Woo hoo no dollar dance!!

mhoffman17

After a long, hard fought battle, I have officially succeeded in making sure there is no dollar dance at our wedding! Months ago, FI, FMIL, and even my mom, thought I was crazy for not wanting one. "Well FSIL had one and got $xxx.xx!!" Ok, that's not what I want. I was being made out to be a bridezilla, demanding that it be my way or the highway. Finally, at a meeting with the wedding coordinator and my mom, the coordinator explained that this is considered tacky and gift grabby. Light bulbs went off in my moms head and it was glorious. In her defense she hasn't been to a wedding in ages, and although dollar dances are against etiquette, they were popular in her small Russian neighborhood growing up.
I feel like this is a victory and I'm so happy it's officially off the table.
Next up- ignoring FMIL requests to know how many declined because she has "a whole other list of people to invite".

KatWAG

Keep fighting the good fight.

frenchiekin

mhoffman17 said:

After a long, hard fought battle, I have officially succeeded in making sure there is no dollar dance at our wedding! Months ago, FI, FMIL, and even my mom, thought I was crazy for not wanting one. "Well FSIL had one and got $xxx.xx!!" Ok, that's not what I want. I was being made out to be a bridezilla, demanding that it be my way or the highway. Finally, at a meeting with the wedding coordinator and my mom, the coordinator explained that this is considered tacky and gift grabby. Light bulbs went off in my moms head and it was glorious. In her defense she hasn't been to a wedding in ages, and although dollar dances are against etiquette, they were popular in her small Russian neighborhood growing up. I feel like this is a victory and I'm so happy it's officially off the table. Next up- ignoring FMIL requests to know how many declined because she has "a whole other list of people to invite".

This is awesome!  I find it pretty validating when the "traditionalists" finally understand that no, these things are not ok.  By traditionalists I mean the "But that's the way it's always been done in this family!!" people.

Similar battle won... cash bars are somewhat common in both my FIs and my families.  When we first got engaged, everyone told us that open bars are unnecessary and to save our money.  My FFIL was a strong proponent of the cash bar, saying that with an open bar people get out of control and will leave full drinks on the table and then just go up to get another, etc.  He almost roped my FI into this line of thinking since our friends and family are definitely a drinking crowd.  I've been against this from the beginning, saying there's NO WAY I am making our guests pay for their drinks.  It was hard to make family realize that I would rather not have decor (gasp!) than have a cash bar.

Fast forward to last weekend, and FIs parents are asking us about the bar.  They attended the wedding of a friend recently who had an open bar, and FFIL was so impressed at how smooth things were and how nice it was to be HOSTED.  Duh.  Then, out of the blue, they offer to actually contribute to our bar costs for the wedding so that we are able to host a full bar (we were planning to anyway).  I was actually shocked.  Small victories for etiquette and a very generous offer to boot.

[Deleted User]

Small victories, man.

I totally understand you on the "whole other list of people to invite" ordeal. FI's Grandma just emailed me to say that since uncle so and so can't come and the Smith family can't come, she is going to bring such and such friends from her church. Ummmmmm.....what?

Ignore all requests for decline numbers and remind them that wedding invites are not transferrable. They are not concert tickets that can be given to someone else if the original person can't come.