Newly engaged - never given thought to getting married

Jackie_Jormpjomp

Oh man, a snarky bride forum  - just when I didn't really think The Knot was my kind of place! 

I got engaged on Saturday and am very excited, but life is kind of in a whirlwind at the moment so planning a wedding seems even more crazy than usual. 

A little backstory - my fiancee accepted a job offer that requires us to relocate by the end of this month. Obviously we have not given much thought to anything wedding-wise yet (other than me setting up a Pinterest for wedding colors and dresses!), but we know we are thinking we want to be married sometime next summer. 

TBH i have never given much thought into getting married and am kind of leaning to eloping and then having a reception for our friends and family, partly because while I am job hunting and have had interviews I don't have anything lined up yet and that gives me anxiety - I have gone through a period of unemployment in the past and I really just want a smooth transition to a new job. 

I am just feeling a little out of my element because I have no idea what I want and while I am very excited to be engaged, the whole feeling is a little surreal. 

[Deleted User]

Jackie_Jormpjomp said:

Oh man, a snarky bride forum  - just when I didn't really think The Knot was my kind of place! 

I got engaged on Saturday and am very excited, but life is kind of in a whirlwind at the moment so planning a wedding seems even more crazy than usual. 

A little backstory - my fiancee accepted a job offer that requires us to relocate by the end of this month. Obviously we have not given much thought to anything wedding-wise yet (other than me setting up a Pinterest for wedding colors and dresses!), but we know we are thinking we want to be married sometime next summer. 

TBH i have never given much thought into getting married and am kind of leaning to eloping and then having a reception for our friends and family, partly because while I am job hunting and have had interviews I don't have anything lined up yet and that gives me anxiety - I have gone through a period of unemployment in the past and I really just want a smooth transition to a new job. 

I am just feeling a little out of my element because I have no idea what I want and while I am very excited to be engaged, the whole feeling is a little surreal. 

Welcome and Congrats!  First, determine a guest list and a budget.  The guest list can be, "well I'd like it to be just the two of us, but my mom will be sad if she doesn't watch us get married, so just us and parents, well, and grandparents and siblings, and our four best friends, and the couple who set us up.  So, 15 people at the minimum.  But, if we're going to go bigger, I'd like to invite these people.  And if we have a huge blowout, we can add these people."  And budget can be, "We can save $3K by next summer if we both have jobs and we have $7K in a savings account, so the Absolute Most we can spend is $10K, but I'd Really like to keep it under $3K."  Then determine what you can get for your budget that still allows for the people you want.  If you're able to increase your budget you may be able to increase the guest list.  But you don't have to and can keep that money in savings for a house downpayment or whatever you like to spend money on.

If you really do want to elope, don't plan on lots of people coming out for a consolation party later.  If I'm your friend, while I'd love to party with you, I won't be rearranging my schedule to attend a party that is not directly attached to your wedding day.

**Quote Edited by Mod to Update Change in Quoted Username**

justsie

Yeah, I second not wanting to go to a reception if I didn't see the wedding. What you are really considering having is a celebration of your wedding, as a reception is meant to thank those that came to your wedding. If you elope, its a celebration. I agree with PP on the rest of the getting started advice. I've been engaged for 6 months and have done little planning at all- I'm not worrying about it as I've got more things going on in my life. I know we will get married in the future so that's enough for me. 

AddieCake

I wouldn't even think about any of it until after you are moved and settled in.

southernbelle0915

Just enjoy your engagement! I wouldn't even think about wedding planning until you're settled in your new place.

jacques27

southernbelle0915 said:

Just enjoy your engagement! I wouldn't even think about wedding planning until you're settled in your new place.

This. 

There is no law that you have to start planning your wedding right away when you get engaged.  I have friends who are getting married four months after getting engaged - I have friends who were engaged for three years before their wedding (and were together for seven before that).  Since you never really had given it thought, taking the time to just focus on other things and giving it some time to consider all of your options might be a good thing.  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, are dealing with anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed.  Don't rush into decision making about your wedding just because you feel overwhelmed and anxious - just enjoy this new stage of your relationship for awhile and get other things squared away.

(For the record, I'm pro-eloping as a general concept, but anti-making pressured decisions while feeling overwhelmed just because it seems easier when really there is no reason to rush and decide right now.)