Etiquette

When to assume that some invited are just not coming?

MnHGirlMnHGirl
Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
member
edited June 2015 in Etiquette
I need to submit my meals to my venue in the next couple of days. 
We had invited 240 guests to the wedding and when the RSVP date had past we had 90 people that had not responded.
We started calling to find most people had the response of "of course we are coming!" or "I have been so busy and have not had time to respond" (which I do not understand not having time to respond... it was a postcard that was pre- addressed and postage attached!)

We still have 9 people that we can not get a hold of. Do we just assume they are not coming? FI parents claim that a few of the people are coming but they haven't been able to track them down to see what they want to eat. I do not want to pay for food that will not be consumed because we thought someone would come even though they never got back to us. 

The venue is going to be make a few extra plates. Do I just make up some blank name cards so if someone shows up they can write their names and be seated at a table that has empty seats? (a few tables will only have 6 when it seats 8)?

Thanks! 

Re: When to assume that some invited are just not coming?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Make one final attempt and tell them you need an answer by X or you will mark them down as a no.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    MnHGirl said:
    I need to submit my meals to my venue in the next couple of days. 
    We had invited 240 guests to the wedding and when the RSVP date had past we had 90 people that had not responded.
    We started calling to find most people had the response of "of course we are coming!" or "I have been so busy and have not had time to respond" (which I do not understand not having time to respond... it was a postcard that was pre- addressed and postage attached!)

    We still have 9 people that we can not get a hold of. Do we just assume they are not coming? FI parents claim that a few of the people are coming but they haven't been able to track them down to see what they want to eat. I do not want to pay for food that will not be consumed because we thought someone would come even though they never got back to us. 

    The venue is going to be make a few extra plates. Do I just make up some blank name cards so if someone shows up they can write their names and be seated at a table that has empty seats? (a few tables will only have 6 when it seats 8)?

    Thanks! 
    I agree with Addie: give these people a deadline with notice that if they haven't responded by then, you will assume that they are not coming and will plan accordingly.  Having some blank name cards is okay if you want to do that.
  • AddieCake said:
    Make one final attempt and tell them you need an answer by X or you will mark them down as a no.
    Agreed.  It's dangerous to assume they won't be coming because they haven't responded, because they may just be completely clueless and still show up anyway.  Definitely make one last attempt, and leave the message Addie suggested so they know that after X date, you will not be able to accommodate them/have seats for them.  If you don't hear by the deadline and mark them down as No's but they still show up, you always have the right/option of having the venue turn them away.


    SP29
  • adk19adk19
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    MnHGirl said:
    I need to submit my meals to my venue in the next couple of days. 
    We had invited 240 guests to the wedding and when the RSVP date had past we had 90 people that had not responded.
    We started calling to find most people had the response of "of course we are coming!" or "I have been so busy and have not had time to respond" (which I do not understand not having time to respond... it was a postcard that was pre- addressed and postage attached!)

    We still have 9 people that we can not get a hold of. Do we just assume they are not coming? FI parents claim that a few of the people are coming but they haven't been able to track them down to see what they want to eat. I do not want to pay for food that will not be consumed because we thought someone would come even though they never got back to us. 

    The venue is going to be make a few extra plates. Do I just make up some blank name cards so if someone shows up they can write their names and be seated at a table that has empty seats? (a few tables will only have 6 when it seats 8)?

    Thanks! 
    Yes, make one final-ditch effort to get a hold of the 9 people.  Tell them on voicemail, by email, on facebook, etc, that you need to know by tomorrow (or whatever date) and if you don't hear from them by 9pm tomorrow you're going to have to mark them down as a NO and there will not be a seat or meal for them.
  • Thanks everyone! 
    I sometimes have a hard time being direct with people but I would feel bad if someone showed up and there wasn't a plate/chair for them.  
  • MnHGirl said:
    I need to submit my meals to my venue in the next couple of days. 
    We had invited 240 guests to the wedding and when the RSVP date had past we had 90 people that had not responded.
    We started calling to find most people had the response of "of course we are coming!" or "I have been so busy and have not had time to respond" (which I do not understand not having time to respond... it was a postcard that was pre- addressed and postage attached!)

    We still have 9 people that we can not get a hold of. Do we just assume they are not coming? FI parents claim that a few of the people are coming but they haven't been able to track them down to see what they want to eat. I do not want to pay for food that will not be consumed because we thought someone would come even though they never got back to us. 

    The venue is going to be make a few extra plates. Do I just make up some blank name cards so if someone shows up they can write their names and be seated at a table that has empty seats? (a few tables will only have 6 when it seats 8)?

    Thanks! 
    We had the same issues with three guests.  I eventually had to call the venue and let them know my count.    If you've made several attempts, then I wouldn't feel bad.   If they come, I'm sure the venue could put a extra chair at another table and prepare and extra meal.   I would not put them on the seating chart or make them a place card.   You have enough work to do with trying seat all the guests that are coming.  Don't make yourself crazy trying to seat guests that may or may not show. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    MnHGirl said:
    Thanks everyone! 
    I sometimes have a hard time being direct with people but I would feel bad if someone showed up and there wasn't a plate/chair for them.  

    Stuck in box

    If you've repeatedly contacted them after inviting them, and no matter what you did, they refused to give you the basic courtesy of a definite answer, even a "no", then it's not your fault if they show up only to find that they can't be accommodated and there wouldn't be any reason for you to feel bad.  Unfortunately, sometimes rude people only learn when appropriate consequences are enforced for their rudeness.  It's not inappropriate to not have food or seating for guests who refuse to RSVP.

    [Deleted User]SP29
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