When Do I Buy the Gift?

Jaslorraine22

One of my girlfriend's just told me last week that her and her BF are getting married in the courthouse on August 7th, and she wants me along with two other friends to be there as a witness. However, she's having a wedding next year sometime and I will be one of the bridesmaids in that ceremony. I'm confused about when I am supposed to get the wedding present. Do I give it to them for the August 7th marriage or wait for the wedding next year? There isn't a registry built yet, this is all very new.

arrrghmatey

Your friend is not having a wedding next year. Her wedding is August 7th because that is when she is getting married. The event next year is nothing more than a show-all party (PPD--see the other threads devoted to explaining this). What your friend is doing is rude and against etiquette.

But to answer your question: gifts are never required. If you still feel inclined to get the couple a wedding gift, you can wait until a registry is established, hopefully by August 7th.

People who throw PPDs never get a gift from me.

KatWAG

Jaslorraine22 said:

One of my girlfriend's just told me last week that her and her BF are getting married in the courthouse on August 7th, and she wants me along with two other friends to be there as a witness. However, she's having a wedding next year sometime and I will be one of the bridesmaids in that ceremony. I'm confused about when I am supposed to get the wedding present. Do I give it to them for the August 7th marriage or wait for the wedding next year? There isn't a registry built yet, this is all very new.

Since your friend is getting married on August 7, I would give her a gift on August 7th.

I would not be giving a gift for a reenactment

Maggie0829

First your friend is planning a PPD for next year.  That will not be her wedding.  It will instead be some ridiculous reenactment of what is actually going to happen this August.  Hopefully your friend is going to be truthful to all of her family and friends and not lie about her marital status for an entire year.  It is also kind of shitty that she asked you to be a part of a fake wedding, which will end up costing you money.  And since she will be married already, then hopefully she won't expect a shower or bach party, because that ship will have sailed when she gets married on August 7th.

As for your question, since she is getting married and having her wedding on August 7th that is when I would be getting her a gift.  And I would not be getting her anything at her PPD next year.

AddieCake

Give her the gift when she gets married, not when she has her vow renewal PPD.

redoryx

Your friend seems to not understand what words like "marriage" and "wedding" actually mean. 

i'd give her a gift on August 7th since that's the day she's actually having a wedding and getting married. (I'd also probably step down from being a BM. I don't even like being one for an actual wedding, no way would I do it for a PPD)

MyNameIsNot

Your friend's wedding will be on August 7. If you'd like to get her a wedding gift, you should do it then.  

The later event will not be a wedding, since she'll already be married. Gifts are not usually given for vow renewals.

Personally, I would decline to be a bridesmaid at a vow renewal. How can you be a bridesmaid when there is no bride?

lyndausvi

I would give a gift at the courthouse ceremony.

Jaslorraine22

arrrghmatey said:

Your friend is not having a wedding next year. Her wedding is August 7th because that is when she is getting married. The event next year is nothing more than a show-all party (PPD--see the other threads devoted to explaining this). What your friend is doing is rude and against etiquette.

But to answer your question: gifts are never required. If you still feel inclined to get the couple a wedding gift, you can wait until a registry is established, hopefully by August 7th.

People who throw PPDs never get a gift from me.

I don't believe the registry will be up by that time. From what I'm gathering the real "wedding dress" shopping, bachelorette party, bridal shower (if someone throws it for her), etc. is going to happen for whatever is happening next year and in August it's courthouse and dinner after. I guess I could just do a gift card for the August wedding.

Jaslorraine22

Thanks everyone, I'll give the gift at the August 7th wedding coming up. Bed, Bath and Beyond gift card never hurt anyone.

TrixieJess

Jaslorraine22 said:

arrrghmatey said:

Your friend is not having a wedding next year. Her wedding is August 7th because that is when she is getting married. The event next year is nothing more than a show-all party (PPD--see the other threads devoted to explaining this). What your friend is doing is rude and against etiquette.

But to answer your question: gifts are never required. If you still feel inclined to get the couple a wedding gift, you can wait until a registry is established, hopefully by August 7th.

People who throw PPDs never get a gift from me.

I don't believe the registry will be up by that time. From what I'm gathering the real "wedding dress" shopping, bachelorette party, bridal shower (if someone throws it for her), etc. is going to happen for whatever is happening next year and in August it's courthouse and dinner after. I guess I could just do a gift card for the August wedding.

Her "real" wedding is on August 7th. You may want to let her know that.

kaos16

Can you please send your friend here?  I think that she needs some information about what a wedding is.  

Also, i'm sorry you have to be a wifesmaid next year. . . . paying all that money for a reenactment!

KatWAG

Is this the same friend who told you the subway was scary?

redoryx

Jaslorraine22 said:

arrrghmatey said:

Your friend is not having a wedding next year. Her wedding is August 7th because that is when she is getting married. The event next year is nothing more than a show-all party (PPD--see the other threads devoted to explaining this). What your friend is doing is rude and against etiquette.

But to answer your question: gifts are never required. If you still feel inclined to get the couple a wedding gift, you can wait until a registry is established, hopefully by August 7th.

People who throw PPDs never get a gift from me.

I don't believe the registry will be up by that time. From what I'm gathering the real "wedding dress" shopping, bachelorette party, bridal shower (if someone throws it for her), etc. is going to happen for whatever is happening next year and in August it's courthouse and dinner after. I guess I could just do a gift card for the August wedding.

Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are for.....brides and bachelorettes. That is, women who are not married. Your friend will be a wife at that point. Such events are inappropriate. 

You do realize that your friend is getting married on August 7th, right? Like, that is her wedding day. She doesn't get another unless she and her partner divorce between August 7th and their redo next year.

Jaslorraine22

KatWAG said:

Is this the same friend who told you the subway was scary?

LOL I've taken the subway my entire life until I moved- she didn't say it was scary, just the particular 7 train that we used to take together has had shit go down recently so she was giving me a head's up. No this is one of my Air Force friends where I'm stationed now.

Jaslorraine22

redoryx said:

Jaslorraine22 said:

arrrghmatey said:

Your friend is not having a wedding next year. Her wedding is August 7th because that is when she is getting married. The event next year is nothing more than a show-all party (PPD--see the other threads devoted to explaining this). What your friend is doing is rude and against etiquette.

But to answer your question: gifts are never required. If you still feel inclined to get the couple a wedding gift, you can wait until a registry is established, hopefully by August 7th.

People who throw PPDs never get a gift from me.

I don't believe the registry will be up by that time. From what I'm gathering the real "wedding dress" shopping, bachelorette party, bridal shower (if someone throws it for her), etc. is going to happen for whatever is happening next year and in August it's courthouse and dinner after. I guess I could just do a gift card for the August wedding.

Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are for.....brides and bachelorettes. That is, women who are not married. Your friend will be a wife at that point. Such events are inappropriate. 

You do realize that your friend is getting married on August 7th, right? Like, that is her wedding day. She doesn't get another unless she and her partner divorce between August 7th and their redo next year.

I understand all of this, but all of this is going to take place regardless. I'm not helping with any of the planning. I was just informed of what's to come.

southernbelle0915

Since it's a wedding gift, give it to her at the wedding (Aug. 7th). 

Whatever she is planning for next year is not a "wedding" since no one is being wed. It'll be your friend (a wife) playing dress up as a bride and soliciting gifts from people. Since you will have given her gifts at her actual wedding, there's no need to give her one at that event.

ShesSoCold

Jaslorraine22 said:

redoryx said:

Jaslorraine22 said:

arrrghmatey said:

Your friend is not having a wedding next year. Her wedding is August 7th because that is when she is getting married. The event next year is nothing more than a show-all party (PPD--see the other threads devoted to explaining this). What your friend is doing is rude and against etiquette.

But to answer your question: gifts are never required. If you still feel inclined to get the couple a wedding gift, you can wait until a registry is established, hopefully by August 7th.

People who throw PPDs never get a gift from me.

I don't believe the registry will be up by that time. From what I'm gathering the real "wedding dress" shopping, bachelorette party, bridal shower (if someone throws it for her), etc. is going to happen for whatever is happening next year and in August it's courthouse and dinner after. I guess I could just do a gift card for the August wedding.

Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are for.....brides and bachelorettes. That is, women who are not married. Your friend will be a wife at that point. Such events are inappropriate. 

You do realize that your friend is getting married on August 7th, right? Like, that is her wedding day. She doesn't get another unless she and her partner divorce between August 7th and their redo next year.

I understand all of this, but all of this is going to take place regardless. I'm not helping with any of the planning. I was just informed of what's to come.

I'm glad you're not involving yourself in this train wreck. Personally, I wouldn't even have been a bridesmaid in a fake wedding, but to each his own.

ETA: I just remembered that I was a fake mother of the bride in a fake wedding at my high school. I took a class where we plan weddings, take care of fake babies and get a divorce. So I sort of lied.

Jen4948

Since her wedding is on August 7, giver her the gift then. What she is having next year is a PPD, which I would not give a gift for.

artbyallie

Are you really going to buy a bridesmaid dress for a pretend wedding? Just thought I'd ask since you already solved your question from the OP.

[Deleted User]

artbyallie said:

Are you really going to buy a bridesmaid dress for a pretend wedding? Just thought I'd ask since you already solved your question from the OP.

I'm curious about this too.  No way I'd knowingly play dressup bridesmaid for a fake bride.  I'm honestly not even certain I'd attend a fake wedding though maybe I would if I was invited to the real wedding (which you are).  

I have a friend who got married in January, had a baby in June, and is planning "something" for September.  I'm not entirely certain what this "something" entails as the only details I've gotten for it was a mass evite requesting my mailing address.  One, if you want my address, ask me for it, don't request it through mass anything.  Two, I wasn't invited to the real wedding, there's no way in hell I'll be traveling from Chicago to Seattle for your "something," whether it be just a cool party or a full on redo.

MandyMost

If this friend asked me to be a "bridesmaid" in her "wedding" I likely wouldn't be able to say no, unless I wanted to risk the friendship. Just because she's doing one very rude, very inconsiderate, very selfish thing (having a PPD) doesn't mean she's an all-around terrible person I want out of my life. 

Instead, I would likely just be very passive-aggressive about the whole thing, with a lot of "jokes". 

Q: "Are you coming bridemaid dress shopping with us?"

A: "Oh, who's the bride?! You're already married!"

or 

Q: "Can you come to the bachelorette party?"

A: "Who are we celebrating? You're not a bachelorette! But I can come to a girls night out in your honor!"

[Deleted User]

MandyMost said:

If this friend asked me to be a "bridesmaid" in her "wedding" I likely wouldn't be able to say no, unless I wanted to risk the friendship. Just because she's doing one very rude, very inconsiderate, very selfish thing (having a PPD) doesn't mean she's an all-around terrible person I want out of my life. 

Instead, I would likely just be very passive-aggressive about the whole thing, with a lot of "jokes". 

Q: "Are you coming bridemaid dress shopping with us?"

A: "Oh, who's the bride?! You're already married!"

or 

Q: "Can you come to the bachelorette party?"

A: "Who are we celebrating? You're not a bachelorette! But I can come to a girls night out in your honor!"

On August 17th or whenever I next saw this newly wedded friend, I'd probably tell her that seeing her get married 10 days ago was so wonderful and meaningful that the redo next year just isn't going to mean as much to me.  So, I think I'd rather just experience the party as a guest rather than a bridesmaid because I feel so special to have had the honor being there for the Real Wedding that a fake redo just won't feel right.  But I can't wait to get my dancing shoes on and party down with you at the party!

Jaslorraine22

adk19 said:

artbyallie said:

Are you really going to buy a bridesmaid dress for a pretend wedding? Just thought I'd ask since you already solved your question from the OP.

I'm curious about this too.  No way I'd knowingly play dressup bridesmaid for a fake bride.  I'm honestly not even certain I'd attend a fake wedding though maybe I would if I was invited to the real wedding (which you are).  

I have a friend who got married in January, had a baby in June, and is planning "something" for September.  I'm not entirely certain what this "something" entails as the only details I've gotten for it was a mass evite requesting my mailing address.  One, if you want my address, ask me for it, don't request it through mass anything.  Two, I wasn't invited to the real wedding, there's no way in hell I'll be traveling from Chicago to Seattle for your "something," whether it be just a cool party or a full on redo.

No, I am going to just tell her that since my wedding is next year in May, it'll be less of a financial strain if I were just a guest at her party since I'll be in the real wedding this year.

SP29

Agreed, gift August 7th, for her wedding.