Hi everyone,
I had a couple of questions for wedding etiquette veterans and I was hoping you could help.
We're having a small-ish wedding (65-75 people) and the guest list is already causing me grief. I have two main etiquette questions for you all:
1) There's a family of four where my mom and dad were close to the parents and I grew up with the son (our friends crossed over in high school), and while we're not super close, we're friendly and he's a good guy. The daughter I don't know well, but she invited me to her wedding about 5 years ago and her baby shower last year (I didn't attend due to a family emergency.) No falling out that I know of, but she recently de-added both my sister and I from Facebook, and we can see she's still active on their with her family and some of my other friends. While we've always been pleasant, we've never been close. If I invite the mother and father and brother, I have to invite the sister and her husband too, right?
What if I just invite the son and his girlfriend? Would it mean I invite the whole family as well?
2) Bear with me, this is kind of tricky. There won't be a lot of my family at this wedding. My dad and sister for sure, and my uncle on my mom's side, but that's all I have on my A list.
Things on my mom's side have been complicated for a bit now. My mom has two siblings - my aunt and my uncle. I grew up with my uncle and have no issue inviting him. My aunt has been weirdly distant for years. She refused to come to christmas, thanksgiving or birthday dinners for the last 8 years or so, with no explanation, just randomly showing up once every few years or sending a card when she felt like it. My mom's side has always been big into family and her attitude hurt my grandparents' and my mom's feelings badly (one of the last things my grandfather talked about was "what did I do to make her hate me?"), and her siblings had no idea what the issue was (its possible there was more to it that they didn't know about, but maybe not.)
Things have gotten more complicated since my mom and grandfather died last December. My aunt didn't show up to the visitation for my mom, just the funeral (45 minutes was too far to drive two days in a row, she said), and then the only thing she said to me the whole day was "you miss her, huh?" My sister and I don't like her and feel that it's false to invite her to an event like this when she hasn't acted like family in years. I'm neutral on her husband and I dislike her son (he has a temper and was hostile to me my whole childhood). I've been the closest to her daughter, my cousin. She came to the visitation for my mom (she was starting a new job on the Monday and apologized that she couldn't take the day off for the gfuneral) and afterwards took me and my sister out for a "girl's day". She's the only one who's tried to keep in touch at all over the years.
I'd like to minimize drama as much as I can on my wedding day - do i invite my aunt and her family anyway? Do I invite just my cousin and her boyfriend?
I'll be frank, normally these are the questions I'd take to my mom, as she was an incredibly fair and level-headed person. But now that I don't have her here, stuff like this makes me feel like I'm drowning.
Thanks, guys.