Honeymoon shower

ShesSoCold

Maggie0829 said: AddieCake said: I think it's weird you think having a "just a week in Florida, nothing crazy" honeymoon is a way to defend this idea, as if it's ok as long as you aren't headed to France for a few weeks. Well if that is the case then I guess I should have had a honeyfund since I took a "nothing crazy" HM in Florida for a week.
Do over for me!
PRETEND THIS IS A BOX _______________________________

We also were in FL for a week - on the honeymoon we paid for. I wonder where this arbitrary "crazy" line is and how much money I need to solicit from my family and friends to surpass it. 

marie2785

ThatGilmoreGirl said:

It would just be a week on the Gulf of Mexico in Florida, nothing crazy. And I kinda find it the same as a bridal shower. Just because you can't afford your dream pot and pans set or plates and bowls set doesn't mean your guest should have to pay for it.

To me, that is totally fancy, and I would never dream of contributing towards it. FI and I make good money, and we can't afford that. Because of how expensive our wedding is, our honeymoon going to a family member's tiny 1 bedroom cottage on a lake with no air conditioning for 4-5 days in rural northern Michigan, followed by 2 nights at the cheapest bed-bug free hotel we could find in a more resort-y area. It's a VERY cheap honeymoon. We actually considered camping as an alternative to save money at one point! 

But you know what? We're REALLY EXCITED. It's going to be the best honeymoon ever, and no one was ever asked to contribute towards it. A honeymoon is a "nice to have" thing. Not required. Therefor it really should be on you to cover it.  

lyndausvi

Not going to lie. We did have a fancy HM.   Went to Europe and Africa.    Gone for 3 weeks.

We still paid for it ourselves. 

ThatGilmoreGirl

First off I'm not exspecting any cash! We will go on our hm regardless, it was just a nice idea! Second off my sister in law just got married and had the same thing. A small ceremony big reception and she still had a bridal shower. Their are no rules, and like I have been told by MANY it's your wedding and you can do it however you please!

JoanE2012

I smell MUD.

Maggie0829

ThatGilmoreGirl said:

First off I'm not exspecting any cash! We will go on our hm regardless, it was just a nice idea! Second off my sister in law just got married and had the same thing. A small ceremony big reception and she still had a bridal shower. Their are no rules, and like I have been told by MANY it's your wedding and you can do it however you please!

There are rules of etiquette and the main rule of etiquette is don't be an asshole.  And asking for cash with a honeyfund and inviting people to your bridal shower and not inviting them to the actual wedding (ceremony) is being an asshole.

When you start to includes others in your wedding day, it stops being just about you and it starts being about treating others properly.

onefootinthebayou

First off I'm not exspecting any cash! We will go on our hm regardless, it was just a nice idea! Second off my sister in law just got married and had the same thing. A small ceremony big reception and she still had a bridal shower. Their are no rules, and like I have been told by MANY it's your wedding and you can do it however you please!

You say your SIL had this "honeymoon shower" as if you're making a point. There is no point to that statement except to show that your SIL (or whomever hosted this event) has bad manners. Posters here are trying to stop you from making the same mistake. There ARE rules of etiquette when planning a wedding. The rules are designed with the comfort of your guests in mind. You can choose not to follow them if you wish, but at least own it and admit that you are fine with being rude. These "MANY" people who said to you that "it's your wedding do as you please" are wrong. That is an unpleasant and selfish attitude. If you don't care about the comfort of your guests, don't have any. Once you invite people to celebrate your wedding, you need to host them properly. You'll see all over these boards that what that entails is a chair for everyone, refreshments appropriate to the time of day, and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES asking for cash or for your guests to subsidize ANY part of this, including your honeymoon. I do not understand why this concept is so hard to comprehend. You don't have to be "fancy" to follow the rules of etiquette. You just have to be considerate.

AddieCake

JoanE2012 said:

I smell MUD.

So do I. Two clueless snowflake/ hot topic threads started in one day always get my Spidey senses tingling.

southernbelle0915

ThatGilmoreGirl said:

First off I'm not exspecting any cash! We will go on our hm regardless, it was just a nice idea! Second off my sister in law just got married and had the same thing. A small ceremony big reception and she still had a bridal shower. Their are no rules, and like I have been told by MANY it's your wedding and you can do it however you please!

You know what? I changed my mind. Now that I know that you're SIL did these things, I TOTALLY think it's A-OK that you do them as well.

One time (ok lots of times), someone cut me off in traffic, so now I know that it's ok for me to the same thing. Right? Right.

NowIAmSyp

ThatGilmoreGirl said:

First off I'm not exspecting any cash! We will go on our hm regardless, it was just a nice idea! Second off my sister in law just got married and had the same thing. A small ceremony big reception and she still had a bridal shower. Their are no rules, and like I have been told by MANY it's your wedding and you can do it however you please!

Jells2dot0

The only time your wedding is all about YOU and what YOU want  is when you elope or have a private wedding (just the two of you.) So, if you want to be the center of the universe for a day, I suggest you do as I did and elope. I got everything I wanted and then some

JerseyBeachGal22

*surprise 

*expecting 

*tacky 

*there

TheCheeseWench

redoryx said:

ThatGilmoreGirl said:

The ceremony will be small. Reception everyone is invited to.

You can't have a small ceremony and a large shower. That's not how this works. 

It doesn't matter who is or is not invited to the reception. What matters who is or is not invited to the ceremony. If they aren't invited to the ceremony, they shouldn't be invited to the shower. 

^^^^^ THIS. If they are not important enough to get to watch you formally join your life to another, they shouldn't be asked to give you a gift (let alone cash) in celebration of it. A wedding reception is a THANK YOU to those who came to witness your nuptials. Beyond those people, it is just a party with a cover charge in the form of the expectation of gifts or cash at whatever showers they in invited to attend. May as well just sell them a $50 red solo cup at the door for their drinks. Just as tacky.

[Deleted User]

Oh and while you on this whole honeymoon funding kick, why don't you just do what a friend of mine did, and have the dj announce that there are cups near the cake with the bride and groom's name on it, and whichever one has the most cash in their cup at the end of the night gets to smash the cake in the other's face.  And because my friend did it, I should probably do it too!

No. No. No. No.  And again, No.

JoanE2012

Knottie6174271 said:

Oh and while you on this whole honeymoon funding kick, why don't you just do what a friend of mine did, and have the dj announce that there are cups near the cake with the bride and groom's name on it, and whichever one has the most cash in their cup at the end of the night gets to smash the cake in the other's face.  And because my friend did it, I should probably do it too!

No. No. No. No.  And again, No.

Whenever I see a KnottieNumbers post, I automatically think it's a newbie speshul snowflake.  I was so glad it wasn't the case!  Change your user name and stick around!

Jells2dot0

JoanE2012 said:

Knottie6174271 said:

Oh and while you on this whole honeymoon funding kick, why don't you just do what a friend of mine did, and have the dj announce that there are cups near the cake with the bride and groom's name on it, and whichever one has the most cash in their cup at the end of the night gets to smash the cake in the other's face.  And because my friend did it, I should probably do it too!

No. No. No. No.  And again, No.

Whenever I see a KnottieNumbers post, I automatically think it's a newbie speshul snowflake.  I was so glad it wasn't the case!  Change your user name and stick around!

QFT!!

There have been a few lately that I wish would reveal themselves!!! 

[Deleted User]

Jells2dot0 said:

JoanE2012 said:

Knottie6174271 said:

Oh and while you on this whole honeymoon funding kick, why don't you just do what a friend of mine did, and have the dj announce that there are cups near the cake with the bride and groom's name on it, and whichever one has the most cash in their cup at the end of the night gets to smash the cake in the other's face.  And because my friend did it, I should probably do it too!

No. No. No. No.  And again, No.

Whenever I see a KnottieNumbers post, I automatically think it's a newbie speshul snowflake.  I was so glad it wasn't the case!  Change your user name and stick around!

QFT!!

There have been a few lately that I wish would reveal themselves!!! 

Finally figured out how to change my user name so thanks for reminding me to get on that!

CMGragain

ThatGilmoreGirl said:

First off I'm not exspecting any cash! We will go on our hm regardless, it was just a nice idea! Second off my sister in law just got married and had the same thing. A small ceremony big reception and she still had a bridal shower. Their are no rules, and like I have been told by MANY it's your wedding and you can do it however you please!

There are rules.  If you follow them, your guests will be happy.  If you break them, your guests will not be happy, though they might not say so to your face because they care about you, but you will get the blame.

1.  Anyone who is invited to a pre-wedding party must also be invited to the ceremony and reception.

2.  There must be food and drink for everyone at your reception.  If the ceremony is to be private, then OK.  If you are having 50 people at your ceremony and 150 at your reception, the not-invited 100 will be insulted, and you are being rude.

3.  There must be a seat for everyone at both ceremony and reception.

4.  If you are hosting your own wedding, then you are responsible for planning it correctly.  You will be the one who is blamed if you break the rules.

5.  Wedding gifts are never required, and you must not mention them.  Asking for money in any form is rude.

6.  All the rules are available in standard etiquette guides.  Miss Manners' is well liked here.

PS.  What makes you think that you are entitled to a special honeymoon that is paid for by your guests?  There are plenty of brides who postpone their honeymoon style trip until later when they have more money and more leave time from work.