PPD Rage

NavyBlue143

I just found out that the couple whose wedding we were supposed to go to in two weeks got married yesterday. The "Wedding" is in upstate New York, we live in Texas. It was already inconvenient as hell, because it's on a Wednesday. But they're our friends, we wanted to go. H took a week off work, I did not enroll in classes for the second summer term, we made travel arrangements. It's two weeks away, and they got married yesterday. I am furious. Had we known it was just a replay, we wouldn't have made plans to go. That's money better spent on fertility treatments and fixing our house. It's not like we can't afford to go, it's just, we would rather have made the decision to go or not knowing all the facts. They seriously couldn't wait two weeks?

AddieCake

Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed, too. Two weeks? WTF? 

banana468

NavyBlue143 said:

I just found out that the couple whose wedding we were supposed to go to in two weeks got married yesterday. The "Wedding" is in upstate New York, we live in Texas. It was already inconvenient as hell, because it's on a Wednesday. But they're our friends, we wanted to go. H took a week off work, I did not enroll in classes for the second summer term, we made travel arrangements. It's two weeks away, and they got married yesterday. I am furious. Had we known it was just a replay, we wouldn't have made plans to go. That's money better spent on fertility treatments and fixing our house. It's not like we can't afford to go, it's just, we would rather have made the decision to go or not knowing all the facts. They seriously couldn't wait two weeks?

Is it too late to cancel? 

lyndausvi

Why the rush for the legal ceremony?

And who has a PPD on a Wednesday?

Maggie0829

Yeah that is not cool.  I am sure they have some piss poor excuse as to why they couldn't wait too.

luckya23

NY has a 24 hour waiting period too.  That just seems extra wrong to me, because it's not like you can go and get your license and just say screw it let's just get it witnessed right now.

southernbelle0915

Unless you bought non-refundable flights, I would cancel. Usually hotels will give you a full refund if you cancel this far out. 

All you have to say is that something came up. 

NowIAmSyp

lyndausvi said:

Why the rush for the legal ceremony?

And who has a PPD on a Wednesday?

This is exactly my thought...

banana468

southernbelle0915 said:

Unless you bought non-refundable flights, I would cancel. Usually hotels will give you a full refund if you cancel this far out. 

All you have to say is that something came up. 

Exactly why I'd cancel.   Heck, even if I could only get a voucher for the flights I'd consider doing it when the cost I'd eat would still be an overall savings.

Maggie0829

banana468 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Unless you bought non-refundable flights, I would cancel. Usually hotels will give you a full refund if you cancel this far out. 

All you have to say is that something came up. 

Exactly why I'd cancel.   Heck, even if I could only get a voucher for the flights I'd consider doing it when the cost I'd eat would still be an overall savings.

This.  And then your H doesn't have to take a week off of work, which saves him some vacation time he can use elsewhere.

NavyBlue143

I would love to cancel, but we made travel plans with another couple, so we have to take that into consideration. The other couple is pretty pissed as well, but they don't want to cancel. I have half a dozen places I'd rather put that money we're spending to go, but it's not solely up to me. 

luckya23

NavyBlue143 said:

I would love to cancel, but we made travel plans with another couple, so we have to take that into consideration. The other couple is pretty pissed as well, but they don't want to cancel. I have half a dozen places I'd rather put that money we're spending to go, but it's not solely up to me. 

I think your H should have a say, but other than that, I don't think you don't have 100% say how you spend your money.  Will it suck for them if you cancel?  Maybe, but that's life.

ETA: YOU didn't decide that this wasn't a wedding.  The couple did.

lyndausvi

soontobesyp said:

lyndausvi said:

Why the rush for the legal ceremony?

And who has a PPD on a Wednesday?

This is exactly my thought...

Most people who pick mid-week weddings so they can have a special date.   Very eye rolling to me, but whatever.

But they had their legal ceremony 2 weeks sooner.

So why the hell would inconvenience all your family and friends by having a Wednesday celebration?   Some of who need to travel, causing them to have to take off even more work.

Poor planning all around if you ask me.

justsie

The passive aggressive person in me would want to post on their facebook wall:

Congratulations on the wedding! I hope you don't mind answering, because I'm very confused, but I thought the wedding was on (date)? H took a week off of work and we had booked our flight from Tx to NY to see the wedding, but we missed it? That's disappointing!

Just to see what they would say. I'd want to, but the ballsy side of me wouldn't be strong enough to do it. 

NavyBlue143

justsie said:

The passive aggressive person in me would want to post on their facebook wall:

Congratulations on the wedding! I hope you don't mind answering, because I'm very confused, but I thought the wedding was on (date)? H took a week off of work and we had booked our flight from Tx to NY to see the wedding, but we missed it? That's disappointing!

Just to see what they would say. I'd want to, but the ballsy side of me wouldn't be strong enough to do it. 

Several of us did ask what was going on, since we were under the impression we were going to their wedding. The bride responded that they just got the paperwork out of the way, but the wedding was still happening. Hulk. Smash. 

MegEn1

Ugh these are just the sort of people who will NEVER understand why they did was wrong, hurtful, selfish, and stupid. Because they don't see a 'peice of paper' as a marriage. 

banana468

NavyBlue143 said:

justsie said:

The passive aggressive person in me would want to post on their facebook wall:

Congratulations on the wedding! I hope you don't mind answering, because I'm very confused, but I thought the wedding was on (date)? H took a week off of work and we had booked our flight from Tx to NY to see the wedding, but we missed it? That's disappointing!

Just to see what they would say. I'd want to, but the ballsy side of me wouldn't be strong enough to do it. 

Several of us did ask what was going on, since we were under the impression we were going to their wedding. The bride responded that they just got the paperwork out of the way, but the wedding was still happening. Hulk. Smash. 

I'd have a quick response.   Like, "Funny, the paperwork is what we did at our wedding.   Have things changed since the government recognized my legal union?   Do I need to go back and do something different??   Let me know I'm concerned that we made a mistake!!" 

NavyBlue143

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

banana468

NavyBlue143 said:

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

Well then I'd clearly call them out and say that if it's good enough for their venue then it's good enough for you. 

thisismynickname2

I'm raging for you. 

beachyone15

NavyBlue143 said:

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

So not only are they liars, they're CHEAP liars. Nice.

Maggie0829

NavyBlue143 said:

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

This makes zero sense.  The same shit is going to happen except there will be no signing of a document.  How in the world will it cost the venue less?

I am calling bullshit.

luckya23

Maggie0829 said:

NavyBlue143 said:

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

This makes zero sense.  The same shit is going to happen except there will be no signing of a document.  How in the world will it cost the venue less?

I am calling bullshit.

They probably used the "oh so smart advice" to book everything as a party rather than a wedding and the venue caught on.

justsie

SonOfABiscuit these people..... I would ask them if they were going to pass on some of that savings to me, since you are now paying to go to a party instead of a wedding since they ACTUALLY ADMITTED THAT. 

Sorry, I'm raging. 

banana468

justsie said:

SonOfABiscuit these people..... I would ask them if they were going to pass on some of that savings to me, since you are now paying to go to a party instead of a wedding since they ACTUALLY ADMITTED THAT. 

Sorry, I'm raging. 

That's my point.   They now have the US government and their venue recognizing them as married people but they think that their friends and family shouldn't see it this way?

Yeah, that would get a huge WTF from me.   And I'm the one who said you catch more flies with honey. 

WinstonsGirl

Perhaps the venue will charge them the wedding rate when they see the "wedding" happening.  I assume they're going to do the whole she-bang.  

southernbelle0915

NavyBlue143 said:

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

Oh, someone is having a PPD because they will benefit financially? I'm shocked.

I mean, I get that you planned to go with another couple, but just because they don't want to cancel doesn't mean you can't. I would completely understand if you chose not to go because of the cost, and the time off, and and and.

pinkcow13

Maggie0829 said:

NavyBlue143 said:

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

This makes zero sense.  The same shit is going to happen except there will be no signing of a document.  How in the world will it cost the venue less?

I am calling bullshit.

I think that depending on the venue, if you have the ceremony there, it would cost more since they would have to set up for it, etc. Our venue charged a separate fee for our ceremony, and on top of that, we brought in our own officiant. 

This couple just wants to have their cake, and eat it too. They probably didn't want to pay the fee, which is why they did it this way. I don't get why they had to do it 2 weeks early, though? Why not just do it the same day? Not that it makes it any better, I just don't see the reasoning.

lyndausvi

I'm not calling BS that the venue charges more for a wedding, then a other events.   

I am calling BS that the venue would not recognize vow renewal 2 week later, with a ceremony and such as a wedding. 

OliveOilsMom

I'd either cancel or change my vacation to a place I really wanted to go.  If I already bought plane tickets and then heard about this.  I would rather pay a change fee for the flight to somewhere fun that H & I always wanted to go.  But I would only do that, if I couldn't get my flight refunded.

Maggie0829

pinkcow13 said:

Maggie0829 said:

NavyBlue143 said:

Apparently they did it because their venue charges less for just a celebration, so they had to prove they were married before they could use the property for their party. 

This makes zero sense.  The same shit is going to happen except there will be no signing of a document.  How in the world will it cost the venue less?

I am calling bullshit.

I think that depending on the venue, if you have the ceremony there, it would cost more since they would have to set up for it, etc. Our venue charged a separate fee for our ceremony, and on top of that, we brought in our own officiant. 

This couple just wants to have their cake, and eat it too. They probably didn't want to pay the fee, which is why they did it this way. I don't get why they had to do it 2 weeks early, though? Why not just do it the same day? Not that it makes it any better, I just don't see the reasoning.

I guess I am assuming that they are still having the "ceremony" so it will still need to be set up. If not, wouldn't they have considered that prior to planning this?  I mean, if they didn't want to spend the $X for a ceremony set up then they should have just planned a big celebration of marriage party to begin with.