Wedding Party

Getting Ready Question and Kids

edited June 2015 in Wedding Party
The morning of the wedding all my bridesmaids are welcome to come to my mom's house to get ready. I have two bridesmaids in the wedding that have children.   I wanted to be accommodating to their situations and gave them the option of  just meeting us at the ceremony.   One of my friends has two sons (ages 3 and 7) and doesn't have anyone to watch them the morning of the wedding.   She wants to bring them to my mom's house while she's getting ready with us.  My mom doesn't like this idea and doesn't want kids running all around the house on the day of the wedding.    She also doesn't have a child friendly home.  She has lots of expensive furniture, glass and breakables everywhere.  

What's a polite way to say that she's can't bring her kids?    I know people can get sensitive when it comes to their children.  I don't how to approach the subject without offending her. 

Re: Getting Ready Question and Kids

  • jacques27jacques27
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    edited June 2015

    The truth.

    It's not like you're telling her the kids aren't wanted generally or you're afraid they'll ruin wedding party getting ready fun or some nonsense like that.  Just say that while you like her kids very much, you mom feels uncomfortable because it's been awhile since there's been little kids in her home and she has a lot of breakables and you're respecting her wishes since it's her home.

    ETA: Or you find a way to work around it - like kid-proofing a room in the house or finding a new getting ready place.

    adk19courtmcmPrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited June 2015
    jacques27 said:

    The truth.

    It's not like you're telling her the kids aren't wanted generally or you're afraid they'll ruin wedding party getting ready fun or some nonsense like that.  Just say that while you like her kids very much, you mom feels uncomfortable because it's been awhile since there's been little kids in her home and she has a lot of breakables and you're respecting her wishes since it's her home.

    ETA: Or you find a way to work around it - like kid-proofing a room in the house or finding a new getting ready place.

    I disagree with asking your mom to kid-proof her house for two kids. Her decisions about who and what can be at her house are for her alone (and your dad/your mom's SO) to make and should be respected.

    I would tell your bridesmaid the truth: that her kids can't come to your mom's house. (If she can't find a babysitter for them during your getting ready period, does she have one for the wedding, cocktail hour, and reception if the kids aren't invited?)

    If you really want to find a new place to get ready that your bridesmaid can bring her kids to, you can do that, but I would be inclined to simply tell her that bringing her kids is not an option and let her make other arrangements, even if it means not expecting her to get ready with you. Looking for another location to get ready might be too much trouble at this point. Not to mention, if her kids are there while she gets ready with you, she probably wants you and the rest of your wedding party to watch them for her while she gets ready, which isn't anyone's job but her own.
    JerseyBeachGal22
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    Yep, I would just be honest and tell her your mom isn't comfortable with kids running around, especially since everyone will be too busy to really supervise.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • adk19adk19
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    The morning of the wedding all my bridesmaids are welcome to come to my mom's house to get ready. I have two bridesmaids in the wedding that have children.   I wanted to be accommodating to their situations and gave them the option of  just meeting us at the ceremony.   One of my friends has two sons (ages 3 and 7) and doesn't have anyone to watch them the morning of the wedding.   She wants to bring them to my mom's house while she's getting ready with us.  My mom doesn't like this idea and doesn't want kids running all around the house on the day of the wedding.    She also doesn't have a child friendly home.  She has lots of expensive furniture, glass and breakables everywhere.  

    What's a polite way to say that she's can't bring her kids?    I know people can get sensitive when it comes to their children.  I don't how to approach the subject without offending her. 
    Sally, I'm sorry but my mom is uncomfortable with children in her home at this point.    I understand this means you won't be able to get ready with us.  Sorry, but we'll see you at the ceremony.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Just tell her your mom isn't comfortable having the kids around. So if she can't find someone to watch them, you will meet her at the ceremony. "Hi Friend, unfortunately my mom isn't comfortable having kids around the day of. I'm sorry. If you can't find a sitter, we can always just meet you at the ceremony site."

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with the truth here.
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  • I agree, being truthful that mom's house isn't child friendly and the idea of having kids there makes your mom a little uneasy. If you have any other friends with kids, maybe ask around if they have a babysitter that they can recommend that your friend can use for that morning.
  • adk19adk19
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    Erikan73 said:
    I agree, being truthful that mom's house isn't child friendly and the idea of having kids there makes your mom a little uneasy. If you have any other friends with kids, maybe ask around if they have a babysitter that they can recommend that your friend can use for that morning.
    Or let your bridesmaid do her own thing with her own children for the morning and join you for the ceremony and reception.  It's not like "getting ready" really needs to be an Event.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Thanks for the suggestions.  I gave them the option of just going to the church for the ceremony, but she says she really wants to come and get ready with us.  She keeps saying, "Don't you really want me there?"    I feel like it's a loaded question and if I say "yes, but the kids can't come" it's going to make it worse. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited June 2015
    Thanks for the suggestions.  I gave them the option of just going to the church for the ceremony, but she says she really wants to come and get ready with us.  She keeps saying, "Don't you really want me there?"    I feel like it's a loaded question and if I say "yes, but the kids can't come" it's going to make it worse. 
    If it gets worse because you say this, it won't be your fault.  It will be because your friend is unable to respect boundaries and take no for an answer.  If she protests, I'd tell her, "Friend, I'm sorry.  I understand how much you'd like to get ready with us, and we'd love to have you, but we cannot accommodate your kids at my mom's house.  If you're not able to find a babysitter for your kids, then we'll understand if you can't get ready with us.  But bringing the kids is not an option."
    courtmcmadk19PrettyGirlLostSTARMOON44
  • adk19adk19
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    Jen4948 said:
    Thanks for the suggestions.  I gave them the option of just going to the church for the ceremony, but she says she really wants to come and get ready with us.  She keeps saying, "Don't you really want me there?"    I feel like it's a loaded question and if I say "yes, but the kids can't come" it's going to make it worse. 
    If it gets worse because you say this, it won't be your fault.  It will be because your friend is unable to respect boundaries and take no for an answer.  If she protests, I'd tell her, "Friend, I'm sorry.  I understand how much you'd like to get ready with us, and we'd love to have you, but we cannot accommodate your kids at my mom's house.  If you're not able to find a babysitter for your kids, then we'll understand if you can't get ready with us.  But bringing the kids is not an option."
    This.  Definitely this.
  • Thanks for the suggestions.  I gave them the option of just going to the church for the ceremony, but she says she really wants to come and get ready with us.  She keeps saying, "Don't you really want me there?"    I feel like it's a loaded question and if I say "yes, but the kids can't come" it's going to make it worse. 
    "Yes, of course I do. But my mom is uncomfortable having kids there. So if you can't get a sitter, we'll just meet you at the ceremony site."  

    See how you repeated yourself nicely, but gave her the same answer? Do that until she understands that the answer doesn't change because she asks a different way. She's really being rude at this point by pushing you/your mom. 

    Rudeness/Pushiness on her part should not = caving on your part. If anyone should know that, it's someone with a 3 year old and a 7 year old...
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    frenchiekinadk19PrettyGirlLostSTARMOON44
  • Don't these kids have fathers?

    thespeshulestsnowflakePrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    zitiqueen said:
    Don't these kids have fathers?
    Thank you!  This is what I was thinking.  Unless the father isn't in the picture. 

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    courtmcm
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    zitiqueen said:
    Don't these kids have fathers?
    Thank you!  This is what I was thinking.  Unless the father isn't in the picture. 
    This.  OP when is your wedding?  If it isn't for awhile why can't this BM find someone to watch her kids?  And are the kids invited to the wedding?  If so, who is going to watch them during the ceremony while their Mom is busy?

    But if your Mom does not want kids in her house then that is the final decision.  You tell your friend that even though you would love for her to be there that your Mom doesn't want children in her house.  End of story.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • edited July 2015
    The father has to work that morning.  The kids are coming to the wedding ceremony and her mom is coming also (I've known her for years). We invited her mom to the entire wedding, but my friend decided she wanted an evening out with her husband.  So, her mom's coming to the ceremony and then taking the kids home. 

    She doesn't have anyone to watch the kids in the morning, but I offered her the option of just meeting us at the church around the same time her mom is showing up for the ceremony. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    The father has to work that morning.  The kids are coming to the wedding and her mom is coming also (I've known her for years).    Her mom is going to watch the kids at the reception and take them home earlier so my friend and her husband can stay late. 

    She doesn't have anyone to watch the kids in the morning, but I offered her the option of just meeting us at the church around the same time her mom is showing up for the ceremony. 
    Then that is the option she has to choose.

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    The father has to work that morning.  The kids are coming to the wedding ceremony and her mom is coming also (I've known her for years). We invited her mom to the entire wedding, but my friend decided she wanted an evening out with her husband.  So, her mom's coming to the ceremony and then taking the kids home. 

    She doesn't have anyone to watch the kids in the morning, but I offered her the option of just meeting us at the church around the same time her mom is showing up for the ceremony. 
    Ruh Roh. . .

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • edited July 2015
    sorry, I edited because I said mom and kids are coming to the reception and I meant to write ceremony only.  My friend and her mom decided not take the kids to the reception.    I can't keep my life straight right now......I have the worst wedding brain!   I can't get my thoughts out clearly. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    No worries!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • edited July 2015
    They also recently changed their plans on that.  They were going to bring the kids and then not.   I can't keep it straight anymore. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Couldn't her mom watch the kids in the morning and bring them with her to the wedding?
    JerseyBeachGal22
  • OP, you need to put your foot down.  I had a similar situation with my sister. I have 5 girls getting ready in my hotel room, plus hair and makeup people.  There is just no way I can have kids there.  She was assuming it was ok.  Had I not asked the right questions, my sister would have just shown up the morning of my wedding like:

    image

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