Gift giving help!

[Deleted User]

I am a BM in my cousins wedding next weekend. None of the other girls in the party did anything for her. I threw her a small shower at my moms house with no help (my decision, fine). I also bought her wedding invites ($125) for her since she was struggling financially with all of it. I told her I would buy them as her wedding gift. Now, with her wedding next week, I'm wondering what I should do for her actual wedding gift. I'm going to give her a card. Should I write in there something about the invites so she remembers that was her gift and I'm not being cheap? Should I still give some cash, a gift, or nothing at all? I've done more than enough for her already and she hasn't been very appreciative so I'm leaning towards just a card. I want her to remember I paid for the invites though. Thoughts?!

AddieCake

Do not write anything about the invitations. That comes across very inappropriate to me. She isn't going to forget you paid for them, so just give her the card with your name signed and maybe a nice message not reminding her of all you've done for her.

jacques27

Is there such a thing as being "thank you-grabby"?  Making a pointed reminder about how much you've done for/given to someone strikes me as being just as awful as someone who has the expectation of gifts and tries to shame people for not giving enough.

Just write a heartfelt congratulations on the card.  If she decides to make a stink about how cheap she thinks you are because she forgot the invitations were her present, then that's her low road to walk if she wants to, but don't start walking that road yourself in anticipation of her maybe forgetting.

[Deleted User]

I didn't mean I was going to write "remember all I've done for you. And that I bought your invites" but thanks for the advice

[Deleted User]

My biggest question is should I give her something small at the wedding or is a card enough?

redoryx

Knottie22105860 said:

My biggest question is should I give her something small at the wedding or is a card enough?

Gifts are never required, so if you don't want to buy her a gift don't buy her a gift. A card is fine regardless of whether or not you paid for the invitations. 

mollybarker11

You told her you'd pay for the invitations as a wedding gift so I don't understand what you mean by "actual" wedding gift. If you want to give her another gift on her actual wedding day you can, but I think the card is enough.

AddieCake

Knottie22105860 said:

I didn't mean I was going to write "remember all I've done for you. And that I bought your invites" but thanks for the advice

I didn't say you were, but your post specifically stated you wanted her to remember that you paid for her invitations.