a date, no ring yet, feeling down

Knottie05481694

So we have a date, I have a dress, we even have a favorite venue. I've been given the go ahead to plan. But I don't have a ring. He won't say we are engaged or I'm his fiance. And we can't book anything yet, because we aren't technically engaged (according to him).

Thing is, He HAS a ring. I know it needs to be re-sized, he told me so. But I've done a bad thing And I guess I just need someone to vent to. I've looked at the ring! He keeps it in the car for petes sake!! How does he expect me not to look at it? It's like he's taunting me with it or something. He's had the ring for months. First in the car, then he moved it inside the house and it was chilling in a bowl in the entrance way. I finally told him a few days ago that I didn't like that my ring was bouncing around with the keys, made it feel very not special. So he moved it back to the car. And no it still isn't the right size. I pull that sucker out about once a week and try it on. I love my ring, it's perfect, that's good right? Ha.

He's told me he has a plan, But I know from snooping (yes I know, another bad idea but I couldn't help it, I'm going crazy over here!!) that he plans on doing it anytime between this weekend and....end of summer. We've already agreed on January 16, 2016 as our date. 

What do I do now? I know all I can do is wait. I know that our love is not measured by if we are engaged or not. But he doesn't seem to understand what goes in to planning a wedding. I've explained that things need to be booked out months in advance and that family need to know in order to make travel arrangements. He just says "don't rush me, we have a date, i'm telling you we are getting married, why can't you just be happy about that"

So I wait. And I plan. And I get frustrated because I can only go so far with planning before action needs to happen, things need to be booked and paid for, and people need to know. We are 6 months away! And my heart hurts a bit because it doesn't feel like he cares enough, and when I bring that up he says the above mentioned things. 

I love my man, and I'm willing to wait as long as he needs. But this limbo state is really hard. 

[Deleted User]

Y'all be nice, ya hear?

jenjen047

Knottie05481694 said:

So we have a date, I have a dress, we even have a favorite venue. I've been given the go ahead to plan. But I don't have a ring. He won't say we are engaged or I'm his fiance. And we can't book anything yet, because we aren't technically engaged (according to him).

Thing is, He HAS a ring. I know it needs to be re-sized, he told me so. But I've done a bad thing And I guess I just need someone to vent to. I've looked at the ring! He keeps it in the car for petes sake!! How does he expect me not to look at it? It's like he's taunting me with it or something. He's had the ring for months. First in the car, then he moved it inside the house and it was chilling in a bowl in the entrance way. I finally told him a few days ago that I didn't like that my ring was bouncing around with the keys, made it feel very not special. So he moved it back to the car. And no it still isn't the right size. I pull that sucker out about once a week and try it on. I love my ring, it's perfect, that's good right? Ha.

He's told me he has a plan, But I know from snooping (yes I know, another bad idea but I couldn't help it, I'm going crazy over here!!) that he plans on doing it anytime between this weekend and....end of summer. We've already agreed on January 16, 2016 as our date. 

What do I do now? I know all I can do is wait. I know that our love is not measured by if we are engaged or not. But he doesn't seem to understand what goes in to planning a wedding. I've explained that things need to be booked out months in advance and that family need to know in order to make travel arrangements. He just says "don't rush me, we have a date, i'm telling you we are getting married, why can't you just be happy about that"

So I wait. And I plan. And I get frustrated because I can only go so far with planning before action needs to happen, things need to be booked and paid for, and people need to know. We are 6 months away! And my heart hurts a bit because it doesn't feel like he cares enough, and when I bring that up he says the above mentioned things. 

I love my man, and I'm willing to wait as long as he needs. But this limbo state is really hard. 

So many thoughts. First off, you can be engaged with or without a ring. As long as you both agree you are engaged and planning a wedding then you are engaged. However, it sounds like  this is not the case for you, which is fine. Personally I didn't feel engaged until FI actually proposed and gave me a ring, even though we had been talking about getting married for months.

So...since you don't consider yourself engaged STOP ALL PLANNING. Your engagement is for planning a wedding. If you aren't engaged, don't plan. I would say it's OK to browse things on Pinterest if you can do so without feeling BSC and wanting to do more than that, but it sounds like you are already doing way more than some casual browsing, so I would suggest you stop looking at ALL wedding related things. 

Why do you have a date set if you aren't engaged? Is there a reason you chose this date? It seems to be putting the cart before the horse, IMO. Also, you are creating all this false pressure by having a date looming. Calm down. If you get engaged in the next month or 2 and still decide you want to get married in January, you can make it happen. If you need to push that date, the world will not end. (FWIW, I got engaged July 4 and we are planing to get married January 16th. I didn't do any pre-planning.)

Also, STOP all snooping. It's immature. Let your BF have his moment of proposing to you and don't rob him of that by snooping his shit because you need to be engaged RIGHTTHISSECOND. And FFS stop trying on the ring. I get you're excited but just don't.

As for the bolded....I think you are completely ignoring BFs feelings here. Engagement and marriage is about BOTH of you, not just you. Maybe he's not quite ready, maybe he's waiting for something, or maybe he has something truly special in the works for you. Either way you are completely disregarding whatever he is thinking because you are impatient. It sounds like he is getting frustrated with your impatience, which is understandable. 

As for what to do now....you know it is likely happening in the next few weeks/months. Force yourself to stop snooping, planning, talking about weddings/engagement, etc. Focus on the last time in your life that you will be someone's girlfriend. Enjoy your relationship for what it is, not what it isn't. Find a hobby. Talk to us. Just forget about weddings and engagements altogether.

Swazzle

I can't get past the part where you "set a date" (quotes because your date is not set until you have booked a venue) and bought a dress but you're not engaged. 

Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? 

If you or your SO have decided separately or together that in order to consider yourselves engaged, there needs to be a proposal with a ring and that has not happened yet then STEP AWAY FROM ANY AND ALL WEDDING PLANNING. 

If my SO had the ring and was putting it in my face like that, I would be pissed and I would tell him that. If there's a legit reason that he has not proposed then he needs to be up front and honest with you about it, not taunting you with your engagement ring right in front of your face. That's pretty fucked up IMO. 

Swazzle

CocoBellaF said:

Y'all be nice, ya hear?

[Deleted User]

Swazzle said:

I can't get past the part where you "set a date" (quotes because your date is not set until you have booked a venue) and bought a dress but you're not engaged. 

Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? 

If you or your SO have decided separately or together that in order to consider yourselves engaged, there needs to be a proposal with a ring and that has not happened yet then STEP AWAY FROM ANY AND ALL WEDDING PLANNING. 

If my SO had the ring and was putting it in my face like that, I would be pissed and I would tell him that. If there's a legit reason that he has not proposed then he needs to be up front and honest with you about it, not taunting you with your engagement ring right in front of your face. That's pretty fucked up IMO. 

Yep. All of this.

Now for some gifs:

audrewuh

Knottie05481694 said:

So we have a date, I have a dress, we even have a favorite venue. I've been given the go ahead to plan. But I don't have a ring. He won't say we are engaged or I'm his fiance. And we can't book anything yet, because we aren't technically engaged (according to him).

Thing is, He HAS a ring. I know it needs to be re-sized, he told me so. But I've done a bad thing And I guess I just need someone to vent to. I've looked at the ring! He keeps it in the car for petes sake!! How does he expect me not to look at it? It's like he's taunting me with it or something. He's had the ring for months. First in the car, then he moved it inside the house and it was chilling in a bowl in the entrance way. I finally told him a few days ago that I didn't like that my ring was bouncing around with the keys, made it feel very not special. So he moved it back to the car. And no it still isn't the right size. I pull that sucker out about once a week and try it on. I love my ring, it's perfect, that's good right? Ha.

He's told me he has a plan, But I know from snooping (yes I know, another bad idea but I couldn't help it, I'm going crazy over here!!) that he plans on doing it anytime between this weekend and....end of summer. We've already agreed on January 16, 2016 as our date. 

What do I do now? I know all I can do is wait. I know that our love is not measured by if we are engaged or not. But he doesn't seem to understand what goes in to planning a wedding. I've explained that things need to be booked out months in advance and that family need to know in order to make travel arrangements. He just says "don't rush me, we have a date, i'm telling you we are getting married, why can't you just be happy about that"

So I wait. And I plan. And I get frustrated because I can only go so far with planning before action needs to happen, things need to be booked and paid for, and people need to know. We are 6 months away! And my heart hurts a bit because it doesn't feel like he cares enough, and when I bring that up he says the above mentioned things. 

I love my man, and I'm willing to wait as long as he needs. But this limbo state is really hard. 

Clearly you aren't willing to wait as long as he needs. 

Go back and read over this again. Then get off the computer, go for a walk, pour yourself a glass of wine/gin and ginger ale/cold beer, and read this again. 

You are not engaged. You are planning a wedding that doesn't exist. Because you are not engaged. 

Listen to your boyfriend. If he asks you to wait, then wait. Wait without planning something that isn't happening. You will have a LIFETIME together to do things. Just because your expectations aren't met in the next six months doesn't mean the next six years aren't going to happen. 

Buying a dress and setting a date when you and your BF have agreed to a traditional proposal that hasn't happened yet is the exact same thing as me going out and buying a crib and baby clothes even though my husband isn't ready to raise a child yet. 

Chill out. Stop planning. Put the dress at someone else's house, or sell it. Do NOT touch a wedding magazine. Do NOT pass Go. Do NOT collect $200. 

Swazzle

@southernpeach89 - I just discovered that you have a cucumber in you. 

[Deleted User]

@swazzle LOL I don't know about these "larger" vegetables/fruits....I like to imagine her as this oversized peach that also does crazy aerobics in my UTE all day long.

Knottie05481694

We have a date planned because he picked a date. He knows he wants to marry me. I think giving me a date was to show me that he is serious. 

Also, because of our religious beliefs, we don't believe in living together before marriage. So we aren't the type to date, then live together, then eventually get married. We've been dating for 2 years come September (known each other for 4), marriage is the next step in moving forward with our life together.

It was his idea for me to go dress shopping because he is aware that at times there can be a long wait for a dress and he wanted me to be really happy with it. 

I've been married before, he hasn't. I know the idea of marriage is a bit scary to him. Thanks for letting me vent and slapping a little sense in to me. Patience is not a virtue of mine, and I know I need to work on it. I went 2 months without looking at the ring, do I get any kudos for that? Haha. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time. TRY to stop planning, and if I can't get something that I want for a wedding in January then I'll just let it go.

Swazzle

Knottie05481694 said:

We have a date planned because he picked a date. He knows he wants to marry me. I think giving me a date was to show me that he is serious. 

Also, because of our religious beliefs, we don't believe in living together before marriage. So we aren't the type to date, then live together, then eventually get married. We've been dating for 2 years come September (known each other for 4), marriage is the next step in moving forward with our life together.

It was his idea for me to go dress shopping because he is aware that at times there can be a long wait for a dress and he wanted me to be really happy with it. 

I've been married before, he hasn't. I know the idea of marriage is a bit scary to him. Thanks for letting me vent and slapping a little sense in to me. Patience is not a virtue of mine, and I know I need to work on it. I went 2 months without looking at the ring, do I get any kudos for that? Haha. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time. TRY to stop planning, and if I can't get something that I want for a wedding in January then I'll just let it go.

If you want to marry each other then you get engaged and you get married. You don't decide on a date, buy a wedding dress, and put the engagement ring in the bowl with the car keys by the front door. 

Also there's a lot of "HE" picked this and "HE" decided that in your posts. It sounds like HE is making all of these decisions and you're just along for the ride.

cu97tiger

How can you have a date without having a venue? They kind of go hand-in-hand.

Also, stop trying that ring on. It's not yours since he hasn't given it to you yet. 

Everyone else has said everything I was thinking.

LizzyTish88

Knottie05481694 said:

We have a date planned because he picked a date. He knows he wants to marry me. I think giving me a date was to show me that he is serious. 

Also, because of our religious beliefs, we don't believe in living together before marriage. So we aren't the type to date, then live together, then eventually get married. We've been dating for 2 years come September (known each other for 4), marriage is the next step in moving forward with our life together.

It was his idea for me to go dress shopping because he is aware that at times there can be a long wait for a dress and he wanted me to be really happy with it. 

I've been married before, he hasn't. I know the idea of marriage is a bit scary to him. Thanks for letting me vent and slapping a little sense in to me. Patience is not a virtue of mine, and I know I need to work on it. I went 2 months without looking at the ring, do I get any kudos for that? Haha. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time. TRY to stop planning, and if I can't get something that I want for a wedding in January then I'll just let it go.

First bolded, Just because he picked a random date in January doesn't mean you are going to get married that day. Once he does propose and you create a budget, then you can reach out to vendors and see if that date is feasible with your budget and guest list. 

Second bolded, You have to stop planning. Seriously. You don't know, but he could be holding off to make sure the proposal is a complete surprise so if you continuously bring it up, then he feels that's not possible. (I don't know your BF so I can only speculate about this).

I know where you are coming from, my BF has the ring and has had it since March. I got into this whole crazy PROPOSE NOW thing, and we had a talk about it and I got to understand WHY he is waiting. Now I am just enjoying the time together. I want to get married soon, he on the other hand is waiting to make sure we have the finances to pay for the wedding we want. I can respect that because we are a team and instead of getting upset and frustrated about it, I am working to help save and cut back so we can get there quicker. WORKING TOGETHER. 

If you have a patience problem, as you yourself admitted, then step away from all things wedding. Stop researching, stop trying on the ring, stop pestering him. If you have to TRY to stop obsessing.. then you need to really back away from all things wedding.

phira

1) Stop planning. If you're not engaged, there's no reason to plan.

2) Stop trying on the ring. It's just going to make you feel upset.

Here's what I'm getting from your posts:

You are ready to be engaged. He is not. But he keeps encouraging you to plan.

This is actually something I've seen a lot on the boards (NEY, but elsewhere as well). I think that a lot of men feel like they're meeting their female partners halfway by encouraging them to start planning the wedding. It's not malicious.

But it's not helpful. If you are not engaged, do not plan the wedding. This is me talking to both of you. OP, you're not engaged, so stop planning. If your boyfriend asks you how planning is going, or he encourages you to plan, tell him, "I'm going to wait until we're engaged."

It's not because you should punish him for not proposing already. It's because ... why would you plan if you're not engaged? If you're not engaged, there's no rush to book vendors for a wedding date; if he wants you to plan so you can get married on the day that he wants to ... then you need to be engaged.

Obviously, you can be engaged without a ring, but given how easy it is to have rings resized (it does not take very long), it sounds like he's just not ready to propose yet, for whatever reason. And that's fine. But while you need to respect that he's going to propose when he's ready, he needs to respect that you're not going to plan a wedding when you're not engaged.

cu97tiger

caseface5 said:

Knottie05481694 said:

We have a date planned because he picked a date. He knows he wants to marry me. I think giving me a date was to show me that he is serious. 

Also, because of our religious beliefs, we don't believe in living together before marriage. So we aren't the type to date, then live together, then eventually get married. We've been dating for 2 years come September (known each other for 4), marriage is the next step in moving forward with our life together.

It was his idea for me to go dress shopping because he is aware that at times there can be a long wait for a dress and he wanted me to be really happy with it. 

I've been married before, he hasn't. I know the idea of marriage is a bit scary to him. Thanks for letting me vent and slapping a little sense in to me. Patience is not a virtue of mine, and I know I need to work on it. I went 2 months without looking at the ring, do I get any kudos for that? Haha. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time. TRY to stop planning, and if I can't get something that I want for a wedding in January then I'll just let it go.

First bolded, Just because he picked a random date in January doesn't mean you are going to get married that day. Once he does propose and you create a budget, then you can reach out to vendors and see if that date is feasible with your budget and guest list. 

Second bolded, You have to stop planning. Seriously. You don't know, but he could be holding off to make sure the proposal is a complete surprise so if you continuously bring it up, then he feels that's not possible. (I don't know your BF so I can only speculate about this).

I know where you are coming from, my BF has the ring and has had it since March. I got into this whole crazy PROPOSE NOW thing, and we had a talk about it and I got to understand WHY he is waiting. Now I am just enjoying the time together. I want to get married soon, he on the other hand is waiting to make sure we have the finances to pay for the wedding we want. I can respect that because we are a team and instead of getting upset and frustrated about it, I am working to help save and cut back so we can get there quicker. WORKING TOGETHER. 

If you have a patience problem, as you yourself admitted, then step away from all things wedding. Stop researching, stop trying on the ring, stop pestering him. If you have to TRY to stop obsessing.. then you need to really back away from all things wedding.

Including THEKNOT.COM

bethsmiles

You how else he could show you he was serious? He could propose. Honestly, it sounds like he just trying to get you to shut up by letting you plan. What are you going to do if he doesn't propose by January?

casey1219

Swazzle said:

I can't get past the part where you "set a date" (quotes because your date is not set until you have booked a venue) and bought a dress but you're not engaged. 

Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? 

If you or your SO have decided separately or together that in order to consider yourselves engaged, there needs to be a proposal with a ring and that has not happened yet then STEP AWAY FROM ANY AND ALL WEDDING PLANNING. 

If my SO had the ring and was putting it in my face like that, I would be pissed and I would tell him that. If there's a legit reason that he has not proposed then he needs to be up front and honest with you about it, not taunting you with your engagement ring right in front of your face. That's pretty fucked up IMO. 

@swazzle Yes to all of this.

I was feeling pretty down last week and posted here about wanting to be engaged, but this group helped me realize I was missing out on a pretty awesome present time in my relationship by being so fixated on the future. 

I understand your feelings, though, because if I saw my ring all the time, I'd probably get upset, too. For now -- as hard as it may be -- stop planning. Take up a hobby, come chat here, and just enjoy what you have right now.

Knottie05481694

Swazzle said:

If you want to marry each other then you get engaged and you get married. You don't decide on a date, buy a wedding dress, and put the engagement ring in the bowl with the car keys by the front door. 

Also there's a lot of "HE" picked this and "HE" decided that in your posts. It sounds like HE is making all of these decisions and you're just along for the ride.

Yeah its's kinda like that sometimes...

Long story short - I'm 26 and have been married before. He's 22 and hasn't. We come from a religion that doesn't believe in divorce unless there is adultery or abuse. The idea of marriage is very serious and a forever commitment (not that it isn't for those that aren't religious, that's just where it stems from for us). 

We were together for 8 months. He was my first serious boyfriend after my divorce. Then I decided that we needed a break. He was still trying to get on his own two feet financial, and had also just gotten over a serious relationship that I didn't think he was quite over yet. Plus I was going through a lot emotionally. As things go in life, we had a Rachel/Ross moment. I was Ross, he was Rachel. He was deeply hurt by it, I understood why, and he said he's moved past it. But I think a part of him still holds on to it. And I still feel guilt for hurting him, so I let him hold it over me a bit I think. 

bethsmiles

Knottie05481694 said:

Swazzle said:

If you want to marry each other then you get engaged and you get married. You don't decide on a date, buy a wedding dress, and put the engagement ring in the bowl with the car keys by the front door. 

Also there's a lot of "HE" picked this and "HE" decided that in your posts. It sounds like HE is making all of these decisions and you're just along for the ride.

Yeah its's kinda like that sometimes...

Long story short - I'm 26 and have been married before. He's 22 and hasn't. We come from a religion that doesn't believe in divorce unless there is adultery or abuse. The idea of marriage is very serious and a forever commitment (not that it isn't for those that aren't religious, that's just where it stems from for us). 

We were together for 8 months. He was my first serious boyfriend after my divorce. Then I decided that we needed a break. He was still trying to get on his own two feet financial, and had also just gotten over a serious relationship that I didn't think he was quite over yet. Plus I was going through a lot emotionally. As things go in life, we had a Rachel/Ross moment. I was Ross, he was Rachel. He was deeply hurt by it, I understood why, and he said he's moved past it. But I think a part of him still holds on to it. And I still feel guilt for hurting him, so I let him hold it over me a bit I think. 

Ok, the whole bolded paragraph is a HUGE red flag. I really think you should be working on sorting out those issues before planning a wedding.

GoldenPenguin

I just... I mean... I can't... 

I feel like there are lots and lots and lots and LOTS of things you should be worried about before you plan a wedding. Like, A LOT of other things. Wedding planning should be like, at the BOTTOM of your priority list right now.

audrewuh

Knottie05481694 said:

Swazzle said:

If you want to marry each other then you get engaged and you get married. You don't decide on a date, buy a wedding dress, and put the engagement ring in the bowl with the car keys by the front door. 

Also there's a lot of "HE" picked this and "HE" decided that in your posts. It sounds like HE is making all of these decisions and you're just along for the ride.

Yeah its's kinda like that sometimes...

Long story short - I'm 26 and have been married before. He's 22 and hasn't. We come from a religion that doesn't believe in divorce unless there is adultery or abuse. The idea of marriage is very serious and a forever commitment (not that it isn't for those that aren't religious, that's just where it stems from for us). 

We were together for 8 months. He was my first serious boyfriend after my divorce. Then I decided that we needed a break. He was still trying to get on his own two feet financial, and had also just gotten over a serious relationship that I didn't think he was quite over yet. Plus I was going through a lot emotionally. As things go in life, we had a Rachel/Ross moment. I was Ross, he was Rachel. He was deeply hurt by it, I understood why, and he said he's moved past it. But I think a part of him still holds on to it. And I still feel guilt for hurting him, so I let him hold it over me a bit I think. 

1. No wonder he hasn't proposed yet. He is 22. I say this as someone who got engaged at 22, married at 23. 

2. That last paragraph: go see a relationship counselor now. These are things to work out BEFORE you get engaged. 

3. Religion is not an excuse. Stop it. 

Knottie05481694

I did say long story short didn't I? Ha. The issues are being resolved, talked about, worked through. It's just going to take time. We both have been cheated on in the past, we both have trust issues. But we love each other and love our relationship and are working on them.

I like the idea to say "I'm waiting till we are engaged to do any more planning". Because he is the one to bring up a lot of "future this" and "wedding that" stuff. 

My best friend is tired of hearing about it. Plus she knows more about the proposal then I do so can't say much. I just needed somewhere else to vent and get my thoughts in order. 

audrewuh

Knottie05481694 said:

I did say long story short didn't I? Ha. The issues are being resolved, talked about, worked through. It's just going to take time. We both have been cheated on in the past, we both have trust issues. But we love each other and love our relationship and are working on them.

I like the idea to say "I'm waiting till we are engaged to do any more planning". Because he is the one to bring up a lot of "future this" and "wedding that" stuff. 

My best friend is tired of hearing about it. Plus she knows more about the proposal then I do so can't say much. I just needed somewhere else to vent and get my thoughts in order. 

Fixed that for you.

And I'm serious about the relationship counseling thing. Stuff like cheating doesn't get resolved just by talking it out. Please please please just trust me, a random internet stranger, on this one. 

teddygirl9

I dont get why youre posting about escort cards, guest books, etc if you aren't engaged yet. I mean, pre-planning is one thing but this is literal planning. I think it's a good decision to wait for him before you do any more.

phira

My husband and I started seeing a couple's therapist about a year ago because we were having a lot of trouble during our engagement. I know a lot of folks here were very worried about me, and I was able to stand firm on therapy being necessary for us. It's been extremely helpful, and I don't think either one of us would be as happy right now in our relationship if we hadn't gone.

So I'mma echo other sentiments: He shouldn't be holding anything over your head, and you shouldn't feel like you deserve it. Get. That. Shit. Resolved. Full stop.

Also, I am a huge fan of the show Friends, and if you're comparing your relationship to Ross and Rachel, that's a huge red flag.

teddygirl9

Knottie05481694 said:

Swazzle said:

If you want to marry each other then you get engaged and you get married. You don't decide on a date, buy a wedding dress, and put the engagement ring in the bowl with the car keys by the front door. 

Also there's a lot of "HE" picked this and "HE" decided that in your posts. It sounds like HE is making all of these decisions and you're just along for the ride.

Yeah its's kinda like that sometimes...

Long story short - I'm 26 and have been married before. He's 22 and hasn't. We come from a religion that doesn't believe in divorce unless there is adultery or abuse. The idea of marriage is very serious and a forever commitment (not that it isn't for those that aren't religious, that's just where it stems from for us). 

We were together for 8 months. He was my first serious boyfriend after my divorce. Then I decided that we needed a break. He was still trying to get on his own two feet financial, and had also just gotten over a serious relationship that I didn't think he was quite over yet. Plus I was going through a lot emotionally. As things go in life, we had a Rachel/Ross moment. I was Ross, he was Rachel. He was deeply hurt by it, I understood why, and he said he's moved past it. But I think a part of him still holds on to it. And I still feel guilt for hurting him, so I let him hold it over me a bit I think. 

In your italy honeymoon thread you said you were 27.

sarahufl

lol, despite the fact that Ross and Rachel ended up together, their relationship sucked and I wouldn't strive for that....

jenjen047

@bethsmiles for the win on both her replies. 

I think you need to put the whole marriage idea on the back burner until these issues are resolved. It's great you're working things out, but then marriage should be on hold until you are on more solid ground. Just because you are religious doesn't mean you need to get married soon. You can continue to live separately and build your realtionship before getting married.

ETF: sentences got cut off

Blue & White

No matter what religion is the basis of your marriage, most religions would encourage you to communicate with your spouse. It's not okay that so much goes unsaid. You need to be comfortable working through even uncomfortable issues if you want the marriage to work (and I don't mean simply not to end in divorce, but rather where you are both truly happy together) Also it sounds like a proposal may happen in the future - let him do his thing without interfering and enjoy it. And have some serious relationship building talks (maybe with a third party like a counselor or pastor) in the meantime.

speakeasy14

Feel free to vent away, but also listen to the advice you have been given. You have listed A LOT of red flags.  These issues absolutely need to be resolved before you enter a lifetime commitment with someone.  

Stop planning.  Instead, listen to @phira and seek couples counseling.  If he won't go, that is another red flag.  

Knottie05481694

teddygirl9 said:

          In your italy honeymoon thread you said you were 27.

Eek sorry I realized that!! My birthday was the 4th of this month. I don't celebrate birthdays, sometimes I just forget, lol.