Head table excluding dates

Knottie67868874

I need to vent! Just got back from a wedding this weekend to which I took a flight, in order to be my long-distance fiances date. He was a groomsman and I don't get to see him that often, and I have spent some time with the bride and groom before.

The entire weekend the wedding party was separated from us dates. It was fine (I was even a good sport about the FOUR HOUR GAP between ceremony and reception for bridal party pictures where I was all alone in the hotel) until I arrived at the reception and learned that the head table would NOT include the dates of the wedding party.

Then the DJ made an announcement after dinner to have myself and another excluded groomsman' date cut the cake, so basically once I could finally hang out with my fiancé whom I rarely get to see and flew here to be with as his date, I was essentially publicly coerced into doing a task that would again separate us. I admit I had agreed in advance to cut the cake, however, the bride and groom had told me the cake cutting would occur before the reception and i figured it would help give me something to do while the wedding party took pictures. Well no, it ended up being during the reception.

Luckily my fiancé made every chance to be with me during dinner and he ended up helping me cut the cake. But I'm still fantasizing about revenge seating charts at our wedding to separate them (the groom will be a groomsman in our). Obviously I won't stoop to that level but it's fun to think about.

Oh and I had to take a vacation day to get to the wedding, give up family 4th of July plans (which I was ok wth when I made the apparently ridiculous assumption I could sit with fiancé at dinner), they had a honey fund, and I (gladly at the time) helped out with reception set up, AND after the reception the mother of the bride was recruiting guests to clean up and fold all their rental items.

southernbelle0915

People suck. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sure you and your fiance will be distancing yourselves from this couple in the future. I certainly would.

banana468

I think people just don't get that they're being so rude.   This is different IMO than not inviting you at all.   It's almost a "this is what we do" and it's ignorant of what is a nice way to treat others.

Still, I'd probably be vocal saying, "I hope you're having a great time.   We wouldn't DREAM of splitting you two love birds!" 

lovegood90

I don't get why people do this. If I were your Fi I would have just moved to sit next to you regardless of where I was "assigned."

Jen4948

lovegood90 said:

I don't get why people do this. If I were your Fi I would have just moved to sit next to you regardless of where I was "assigned."

This.  If I were your FI, I would have pointed out to the couple that expecting you two to honor their relationship when they are not honoring yours is inappropriate.

[Deleted User]

Agh I'm so sorry that happened to you. Like Banana said, I really think people just don't get it. FMIL even asked where FI and I planned to put the head table at our reception, and (because we don't have many people in the WP) said "it will at least be small!" and I just cringed. She is seriously so sweet, and I think people just get stuck in what they know and don't even question why they do things a certain way.

That being said, it's no excuse to be rude, which is what those people were. Yuck!

eilis1228

This is exactly why I'm not assigning seats. I want the wedding party to be able to mingle with their SOs and other guests, and I don't want anyone to feel separated or excluded. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where there was no assigned seating and no head table, and the only people I knew were the bride and the BMs. It was wonderful getting to sit next to the BMs and catch up with them, and they enjoyed being able to sit and chat with a variety of people at the wedding. 

TheCheeseWench

***SMH*** Do people seriously not get that the purpose of a bridal party is to HONOR your friends and thank them for their friendship??? Personally I don't see how making them sit with people they may not even know while their date gets to do the same across the room screams "thank you".

I loathe the idea of "head tables" to begin with. We aren't having assigned seating at all (I see no point unless you are having a seated meal with pre-requested entree options) and frankly I don't see us even having much time to sit and eat. We'll mingle and visit as many tables as possible and eat while we chat, just like I do at work. It's like having a couple dozen dinner dates by the end of the night

Knottie92548810

It sucks that they didnt include you. For my wedding, we're including all the dates on the party bus to go around with us taking some pictures. I went to one out of town last year (a 4 hour drive for us, the groomsmen and their dates) and the dates weren't included in anything but we were bundled in with them because we came from the grooms hometown like the rest of the groomsmen and dates. 

Jen4948

eilis1228 said:

This is exactly why I'm not assigning seats. I want the wedding party to be able to mingle with their SOs and other guests, and I don't want anyone to feel separated or excluded. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where there was no assigned seating and no head table, and the only people I knew were the bride and the BMs. It was wonderful getting to sit next to the BMs and catch up with them, and they enjoyed being able to sit and chat with a variety of people at the wedding. 

Not assigning seats actually doesn't promote mingling and does promote people feeling separated and excluded. It happens because people "reserve" tables for their own friends and family members, so everyone had to hunt for seats that aren't "reserved" - which can make guests who don't know anyone else there feel really uncomfortable. And if you're doing buffet or food station service, having to hunt for unreserved seats while carrying heavy trays of food makes the experience even more unpleasant.

I'd assign tables (not seats) and let everyone figure out how to "mingle" from there.

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

This is exactly why I'm not assigning seats. I want the wedding party to be able to mingle with their SOs and other guests, and I don't want anyone to feel separated or excluded. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where there was no assigned seating and no head table, and the only people I knew were the bride and the BMs. It was wonderful getting to sit next to the BMs and catch up with them, and they enjoyed being able to sit and chat with a variety of people at the wedding. 

Not assigning seats actually doesn't promote mingling and does promote people feeling separated and excluded. It happens because people "reserve" tables for their own friends and family members, so everyone had to hunt for seats that aren't "reserved" - which can make guests who don't know anyone else there feel really uncomfortable. And if you're doing buffet or food station service, having to hunt for unreserved seats while carrying heavy trays of food makes the experience even more unpleasant. I'd assign tables (not seats) and let everyone figure out how to "mingle" from there.

Seconding, please don't do this. No assigned tables (not seats) is incredibly uncomfortable for guests, especially if you have one or two who won't know a bunch of other people at the reception and who won't have a group to gravitate toward to form a table together.

sparklepants41

sylveonplath said:

show previous quotes

Jen4948 said:

This is exactly why I'm not assigning seats. I want the wedding party to be able to mingle with their SOs and other guests, and I don't want anyone to feel separated or excluded. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where there was no assigned seating and no head table, and the only people I knew were the bride and the BMs. It was wonderful getting to sit next to the BMs and catch up with them, and they enjoyed being able to sit and chat with a variety of people at the wedding. 

Not assigning seats actually doesn't promote mingling and does promote people feeling separated and excluded. It happens because people "reserve" tables for their own friends and family members, so everyone had to hunt for seats that aren't "reserved" - which can make guests who don't know anyone else there feel really uncomfortable. And if you're doing buffet or food station service, having to hunt for unreserved seats while carrying heavy trays of food makes the experience even more unpleasant. I'd assign tables (not seats) and let everyone figure out how to "mingle" from there.

Seconding, please don't do this. No assigned tables (not seats) is incredibly uncomfortable for guests, especially if you have one or two who won't know a bunch of other people at the reception and who won't have a group to gravitate toward to form a table together.

Exactly. DH & I recently attended a wedding where most of the guests, including ourselves, were from OOT (2 to 3-hour flights). There were no assigned tables at the reception, which resulted in people saving seats (which I found extremely childish and rude). As a result, my octogenarian grandparents ended up having to hunt around to find a table where they could both sit together. Other couples in our family also ended up getting split up and couldn't sit together because of this. Total nightmare.

Knottie31321366

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

[Deleted User]

Knottie31321366 said:

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

That would work (if it'll work in your venues tables/rentals), and I don't think anyone would look askance at that. FI and I don't want a sweetheart table either, so we'll be sitting with our parents and probably my godmother and her husband to make eight, since she and my mom are best friends and would probably end up together anyway. 

Maggie0829

sylveonplath said:

show previous quotes

Knottie31321366 said:

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

That would work (if it'll work in your venues tables/rentals), and I don't think anyone would look askance at that. FI and I don't want a sweetheart table either, so we'll be sitting with our parents and probably my godmother and her husband to make eight, since she and my mom are best friends and would probably end up together anyway. 

This is what H and I did.  We sat with our parents and my sister (also MOH) and her husband.  Our table wasn't away from anyone else's or special looking.  We just sat down like the rest of our guests and ate dinner.

[Deleted User]

Knottie31321366 said:

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

Well, that big table for over 20 people is called a Kings Table and it's pretty popular.  Assuming your venue has enough square or rectangular tables to put one together for you, it's actually pretty cool.  People sit on all four sides of it, so it's not like it's a true Head Table, it just gives the bride and groom the opportunity to sit with their bridal party and their bridal party the opportunity to sit with their dates.  Though since the table is so big, it's not like you can actually talk to people across the table or anything, so there's that.  But I enjoyed it the one time it happened to me.

You can also just sit with the rest of your guests at a regular sized table.  I'll probably do this.  I'll let my parents host their own table, his parents host their own table, and I and FH will host our own table.  It would most likely include some of the "leftovers," the people who don't know anyone else.  That way, while we're eating, we can talk to them, then they'll already have a repoire going when we leave to do table visits.

lembaslover

Knottie31321366 said:

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

At first I suggested we sit with our parents and siblings but my fiance really wanted to sit with his BM so we'll be doing what you suggested having a smaller table with just the MOH & BM and their SOs and then sit the rest of the bridal party and their SOs will either be at a larger table or two smaller tables, haven't decided that part yet.

Lulawife

Knottie31321366 said:

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

My FI and I are sitting with my MOH and her husband and the BM and his GF. The rest of the bridal party and their SOs/dates will be seated with their respective groups of friends/family members. 

thisismynickname2

emoc625 said:

show previous quotes

Knottie31321366 said:

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

My FI and I are sitting with my MOH and her husband and the BM and his GF. The rest of the bridal party and their SOs/dates will be seated with their respective groups of friends/family members. 

Pretty much ditto this. I don't like head tables because you sit in a row looking out, and that just stinks for socializing. Especially being stuck on the end!  We didn't have a head table at all. We sat with both sets of parents, my sister/MOH and BIL, and one set of relatives. All the bridal party members sat with their circles of friends. 

[Deleted User]

I think head tables are personally going out of style. It feels so 80's to me. Huge rectangular tables or Kings tables are better, the classic sweetheart table or rounds in which the bride and groom are sitting with family seems the best options.

My first wedding I did the sweetheart table and I have to be honest, I enjoyed some quiet sanity and the ability to eat my food before making the rounds.

I once attended a wedding for my FI friend in which he was best man. We had hosted his friend at our house in California when he proposed to his out of state girlfriend. At the wedding my BF was seated at the head table and I was at some random singles table that didn't even get cake. Even worse the DJ recruited the bridal party to dance with each other and do a bunch of stupid activities so I sat alone all night. Worst wedding ever..

futurecptkirk

Knottie31321366 said:

I've actually been wondering about this situation. I really wanted to include all of the bridal party's dates at the head table but I don't think we'd be able to fit over 20 people at one table.. (Assuming our bridal party is 5 on each side)
I obviously haven't thought too much about it, the wedding is still far away, but I was curious what you did or are planning to do. I will be having assigned seats, and I don't think I'd want to have a "sweetheart table" with just the groom and I.
Something I thought about was make a smaller head table with only MOH & BM and their dates instead?

We also have a large wedding party and decided to go with farm house tables so we can fit all 26(!!!) people at the table and not exclude dates. The kings table will be in the middle of the yard, not elevated so it's not super awkward with people watching you eat, with the rounds surrounding it. We're setting it up like the picture attached. All of our wedding party with the exception of a couple are friends so it would be weird if we sat with just our MOH and BM and not the rest of the wedding party.