Deaf Parents

kimmiinthemitten

Does anyone else have Deaf parents and or attended a wedding of a Deaf couple or CODA (children of Deaf adult)?

I'd like to incorporate some Deaf traditions/culture into our ceremony/reception in addition to having two interpreters (one for each parent) and just wanted to hear some ideas.

Also, I thought about signing a song to my Dad instead of dancing with him because I want him to experience the music and not just read the lyrics.  If you were a guest at my wedding would you find that nice, no more tedious than the traditional dance, or extra annoying?  I used to interpret for my dad everywhere, formally and informally and thought this would be a nice extension on that and would be more touching to him than a dance.

Thanks for your feedback!

[Deleted User]

kimmiandkoley said:

Does anyone else have Deaf parents and or attended a wedding of a Deaf couple or CODA (children of Deaf adult)?

I'd like to incorporate some Deaf traditions/culture into our ceremony/reception in addition to having two interpreters (one for each parent) and just wanted to hear some ideas.

Also, I thought about signing a song to my Dad instead of dancing with him because I want him to experience the music and not just read the lyrics.  If you were a guest at my wedding would you find that nice, no more tedious than the traditional dance, or extra annoying?  I used to interpret for my dad everywhere, formally and informally and thought this would be a nice extension on that and would be more touching to him than a dance.

Thanks for your feedback!

I wouldn't want to watch you sign a song to your dad since I wouldn't understand it.  But if he was, like, sitting on the speaker and you were signing the lyrics to him, and I and some others were dancing on the dance floor, I'd probably look over to you guys and smile and maybe stop swaying to pay a little more attention to both for a while.  But I wouldn't want to have to give you my undivided attention for the entire song.

kimmiinthemitten

Follow up questions: 1. Is that any different than how you watch the father/daughter dance? I feel like I personally watch that for a minute and then I move on for the other 2-3 minutes anyways (the song is only 3:30 long). 2. What if we had someone perform the song at the same time for our hearing guests? My dad loves all the traditional wedding trimmings so I'm trying to find a way to do something father/daughter in which he can follow the lyrics. Unlike my mom, and most deafies, he is sensitive to vibrations so the speaker thing would never work because it would give him a headache. He even commented on that scene in Mr. Hollands Opus.

NicRen17

I think playing the song out loud for your hearing guests to listen to (and may be invite those to dance if they wish) would be beautiful! I love listening to music and watching someone sign the words, especially with the emotions behind it. 

May be not make it a specific introduction via the DJ or something. Just sign to your dad that this is his song and start with the music. I would love if I was a guest at your wedding to at least see you dance to the song with your dad at least may be the last chorus or something. If you have an interpreter at the reception, ask them to finish signing for you?

[Deleted User]

I'm with @nicRen17, play the song for the hearing guests to enjoy & know what you are signing to your father. I know I would enjoy seeing that because even though we can hear the music, you sign

But still ask your dad if he wants to do a dance or not. You never know he still may have a dream of dancing with you.  Maybe Instead of a slow song he can do a fast beat song that has some good bass to it so he can feel the beat.

Now for the rest of the day, if you has people there to sign so that your parents could understand what is going on, I think that would be important to do. I'm sure it would mean a lot to them to understand what was going on & being said at the cermony. Then also for them to be able to understand any toasts that happen. It could also help them to communicate with other guests at the reception because you can't be expected to translate for them the whole day. I think having translators in place for them is very thoughtful and would help them enjoy your special day even that much more.

kimmiinthemitten

Thanks!  Sorry for not clarifying, the song was always going to play also:).  I'd like to ask a good friend to sing it actually, she has an amazing voice!

My dad is the king of "whatever you want," so he'll have no opinion either way.  He and my sister danced and the interpreter stood next to them and signed the song while they danced, but my dad was so focused on the motions of dancing that he didn't even catch the lyrics of the song.  I thought this might be a way to honor the meaning behind the father/daughter dance while respecting Deaf culture and his needs.

We will have two interpreters there, that way there is one for each parent so they're not stuck writing notes all night.  They each also get to invite 3 friends each to join, so we'll have a good bakers dozen of deafies there LOL.

Here's a YouTube of the song being signed if that gives you perspective:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsF_XO0WLTk

lc07

I attended a friend's wedding recently. She and her H are both deaf. They had two translators there the whole day. Neither parent was deaf so what I witnessed at their wedding doesn't necessarily apply to your question but I think it would be sweet if the music played and you danced with your dad but the two paid signers (I apologize if that is not the correct etiquette approved title? please correct me if I am wrong) stood on opposite sides of the dance floor and signed for your dad so he could see them but still dance with you.

kimmiinthemitten

@lc07, thanks for asking, Translators literally translate word for word.  Interpreters interpret one language into another.  

Did they do anything different for their Deaf culture that you noticed?

American Sign Language is not the same as Signed English and therefore they are Interpreters.  It's not so much an etiquette thing as it is a legal thing:).  For example, in english you'd say I'm going to the store now.  In ASL you would say Store go now.  If the english version was signed the person receiving the message would be waiting forever to find out the point of the sentence LOL.

Thanks for the input.  Deciding whether I sign the song or whether the interpreter signs the song determines who my interpreters are.  The two I'd like (my parents two faves) don't so music so I'd have to swap one of them.  Decisions, decisions LOL.

[Deleted User]

kimmiandkoley said:

@lc07, thanks for asking, Translators literally translate word for word.  Interpreters interpret one language into another.  

Did they do anything different for their Deaf culture that you noticed?

American Sign Language is not the same as Signed English and therefore they are Interpreters.  It's not so much an etiquette thing as it is a legal thing:).  For example, in english you'd say I'm going to the store now.  In ASL you would say Store go now.  If the english version was signed the person receiving the message would be waiting forever to find out the point of the sentence LOL.

Thanks for the input.  Deciding whether I sign the song or whether the interpreter signs the song determines who my interpreters are.  The two I'd like (my parents two faves) don't so music so I'd have to swap one of them.  Decisions, decisions LOL.

If these are people your parents like and would like to be sharing conversations with all night, I'd stick with them.

Can you maybe split the song between signing and dancing?  Maybe start signing it to your dad, get to the third time the chorus repeats (or whatever), then walk up to him and start dancing for the last part of the song.  That way he knows what he's dancing to and what it means to you.

pennydl

if you need interpreters to sign songs, check with your local theatre. I'm sure they would be able to recommend interpreters in your area who they use to interprete their musicals. 

Rowan6416

I like the suggestions to sign the verses but after the first repeat chorus (and any subsequent repeats), dance with your dad. Maybe also sign the last line too. I think its a beautiful idea to want to make it more meaningful for him, and I bet your guests that don't know ASL are mesmerized - it's such a beautiful language, and when signed as a song it can convey something that even people who don't sign can understand. (Took ASL for 2 years but realized that a career as an Interpreter wasn't for me - I forgot a lot but want to re-learn.)

kmmssg

As a guest I would love to see a bride sign the lyrics to her dad while the rest of us listened to the recorded version. No different than the time I would be watching a dance. If you are talking about signing one song I don't think you have to worry about whether you guests would be inconvenienced. We are talking about 3 minutes. It sounds quite lovely.

kimmiinthemitten

kmmssg said:

As a guest I would love to see a bride sign the lyrics to her dad while the rest of us listened to the recorded version. No different than the time I would be watching a dance. If you are talking about signing one song I don't think you have to worry about whether you guests would be inconvenienced. We are talking about 3 minutes. It sounds quite lovely.

Thanks kmmssg, that's what I thought too, but being fluent in ASL I thought maybe it was just a biased opinion:).  I wanted a way for us both to experience the lyrics together, which is easy when two hearing people dance together.  For someone else to sign it while I listen to it as we dance seperates the way we're experiencing the music

Pupatella

kimmiandkoley said:

Does anyone else have Deaf parents and or attended a wedding of a Deaf couple or CODA (children of Deaf adult)?

I'd like to incorporate some Deaf traditions/culture into our ceremony/reception in addition to having two interpreters (one for each parent) and just wanted to hear some ideas.

Also, I thought about signing a song to my Dad instead of dancing with him because I want him to experience the music and not just read the lyrics.  If you were a guest at my wedding would you find that nice, no more tedious than the traditional dance, or extra annoying?  I used to interpret for my dad everywhere, formally and informally and thought this would be a nice extension on that and would be more touching to him than a dance.

Thanks for your feedback!

Although I am in the minority here, this wouldn't bother me at all and I think that it would be sweet. I'm envisioning the song playing, so everyone attending can hear the music and lyrics. You on the dance floor with your father where he is standing and watching you. You are swaying to the music, and signing to him. And even though it is not a traditional "dance". Watching this for 3 minutes, 30 seconds is completely fine. 

I think people like watching the father/daughter dance because it is a special moment between the bride and her father. This is a special moment between you and your Dad, and if I were a guest at your wedding, I would actually look forward to watching this.

ETA: I just watched the woman signing some of the song in the video you posted above. What I said before still stands. I think this is going to be a beautiful moment between you and your father. You chose a beautiful song and I think your Dad would really enjoy this moment with you.

Knottie1444628447

I would love to see you sign a song!

Nice surprise for your dad as well!
It would be way more moving to watch then you and your dad dancing - especially as if you are usually his interpreter and cant for this particular event. 

You could do both. Have a dance with your father, and then maybe you AND your new H could sign a song for your parents