questionable MOH

Sarbear0930

I have deep concerns about my MOH. We have been friends for such a long time I felt obligated to make her my MOH.  My big day is still 15 months away but I'm finding it hard to get a hold of her for the simple things.  She just a got a new boyfriend and her life revolves around him.  I already had my ask to be a BM/MOH dinner and she was announced but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that she is going to a pain in the butt to track down when I need her there when the date gets closer.  I'm also afraid if I strip her of her title that she is going to remove herself completely.

kvruns

Knottie27968645 said:

I have deep concerns about my MOH. We have been friends for such a long time I felt obligated to make her my MOH.  My big day is still 15 months away but I'm finding it hard to get a hold of her for the simple things.  She just a got a new boyfriend and her life revolves around him.  I already had my ask to be a BM/MOH dinner and she was announced but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that she is going to a pain in the butt to track down when I need her there when the date gets closer.  I'm also afraid if I strip her of her title that she is going to remove herself completely.

JIC

kicking her out, or removing her "title", will likely end the friendship. Others will comment too that your bridesmaids/MOH only role is to show up for the wedding and stand up with you, you will just need to track her down for that, no other wedding festivities or projects are required. Be happy for your friend and her new boyfriend!

AddieCake

What exactly are you needing her to do over a year out?

TrixieJess

Dear Brides,

GET THE FUCK OFF PINTEREST!

Sincerely,

Someone who wants to have Friends after her Wedding

climbingsingle

What could you possibly have to discuss with her regarding your wedding that is 15 MONTHS AWAY? My advice - chill the eff out. Your MOH is not required to do anything for you. Your wedding is not the most important thing going on in everyone else's world. 

Now, if you see an issue with your supposed best friend who seems to drop off the face of the earth whenever she gets a boyfriend, that's a problem. I had a friend like that too. And if that's the case, call her on it. And leave your wedding out of it. 

mikenberger

Knottie27968645 said:

I have deep concerns about my MOH. We have been friends for such a long time I felt obligated to make her my MOH.  My big day is still 15 months away but I'm finding it hard to get a hold of her for the simple things.  She just a got a new boyfriend and her life revolves around him.  I already had my ask to be a BM/MOH dinner and she was announced but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that she is going to a pain in the butt to track down when I need her there when the date gets closer.  I'm also afraid if I strip her of her title that she is going to remove herself completely.

What in the world could you POSSIBLY have to do that needs any input from someone outside of your FI 15 months before the wedding? Absolutely nothing. That's what. She doesn't need to do ANYTHING right now. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. 

And seriously? "Strip her of her title"? And "she's already been announced..." did you just make her the Queen or something? Regardless of her role in the wedding, demoting/removing her from the bridal party will possibly result and rightfully so, in her telling you to stick it where the sun don't shine. She has zero responsibility to your wedding until she needs to buy a dress. Which, that is a conversation you should have with every bridesmaid privately and work with your lowest budget. If she doesn't buy a dress in 12 months (because you shouldn't expect her to buy a dress ANY sooner)... come back to us then. 

beachyone15

These "my MOH is not the best/questionable/is being a bitch/is lazy and only cares about her own life" threads are getting old.

ChemFanatic25

MUD

MnHGirl

Bridesmaids/groomsmen and even parents are not responsible/required to help you out. 

This is YOUR wedding not theirs! 

I have asked for help throughout the planning process and have received help- but never demanded or put a job to a title of the person! 

MY MOH did throw me a fun party last weekend and I was very grateful... she offered and I never asked  

southernbelle0915

Kick her out now..... it'll save HER a giant headache as your high-maintenance wedding approaches.

In all seriousness, if you want to have friends after your wedding, do things yourself and stop expecting people to be your brideslaves.

MairePoppy

These are your MOH responsibilites 

1. purchase the dress that you've agreed on, after consulting each bm on her budget. You should contact each BM/MOH, privately, to ask her budget for the dress. Choose something in the lowest range. 

2. Show up on time, sober for the wedding. 

Anything else that she may volunteer to do is gravy. Some MOH and bm love weddings and volunteer to help with DIY projects, showers, bps etc..., but they aren't obligated to do any of those things. If anyone does offer to do those things, you should consider yourself lucky and offer your sincere gratitude. Also you may ask for, but not expect help....something along the lines of 'If any of you would like to help me with favors on Thursday night, let me know. Beer and pizza are on me.'  You and your fi are responble for executing your wedding plans. If you've over planned, scale back so that you can manage without help.

And WTH, I have never heard of an 'ask to be a BM/MOH dinner.' Please don't be one of those brides that holds 'meetings' about her wedding. That stuff can get old fast. 

banana468

I'm LOL at "strip her of her title".

My entire engagement wasn't 15 months.

It's time to dial it back.  

I think you need to turn wedding planning into a game.   Every time you think it's your MOH's job, you're going to need to do a shot of the alcohol of your choice.

lyndausvi

Dudes have it easy.   It's rare you hear of a groom upset that his best man isn't helping picking out invitations or caterers.

Such a fucked up double standard.   MOH are some how required to help plan their friend's wedding.   Best men, they just get to sit back without a care in the world.  And NO,  the answer is NOT to have the best men get involved.  It's to stop expecting any of them to help.

Here's an idea, have your FI help you plan the wedding.  Crazy concept I know.

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie27968645 said:

I have deep concerns about my MOH. We have been friends for such a long time I felt obligated to make her my MOH.  My big day is still 15 months away but I'm finding it hard to get a hold of her for the simple things.  What on Earth do you need your MOH for now, when your wedding is over a year away?  The correct answer, for those playing at home, is nothing!  If you need help planning things, go to your FI.  We can also bounce ideas off of us.  She just a got a new boyfriend and her life revolves around him.  Yeah, a new BF would take priority in my life over a friend's wedding that is over a year away.  I already had my ask to be a BM/MOH dinner and she was announced but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that she is going to a pain in the butt to track down when I need her there when the date gets closer.  She really only NEEDS to show up to your ceremony, on time, in the appropriate dress.  She does not NEED to help you plan things, do DIY stuff, throw you any pre-wedding parties, etc.  If she or anyone else OFFERS to help you or throw you showers and parties, that's lovely and take them up on it if you wish.  But please do not expect any of that stuff.  It puts a lot of undue pressure on people who may not want to nor financially be able to throw those parties for you.  I'm also afraid if I strip her of her title that she is going to remove herself completely.  You are not a queen and she is not one of your vassals with an actual title that you can actually strip her off.  MOH is not a title, it's a ceremonial position of honor.  And you, as the bride, are honoring your friend by publicly acknowledging she is very close to you by asking her to stand up with you in your ceremony.   If I was your friend and you "demoted" me, I'd absolutely decline to be in your wedding party because you would be revealing your true colors to me, and I'd see the demotion as a portent of bratty, shitty behavior to come.  I'd also likely decline to attend your wedding period, because people I consider close friends don't act like bridezillas, and if you started acting like one I'd reconsider our friendship.

Viczaesar

Oy vey.

[Deleted User]

Genuinely curious what OP needs MOH for this far out. Like. What. What could you possibly need her unyielding attention for when your wedding is not for OVER A YEAR!

CMGragain

OP, this is your own fault for choosing your attendants too early.  You should have waited until about 10 months out from your wedding.
Your expectations are very unrealistic.  MairePoppy has excellent advice.

Maggie0829

Strip her of her title?  Is she like Miss America and was found to have posed nude for Playboy?

OP your wedding is 15 months away.  I can guarantee, no matter how great a friend your MOH is, she does not give a damn about your wedding right now.  So step away from Pinterest and all things "the Bride is the queen and everyone must put their lives on hold for her" bull crap you read on the internet/see in movies.