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Wedding 911

Bridesmaids: Are you honoring THEM or are they honoring YOU

IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
10 Comments 5 Love Its
edited July 2015 in Wedding 911

After lurking for a bit, I have seen a few arguments over whether or not a bride is honoring her bridemaids by asking them to be in their wedding or whether the bridemaids are supposed to honor the bride for her big day.

Some arguments against the concept of "bridemaids honoring the bride"

-"Your friends are not your servants"

-The do not have "duties" that they must fufill


Arguments FOR the concept of "bridemaids honoring the bride":

-This a very important day for the Bride and the bridesmaids should expect to have to help or show up for certain event like dress fittings


What is your opinion on the bridemaids role in the wedding?

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Re: Bridesmaids: Are you honoring THEM or are they honoring YOU

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm confused why you thought debating this was a topic for the "emergency" board.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    My browser has been acting super finicky lately and I was originally posting this on "Snarky Brides" but for some reason this ended up on 911?...Now I can't seem to remove it

     Wedding Countdown Ticker}
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    The bride honours the bridesmaids.  They were supporting me in the biggest decision I'm going to make in my life, and because they are my closest friends, I wanted them up there with me.  They were not required to do anything.  They *did* end up helping out with set up - even though I didn't ask them to.  That's just the type of people they are.  I paid for their dresses, hair, and makeup.  They just had to make the trip and have fun.
    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    I think you may be confusing "argument" with an issue where there are a group of people who are familiar with proper etiquette (read: manners) on this issue and a group of people who are not and who have their own ideas or opinions on the role of bridesmaids. These people may have been influenced by the movies, the wedding industry, examples they have seen IRL, or just their own unrealistic expectations or assumptions on the role of their WP. Bridesmaids are guests of honor you ask to stand up for you to witness your marriage. As PPs pointed out, they are not people to fill spaces, make even numbers, or do things for the couple getting married. The rules of etiquette were written as a standard of good behavior that can be universally applied across many situations. They are not subject to opinion or debate (with rare exception), otherwise they would be pointless. There are plenty of people who read these boards who find that the rules of etiquette don't suit them or their special circumstances so they will dig in and express their poor interpretation of proper hosting/way to treat people to make themselves feel better about their decision not to follow the rules of etiquette.

    rrroxane said:
    climbingwife said:
    rrroxanne said:
    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 
    I don't know how much more clear I can make this. 


    YOUR FUCKING BRIDESMAIDS HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITIES OR DUTIES. They are not there to honor you. Seriously - do you not get how completely selfish and ridiculous that sounds?!?! How old are you?

    Most people here are not going to advocate for treating your friends like bridalslaves. You know who should help you plan your wedding? Your FI. 


    I'm actually shocked there is people like you on this website. Like, literally shocked. You are a child. I had clearly asked for advice for people who went through something similar. You are just here for the drama. Get off the internet & go see some people or something. I'm so amazed that you are literally this much of a drama queen to start a fight with someone because they have a different opinion than you. YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT. EVERYONES SITUATIONS ARE DIFFERENT. I ASKED FOR ADVICE FOR ANYONE WHO WENT THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR. I CAN EXPECT WHAT I WISH FROM MY BRIDESMAIDS. GET OFF MY THREAD IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY.
    Hahahahaha. Ohmygod. Truly the funniest thing I've read all day. 

    YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT! GET OFF OF MY THREAD! ONLY PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH ME CAN BE ON MY THREAD! I AM SHOUTING AT YOU SO YOU WILL OBEY.
    This is just one of quite a few ARGUMENTS I have read on the boards over this topic. I completely agree with you though. Everybody wants to be a Bridezilla who can have a group  of servants to wait on them until the day of the wedding. All I really think is important is that your bridesmaids find their dress and show up on time. The end
     Wedding Countdown Ticker}


  • I think you may be confusing "argument" with an issue where there are a group of people who are familiar with proper etiquette (read: manners) on this issue and a group of people who are not and who have their own ideas or opinions on the role of bridesmaids. These people may have been influenced by the movies, the wedding industry, examples they have seen IRL, or just their own unrealistic expectations or assumptions on the role of their WP.

    Bridesmaids are guests of honor you ask to stand up for you to witness your marriage. As PPs pointed out, they are not people to fill spaces, make even numbers, or do things for the couple getting married.

    The rules of etiquette were written as a standard of good behavior that can be universally applied across many situations. They are not subject to opinion or debate (with rare exception), otherwise they would be pointless.

    There are plenty of people who read these boards who find that the rules of etiquette don't suit them or their special circumstances so they will dig in and express their poor interpretation of proper hosting/way to treat people to make themselves feel better about their decision not to follow the rules of etiquette.

    rrroxane said:
    climbingwife said:
    rrroxanne said:
    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 
    I don't know how much more clear I can make this. 


    YOUR FUCKING BRIDESMAIDS HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITIES OR DUTIES. They are not there to honor you. Seriously - do you not get how completely selfish and ridiculous that sounds?!?! How old are you?

    Most people here are not going to advocate for treating your friends like bridalslaves. You know who should help you plan your wedding? Your FI. 

    I'm actually shocked there is people like you on this website. Like, literally shocked. You are a child. I had clearly asked for advice for people who went through something similar. You are just here for the drama. Get off the internet & go see some people or something. I'm so amazed that you are literally this much of a drama queen to start a fight with someone because they have a different opinion than you. YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT. EVERYONES SITUATIONS ARE DIFFERENT. I ASKED FOR ADVICE FOR ANYONE WHO WENT THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR. I CAN EXPECT WHAT I WISH FROM MY BRIDESMAIDS. GET OFF MY THREAD IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY.
    Hahahahaha. Ohmygod. Truly the funniest thing I've read all day. 

    YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT! GET OFF OF MY THREAD! ONLY PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH ME CAN BE ON MY THREAD! I AM SHOUTING AT YOU SO YOU WILL OBEY.

    This is just one of quite a few ARGUMENTS I have read on the boards over this topic. I completely agree with you though. Everybody wants to be a Bridezilla who can have a group  of servants to wait on them until the day of the wedding. All I really think is important is that your bridesmaids find their dress and show up on time. The end


    Not an argument, arguments have 2 or more sides. If you read the entire thread you will notice that the OP is the only one that agreed with her argument.
    Fosmoh
  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    This is obviously an argument between two people over the topic I have questioned in my post. Whether or not other people agreed does not make it less of an arguement as this is not the first or last case of 2 people disagreeing on the bridesmaids role in the wedding.
     Wedding Countdown Ticker}
  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its



    I think you may be confusing "argument" with an issue where there are a group of people who are familiar with proper etiquette (read: manners) on this issue and a group of people who are not and who have their own ideas or opinions on the role of bridesmaids. These people may have been influenced by the movies, the wedding industry, examples they have seen IRL, or just their own unrealistic expectations or assumptions on the role of their WP.

    Bridesmaids are guests of honor you ask to stand up for you to witness your marriage. As PPs pointed out, they are not people to fill spaces, make even numbers, or do things for the couple getting married.

    The rules of etiquette were written as a standard of good behavior that can be universally applied across many situations. They are not subject to opinion or debate (with rare exception), otherwise they would be pointless.

    There are plenty of people who read these boards who find that the rules of etiquette don't suit them or their special circumstances so they will dig in and express their poor interpretation of proper hosting/way to treat people to make themselves feel better about their decision not to follow the rules of etiquette.

    rrroxane said:
    climbingwife said:
    rrroxanne said:
    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 
    I don't know how much more clear I can make this. 


    YOUR FUCKING BRIDESMAIDS HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITIES OR DUTIES. They are not there to honor you. Seriously - do you not get how completely selfish and ridiculous that sounds?!?! How old are you?

    Most people here are not going to advocate for treating your friends like bridalslaves. You know who should help you plan your wedding? Your FI. 

    I'm actually shocked there is people like you on this website. Like, literally shocked. You are a child. I had clearly asked for advice for people who went through something similar. You are just here for the drama. Get off the internet & go see some people or something. I'm so amazed that you are literally this much of a drama queen to start a fight with someone because they have a different opinion than you. YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT. EVERYONES SITUATIONS ARE DIFFERENT. I ASKED FOR ADVICE FOR ANYONE WHO WENT THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR. I CAN EXPECT WHAT I WISH FROM MY BRIDESMAIDS. GET OFF MY THREAD IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY.
    Hahahahaha. Ohmygod. Truly the funniest thing I've read all day. 

    YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT! GET OFF OF MY THREAD! ONLY PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH ME CAN BE ON MY THREAD! I AM SHOUTING AT YOU SO YOU WILL OBEY.

    This is just one of quite a few ARGUMENTS I have read on the boards over this topic. I completely agree with you though. Everybody wants to be a Bridezilla who can have a group  of servants to wait on them until the day of the wedding. All I really think is important is that your bridesmaids find their dress and show up on time. The end


    Not an argument, arguments have 2 or more sides. If you read the entire thread you will notice that the OP is the only one that agreed with her argument.


    This is obviously an argument between two people over the topic I have questioned in my post. Whether or not other people agreed does not make it less of an arguement as this is not the first or last case of 2 people disagreeing on the bridesmaids role in the wedding.
     Wedding Countdown Ticker}
  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    jacques27 said:
    Honestly, it's pretty simple semantics.  I'm usually not one to get all pedantic on word definitions, but honor - as a noun means a source of distinction, high respect, high public esteem - as a verb it means to hold in high respect, revere, to confer distinction upon.

    So, taking the title of Maid of Honor.  If the intent is the bridal party to honor the bride, and the bride chooses the bridal party, what the bride is essentially saying is "I pick you to hold me in the highest esteem and demand you treat me with reverence and distinction."  Ummm...ok.  That's a pretty narcissistic and self-absorbed thing to do.  In what other circumstance do people get to say that?  "Dear Nobel Prize Committee, I hereby give you the grand opportunity to bestow your highest honor upon me."  Do you walk around work and pick your favorite coworkers to say "Coworker, as my favorite coworker ever I'm asking that you let me select you as the one coworker who gets to honor me and bask in my wonderfulness and also you get to do half of my work and buy me coffee at break"???


    I love these analogies SO TRUE!
    image
     Wedding Countdown Ticker}
    onefootinthebayou
  • So OP I've looked through some of your previous posts and it seems that you have issues of your own with your WP. Are you looking for validation to treat your WP and BMs badly? Is that why you picked out that specific argument from that thread? 

    BMs don't have specific jobs. Weddings don't require wedding parties. If you come here looking for validation for bad ideas, you will not find it. This is an etiquette board and if you violate etiquette, you will be told, bluntly. 
    justsiespeakeasy14sparklepants41Fosmoh
  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    So OP I've looked through some of your previous posts and it seems that you have issues of your own with your WP. Are you looking for validation to treat your WP and BMs badly? Is that why you picked out that specific argument from that thread? 

    BMs don't have specific jobs. Weddings don't require wedding parties. If you come here looking for validation for bad ideas, you will not find it. This is an etiquette board and if you violate etiquette, you will be told, bluntly. 

    f LMAO I find this so hilariously funny I can't even take this seriously. I have no idea what your talking about AT ALL. I have seen boards where some of the users ask "when was the last time you attacked a Knottie?" And I'M the one being questioned? If you read some of my previous comments in THiS thread I am agreeing with the other users that Bridesmaids have NO specific duties and should not be treated with high expectation. But of course, you want to sit behind your computer screen and take time to go through my post history from 6 months ago because you probably have nothing better to do with your time. This website is probably the most you have going on isn't it? Either way, I'm sorry your so sensitive to anything I post and I truly hope that making your comments gives you some pleasure in your day.
     Wedding Countdown Ticker}


  • So OP I've looked through some of your previous posts and it seems that you have issues of your own with your WP. Are you looking for validation to treat your WP and BMs badly? Is that why you picked out that specific argument from that thread? 

    BMs don't have specific jobs. Weddings don't require wedding parties. If you come here looking for validation for bad ideas, you will not find it. This is an etiquette board and if you violate etiquette, you will be told, bluntly. 


    f

    LMAO I find this so hilariously funny I can't even take this seriously. I have no idea what your talking about AT ALL. I have seen boards where some of the users ask "when was the last time you attacked a Knottie?" And I'M the one being questioned? If you read some of my previous comments in THiS thread I am agreeing with the other users that Bridesmaids have NO specific duties and should not be treated with high expectation. But of course, you want to sit behind your computer screen and take time to go through my post history from 6 months ago because you probably have nothing better to do with your time. This website is probably the most you have going on isn't it? Either way, I'm sorry your so sensitive to anything I post and I truly hope that making your comments gives you some pleasure in your day.

    I think you doth protest too much!
    kmmssgmikenbergerjustsie
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited July 2015

    After lurking for a bit, I have seen a few arguments over whether or not a bride is honoring her bridemaids by asking them to be in their wedding or whether the bridemaids are supposed to honor the bride for her big day.

    Some arguments against the concept of "bridemaids honoring the bride"

    -"Your friends are not your servants".

    If you need help, you should pay someone to do it

    -The do not have "duties" that they must fufill.

      They certainly DO have duties!  They must show up on time for your ceremony, dressed in the dress and reasonably sober.  They should pose for pictures.

    Arguments FOR the concept of "bridemaids honoring the bride":

    -This a very important day for the Bride and the bridesmaids should expect to have to help or show up for certain event like dress fittings

    Why would you need them at a dress fitting?  What you need is a good seamstress!

    What is your opinion on the bridemaids role in the wedding? friends whom you are honoring by selecting them to be in your wedding party

    They are your closest friends or relatives whom you are honoring by choosing them to be in your bridal party


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, this isn't actually a debate.  It's a case of individual people not being aware of the actual purpose of bridesmaids, not knowing that the word 'maid' means young woman, not servant, and/or thinking that their wedding is their 15 minutes of fame and therefore should come with an entourage of toadies.  



    thespeshulestsnowflakemrscomposermikenberger[Deleted User]
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Viczaesar said:

    Yeah, this isn't actually a debate.  It's a case of individual people not being aware of the actual purpose of bridesmaids, not knowing that the word 'maid' means young woman, not servant, and/or thinking that their wedding is their 15 minutes of fame and therefore should come with an entourage of toadies.  

    And believing every single thing that they read on the internet about "bridesmaid duties". The Internet is a for profit place, people. And having duties makes people spend money. Why do you want to make your friends spend money on you? Blech.

    image
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is not really a discussion or an argument. The only thing your bridal party has to do is purchase the dress you select and show up the day of the wedding sober. That's all. 

    TrixieJess
  • The other day I received an e-mail from a well-known company advertising gifts for your bridal party, and I was put-off by the first words of the e-mail.  "Dear Future Mrs.  Your bridesmaids aren't called brides-maids for nothing.  They are at your beck and call every step of the way..."  ummm what???  The e-mail then went on to detail that they should be appreciated by buying gifts from this company blah, blah, blah.  Shaking my head at that one.

    [Deleted User]
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    The other day I received an e-mail from a well-known company advertising gifts for your bridal party, and I was put-off by the first words of the e-mail.  "Dear Future Mrs.  Your bridesmaids aren't called brides-maids for nothing.  They are at your beck and call every step of the way..."  ummm what???  The e-mail then went on to detail that they should be appreciated by buying gifts from this company blah, blah, blah.  Shaking my head at that one.

    See, shit like this just unfortunately reinforces the idea that your BMs are supposed to bend over backwards for you and plan your wedding and stuff envelopes and make your centerpieces and throw you a shower and throw you a bach party. It's so ridiculous! 

    [Deleted User][Deleted User]CMGragainIdontgiveacarey09172016
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