Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

I Should Have Been Bridezilla!

Sorry but I just need to vent.  My guests vetoed my ceremony!!!!!

It was an outdoor wedding, short ceremony (10 minutes I guessed, but it turned out to be 8) and it was in the mid-80's.  Apparently, that's just too hot for my guests comfort (note: overwhelming majority weren't elderly) because rather than make an aisle for me to walk down they just hung out nearby under a tree. 

People asked what I was waiting for and I explained I was waiting for them to rejoin the ceremony site - and that message was relayed, so I know they knew.  I also used four pumpkins to define the aisle space.  They just didn't care.  I guess they thought any wedding in a park doesn't count. 

My poor MoH finally just asked me "Um... Should I just go?"  I told her I guess so - but I then had to tell her where the stone step up was as it was where everyone was hanging out.   When my turn came I walked with my dad through an empty space and then had to ask most of my guests to get out of my way so I could use the stepping stone to get up to the groom.  They all just laughed.  Apparently, blocking a bride's processional is hilarious if it's not your wedding. 

When it was over we were supposed to walk up the aisle while people blew bubbles - but even the people who didn't watch the ceremony from way off to the side still didn't leave us an aisle.  After all, no one else made one!  My DH asked what we should do instead so I just guessed we had to go to the picnic tables. 

Now all the shots of the ceremony are at weird angles (and still have the back of peoples' heads in them) because even with her telephoto lense the photographer had no aisle to shoot down!

I asked one of my guests later on what happened and she just said "Well, the pumpkins seemed like they were at a wierd angle, so...."  She shrugged.  The pumpkins formed a long, thin rectangle leading straight to the minister and groom - how is that weird?  Then my 'friend' said "Don't worry about it.  Everyone had a good time.  It was so informal!"

Yeah, it was informal - because that's what they wanted.  Then they told me they'd lay the food out on the table (I was running late) and that I couldn't help because it was 'my day,' but no one wanted to move the cake so it sat on a garbage bag at some other table.  I had this whole martha-Stewart-esque banquet table planned, but seeing as their was no time to pick up the flowers I guess that was never going to happen anyway. 

I really don't mind the table and the garbage bag, but to have my own guests tell me I couldn't walk down the aisle because it was a sunny day...  I felt like a sh*tty little kid being yelled at for asking for something too expensive at Christmas, or like I wasn't 'worth' something I guarantee they all plan on for their weddings. 

During the day I kept thinking "This must be what it feelsl ike to lose an election.  All that work and planning and research and money... and then everyone just says "No." 

Most of the pics and the cake came out good, at least.  And it was a great day before the wedding started.  Everyone else had a really good time.  I just wish I could get amnesia so people could just show me the pics and tell me it went fine. 

Re: I Should Have Been Bridezilla!

  • Maybe you should have had chairs for  them to sit on? Unless I misread something it sounds like you had them stand. Yes, the ceremony was short but they didn't arrive the minute your ceremony started so they'd been standing for awhile.
  • You didn't provide seats for them? Why?
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  • I'm also wondering why you didn't provide seats for them as well as other things to help them be more comfortable.  Standing outside in the sun for close to 30 minutes (getting there about 15-20 minutes early) in 80 degree weather is not enjoyable.
  • The seated picnic area was well shaded and only a few feet away.  I didn't think seating was necessary for a 10 min ceremony (well, 8, actually).  I thought of it more like a beach wedding where people don't mind standing. 

    Looks like I should've spent more time on the knot in the last 6 months! 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_should-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:c911f23c-40e8-4614-af50-12b324cd35a3Post:80ce041f-f54e-4e1d-bec6-cb25cce3cf3a">Re: I Should Have Been Bridezilla!</a>:
    [QUOTE]The seated picnic area was well shaded and only a few feet away.  I didn't think seating was necessary for a 10 min ceremony (well, 8, actually).  I thought of it more like a beach wedding where people don't mind standing.  <strong>Looks like I should've spent more time on the knot in the last 6 months! 
    </strong>Posted by KCandSeth[/QUOTE]

    Yep.  Everyone would have told you to get some chairs, regardless of the length of your ceremony.  Then you would have had them situated creating an aisle. 

    Look at it this way, now you can hang around on the boards and when someone asks if providing chairs are necessary, you have a very good example for them as to why they are. 
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  • I'm so sorry to hear that your wedding was everything but fabulous for you. I agree however, like everyone said, that chairs should have been set out. I had a beach wedding, and we had chairs out. I've never heard of a wedding ceremony with no seating (regardless of length)

    Despite everything though, you married the man of your dreams and that's all that matters...the marriage, not the wedding. I wish you both happiness and hey, maybe you can renew your vows in a few years and do it all again differently!
  • Although I agree there should have been chairs, sounds like they were hiding from the sun, because they didn't go off and sit somewhere.  And I think for an 8 minute ceremony, they could have toughed it out as your friends on your important day.  But it sounds like everyone had fun, so don't let it weigh you down.


  • Without meaning it get on this whole "you should have had chairs" train...

    Yes, maybe the ceremony was only eight minutes, but those people must have been waiting for you for atleast 10 minutes before the ceremony. That is ten at the least, than you said you waited longer for people to come back? That is 30 minutes standing in the same spot.

    Why didn't you just have someone go out before the ceremony and kindly ask everyone to make space? You should have been able to tell that it is narrow. Really, everything here just seems like things were poorly planned.


    I am sorry you had a rough wedding day, but enjoy being a newlywed! You have a life ahead of you with someone you love.
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  • omg im so sorry! but now I am definitely getting chairs!!!!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_should-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:c911f23c-40e8-4614-af50-12b324cd35a3Post:b163e80d-03f0-4619-90cd-77596b18c8f2">Re: I Should Have Been Bridezilla!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow!! How rude!! I thought about having a short wedding, with standing room only, which everyone said would be fine (we would have chairs for older people). The only reason we are not going to do that, is there will be too many people attending, and not enough room at our location. I<strong> feel that people can suck it up for half an hour. It isn't that big of a deal!
    </strong>Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

    Wow! Youre quite the rude one huh? Im glad that YOU could "suck it up" but like Stage said, not everyone can. My FI has a fake hip (bone disease) and to make him stand for 30 min would have meant we left after 10 and screw the rest of your wedding. Hes 26. My father, who is only 51 has a bad back and would have seen your standing only and left.

    I dont know if you've been told this or not, but your wedding is NOT all about you. Youre "putting on a party" for those closest to you. Youre thanking them for supporting you in your marriage. Your wedding day is also about your guests and telling them to "suck it up" b/c you didnt want to foot a bill for chairs is rude and selfish. I hope the rest of your wedding doesnt insult your guests as much as tht comment just did.

    People are inherently stupid. Weddings make it painfully obvious -- KevinandMonica
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  • bitesizesandybitesizesandy member
    First Comment
    edited May 2011
    Just throwing this out there to hopefully "help":  I had a beach ceremony that was only about 15-20 minutes long and I only had 10 chairs for about 50 people.  The beach where we had the ceremony would only allow us 10 for the elderly and handicapped (we probably could've snuck in some more on the day-of, but I didn't want to push it).  We didn't have one complaint.  We put out seashells to mark the "aisle", the groomsmen and minister helped form two "sides" on each seashell line before I got there, no one stood in the aisle as I was walking down, and when we reached the minister, she invited everyone to circle around us to make it more "intimate".  Everyone seemed to really enjoy the ceremony.  Our reception site was less than 100 feet away that was a party deck overlooking the ocean, so if people couldn't find a chair and needed to sit or get out of the breeze, they could sit on the deck and watch from afar.  Not ideal, but a solution.

    I just wanted to post this just to show a positive example of having only a few chairs instead of one for everyone...  Hope this helps!  ;o)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_should-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:c911f23c-40e8-4614-af50-12b324cd35a3Post:98d80d63-0789-4bc2-acf6-fb73d750ba3f">Re: I Should Have Been Bridezilla!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I Should Have Been Bridezilla! : I have never complained to a bride who made me stand.  And I'm a pretty blunt person.  So, no complaints that you HEARD does not mean people weren't unhappy about it.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    THIS!  I've been to a couple of weddings where the guests' comfort was not on the couples radar or their plans were just plain rude in a "suck it up" sort of manner.

    They have no idea that anyone complained, but do you want to guess what everyone was doing while we were eating?  We all remember the weddings for the lack of courtesy.  I guarantee the happy couples never knew a thing.  People don't complain to the B&G, they do it amongst themselves.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_should-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:c911f23c-40e8-4614-af50-12b324cd35a3Post:b163e80d-03f0-4619-90cd-77596b18c8f2">Re: I Should Have Been Bridezilla!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow!! How rude!! I thought about having a short wedding, with standing room only, which everyone said would be fine (we would have chairs for older people). The only reason we are not going to do that, is there will be too many people attending, and not enough room at our location. I feel that people can suck it up for half an hour. It isn't that big of a deal!
    Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

    <div>I disagree. My mother has MS. She cannot stand for 30 minutes without needing a nap. Chairs are needed. She stood through my cousin's outdoor wedding and the next week we went cane shopping. My mother prgressed rapidly into a wheelchair. I was 5 and it still hurts like hell that my mother couldn't do everything with me because she was in a wheelchair (I took her wedding dress shopping and the shop owner escorted her from the store so she wouldn't ruin the dresses). Cough up the dough and pay for chairs. Or benches. Or tell guests to bring their own. Something. Please.</div>
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  • This is old, but all I can say is when the bridal party and bride asked people to move their *** out of her way so that she can walk down the aisle and have her ceremony - they didn't!  How rude is that!  You're a guest, behave like one and suck it up.  It's a two-way street.  And how sad that you are all blaming her for not putting out chairs, when the ceremony is 8 minutes long, and most people were presumably able to stand for it.  I mean seriously - I've seen people standing for 45-60 minute cocktail hours and not complain!!!  
  • I had a friend who had an outdoor ceremony and they had one of those ribbon-braiding ceremony things. They had it arranged so that the pastor would explain the ceremony and the meanings of the different colors, but he literally said, "Well, it's hot out, so instead of explaining the ribbons, they're just going to do it."

    I don't know why people believe they don't have to act respecful, just because it's an outdoor ceremony.
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  • Wow, I can't believe how selfish/spoiled most of these people who commented are.... I understand obviously if people have physical limitations, then some seats should be provided for them, just as they are for the elderly. But the way that these guests behaved is ridiculous. Newsflash! The wedding IS most definitely about the bride and groom and I think that the guests should "suck it up" and stand for half an hour...Unbelievable...I've been to an outdoor standing ceremony and it wasn't a big deal. There were some chairs out and some of them didn't even get used because people were being respectful and left them available for those who needed them...
  • edited November 2012
    Wow, I can't believe how selfish/spoiled most of these people who commented are.... I understand obviously if people have physical limitations, then some seats should be provided for them, just as they are for the elderly. But the way that these guests behaved is ridiculous. Newsflash! The wedding IS most definitely about the bride and groom and I think that the guests should "suck it up" and stand for half an hour...Unbelievable...I've been to an outdoor standing ceremony and it wasn't a big deal. There were some chairs out and some of them didn't even get used because people were being respectful and left them available for those who needed them...
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