people arrive. I guess my point is people aren't going to be waiting around. There's a receiving area and music, right into ceremony, then right into cocktail hour. Not much waiting really. There's a bunch of message boards on this and it's pretty split with opinions. I think the key is to tell people 4:30 music prelude, 5:00 ceremony.... then everyone is happy.
  • pk367499pk367499
    First Comment First Anniversary
    member
    edited June 2015
    ""No, that would not be enough time for me to get ready. I check in at 3, then let's assume it's 3:15 before I'm actually in my room and unzipping my suitcase. Shower, if I'm fast, will take me 10 minutes. I wash my hair at night, so drying is not an issue, but if it were for someone, another 10-15 minutes? Curling my hair, putting on makeup, getting dressed, and being down to the shuttle all has to happen in 20 minutes? Nope. Since I don't have to dry my hair, I could make it if I rush, but I wouldn't be happy about it. And then I would be pissed that I was told the ceremony is at 4:30 and it wasn't until 5.""

    thanks! that's helpful. and also the information i was looking for :)
  • If the wedding invitation states 4:30 and its 4:45 and the wedding hasn't started I'm going to start thinking that someone is getting cold feet and when they finally show up I'm going to be wondering who convinced them...
    Do everyone a favor and start the wedding at the time that you stated it would- unless something beyond your control happens. People showing up late- not your control. 
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    MyNameIsNotredoryxmollybarker11charcoalandblush
  • edited June 2015
    pk367499 said:
    I'm wondering if I have left enough time for my guests to get ready at the hotel pre-ceremony. 

    We picked 5:00pm for our late October Wedding so we would have ample light for photography. As per the request of the venue and officiant we put 4:30 on the invites as the arrival time. Buffering for traffic we have then decided to have our shuttle leave the hotel at 4:00pm. Official check-in time at the hotel is 3:00pm (they say no early check-ins). That gives people one hour at most to check-in, get ready, get to the shuttle. I'm thinking I can tell the shuttle to leave at 4:15 for the people running late. Is one hour enough for guests staying at the hotel to get ready? Obviously not all guests will be staying at the hotel, Plus all guests who are staying at the hotel will have driven there, so last resort they can drive to the venue (not ideal). 

    I just need to know if I"m over thinking things now... plus my invites are already printed up with 4:30 arrival time :)

    You put the correct times on the invites and you allow guests to decide how and when they will arrive.  If you want to make sure guests are aware of the shuttle and it's departure times, consider listing the shuttle service time on your wedding website.  This way guests are informed about the shuttle time, but can create their own timeline.  
    PrettyGirlLostcharcoalandblush
  • That would be plenty of time for me. I'd do my hair and makeup at home and just put my dress on at the hotel.
  • Yeah, one hour would be plenty for me even from the absolute start. But I would have already showered and just need to change and refresh hair/makeup.
  • I agree that would be plenty of time for me.  I would have showered already and probably prepped hair and makeup a bit before arriving to the hotel.

    Related question....

    I know it's obviously very considerate to ensure your guests have time to check into their rooms and get ready before they need to be on the shuttle, but honestly wondering whether this is truly the responsibility of the bride/groom/hosts of the wedding?  

    Whenever I've been to an OOT wedding where I needed to stay at a hotel, I considered the timeline and then decided my plan for getting ready based on check-in, whether that meant basically getting ready before making the drive and then just putting my dress on and freshening up when I got there, or determining there was plenty of time to do all of it at the hotel.  I've never expected the hosts to make sure I have ample time to check in, get ready, and make it to the wedding.  I've always assumed that to be my responsibility.

    Full disclosure, our ceremony is at 4pm and hotel check-in is at 3pm a few miles away.  Shuttles will probably be leaving around 3:30pm.  I'll admit this thread has me a bit worried, so thanks for posting OP!


    PrettyGirlLosthuskypuppy14
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    I'm clearly the high maintenance one around here! I agree with Frenchie's comment that I would never think this was the host's responsibility, though. I would make arrangements for myself to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready and get myself to the wedding, even if that meant driving myself, partially getting ready at home, or even going a day early if I was much further away.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    adk19simcal18PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829
  • AddieCake said:
    I'm clearly the high maintenance one around here! I agree with Frenchie's comment that I would never think this was the host's responsibility, though. I would make arrangements for myself to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready and get myself to the wedding, even if that meant driving myself, partially getting ready at home, or even going a day early if I was much further away.

    This.  Guests are grown-ups.  It's not up to me as the bride to determine their getting ready schedules.  They can figure out for themselves whether it makes sense for them to get ready at home, in their hotel room, or somewhere else based on what works best for them. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    AddieCake said:
    I'm clearly the high maintenance one around here! I agree with Frenchie's comment that I would never think this was the host's responsibility, though. I would make arrangements for myself to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready and get myself to the wedding, even if that meant driving myself, partially getting ready at home, or even going a day early if I was much further away.

    This.  Guests are grown-ups.  It's not up to me as the bride to determine their getting ready schedules.  They can figure out for themselves whether it makes sense for them to get ready at home, in their hotel room, or somewhere else based on what works best for them. 
    Exactly.   


    Add me to the list of people who would be pissed to find out the ceremony is a half hour later then stated on the invitation.   I'm also one who shows up 15-20 mins for ceremony.  I would be waiting 45-50 mintues.   I should not be "punished" due to other's poor planning.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    adk19PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCake said:
    I'm clearly the high maintenance one around here! I agree with Frenchie's comment that I would never think this was the host's responsibility, though. I would make arrangements for myself to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready and get myself to the wedding, even if that meant driving myself, partially getting ready at home, or even going a day early if I was much further away.

    This.  Guests are grown-ups.  It's not up to me as the bride to determine their getting ready schedules.  They can figure out for themselves whether it makes sense for them to get ready at home, in their hotel room, or somewhere else based on what works best for them. 
    I tend to agree with this- my only comment would be that, this is a wedding at 5pm on a Friday. I would definitely want to have time to change from what I was wearing at work that day. It sounds like the venue OP has chosen is quite a drive for a number of her guests. Assuming they will be coming from work, they may need a bit more time to prep than if they had come straight from home. Moreover, there may be more than one person per room who needs to prep--adding to the time needed. OP, your guests are adults and can figure out how long they need to prep. The most important thing is for them to have accurate information in terms of when the start of the ceremony is and when shuttles will be leaving so that they can actually plan accordingly.
  • AddieCake said:
    I'm clearly the high maintenance one around here! I agree with Frenchie's comment that I would never think this was the host's responsibility, though. I would make arrangements for myself to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready and get myself to the wedding, even if that meant driving myself, partially getting ready at home, or even going a day early if I was much further away.

    This.  Guests are grown-ups.  It's not up to me as the bride to determine their getting ready schedules.  They can figure out for themselves whether it makes sense for them to get ready at home, in their hotel room, or somewhere else based on what works best for them. "

    Thanks guys, I tend to agree with you and I think I am over thinking everything. It seems it's up the guests to get themselves to the ceremony/reception. Even if they need to drive themselves. I just need to make sure the times are very well communicated (check in time, shuttle time, music time, ceremony time). There now everyone should be happy :)

  • mbross3 said:
    AddieCake said:
    I'm clearly the high maintenance one around here! I agree with Frenchie's comment that I would never think this was the host's responsibility, though. I would make arrangements for myself to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready and get myself to the wedding, even if that meant driving myself, partially getting ready at home, or even going a day early if I was much further away.

    This.  Guests are grown-ups.  It's not up to me as the bride to determine their getting ready schedules.  They can figure out for themselves whether it makes sense for them to get ready at home, in their hotel room, or somewhere else based on what works best for them. 
    I tend to agree with this- my only comment would be that, this is a wedding at 5pm on a Friday. I would definitely want to have time to change from what I was wearing at work that day. It sounds like the venue OP has chosen is quite a drive for a number of her guests. Assuming they will be coming from work, they may need a bit more time to prep than if they had come straight from home. Moreover, there may be more than one person per room who needs to prep--adding to the time needed. OP, your guests are adults and can figure out how long they need to prep. The most important thing is for them to have accurate information in terms of when the start of the ceremony is and when shuttles will be leaving so that they can actually plan accordingly.

    ******BOXES*******

    This.  If I had rushed from work after leaving early on a Friday to check into the hotel, get ready, and get to your wedding before 4:30 - after probably being stressed from rushing/traffic as I'm wont to do - and then found out it actually didn't start til 5, I would be PISSED.
    This is exactly what I was thinking. If I left work and did that much rushing around only to find that I was lied to and actually had 30 more minutes, I would definitely be fuming about that. 

    And as PP said, when I'm invited to an OOT wedding I'm aware of check-in time at my hotel and can plan getting ready accordingly. If the wedding is on a Friday then I'd already have my hair and make-up done for work and would maybe just need some touch-ups and whatnot, so then all I'd have to do is put my dress and shoes on, which would take about 5 minutes. 
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    MairePoppyPrettyGirlLost
  • I think PPs have it covered, but I will add that you will be amazed what people can manage for a wedding.  My bio Dad is at least 15-30 minutes late to *everything* and he was 15 minutes early.  For my 4PM Friday afternoon wedding.  

    You might just be surprised with people's ability to get it together. I know I was!  :)
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  • I agree that would be plenty of time for me.  I would have showered already and probably prepped hair and makeup a bit before arriving to the hotel.

    Related question....

    I know it's obviously very considerate to ensure your guests have time to check into their rooms and get ready before they need to be on the shuttle, but honestly wondering whether this is truly the responsibility of the bride/groom/hosts of the wedding?  

    Whenever I've been to an OOT wedding where I needed to stay at a hotel, I considered the timeline and then decided my plan for getting ready based on check-in, whether that meant basically getting ready before making the drive and then just putting my dress on and freshening up when I got there, or determining there was plenty of time to do all of it at the hotel.  I've never expected the hosts to make sure I have ample time to check in, get ready, and make it to the wedding.  I've always assumed that to be my responsibility.

    Full disclosure, our ceremony is at 4pm and hotel check-in is at 3pm a few miles away.  Shuttles will probably be leaving around 3:30pm.  I'll admit this thread has me a bit worried, so thanks for posting OP!
    That's because it isn't the bride/groom's responsibility.  Their responsibility is telling people the ACTUAL time the ceremony starts and letting the guests be adults and make their arrangements accordingly.
    novella1186PrettyGirlLostfrenchiekinsouthernbelle0915
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    I agree that would be plenty of time for me.  I would have showered already and probably prepped hair and makeup a bit before arriving to the hotel.

    Related question....

    I know it's obviously very considerate to ensure your guests have time to check into their rooms and get ready before they need to be on the shuttle, but honestly wondering whether this is truly the responsibility of the bride/groom/hosts of the wedding?  Nope, that's the responsibility of the guests.

    Whenever I've been to an OOT wedding where I needed to stay at a hotel, I considered the timeline and then decided my plan for getting ready based on check-in, whether that meant basically getting ready before making the drive and then just putting my dress on and freshening up when I got there, or determining there was plenty of time to do all of it at the hotel.  I've never expected the hosts to make sure I have ample time to check in, get ready, and make it to the wedding.  I've always assumed that to be my responsibility.  It is.

    Full disclosure, our ceremony is at 4pm and hotel check-in is at 3pm a few miles away.  Shuttles will probably be leaving around 3:30pm.  I'll admit this thread has me a bit worried, so thanks for posting OP!  Why are you nervous?  You will be at your ceremony site, ready to go!  If people are late, that's on them.  If I was an OOT guest traveling to your wedding I'd probably arrive and check in the night before, or ask for an early check in the day off.  Most hotels can accommodate early check ins if you ask in advance.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Maggie0829
  • I agree that would be plenty of time for me.  I would have showered already and probably prepped hair and makeup a bit before arriving to the hotel.

    Related question....

    I know it's obviously very considerate to ensure your guests have time to check into their rooms and get ready before they need to be on the shuttle, but honestly wondering whether this is truly the responsibility of the bride/groom/hosts of the wedding?  Nope, that's the responsibility of the guests.

    Whenever I've been to an OOT wedding where I needed to stay at a hotel, I considered the timeline and then decided my plan for getting ready based on check-in, whether that meant basically getting ready before making the drive and then just putting my dress on and freshening up when I got there, or determining there was plenty of time to do all of it at the hotel.  I've never expected the hosts to make sure I have ample time to check in, get ready, and make it to the wedding.  I've always assumed that to be my responsibility.  It is.

    Full disclosure, our ceremony is at 4pm and hotel check-in is at 3pm a few miles away.  Shuttles will probably be leaving around 3:30pm.  I'll admit this thread has me a bit worried, so thanks for posting OP!  Why are you nervous?  You will be at your ceremony site, ready to go!  If people are late, that's on them.  If I was an OOT guest traveling to your wedding I'd probably arrive and check in the night before, or ask for an early check in the day off.  Most hotels can accommodate early check ins if you ask in advance.

    Thank you!!  I would do the same thing but this thread had me worried that I was really missing something about being considerate of the guests.  Though I guess, how would anyone have a wedding between the hours of 2-5PM in that case?  Thanks for bringing me back down to earth, PGL and groomguy :)


    PrettyGirlLost
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I agree that it is not the B&Gs responsibility to make sure everyone gets ready on time, or to figure out hotel check in- only to tell the guests the correct time and location for any events.

    Myself, with that check in time, I'd probably shower and do hair and make up before I left, then get dressed in the room.

    I think putting "Prelude with refreshments at 4:30 and Ceremony at 5pm" would be fine, but you said your invitations are already printed, so how will that happen?

    I would also consider your shuttle time. Having ONE shuttle at 4pm for a 5pm ceremony is pretty early. I could see if the shuttle was doing a couple loops (i.e. 4/4:15/4:30), but if there is only one shuttle, I'd move it later.

    Shuttle times can go on your wedding website, or a separate insert.

    At most weddings I have been to, no one has shown up late. Only one wedding- that was on a Friday at 4pm. The ceremony started *right* on time. A few people showed up late, they came in quietly, stood at the back. The bride walked down the aisle as planned. Nothing fell apart.
  • If the hotel actually does not allow for early check ins, then you have to consider time waiting in line as well. If there is only 1 or 2 people working check in, and 10-20 people waiting to check in, that last person might not get up to their room until 3:30-3:45pm, but are expecting to be in the shower by 3:15. I've been that person before! So I would say no, that is probably not enough time for everyone.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
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    edited July 2015
    If the hotel actually does not allow for early check ins, then you have to consider time waiting in line as well. If there is only 1 or 2 people working check in, and 10-20 people waiting to check in, that last person might not get up to their room until 3:30-3:45pm, but are expecting to be in the shower by 3:15. I've been that person before! So I would say no, that is probably not enough time for everyone.
    That's the guests fault for trying to cut it so close. If I know that check in is at 3, and the wedding is at 4:30, I'm not taking a shower at the hotel. It's just not feasible. 

    My husband and I went to a wedding that started at 2:30, and it was about 2 hours away from where we lived. We left at 11am, and just made it to the ceremony with 15 minutes to spare due to traffic. Luckily we were dressed for the wedding, but the plan was to check in at the hotel first.
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  • I think the timeline is a little cramped, and putting 4:30 on the invitations instead of 5 is making it more so. Hurry up and wait is universally aggravating. I would be pissed if I stressed and rushed to get to your wedding by 4:15 only to find out it didn't start until 5. There was a blizzard the day before my wedding. Guests' flights were cancelled, tree limbs were on the highway, and many people were without power in their homes. The only guest that was late was local, and had power, she is just always late. We started without her, just like we do at Thanksgiving and Christmas. The great majority of people can get themselves to places on time, regardless of whether or not it is a bit of a crunch. Don't make it more of a crunch by lying about the start time.
    image
  • My niece did this, wrong ceremony start time, Friday wedding. We rushed around trying to make her "start" time, just to sit and wait. We couldn't eat before the wedding due to the rushing, so the last time any of us ate was around noon. The ceremony started late as well. Can you say pissed? And this was just a 15 minute difference, you are having a 30 minute difference. Change your invites, the venue and officiant won't know and sorry not sorry shouldn't be telling you to screw your guests like that in the first place.
    adk19
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